Balance
by Lanie McCoy
Summary: COMPLETE. Of violent pasts, insane villains, attempted love, and ignorant friends. KuramaxHiei shounen-ai. …sorta.
1. Prologue

**This is promising to be a rather lengthy saga-type fic. You have been warned.**

**Dreams are written in italics.**

**Disclaimer: I got a fox plushie for my birthday last week! He's cute and furry!**

_Balance_

_Prologue_

_The sky was a dark color._

_Murky—no, it was not. It was clear and crystalline, but not murky, no. That was never a word that could be used to describe the sky._

_Glass—but glass was never black. Dark, maybe, but black was an impossibility reached only by the absence of light, and light always shines through glass._

_Black, then—but no, the sky was not black. It was not, could not be defined by a color or a name. It simply was._

_Maybe it was simply what it seemed…_

_Maybe it was a dream._

_Yes, that was what it was._

_It was a dream._

_It was not real. It was not murky, or glass, or black, or any other given name. It simply was, and it was whatever it wanted or needed to be, because it was only a dream._

_Yes, only a dream._

_But dreams could not be defined by "only," because dreams were not simply things. They brought depth, contemplation, new visions to things long since forgotten. That was what this dream brought him—new ways to see that which had already passed._

_The sky was dark._

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Kurama stretched, draping his arms over the back of the park bench where he sat. School had been particularly boring today, and the breeze felt pleasant on his skin in the wide open air. His hair ruffled behind him, teasing his neck.

"Kurama!"

Sitting up immediately, Kurama instinctively looked around for the source of the voice. Yuusuke was walking towards him, hands casually stuffed in his pockets and a jovial smile on his face. Kurama relaxed and smiled back.

"Hai, konnichiwa, Yuusuke. What are you doing here?"

The raven-haired tantei walked up to the bench where Kurama sat and plopped down beside him. He folded his hands behind his neck and rested his head in them, looking up through the trees at the sky.

"Lookin' for you."

Kurama looked at him skeptically, one eyebrow raised and his mouth twisted in a most unnatural manner. Yuusuke laughed.

"No, really. Keiko says I'm gonna fail out of high school if I keep not doing my homework…"

_'Well, it's no wonder, with that terrible grammar.'_

"…and I have this big project due next week in Physics…"

_'Oh, no you don't…'_

"…and I was wondering if you would do it for me."

"Tonda."

Yuusuke huffed, leaning even further back. Kurama thought, with a small, private laugh, that he would fall over the back of the bench in a pose like that. And his expression wasn't exactly stoic, either.

"I guess I didn't think you would."

"Mm…"

They lounged for quite some time, Kurama reading, Yuusuke sleeping on-and-off or looking up at the sky and finding clouds that looked like the silhouettes of "guys whose asses he'd totally wiped the floor with."

Kurama finished the book he had been going over and picked up another.

"Oi, Urameshi! Eeto—konnichiwa, Kurama."

Kurama looked up, and Yuusuke flipped their visitor off.

"Hello, Kuwabara," Kurama answered more cordially. "Dochirahe?"

"Oh," he said, distracting himself from punching Yuusuke in his prone position. "Okagesamade. Dochirahe?"

"Okagesamade. What did you come here for? Hopefully, you aren't like Yuusuke, coming to ask me to complete your Physics project for you, _correct?_" he stressed subtly, giving a little half-smile.

"Ano…actually, I was coming here for that, but you know what? Never mind."

Kurama smiled, self-satisfied.

"Wonderful."

Standing, he packed away his books and the last of his homework (pitifully easy, it was; he had finished it all in a mere two and one-half hours). "I must be going. Ja ne."

"Ja, Kurama."

"Sayonara."

Smiling to himself, Kurama walked down the narrow streets to his home, eagerly awaiting a free evening to do whatever he pleased. Moments later, he started suddenly, and looked to his left shoulder. He saw something quite peculiar there.

A small Makai bug was perched, casually nibbling away at the fabric of his uniform. Instinctively snatching it down, he crushed it and sprinkled the remainders on the ground. They dissipated as they fell.

_'That's strange…'_

Assuming it a descendent of a surviving lingerer from the long span of time that the hole to Makai and the peripheral field had been opened, Kurama took out his key and unlocked the door to his new (_private!_) apartment. He slipped off his shoes and set them on the rug by the door.

Kurama snatched a bottle of water before heading for the back of the apartment to relax. Maybe Hiei would stop by, if he was lucky; he enjoyed talking to the little youkai, who would likely have something useful or interesting to say about the bugs. They hadn't spoken in years, but if this sighting sprouted into an infestation, which would no doubt lead to something much worse, Hiei would know well beforehand that it was coming. Maybe he would worry for his former ally's safety.

Or so he hoped.

Kurama walked back to his room.

"Oh! Hiei!"

The little youkai was sitting on Kurama's bed, examining something in his hand. He didn't even look up when Kurama walked in, but only tilted his head, continuing to observe whatever the object was he held.

"What are you doing here?" Kurama asked kindly, sitting beside his friend and trying to look over his shoulder at the object.

Hiei closed his fist. "Have you noticed anything odd lately? Involving Reikai or Makai?"

Kurama nodded slowly, surprised at Hiei's sharp astuteness and tone. "Now that you mention it, a Makai insect was sitting on my shoulder on my way home. I didn't think much of it, though."

"Hmm." Hiei looked warily at the floor. "Maybe you should have…"

Kurama waited silently for the remainder of the statement he was sure was still to come. Surely enough, he was well rewarded for his patience.

"This was a Makai bug," Hiei explained, holding up his clenched fist. "A large one, larger than most others of its species. I found it crawling out of the cracks between two flats of pavement; I think it may have come from a nest, in which case that nest will need to be closed."

Kurama lay back on the bed, head supported by his hands as he stared at the ceiling. "You think so?"

"I think someone may have found a way to cut through the peripheral field again."

_'Iie…'_

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"Freeze, Kuwabara," Yuusuke ordered suddenly, throwing aside the textbook he had been trying to read.

The carrot-top heeded his warning, but his eyes darted left and right as he tried to see what had spurred it. They landed on a small critter scrambling up his shirt sleeve, and he wondered how he hadn't felt it before.

Lighting-quick, Yuusuke reached out and snatched it, then sat back to look it over, held in his iron grip. Kuwabara leaned in to look, as well.

"Too big to be an insect," Kuwabara said seriously. Yuusuke nodded.

"He looks kind of like that guy I caught coming out of Sakamoto's ear before I officially took this job," Yuusuke said, equally serious. "I'd guess D-class."

"Hey, that's weird…"

"Yeah…"

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Konnichiwa: good day

Tonda: absolutely not

Eeto: errr...

Dochirahe: how are you?

Okagesamade: (I'm fine) thank you

Ja ne: see you later

Ja: see ya

Sayonara: goodbye

Iie: no


	2. The Sky Was Made of Glass

**Dreams are still in italics.**

**Because it's convenient for me, this story takes place in a semi-AU after the end of the Makai Hen saga, meaning they're not Tantei anymore. The AU-ness will be pertaining mainly to Kurama, as in he can still take his fox form and he goes to college. And…anything else that makes this easier for me to write along the way.**

**Disclaimer: you know that fox I got for my birthday? His name is Shiro.**

_Balance_

_Chapter One: The Sky Was Made of Glass_

_A light shone above him, vivid and yet pale in the same manner. He tried to walk to the left, to the right, to watch as it followed him, but walking was impossible. He could not stand on nothing, and he could not walk where he could not stand._

_The sky surrounded him, the sky which was nothing that could be named, and truly it was not a sky so much as water lacking substance, or fire lacking heat. It was nothing that should be._

_The sky that gave birth to this light, this invisibly pale vivid white light that called to him, that whispered his name in a scream, that drew him towards it and still tugged itself away as it did so. This light that truly was death and life._

_He reached towards it, his arms lengthening, his fingers grasping at the air, not certain what would happen if he did touch it, but unwilling to risk not._

_A wall to his left shattered, a loud cracking sound that broke through the air and sliced through him, cutting into his skin and leaving gashes that shed no blood and holes that would not mend._

_The sky was made of glass, and the shards were sharp._

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"What I want to know," Kuwabara said thoughtfully, "is where these guys are coming from. I mean, so far, we've seen that one little D-class creature, and at least ten bugs. Wasn't the peripheral field closed after we cut—"

"You cut."

"Yeah, after _I _cut it down?"

"I thought so…"

Yuusuke snatched another bug out of midair, crushing it against his palm. He glared around at the sky, as if daring it to house any more of the bothersome pests.

"We should go to Kurama's," Kuwabara voiced. Yuusuke jerked his gaze away from a colorful plant growing before him that reminded him too much of Makai.

"Huh?"

The carrot top nodded as he spoke. "Kurama went home, right? I bet Hiei noticed the bugs around—you know, he notices things like that, and he probably went there, because, you know, you're hanging around me, and he doesn't like me, but he would want to know if we knew anything."

Yuusuke looked down at the remains of yet another bug in his hand and frowned. "Yeah, okay. In a few hours, the city's bound to be swarming again; better we're all together when that happens."

"You bet we will be…"

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Kurama had closed his window to keep the bugs out, as they appeared to be attracted to creatures who would see them, for some reason. Hiei disliked the confinement, but disliked the bugs even more, and so he tolerated it.

"Do you think we should speak with Koenma?" Kurama asked. Hiei scoffed, leaning back on the sill.

"I think you know my answer to that."

Kurama nodded. They waited in a thoughtful silence for a moment, Hiei's head tilted back against the glass and his eyes closed, Kurama's hanging down and his hands clasped before him.

Minutes later, Kurama perked up a bit, raising his gaze to the open door leading to the hallway, and Hiei opened one eye a slit.

_Bin-bon._

"I'll be right back," Kurama told Hiei.

"Hn."

Shuffling to the door, Kurama fluffed his hair, completely out of instinct, and smoothed a hand down his shirt.

_'Still a vain kitsune, I see…'_ his mind murmured, sounding oddly self-satisfied. He sniffed in the air.

Opening the door, he cut straight past any formalities or trivial greetings.

"Yuusuke. Kuwabara. You two noticed the bugs as well, then?"

They marched in, kicking off their shoes. Yuusuke nodded. "And one low-class little youkai; D-class, I think it might have been."

"Hmm…that isn't good at all…"

"Yeah, you're telling me," Kuwabara put in. "I've had the shivers since we first saw those creepy bugs."

Kurama nodded. "Would you like some tea?"

Shaking his head, Kuwabara walked towards Kurama's living room. "Nah, thanks… Is Hiei here?"

"Does that question really warrant an answer?" came Hiei's snippy voice from where he sat on the couch.

Kuwabara jumped a bit, but glared at the back of the youkai's head, instead. "You weren't there a minute ago…" he muttered in response. Hiei just snickered softly.

"Well," Yuusuke interrupted, before the argument got out of hand (because it surely would). "What do we do now?"

They all moved to sit around the various chairs in the living room space; Kurama shared the couch with Hiei, and Yuusuke and Kuwabara sat opposite them, each in their own chairs. They all looked thoughtful and serious—except for Hiei, who flickered between concern and the more common moody nonchalance.

"Let's lay out what we know so far," Kurama said. "Makai bugs are infiltrating Ningenkai. According to Yuusuke, small, low-class youkai are coming, as well. The numbers are steadily increasing. Now, what can we infer from that?"

"I bet Koenma doesn't know about the insects," Kuwabara said slowly. "He would have called a Tantei in by now."

Yuusuke looked surprised at his friend's deduction, but nodded nonetheless. "Good point." Not to be outdone, he searched his mind for something he could contribute, as well. "I bet…that the peripheral field hasn't been opened."

Kurama nodded once, but titled his head. "Why would you think so?"

"Well, because no C- or B-class youkai have crossed over. We would have sensed them for sure, if they didn't come around and attack us head on."

"The peripheral field only prevents A- and S-class youkai," Hiei said coolly. Yuusuke glared.

"I _know_ that, but when they get to B-class, they get smarter. More B-class would come over if they were following A- and S-class and not just coming over by themselves."

"Hm…"

Running over the facts again and again, Yuusuke and Kurama came to the conclusion that Koenma _didn't_ know about the bugs, that their abundance probably _did_ mean that the peripheral field was about to be breached, and that they should inform him as quickly as possible.

"Iie," Hiei said instantly. Kurama lightly slapped his wrist.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," he berated. Hiei snorted.

"I can guess. I'm not going to talk to that brat—my sentence was expired long ago, and I'm no longer a Tantei."

Yuusuke chuckled. "So don't. Just come along; you want to stay informed, ne? You don't even have to speak once." Kuwabara nodded in agreement. A surprising move, but unquestioned.

Hiei glared around at them all, then melded into the red cushions of the couch and pouted.

"Hn."

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"I don't like this…"

"It's just Botan's oar. You've done it before."

Kuwabara clung tightly to the oar's paddle, his knuckles turning white. Botan wasn't the most trustworthy pilot, and they all knew it.

The oar bucked and spun in tight corkscrews, completing several loop-the-loops.

"Just get us there," Hiei hissed through gritted teeth.

"Aw," Botan pouted, "you're no fun."

"I don't _care._ I want to get there and get off this…this _carpool._"

Kurama smiled behind one hand. Where Hiei had picked up the word "carpool," he had no idea, but the scene of Hiei in a minivan with Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Botan, and himself that was forming in his mind was quite an entertaining one.

The oar lurched, and he leaned forward, grasping the handle.

Botan laughed gleefully, weaving in and out of clouds, before finally reaching a suitable point in the sky for a portal.

"Reikai portal, open!" she shouted, smiling and flinging her hands out. The misty pinkish light of the portal opened itself before her, and they were sucked into Reikai.

As they all landed on shaky legs—Yuusuke even fell flat on his face—Hiei moved to speak to Kurama.

"'Reikai portal open,' what sort of nonsense is _that?_"

"I don't know, but I certainly wouldn't be the one to ask her."

Hiei snorted. "Ch."

"Excuse me?"

Yuusuke righted himself and shook his head. "Who said that?"

"I did."

The raven haired teen peered forward curiously at Koenma, squinting his eyes. "Koenma? What're you doing in the hallway?"

The toddler sighed. "It appears Botan has brought you straight into my _office._ Care to explain _that_ one? Not to mention, what are you _doing_ here? I haven't seen you in two years."

Botan sweated. "Eheheh, not really, sir! But we have a matter of great importance," she tried to cover, "and _Yuusuke—_" she shoved him forward "—wants to tell you about it."

Koenma tilted an eyebrow skeptically. Yuusuke rubbed the back of his head, his expression shifting to seriousness.

Leaning forward on the desk and carelessly shoving a few papers aside, he stared Koenma down evenly, not much of a feat when the latter of the two was only about a meter tall and sitting in a chair.

"Makai bugs in Ningenkai."

Koenma fell out of said chair.

"W-what?" he sputtered. "That's impossible! The peripheral field was closed, and—wait, how many bugs?"

"We only counted about twenty bugs, and one D-class youkai," Kuwabara fielded. "Dunno how many there'd be by now, though."

Climbing back into his seat, Koenma flipped up the panel controlling his monitor, clicking to a pan shot of a school they didn't recognize. Bugs swarmed everywhere around its entrance, nested in students' and teachers' hair and clothes, trees, potted plants, and generally taking over.

Kuwabara gasped. "Wow…"

"Mm…" Koenma closed down the monitor and turned to the Tantei. "Something must be done. I want you to try to find the source of this problem and shut it down. Report to me at any point you see fit. I will be doing all that I can here."

"Right."

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Kurama padded forward on weightless paws, sniffing the ground and occasionally hiding from the random bystander. Hiei followed him closely, watching out for more bugs that could indicate the direction of their origin. So far, they had found few. Only three, as a matter of fact, out of the now hundreds that plagued the city.

Tails twitching, Kurama darted off in a seemingly random direction, Hiei running in his footsteps. They quickly arrived at a back street crawling with bugs, the concentration so thick you could barely breath, let alone see.

Slinking under the thinnest cloud, Kurama found the hole and transformed back into his ningen form. He laid a seed over the crack in the pavement and sprouted it; a plant resembling a Venus Fly Trap grew and began eating each new bug to fly through to the surface.

As Kurama spread a thin shield of reiki over the plant to protect it, Hiei slammed a shock of fire into the ally and destroyed all the bugs hovering there.

"That was easy enough."

Kurama tossed his head and sniffed. "For you, maybe. I was the one sniffing around on this filthy street among ningens who would certainly notice how odd it was to see a _kitsune,_ of all things, in this city. Not to mention, a kitsune with five tails."

Hiei tossed him a sidelong glare. "Don't be so arrogant."

"Hmm…"

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"See anything?"

"Iie…"

Yuusuke watched the sky warily, and Kuwabara occasionally knelt to examine the ground. Having no fox noses to sniff out the source, they were choosing random directions and walking until the concentration of insects became thicker, then trying to proceed to an even greater one, and so on.

Progress was slow.

"Why don't we just try to sense out where Hiei and Kurama are?" Yuusuke suggested.

Kuwabara glared at him, skeptical. "How would that help?"

"I don't _know…_"

They continued on in such a manner for nearly a full half hour, before Yuusuke perked his head up and ran off to the right.

"C'mon! I sense something this way!"

Stopping short over a deep ditch in the ground (presumably meant for construction), Kuwabara made a sound of deep disgust and Yuusuke shivered slightly.

Bugs coated the surface and were spilling out of the hole in droves. The two friends shared a look of understanding, nodding once.

Yuusuke shot a small shock of energy into the ditch, demolishing each and every last bug. Kuwabara summoned his Reiken and sliced through the crack in the pavement, covering it entirely with layer upon layer of dirt and concrete.

"That oughta hold 'em."

Yuusuke nodded. "Let's meet back up with Hiei and Kurama."

"Lead the way."

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Bin-bon: sound of a doorbell ringing

Kitsune: fox

Youkai: demon

Tantei: detective

Makai: Demon World, Hell

Ningenkai: Human World

Iie: no


	3. A Long Time Ago

**Dreams still written in italics. You know what? I think you get it by now. This is the last time I'll say it. A dream fragment begins each chapter, and they don't make sense right now, but I promise, (nearly) everything has a point and is done for a reason.**

**Disclaimer: I am really, really conflicted about going back to school on Monday…**

_Balance_

_Chapter Two: A Long Time Ago_

_Broken and lying in pieces on the ground, he took great pains to put himself back together. A quiet, pulsing noise echoed in his mind as he did, and he shook his head to clear it._

_It would not leave._

_Searching the vastness of nothing for the source of the sound, he saw only a small black crystal lying in the crevices of space. Drifting towards it, he reached down to pick it up, and unlike the light, which drew itself away from him, the jewel pressed itself to his hand as a magnet might to steel board._

_He held the crystal to his ear to hear its thrum, but the noise grew no louder and no softer._

_He wished to call out to something, anything, to find this noise, but found that as soon as the desire entered into his thoughts, he no longer wished it so. Rather, he twirled in slow, crawling circles, winding around and around himself._

_He looked at the black crystal._

_He had never been interested at all in geology, and how he recognized the shapeless sphere, he was never certain. But somehow he saw it and simply knew._

_A black hiruseiki stone could only come from one place, though, and he knew nothing of the location of its source._

_As far as he knew, or was concerned, Hiei had disappeared a long time ago._

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"This way! I'm sure of it!"

Kuwabara sighed heavily. Yuusuke had said that twice already, and he was beginning to think it would be a better idea to wait for Hiei and Kurama to come find them.

The air was heavy with the putrid scent of Makai, and a thin fog was rolling in from the invisible hole to Hell. It was all making him very uncomfortable. As such, he was too distracted to sense their companions' location for himself, and only followed his own companion in silence.

"Okay, this time I'm—"

"Oh, no you don't," Kuwabara interrupted. "Not again. We either wait until you really _are_ sure of it, until I focus enough to sense them myself, or until _they_ find _us._"

Yuusuke looked over, surprised at the openness of his friend, but nodded slowly and sat on the ground. "Okay… I guess, then, we'll just wait here."

Kuwabara nodded and sat beside him.

Twelve minutes passed in awkward silence.

"How long has it been?"

Yuusuke looked at his watch. "Ten minutes, give or take. Wh—wait a minute, hey! You're getting bored, aren't you? Aren't you!? Ha! I knew it!"

Kuwabara hurriedly waved his hands before his face. "No, no, no, no, no, I'm not, I just…eh…I…I'm…bored, okay? You're right. Just go rub it in my face, why don't you."

"Okay, I will. You said you—"

"It was a figure of speed, ahou."

"Mm-_hmm._"

"Baka."

"Yaro."

Kuwabara scoffed and closed his eyes, tilting his head arrogantly into the air.

"I'm above such petty verbal combat."

Yuusuke laughed aloud. "Pick that up from Kurama, did you?"

"Teme, I oughta…"

"Bring it on!"

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Kurama paced around the alley where he and his friend stood, his hands occasionally waving in the air around him to accentuate his point.

"I don't care how much you 'dislike' Kuwabara—don't give me that look, we all see the act you two put on—but we need to find them! Sooner, rather than later, because the faster we get to Koenma and tell him of this breach we've found—I bet Yuusuke and Kuwabara found one as well—the faster we do that, the better. And you want as little to do with Koenma as possible, correct? Plus, wouldn't it be in your best interest to get him to talk to Mukuro about your…lengthy absence?"

Hiei's gaze sharpened as Kurama touched on a fact he may have overlooked, and he nodded. "Quit your ranting. Let's go."

Gaping a bit, Kurama pressed a hand to his forehead, sighed, and nodded in return. "Yes. Let's."

Walking along the roads, they reached a strangely vacant intersection, and Hiei stopped short. Kurama walked a few steps beyond him before noticing, but then backtracked and stood beside him. The pair concentrated on locating their companions, and, finding the trace ki at quite the same time, darted off together without a single nod of acknowledgement.

"Pick it up," Hiei called over the sounds of his steps on the pavement. Kurama mock-glared at him, smirking at the challenge, and the two were off.

Hiei purposefully slowed himself to keep pace with Kurama, occasionally even slipping back behind him as they ran. Kurama, contrary to what Hiei may have believed, did appreciate his friend's taking into account that fact that Hiei clearly held the superior speed and they both knew it. In seconds flat, they had reached Yuusuke and Kuwabara, shrieking to a halt in the grass.

"What kept you?" Yuusuke asked companionably. Kuwabara was looking disbelievingly between the raven haired boy and his watch.

"Twenty minutes?" he asked. "That's being 'kept?'"

"It is in my book."

Kuwabara huffed.

"I don't see the problem, Kuwabara," Kurama said, smiling. "What did you two find?"

"A giant hole in the ground," Yuusuke supplied helpfully. "Filled with Makai bugs."

Hiei nodded, and Kurama shook his head, though he meant the same thing by it. "Mm… Yes, I thought as much. So did we. Rather—we found a crack in the pavement of a back street, but I suspect both lead to holes to Makai."

"So should we go talk to Koenma again?" Kuwabara asked. "Or should we get some more information first?"

Hiei shivered slightly at the mention of the toddler ruler, something almost imperceptible. Only Yuusuke noticed it, and he did not comment. Kurama, who was paying more attention to Kuwabara, shook his head again.

"Yuusuke," he said, turning to the man in question, "do you still have a method by which to contact Botan?"

Fishing around in his pocket, Yuusuke came up with the familiar looking pocket communicator. "I still have this thing—she gave me a new one for some reason when we told her about the bug infestation, I think she really likes them, so if she has hers, then I'm set."

"Try it."

Flipping up the compact's lid, Yuusuke tapped a few buttons and flipped a small switch, telling it to "Get Botan on the line, you stupid piece of crap!"

On the verge of giving up, Yuusuke even started to close the flip top when Botan's face appeared on the little glass screen. "What is it, Yuusuke? Did you find something important?"

"What _took_ you so long? I thought you told _me _to keep this thing with me at all times, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes, but that isn't important right now. So did you find something? Yes or no?"

Yuusuke snorted. "Impatient, ne? Yeah, we think we found something. Two huge concentrations of Makai bugs that we think were coming from nearby holes to Makai. How about you, have you found anything?"

Botan shook her head despondently. "No. Reikai intelligence is working nonstop on this, but so far, nothing. I wish I could give you another lead, but…well, I can't."

Kurama nodded in the background. "We'll come up with something."

The compact shut down, and Yuusuke looked over his shoulder. "Something, eh? Like what?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure we'll come up with something eventually. Let's start by examining one of the holes; which is closer, yours or ours?"

"Ours is pretty close, only about two dozen meters that way," Kuwabara said, pointing. "How about you?"

"We ran about a kilometer," Hiei voiced. "We'll go to yours."

"Mm-hmm."

Yuusuke shrugged slightly as they walked. "Man, how long has it been since we last did this? Went on a mission together. I mean, Hiei, I haven't seen you in about six years!"

"I would say it's been about seven years since our last mission," Kuwabara said thoughtfully. Kurama nodded, smiling.

"Nostalgic, isn't it?"

"Yeah…"

Hiei snorted.

"Ch."

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Kneeling to examine the pile of cement and soil, Kurama carefully pawed some of it away to get to the hole. Digging about a meter down, he accidentally began to release more bugs, and replaced enough pavement rocks to stop the flow before it began.

The redheaded ningen turned, crouching before them, regally drawing himself up and fluffing out his hair.

"The hole is either underground, or not a hole at all, but simply a nest."

Yuusuke snickered. "One way to find out."

"Don't do anything rash—"

"Rei Gan!"

Kurama and Kuwabara each moved their arms to cover their faces, but Hiei only turned away slightly and closed his eyes against the dust.

As expected, the ki shot down at least a full kilometer, maybe more.

"Haha, there we go!"

Kurama looked up skeptically and spoke in a dry tone. "And now we know that if there _is_ a hole, it's more than one kilometer underground, or X kilometers to the north, south, east, or west of where we are now."

"Eeto…right."

Hiei sighed. "You're no help…"

"I'm a hell of a lot more help than _you!_"

Kurama stepped between his two friends, one hand restraining each of them. "Now, now, children, I won't have this sort of meaningless fighting going on in my presence. Yuusuke, Hiei, you're both a help. Yuusuke, you just need to cool your head. Hiei, you need to…just _try_ to be a little more accepting of our flaws."

"Right."

"Ch."

Sighing, he removed his hands. "Now that that's settled…who's up for a bit of dinner at my house?"

"Is it that late already?"

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Makai: Demon World, Hell

Ahou: fool, i.e. "dumbass"

Baka: stupid, idiot

Yaro: bastard

Teme: rude way of saying "you" akin to "you bastard" (FUNimation defines it as "Why, you...")

Ki: energy

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun

Eeto: errr…

Note: I'm using the metric system because it's what they use in the Japanese versions. I.e., from an episode recently aired on Cartoon Network, Genkai said "the shot" (an eraser fired at Murota by Sniper) came from five hundred feet to the right of where Sensui was standing. In the Japanese version, it was five hundred meters, which is roughly 1640 feet. A meter is approximately 3.28084 times the length of a foot.

Note: If I earlier said Kurama was in school still (which I may have, but I don't remember), and the six-year time period since Yuusuke last saw Hiei (which would be like this: end of Makai no hen three year waiting period end of series three year waiting period beginning of fic), then he's in college (after a break between the end of high school and the beginning of college) living off campus, and there's an excuse being made for his absence. It's not a major concern to the plot, so if some picky reader points that out, this is the explanation.


	4. What Had Become of Him

**Disclaimer: I don't understand the problem with wearing sweatpants to school.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Three: What Had Become of Him_

_Pictures swirled around him from time to time, his only touch to the outside world, beyond this dream. A powerful brunette blasting an overly muscular man and shattering his skin… A sturdy carrot top passing lingering remnants of his ki to an unconscious boy… A pained-looking redhead killing a frail young boy in the midst of a game…_

_The three men stood on the edge of a cliff, looking out over a city, and vowed to stay friends and in contact, though they would never see each other again._

_The redhead spoke of another man, another friend, who came to visit him sometimes…_

_'I wish he had come back, just once.'_

_'I wish I could thank him for saving my ass so many times.'_

_'I wish we were all together one more time.'_

_I wish I knew what had become of him, he said._

_They all ignored him._

_He smiled._

_You wish we were all together one more time, and we are. But guess what…someone has come back who I didn't know still existed, and the dead do not suddenly revive themselves…_

_Something is foreboding…_

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"So what've you guys been doing with yourselves all these years?" Yuusuke asked around a mouthful of tempura. "Hey, Kurama, great food, by the way."

"O—arigatou, Yuusuke."

"I've been in high school," Kuwabara supplied. "I'm on the wrestling team—it's a lot of fun. I kick all those guys' asses."

Hiei snorted off to the side, and Kurama smiled at him. Kuwabara raised a fist threateningly, but the youkai only scoffed.

"I've been in high school, as well," Kurama said. "It's quite boring, but you can't really get far in Japan without a degree, _can_ you?" He glanced over at Yuusuke pointedly.

"Ch, I've been doing alright for myself," Yuusuke said derisively. "Majoring in science, are you?"

"Biology." Kurama nodded. "And you, Yuusuke…you've spent the last three years in Makai. It's difficult to expect you'd have gotten a full education there, isn't it?"

The Tantei laughed, waving around a shred of chicken in his chopsticks. "Have you ever _seen_ what passes for education there? I'd be lucky to come out with all the smarts I have now!"

"That's not saying much," Hiei muttered.

"_Oi…!_"

Kuwabara laughed, and even Kurama joined in with a small chuckle. Hiei smirked out of the corner of one eye, and Yuusuke paused for a moment before laughing, as well.

"Fool doesn't even know when he's being insulted," Hiei intoned with another smirk. Yuusuke continued to laugh.

"Man," he panted through guffaws, "it's been forever since we got together like this…"

"Six years," Kurama replied sadly. Kuwabara nodded.

"I can't believe it—I never really imagined us drifting apart like we did…"

"I never thought _you'd_ come back," Yuusuke said, prodding Hiei's shoulder. He grunted in response.

"I said I was your ally and your friend, didn't I?" He preened himself for a moment, straightening a wrinkle in his cloak. "I have obligations."

Yuusuke's and Kurama's eyes softened, Kurama smiling at Hiei and Yuusuke distracting himself from what he considered to be the awkwardness of such an emotional moment by turning his gaze to the floor. Kuwabara also looked awkward, shuffling in place and shifting his eyes to the ceiling.

Hiei cleared his throat, breaking the moment.

"Kurama. What is our next move?"

Startled, the kitsune blinked back the gentle expression his face had taken on and thought for a moment. "Well, we should see Koenma soon. We still need him to speak to Mukuro, excusing you for the duration of this mission, remember. And, meaning no offence to her, I don't know how much I trust Botan to have given Koenma the message that we found two nests of Makai insects. We could always try getting new orders directly from him, of course, which would be only another reason to visit."

Hiei inaudibly groaned at the prospect of seeing the demigod once again, and Yuusuke sighed tiredly. Reporting directly to the horse's mouth was never any of their favorite activities.

"I'll call Botan…"

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"One: that was the most hellish ride of my life and I demand a new assistant. Two: did said assistant tell you about the nests of insects we found? Three: have you done anything about it?"

Koenma, quite unused to six-years-former Tantei dropping out of the sky and into his office, toppled out of his chair, his cap falling entirely over his head. Hopping back into the chair, he straightened his cap and shook his head.

"One: you're no longer a Tantei, so she's no longer your assistant. Two: no, she did not tell me about any nests or holes or whatever it was you said." (Kurama nodded slightly to himself.) "Three: if I didn't know about it, how could I have been expected to do anything?"

Shooting a glare to Botan, who shook her hands in a defensive motion before her, Yuusuke sighed. "Okay then. We found two nests of Makai insects in the city. Do something about it, like, say, I don't know, getting your new Tantei on the case."

Koenma shook his head. "I can't. If this case blossoms into something involving Makai, my new Tantei would be no match for it. She's barely even a high C-class, much less low S or even high A."

Kuwabara spit on the floor, ignoring Koenma's dry glare. "Why's she so weak, and after all this time? Hiei started off at C, and he's moved all the way up to high A or even low S." The cited youkai looked as though he didn't know whether to glare daggers at Kuwabara or preen at his rapid advancement, finally settling on a dry glower.

"Mm, true, but youkai are still wary of Yuusuke and you all—yes, even though you haven't technically been Tantei for six years—and there haven't been any high profile cases for her yet."

"That sucks…"

"Hm, you're telling me," Koenma sighed, sinking into his seat. "I keep waiting for a case to roll around that she just won't be prepared for."

Hiei scoffed, and Kurama winced. "That's inspiring," Yuusuke muttered.

"Yes, well." Clearing his throat, Koenma shuffled some papers around. "About the nests—I'll need exact coordinates if I'm to be expected to do anything about them, and we're on the lookout for new developments, but as I've told you, progress is slow."

"Actually, I don't think that was you—"

"_Well,_" he intoned loudly. "I'll let you know if something comes up, it's been nice to see you, best of luck, sayonara!"

Leaping up onto his desk, Koenma summoned a portal behind them and pushed them into it.

"O, domo a—" Yuusuke's sarcastic voice trailed off as the window between worlds closed.

Koenma huffed, flopping back in his chair.

_'It's going to be a long week…'_

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The sky, darkened with the abundance of insects that had only grown since their absence, loomed ominously over them all, and the humans running around obliviously were unnerving. Kurama snatched a handful of the insects out of the air and killed them all. Hiei was doing the same rather constantly, wiping out miniature herds each second. His katana flashes brightly against the gloomy background of its victims.

Kuwabara, too, had killed his share of bugs, and Yuusuke was doing much the same thing. They didn't stop to think how ridiculous they must have looked to bystanders, but only followed Kurama's kitsune nose as it tracked the bugs to their nest.

He pointed occasionally, at which point Yuusuke or Kuwabara darted forward, pinpointed the nest, and destroyed it. Kurama and Hiei kept themselves busy with extermination.

"So, Hiei," Kurama said on one such occasion. "Where have you been these last few years?"

"Working for Mukuro, kitsune, you know that," he replied, wiping out another hoard in one clean sweep.

"I only thought—you might keep the promise you made to me, that's all."

Hiei brought his katana in a wide arc, using the combination of metal and shockwave to destroy a large fraction of the flock. "What promise?"

"To visit me," Kurama answered, his voice betraying a slight hint of hurt. "Remember?"

Hiei remained silent in his work, thinking as he did so. _'"Kitsune, don't worry. I'll come back one day, to visit you. I promise." Oh, yes…that's right, I did say that…'_

"I said 'one day,'" Hiei reminded him. "I didn't say when."

"Hiei, you know ningen life spans are much shorter that youkai ones," Kurama insisted. "Six years is a long time to such creatures as they. I just hoped you might take that into consideration. But apparently," his voice slipped up a moment before he recovered himself, "it doesn't matter. You didn't remember, anyway."

Hiei snorted. "You've become too soft, kitsune."

"No, Hiei, I believe it is you who has become too hard. You wouldn't have cared, would you?"

"I cared enough to locate your new house, didn't I?"

Kurama shook his head. "In maybe a fraction of a minute, thanks to your Jagan." Wiping out another sheet of bugs, he slumped against the wall and shook his head. "You don't understand, do you, Hiei? Your friendship meant a lot to me. I couldn't let my family know who I really was, and it was too dangerous to take a ningen mate. I could barely even make ningen friends, for fear they'd notice something…off about me and get too curious."

"You had Yuusuke and Kuwabara," Hiei interrupted between slashes.

"No, I didn't. Yuusuke was away for three years—_three years,_ Hiei, that's a long time, too; I'd moved on by the time he came back, and so had he—and Kuwabara devoted himself to his studies. And to Yukina, by the way, being the brother to her who she never knew."

A pained expression crossed his face as Hiei continued killing insects, now doubling his power to substitute for Kurama.

_'I did, I abandoned them all, didn't I? Without so much as a "thank you," even, for all they'd all done for me…and I bet they don't even know… I left them all, and they don't even know how much they all mean to me, and my sister—how could I do such a thing to her?'_

"You can't just abandon us all for six years and then come back and assume it'll all be the same as it was, Hiei."

Yuusuke and Kuwabara leapt out from behind a nearby building's cover, jumping in before the conversation could progress. Kurama had the sneaking suspicion that they had been listening. There was no way it could have taken so long to stop up a simple nest.

"Let's move on!" Yuusuke shouted, a little over-jubilant. Kuwabara nodded vigorously.

"Very well."

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Oi: hey

Makai: Demon World, Hell

Youkai: demon

Sayonara: goodbye

Domo: thanks

Kitsune: fox

Ningen: human

Note: I'm aware that I repeat myself in giving definitions of words used in each chapter. I give a new definition each time a word is used. That way, if someone skips a chapter (I know I do that occasionally) or forgets, it's easily attained. Plus, it's easier for me not to have to keep track of which words I've used already.

Note: the remnants of memories from the dream are as follows: Yuusuke killing Toguro (circa Ankoku Bujutsukai saga), Kuwabara saving Yuusuke (circa Shiseiju saga), Kurama killing Amanuma (circa The Door to Makai: the Territory 2 arc). There is no memory of Hiei because "as far as he knew, or was concerned, Hiei had disappeared a long time ago." You'll see why later (if you haven't gotten it from this fragment already).


	5. If You Were Ever Found

**Disclaimer: I think it's pretty clear by now that one, I don't like conventional disclaimers, and two, if you think I'm Togashi Yoshihiro and I own Yuu Yuu Hakusho, you're clearly on something and you should get off that. For your own good and all.**

**shadow priestess: Updates will be coming much more slowly once school starts, don't you worry. Yes, there is one pairing semi-relevant to the plot (irrelevant (I think) is the mandatory YuusukexKeiko). An eventual HieixKurama warning has been added to the summary.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Four: If You Were Ever Found_

_'You think the dead shall revive themselves?' they seemed to ask him. No, he replied, I do not, but they may as well have done so, for he was as good as dead._

_They were not asking him, however, and he was not speaking in a way that could be heard._

_The three men had long since left the cliff, and in its vast emptiness, he stood, looking out over the forest and the city._

_He knew, already, that this was only a memory, though, and like the wall of dark nothing that had come before it, the colorful scenery and the men who had inhabited it shattered as glass. Shards of it tried to cut through him, but he would not allow them, and they lost their substance and weight before touching him._

_Translucent things passed him by, unable to hurt him, and he smiled wickedly._

_I win, he told them._

_But the glass windows had not yet brought about their greatest weapon, and as he watched, a new picture began to form._

_A small man, blue fringed black hair and a white starburst, deep crimson eyes, black cloak covering a probably muscular body, and a katana at his side._

_A name flickered across the screen, and he laughed._

_But no amount of memory and desire can bring you back to me, he called as he did, and the man turned to him, though he could not see._

_'I am already back, don't you see?'_

_I see your body standing before me, yet I see no remnants of the man I once knew._

_'I am lost to you?'_

_If you were ever found._

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"Well, I can't sense any other nests," Kuwabara said, bored.

Kurama paced around on the ground in his kitsune form, his nose pressed to the ground and tails flicking occasionally. Hiei purposefully looked away from him.

"I can smell nothing," Kurama added, transforming back into his ningen form.

Yuusuke nodded and flipped up the compact lid. He repeated the same motions as he had the first time, down to the letter, even the "Get Botan on the line, you stupid piece of crap!"

The screen buzzed with static, and Botan's face appeared.

"You know, Yuusuke, all you have to do is push that little button on the side there," she said dryly, pointing off to the side of the screen. His eyes darted left, and he nodded.

"Yeah, thanks. So _please_ tell me you know _something_ by now."

A noise came through the speakers, something like a ruffling sound, and they all assumed Botan was shuffling through papers. "Ah, yes, here we go," she said finally. "There's a few mid-class—"

"What's 'mid-class'?" Kuwabara interrupted nervously.

She glanced at him, surprised. "Oh, you know, various ranges of the B class, a few mid and high C-class.

"Anyway, there are a few of them clustered below ground in the middle of Kyoto."

Hiei and Kurama each raised an eyebrow, and Yuusuke groaned. "_Kyoto…_ Aw, come _on…_ It's _never_ Tokyo!"

Kurama smiled comfortingly. "Don't worry. It will be someday."

Yuusuke turned a blank, dry gaze on the kitsune, eyes slit. "I don't appreciate that."

Laughing, Kurama waved his hands dismissively and grinned. Hiei rolled his eyes at their antics.

"Best be off!"

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They walked down the road together, searching.

Much unlike his days as a rambunctious youth, Yuusuke hung back behind Kuwabara, whose turn it was to lead the group and sense for holes and bugs. The carrot top in question was also showing a good deal more restraint than he may have, once, walking slowly and keeping devoted to and concentrated on the task at hand.

Kurama walked, subdued, behind them all, a vague reversion to his kitsune ways. Hiei made sure to keep pace beside him; if Kurama was truly upset with him, he wanted to do something to change that. Whenever the chance arose, he wanted to be nearby.

"I've got nothing," Kuwabara said sullenly. "Anyone else want to take a turn?"

Kurama looked up, and Hiei looked at him. Yuusuke, watching them both, thought for a moment before answering.

"Yeah, I'll go again."

Startled, Kurama smiled. Still good old selfless Yuusuke, now with a perceptiveness to match.

Kuwabara let his head drop down to his chest, half asleep as he walked. Still sweet, kind Kuwabara, holding out as long as he could.

His friends.

Strengthened by their actions, so similar and yet so different from their days as young boys fighting together, Kurama turned to look at Hiei, whose gaze had remained locked on Kurama, trusting his friend to let him know if there was something he would bump into that he hadn't noticed.

"You know we're not all the same as we were," Kurama started softly. Hiei's eyes widened almost imperceptibly and he nodded.

"I do."

Kurama sighed softly, preferring to gaze sorrowfully at the ground than to look at the youkai beside him.

"Gomen nasai, Hiei."

Taken aback, Hiei paused for a moment in his walking. Kurama was…_sorry?_ What could the beautiful kitsune have to possibly be sorry for? To _him,_ nonetheless?

Peering up with questioning eyes, Hiei hoped Kurama would intercept his question and answer it before it had even been asked, the way they used to do.

Finally, Kurama looked down at him, his eyes sad even as his mouth curved into a smile. "You've changed, too, you see. I did the same thing you did; I assumed you would be the same as you were. Assumed we could go right back to being best friends, able to interpret each other's thoughts, finished each other's sentences, fight by each other's side… But I suppose such a thing simply was not meant to be. And for that, gomen nasai."

Eyes wide and face childlike in appearance, Hiei stared at Kurama.

"You've…nothing to be sorry for, Kurama. I was the one who assumed, not you."

"No, you're wrong…"

"No, I'm not." Hiei shook his head. Kurama was right after all; Kurama was always right. "I assumed where I had no right to do so. You…you were right in thinking I wouldn't change. Most youkai never do. I—well, I suppose all the exposure I had to Mukuro and her officials, and her subjects, and her meetings, her lands, what have you, all that forced me to be businesslike and I… You were right." He took a deep breath and turned away. "I became too hard."

Kurama looked down at him in a cross between speculation and something akin to understanding.

"Hiei, I believe we were both wrong."

Peering up with widened eyes, Hiei tilted his head questioningly. "What would _you _have to be wrong about?"

"I should have known you wouldn't be the same ningen-hating youkai I used to know, the one who was not averse to giving someone a cold shoulder and then secretly peppering adoration on another in the same breath."

Hiei smiled to himself. _'Funny… He can be so eloquent and simple when saying such awkward things.'_

"Hiei, gomen nasai."

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Yuusuke stretched his arms over his head, feigning tiredness to distract anyone who might happen to notice how intently he was eavesdropping on the conversation going on behind him. Kuwabara, using an near nap as his own alibi, was walking in step with the former Tantei, listening just as closely.

"What is all this, 'gomen nasai' crap?" asked the taller of the two. "They sound like a _couple_ or something, all lusty and heartfelt."

Yuusuke cracked open one eye and shot Kuwabara a sidelong glance. "Either they are, and we've hit on something big, or they'll hear you say that and you'll spend the next few years in intensive care," he warned. Kuwabara's expression turned fearfully wary.

"Give 'em a break, eh? They were best friends, and they haven't seen each other in six years."

"Still doesn't explain the lusty part…"

Yuusuke huffed a sigh and shook his head. "Man, Kuwabara, you and your imagination… I swear, high school's fucked with your head."

"Maybe it would've done the same to you if you'd actually _gone._"

Turning on his companion, Yuusuke reared his fists. "Oh, yeah, wanna say that to my face, yaro?"

"I can't get much closer, kisama!" Kuwabara returned, shoving his face into Yuusuke's.

"I'll show you, shimatta—you'll be sorry you messed with me!"

"Oh, bring it on, little man!"

"Gladly, you—"

Anything more that may have been said was drowned out by the pair's scuffling, gleefully beating on each other in a way they hadn't in years. Kurama and Hiei could practically feel the bulbous drops of sweat falling down the backs of their heads as they watched, Kurama with an awkward smile and Hiei with a distasteful sniff.

"Just like old times, ne?" Kurama asked with a wistful air. Hiei smiled.

"Whatever you say, kitsune."

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"Okay! We've found no new nests in nearly three hours of searching, so I say we call it in and go back to Reikai," Yuusuke proclaimed loudly.

"It's been two hours, Yuusuke," Kurama reminded him. "Two and a quarter at most."

Yuusuke shrugged. "Like I have a watch."

The redhead smiled. _'Yes, just like old times.'_

Kuwabara, meanwhile, was turning rather interesting shades of green and yellow. "Back to Reikai? With _Botan?_"

Yuusuke laughed, and Kurama smiled. "Yeah," Yuusuke choked out, "with Botan. Why, you got a problem with that?"

Kuwabara straightened his jacket and put a proud expression on his face. "No, not a problem. I'm fine."

"Well, just lemme know if you get carsick. Or oar-sick, if that's what she calls it."

Botan appeared out of nowhere, smiling in her usual perky way. "Come on, guys, Koenma has a breakthrough for your mission! Let's get going, shall we?"

Kurama, perking up at the news of a breakthrough, steeled himself for the undoubtedly bumpy ride and nodded.

Yuusuke, meanwhile, was sputtering at her sudden appearance. "Wha—where did _you_—did you just—h-how did you know we wanted to go to Reikai? Do you have me bugged or something!?"

She smiled cheekily and laughed. "No, no, silly. We were watching you on Koenma's big-screen television."

"But—so you _are_ spying on me!"

"Uh—uh…no, we're not! It was a lucky coincidence!"

"Yeah, that you happened to be spying on me at that exact moment!"

Kurama put out his arm in a signal for them each to stand down. "We have somewhere to be, correct?"

"We're off."

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Kitsune: fox

Ningen: human

Youkai: demon

Gomen nasai: I'm sorry

Yaro: bastard

Kisama: bastard

Shimatta: dammit


	6. The Pulse Beat On

**Disclaimer: so…how're you doing today? Oh yeah? Sounds like a party. Have fun with that.**

**Ah, yes, I meant to say…shadow priestess, kikira-san, sakurasango, Clow Angel, JadedSoul, What2callmyself, thank you so, so much for your reviews (especially shadow priestess, who has as of yet left three). Anyone who wonders how my writings have so few reviews (I just thought I'd randomly throw this in for…randomness' sake, 'cause 'tis fun), I've found that normally, I as a person am often overlooked, in the classroom, in the halls, on the street, at my job (whatever it may currently be, as I'm not formally employed, as I'm only sixteen), what have you. I can only assume it's the same for my writing.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Five: The Pulse Beat On_

_Long-standing loss, a thing that had been practiced and rehearsed for ages, leaked out of the mirror where the blind man stood, drowning him in its overpowering existence. He struggled to breath before he realized that this emotion had no liquid substance, and there was nowhere to drown._

_For such a manner, there was nowhere to breath, either._

_'You tell me you thought I would change from the man you once knew, yet you say I was never truly found? How can such a thing be true? You are lying to me.'_

_I had never truly known the man I thought I once did, so it is no loss that I have not found you, even now, he replied indifferently._

_Tears flooded out with the hurt, the pain, the overbearing beat of a different drum. Tears crystallized into small black jewels, but more remained the fluid that tears should, salty water filled with hate._

_Ruby red eyes that neither man truly saw were rid of their white and black, simply spheres of red, red, bloody red, leaking red, flooding red, a red that had been created for these eyes and only for these eyes and that never should have been._

_'You understand nothing.'_

_Oh? he asked. Keeping his voice casual._

_Something deep down, deep inside of him screamed out that none of it was true, that he did know, but could not say._

_That small part of him was drowned out before it had a chance to rear its head._

_'You understand nothing.'_

_You lie._

_'You understand Forbidden?' the man asked._

_You are nameless, he replied. You have no spirit in my world. You disappeared long ago, and you have yet to return to what you once were. You have yet to become what you should be._

_The pulse beat on._

_The glass began to crack._

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"I keep promising myself I'll demand a new ride, and do I ever do anything about it? _Noooo…_"

Kurama laughed. "Don't worry, Yuusuke. You'll remember one day."

"Uh-huh."

Hiei, in the meanwhile, had stalked up to the desk and slammed his katana, sheath and all, down on the polished wood surface. "I hear from your pet ferry child that you have some news for us regarding the case you've so presumptuously sent us on," he spat out with a sharp glare.

Koenma, fearfully scooting back in his seat until he had nearly melded into the fabric, nodded weakly. "Yes… Intelligence has discovered a few middle-class youkai congregating under Kyoto… You know, various ranges of B class and mid to low C-class…"

Hiei gritted his teeth and hissed, a habit he had rarely exhibited in all the time Kurama had known him before. "That doesn't help, _child,_" his snarled. "You're reciting back to us what that bitch told us earlier. Give us some _new_ information or am I walking right out of this office, and I promise, you'll never see me again."

Koenma gulped. "I-I think they're operating under the command of a very high class youkai, possibly of the S-class… Trying to follow in Sensui's footsteps, to open a hole to Makai using psychics…in order—in order to wipe out all of mankind…"

Scoffing, the youkai turned the face Koenma at a three quarters angle. "That's _barely_ sufficient."

Kurama walked up behind Hiei and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You wouldn't really leave us all again, would you, Hiei?" he asked with an almost fearful tone in his near-silent voice.

Hiei balked for only a moment before responding in the usual manner: cold, indifferent, unmistakably offended.

"You can't tell when I'm lying and not, kitsune?" he asked, equally quietly. "I…wouldn't leave you. Again."

Was there a hidden meaning there? Kurama couldn't tell. But the high road was the safe one, and he had best assume that the "you" was a general one.

"So, child," Hiei practically shouted, turning back to face Koenma head-on. "Is that all you have to tell us?"

"Ano…yes…" he said meekly.

"Then there is no reason for us to remain here. Give us the coordinates of this youkai congregation. Open a portal to Ningenkai as close to said congregation as possible." Glowering, Hiei bent over the desk, a vaguely impressive feat at his height. "_Now._"

The demigod scribbled some numbers on a sheet of formal-looking scrap paper and thrust it in Hiei's face, opening a portal as soon as the youkai had taken it.

"Ch, good enough."

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"I don't get it."

Kuwabara scratched the back of his head. "This is the exact location of the coordinates… Why don't I sense anything?"

Kurama knelt and sniffed the topsoil of the rich, spanning field. "There haven't been youkai any higher up than one and one half kilometers from the absolute base of this hole," he said slowly, still sniffing occasionally. "From my best guess, the hole itself is fairly deep and begins two kilometers belowground."

Yuusuke gaped at his kitsune friend, still not used to his incredible senses. Kurama looked up and smiled, self-satisfied and trying not to show it. Hiei walked over and laid a hand on his back.

"Can you tell times?" he asked as Kurama tried to disregard the hand. An unusually gentle gesture Hiei probably wasn't even aware of.

Sniffing again, Kurama nearly lay himself flat on the ground trying to pick up the proper scents. He shook his head. "Not without transforming, I can't."

"Then transform."

Kurama sighed, and focused his ki.

The silver kitsune waved his tails in an unintentionally tantalizing way as he picked up the various scents. Hiei knelt beside him so as not to be distracted; Kurama was putting no power of any sort into the seductive motion of his tails, so there would be no serious repercussions, but Hiei still might be susceptible to something the experienced kitsune didn't intend.

Yuusuke, having been warned by Kurama more than once about the power of a kitsune's tails, turned away, and Kuwabara closed his eyes. After a long and fairly tense moment, Kurama transformed again, kneeling on the ground.

"The latest they were close to the surface can't have been more than an hour ago."

Yuusuke huffed a sigh, and Kuwabara groaned.

"Well, we've got some work to do, then, don't we?" the former Tantei said.

"Get to it."

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By the next five minutes, Yuusuke had cleared all of a kilometer of ground from the field. Kurama was still raking dust out of his hair, and Kuwabara was begging and ordering Yuusuke not to fire his Rei Gan at the ground directly again. Hiei was cleaning his katana and glaring back over his shoulder at the former Tantei.

"Yes, Yuusuke," Kurama was adding, "if you please. There must be better ways to get underground; or you could have at least warned us you were going to do that."

Waving his hand dismissively, Yuusuke smiled widely. "Would've, could've, should've. Bit late for that now, eh?"

Hiei glanced at Yuusuke oddly. "Where did you pick up that cute saying?" he asked derisively. Yuusuke shifted his grin to the youkai no hi.

"It's from America, I think. I dunno, I picked it up off of some schoolbook—"

"Doubtful," Kuwabara muttered with a small grin.

"—or heard it on TV, or something. I don't really remember."

Kurama, meanwhile, was peering down into the hole Yuusuke had created. He waved them over, leaning into the fissure and holding himself up via some conveniently placed rocks.

"Looks like you almost broke into a water main, Yuusuke," he said. "We'd better not risk taking another shot from this far away; the shockwaves could cause considerable damage. I suggest climbing down to the bottom of this hole and shooting from there."

"Wouldn't that be even more dangerous, though?" Kuwabara asked, looking down beside the redhead. "The ground would probably give way under our feet with a blast that powerful."

Hiei raised an eyebrow, impressed at the "oaf's" foresight, but carefully not showing it. "Of course, we'll have to dig out some sort of side tunnels once we get there." Kurama nodded.

"You can do that, Kuwabara," Yuusuke said as he slid over the lip of the hole, taking a firm grip on the rocks there and beginning to lower himself. Kuwabara followed willingly enough, and Kurama smiled again.

_'Six years ago, he would have either charged on in and made sure he was first, or hung back uncertainly until we dragged him down with us. Oh, how these years can change a boy into a man…'_

They jumped and climbed down the rock and dirt, restraining themselves (for the most part) from throwing sand rocks at each other. Finally reaching the base of the hole, Kuwabara summoned his Reiken, and Kurama and Hiei paced back and forth around the hole, examining the walls.

"I sense some powerful youki," Yuusuke said spontaneously, kneeling to rap at the floor. Kurama turned to look at the man over his shoulder, focusing his senses for a moment. As he locked onto a strong youki, he wondered how he could not have noticed it before.

"Fairly far below us," Hiei said absently as he continued smoothing his hand over the wall. Kuwabara tilted his head.

"How far is 'fairly far'?" he asked. "It's gonna be pretty damn hot down there if we get too far in."

"Don't worry," Kurama assured him, going back to the walls. "It won't be too terrible, and if the heat gets unbearable, one of us can create a barrier of ki to keep the temperature generally neutral."

"O-okay…"

Yuusuke and Kuwabara paced impatiently around the little hole as Kurama and Hiei continued their scan.

Finally, Hiei hit one part of the wall near a particularly large boulder.

"Cut here," he said decisively. Kurama walked over to scrutinize the panel his friend had chosen.

"Not so far to the left," he said. "More like…right here." He raised a finger and scratched a line in the dirt as Hiei nodded his approval.

"Okay, you want to get more specific?" Kuwabara requested, holding out his Reiken at an unsure angle.

"Here," said Kurama, drawing the dirt line more precisely, "to here."

"And then—" Hiei cut in, arcing his hand under the line Kurama had drawn, "here to here."

Yuusuke smirked slightly, and Kurama's grin grew even wider.

_'Talk about a six-year change…'_

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Youkai: demon

Makai: Demon World, Hell

Kitsune: fox

Ano: uh…

Ningenkai: Human Realm, Living World

Ki: energy

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun

Youkai no hi: demon of fire, fire demon

Youki: demon energy

Note: about Kurama not putting any power into moving his tails. One of the powers of the legendary kitsune is seduction, then, once they have successfully drawn in a victim, creating illusions of what is and is not real. Said victim is trapped in these illusions and susceptible to what the kitsune wishes them to see and experience, unable to tell that it is not reality. They think that what they experience _is_ reality, and the kitsune, not mesmerized by itself, but living in a sort of fantasy of its own design, believes its illusions to be reality, as well. This is why breaking a kitsune's illusions is so painful to them; it's breaking their vision of reality.


	7. A Lowly Creature such as Yourself

**Disclaimer: so…have you ever been in a situation in which an "enemy" of yours tried to get on speaking terms with you, but went about it all the wrong way, and now you hate him even more? I've got that right now. Meh.**

**Aww…do you people know how wonderful you are? I mean my reviewers, of course. ::Squee!:: (Wow, how out of character was _that?_) Domo arigatou gozaimasu! (From what I hear, that's like "thank you so, _so_ much!")**

_Balance_

_Chapter Six: A Lowly Creature such as Yourself_

_'You cannot accept change, can you?'_

_This is merely a last-ditch effort to spare yourself, he mocked. Pitiful._

_'It is not. You are unable to accept that even youkai have the ability to change. Six years is a long time.'_

_The glass was breaking, and a line was formed between his eyes. The panels shifted on each other, giving his face a most disjointed look._

_Oh?_

_'Indeed. You do not even believe that you still possess a heart.'_

_And how would a lowly creature such as yourself know of such things about me?_

_The man scoffed. 'A lowly creature. You thought nothing of the sort when we fought, side by side, six years ago.'_

_Six years is a long time._

_'You do not believe you possess a heart.'_

_Because it is true, he replied, his voice coated in ice._

_'It is not,' the man replied. 'It beats and echoes in your very soul.'_

_It means nothing._

_'The pulse is in time with the beating of the heart.'_

_Irrelevant._

_'It is not.'_

_He wheeled around and glared. You are nearly broken, he screamed. Again. Nearly gone. Again. Six years is a long time, but time does not erase itself, no matter how long! You will disappear just as you did, and life will become normal again._

_'You have warped your definition of normalcy since I saw you last.'_

_It is you who has been warped!_

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Kuwabara carefully held up his Reiken, making sure to get the correct angles before making the actual slice. Once he was positive, he slowly dug the tip of the blade into the stone and dirt, dragging the ki down through the lines his companions had so carefully drawn.

Finally, he had cut out a nicely sized block of earth, creating the beginnings of a wide tunnel. Hiei walked forward to inspect the workmanship, nodding appreciatively.

"Good. Now lengthen your sword and dig it deeper."

"Mm-hmm," Kuwabara replied, sweating slightly out of nervousness. Stretching out his sword, he made sure to stay inside the lines and hollow out the shallow cavern into a tunnel deep enough for them to stand in while Yuusuke blew their ditch deeper.

Hiei went in first and, taking his katana from its sheath, slammed the sturdy leather into the roof, creating a temporary support beam before heading back and leaning against the wall. Kurama followed soon after and knelt in the back of the hollow, Kuwabara not far behind.

"Ready?" Yuusuke asked, holding his hand out, aimed towards the floor.

"The impact will be great," Kurama warned. "Be prepared for the floor to collapse from under you."

"Aim…"

"We can't afford to lose a fighter such as you to a stupid mistake," Hiei added in a drone.

"Fire!"

Jumping at the instant the blast went off, Yuusuke hurled himself back into the cave where the other Tantei shielded themselves, thereby keeping from plummeting to the pits of the Earth with his reiki. Misjudging the angles slightly, he landed thumping against the back wall and hitting his head. Sitting up, he rubbed it with a bothered expression on his face.

"Dammit, that's the third time that's happened."

Hiei smirked. "Only the third?"

"Or was that just today?" Kuwabara piped in. Kurama let his mouth fall open just slightly.

_'Kuwabara finishing Hiei's insults…oh, dear, this shall take some getting used to…'_

They began another climb down.

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What felt like hours later, but in reality, was merely fifty and two minutes, Kuwabara scooted backwards and pointed at a spot on the ground.

"Hey, guys, I think I…eeto…found the bottom…of the hole…"

Hiei immediately flickered over beside the ningen, Kurama at his heels. They each crouched a distance away from the ground where Kuwabara had pointed, Hiei prodding at the ground and Kurama bending down to listen.

"Yes," said the kitsune, sitting back on his heels. "I can hear down to a base camp, of sorts, below where we are sitting."

Hiei, too, reared back. "Yes, but it's close. There can only be about a dozen centimeters of ground left between us and them, dozen and one half at most."

Yuusuke smirked. "Then let's make ourselves known."

"Wait."

Yuusuke looked up at Kurama, surprised to see a darkly calculating look in his eye that he hadn't seen in six years. The kitsune was looking down at the ground in a most suspicious manner, feeling across it with the tips of his fingers.

"Koenma said they would be classes B to high C, didn't he?"

A hesitantly perplexed look on his face, Yuusuke nodded.

"These youkai are _not_ classes B to high C."

"Na—?"

Yuusuke bent closer to the floor, straining to sense what he could not see through the dirt and stone. Sending out shielded waves of reiki, he washed them over invisible targets and struggled to identify their levels.

"Oh! You're right!" he said finally. There were definitely youkai down there, and just as definitely was the fact that they were _not_ B or high-C. The youki they radiated was far too weak, reminiscent of E, D, and low C youkai, if that.

"Either Reikai's been getting bum information," Kuwabara summarized, sensing it for himself, "or the youkai who _were_ here have moved since they got that report." The others nodded.

"But maybe they have some information," Kurama noted. "Let's not waste any time."

Yuusuke blasted a hole into the ground and they leapt down.

Upon landing, they saw a most peculiar sight.

Four groups of no more than three youkai were scattered about a small cavern, suitable possibly for refuge during a storm. Not only were the youkai scantily clad in rags and scraps of animal and other youkai skins, their hair unkempt and their bodies stained in blood and gashes of cuts, but they looked miserable and frail, teetering around on their last legs. Ribs were visible through the skin on more than one of them, and it all made the Tantei sick.

"No invading our territory!" one shouted, trying to be brave. "Come on, you miserable brutes, we must attack! Defend our home!"

This youkai, the one who appeared to be the leader, stood first, the others following with some reluctance. Visible once he had risen was his matted purple hair, coming out in patches and sparsely decorating his otherwise scarred head. If Kurama hadn't known better, he would have assumed the creature had recently undergone some sort of cranial surgery. His ratty leopard skin patterned, tunic-style cloth hung limply about his shoulders.

"Hiraikotsu!" one screamed, hurling a long curve of a boomerang bone at them. Yuusuke dodged with ease and glided over beside the one who had launched it, pinning her to the wall.

"What's your name, pretty girl?" he asked derisively. She quivered under his gaze.

"Bakayaro! Ge' offa me!"

"Odd name," he said coolly, tightening his grip. "Now, what's your name, for real?"

She struggled vainly for a few moments before finally going limp in his grip. "Makoto…" she whispered.

He dropped her to the ground, looking down at her. She kept her gaze on the floor, eyes tearing slightly. Yuusuke could practically feel his kind nature creeping up on him as he offered her a hand.

"Trees, eh?" he said as she took it warily, letting him pull her up. She nodded.

Kurama, meanwhile, had nearly been struck down by a long thread of some sort of poison, dodging at the last second, more for his own amusement and for show than anything else. He, equally as easily, darted forward and pinned his captive, though he preferred to use the ground as a backing rather than the wall.

"Who has sent you here?" he hissed, tilting his head to the side to dodge as his youkai spit at him.

"_Sent_ us?" the youkai snarled, looking tense and uncomfortable even through his showy toughness. "No one has _sent_ us! We come to conquer this feeble world!"

"You shall do no conquering here," Kurama growled. "By whose orders are you in Ningenkai?"

"No—" The youkai paused as Kurama effortlessly summoned a blade made from a common leaf and held it to his throat. "N-no one…!"

The blade bit into skin.

"Not good enough."

Blood leaked from a narrow wound.

"Alright! Alright!"

Kurama kept the blade beside the creature's jugular, even as he spoke through nervous sweat and frightened tears.

"We were summoned by a few S-class youkai a couple days ago," the youkai blustered, "told to come here, to this cave, and make our home. They offer us food and don't let anyone come get us; we figured it a pretty sweet deal, so we didn't try to leave."

Kurama moved the blade back, withdrawing his ki and throwing the leaf aside. "But…?" he prompted.

"B-but they didn't—they didn't tell us what price this home would c-come at!" The youkai was crying freely now, wiping his eyes and only staining them further with dirt and muck. "We aren't _allowed_ to leave, and they—they barely give us enough food for one person to live on, much less eleven of us to share! We're dying down here, and they come and v-v-visit us, sometimes, and—and—"

But the youkai stopped, then, blowing his nose on his palm and letting his brittle nails chip against the cartilage in his nose, partially visible as it was. Kurama sat back, giving the creature room to breath freely. Hiei stood looking over Kurama's shoulder, the slightest pity in his eyes.

Composing himself to a bare degree, the youkai sat up. "T-they come down here, and they threaten to kill us if we don't do exactly as they say. They hurt us if we don't do it right, and sometimes they torture us even when we do exactly what they say because they decided to change it without telling us. They cut us, they beat us, they steal our clothes, they rape us, they—I was going to just _let_ them kill me next time they came…"

Kurama smiled weakly. "Hmm…what is your name?"

The youkai looked up in surprise, and Hiei turned his head away.

"K…Kira…"

Kuwabara, having gotten similar responses from his own target, dropped the youkai—who scuttled over to his friends where they sat—and went over to where Yuusuke was questioning Makoto.

"They ask us if we like it when they beat us. Then if we tell them no, they beat us more."

"Can you help us find them?"

Makoto shook her head. "Not much. I know they went west, probably to a place much like this. Underground, that is. A cave somewhere; the better hidden, the better the cave."

Kuwabara and Yuusuke nodded to each other, and Yuusuke to Makoto.

"Thanks."

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Reiki: spirit energy

Eeto: er…

Ningen: human

Youkai: demon

Youki: demon energy

Bakayaro: bastard

Ki: energy

Note: What2callmyself, yes, in fact, the clip from the last chapter about kitsune mythology was true. I (accidentally, actually) found an excellent site related to kitsune mythology called Foxtrot's Collection of Kitsune Lore and did a little reading.

Note: Olde English, anyone? "Fifty and two" doesn't mean fifty hours and two minutes. It means fifty-two minutes.

Note: yes, in Japanese, Kira is a male's name as well as a female's.


	8. Beating of the Hideous Heart

**Disclaimer: erg…History class is evil…**

_Balance_

_Chapter Seven: Beating of the Hideous Heart_

_'You are lying to me, and to yourself. Hurting no one but yourself.'_

_Why am I not hurting you with such "lies," as you call them? How can I hurt you? Or are you incapable of feeling pain, as I have so long known?_

_'Known?' he asked softly, in a casual manner as though he did not particularly care for the answer._

_Yes, known! he raged. Known, known as I have always known you! Incapable of feeling anything, much less pain!_

_The glass was fractured so that he appeared to be split into five distorted parts, and though it was not broken, blood leaked from the cracks. Dripping down the pane, it gave the slick surface an odd shimmer against the light that still followed him._

_'Do you hear the beating of the heart?' he asked, even as his face was once again split and cracked._

_Yes, yes, yes! he howled. It is the beating of the hideous heart! Blackened with the ages it echoes, and it calls to me and I cannot escape! Why must you torment me so!? Kisama!_

_'It is not I who causes the thrumming of the heart in your ears.'_

_Then who!?_

_'It can be no other than you.'_

_He tried, once again, to sink to the floor, confused by the broken glass wall still spilling shards around them._

_The surface refused to yield, and still did not solidify._

_Falling into nothingness, he reached out to grasp hold of an anchor among the distressing thoughts coming down around him in torrents. No, he screamed, no, don't leave me! Tears slid down his cheeks and he sobbed out choked words. Not…not again, don't…_

_The glass spiraled slowly beside him, its shards moving around him, each one reflecting another image of the black and white-haired man._

_'Hear the beating of the hideous heart…'_

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The wind whipped Kurama's hair as the quartet ran, hell-bent, across a field. Brushing crimson strands into his face, Kurama tried to blink them away, only getting them uncomfortably entangled in his eyes. Reaching up to brush them away, he lost a fraction of speed and, once he had regained his vision properly, had to kick up his speed to nearly faster than he could manage to catch up.

Panting, he took his place beside Hiei as they continued on. The entire field was only another twenty or so meters across; he would survive.

Sure enough, minutes later, they had stopped at the edge of another forest. Kuwabara slumped to the ground, breathing heavy, and Kurama found that, despite his little burst of over-speeding, he didn't need to do the same.

"This is where the nearest sighting of youkai was last made," Yuusuke reminded they who did not need reminding. Hiei offered him a dry gaze, quirking an eyebrow.

"Makoto and Kira said the youkai who enslaved them would be in a cave-like location," Kurama noted. "Underground, probably. Here is as good a place as any; I feel traces of—"

"—powerful youki," Hiei interrupted. Kurama, looking slightly taken aback, nodded.

"High B- and low A-class."

Kuwabara knelt and pressed his cheek to the ground. "How can you tell? I can't sense a thing…"

Hiei scoffed. "No surprise there," he muttered, just loud enough for Kuwabara to hear if he strained a bit.

"_Oi…_"

Kurama smiled. _'That's more like it…'_

"Well, who wants to take the shot this time?" Yuusuke asked good-naturedly. "Wouldn't want to be wasting all my reiki on such petty little things, now, would I?"

Hiei laughed, a short, harsh bark, and stepped forward, fist encased in flames.

"Jaou Ensatsu Rengokushou!"

The ground might as well have faded from their view, disappearing so quickly. Chunks of dirt and stones flew out of the newly burned hole, debris hitting them at random angles. Each instinctively raised their arms to shield their heads.

Hiei's voice rang out, short and terse, through the commotion.

"About a kilometer and one quarter," he observed, a smirk evident in his voice. Yuusuke's half-hearted glare was evident when the dust settled.

"Let's go."

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Having made a similar one only a fraction of an hour before, the climb was short and relatively easy. Less time was wasted throwing stones and dirt clods, and they caught each other who fell. Yuusuke jumped to the ground first, landing with a soft "thump," and the others followed not far behind.

Equally ratty-looking youkai greeted them, one not even clothed at all. Carcasses littered the floor and pools of blood were rather liberal.

"What do _you_ want?" one youkai, a low B-class and the apparent head of this group, asked tiredly. "Come to taunt us? Beat us? Rape us? Well, have your way. We won't stop you."

Kuwabara stepped forward, one hand outstretched. "No, we aren't here to do anything like that," he said, trying to sound warm. "We just have some questions." When the youkai didn't take his offered handshake, Kuwabara floundered. "Eeto, that is—if you'll have us, I mean."

Another creature stepped forward with a heavy sigh. "No, no, what is it?"

Surprised at such ready helpfulness, based on Kira's and Makoto's reactions, Kuwabara paused and Hiei stepped forward.

"Who are the youkai who abuse you?" he asked with an air of comfort and supportiveness that surprised Kurama.

"Dunno," said a third youkai, shaking his head. "The most they ever say is 'dance, yaro, dance,' or 'say it, bitch, say I'm making you come.'"

Kurama bit his lip, hissing out a soft "How vulgar…" and Kuwabara clamped his eyes shut as Yuusuke shook his head. Hiei was the only one managing to look entirely passive.

"Do they visit you with any regularity?"

The first youkai shook his head.

"You know _nothing _about them?"

Hiei's gaze was penetrating, yet unimposing. Yuusuke titled his head, wondering how Hiei managed such a thing and if he would teach him.

"Eeto…" began a fourth, a nearly-nude girl child, looking pointedly to the wall. Kurama went and knelt beside where she sat, tentatively laying a hand on her knee.

"Do you know something?" he asked softly. "Because anything—and I do mean anything—you can tell us will be a great help."

"They…told me they… One of them said his name was…eeto… When he…ano…"

Yuusuke and Kuwabara took over speaking with the first three youkai as Hiei went over to help Kurama. The girl's eyes were half-lidded and she rocked slightly back and forth on the stone platform where she sat, kicking her legs out rhythmically.

Kurama waited for her to finish, and Hiei and he looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes. They had both come to the same conclusion, and knew how delicately the situation would need to be pressed. She was, after all, a very young girl.

"H-he said, when…ah, ano…when…"

Hiei's nerves were being worn quickly, Kurama could tell. The girl's stuttering was beginning to bother him, as well, not that he let on.

Though they each knew to what she referred, Kurama decided to press on as though he did not.

"Was it a violent situation?" he asked in an "I'm a psychologist, I'm your friend, I'm going to help you" sort of way.

She shook her head, and her nerve visibly shrank as she quailed slightly. Better get this over quickly.

"A sexual one?"

A soft whimper escaped her throat, and she nodded, curling in on herself.

"I see…"

Hiei knelt between her and Kurama. "What did he ask you to scream?" he asked, so unthreatening that Kurama had to wonder just how good an actor his friend was.

"K-Kur…eeto…" She faltered, pausing.

"What's your name?" Kurama asked then. The girl peered up at him through her folded arms.

"M-Miaka…"

"Miaka. That's a pretty name," Hiei added. Kurama nodded, shooting Hiei a barely perceptive grateful look.

"Miaka, what did this horrible youkai make you shout?" Kurama asked again.

Miaka took a deep breath, presumably to calm herself to a degree of eloquence.

"Kurokyoui."

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"What did you learn?" Yuusuke asked Kurama as they climbed out of the hole. Kurama shook back his crimson locks and looked over, a hard gleam in his eyes.

"One of the youkai who has been doing these things calls himself 'Kurokyoui.' Whether that's a pseudonym or a real name, I can't be certain. We ought to talk to Koenma."

"Kuro kyoui," Yuusuke muttered. "The dark menace. Isn't that a fairy tale?"

Kuwabara scratched his head and Kurama smiled. "Eh—sure, Yuusuke."

"Call Botan," Kuwabara put in, stopping trying to remember what story the name would have come from.

Yuusuke nodded, giving Kurama a sidelong glare that was not missed. Flipping up the compact's lid, Yuusuke tapped the button Botan had directed him to at their last communication.

The screen buzzed, and Botan's face appeared. "See, now, Yuusuke, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

He adopted a dry look and blinked. "Ah, ah, demare. We need some information on someone who calls himself 'Kurokyoui.'" After a moment's pause, he smirked down at her predatorily. "And we need it _fast._ As in _soon._ As in _now._"

Panicking, Botan shuffled around, moving papers here and there and searching. For what, she couldn't be certain, as she wasn't really looking all too closely.

"Eheheh, we'll find it!" she wailed, a smile plastered on her face. "Don't you worry, we'll find it soon! Nope, no worries, it'll be here!" Dropping the compact, she rushed off and the screen fuzzed again. They could hear her screaming "Koenma!" as she ran.

Smirking again, Yuusuke tucked the compact into his shirt pocket. "That oughta get us an answer."

Kurama smiled wearily.

"Sou ka."

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Kisama: bastard

Youkai: demon

Youki: demon energy

Reiki: spirit energy

Eeto: er…

Jaou Ensatsu Rengokushou: Evil King Blaze Killing Inferno (dubbed: Fist of the Mortal Flame)

Yaro: bastard

Ano: uh…

Demare: shut up

Sou ka: right

Note: about Kuwabara being…"smart." Remember, it's six years after the end of the series, he's been going to high school, there have been no big, evil youkai ranging around trying to take over the planet, and he's focused on his studies. He's not the smartest of them, by any long shot (::ahem:: Kurama), but he's not an idiot. Also remember, if you've only seen English!Kuwabara, you don't have a whole lot to go on. He's a better person (smarter, more trustworthy/devoted, et cetera) in the Japanese version. I.e., remember the line, "A mulberry's a tree and Kuwabara's a man"? It was originally: "Just as a cherry blossom is a flower among flowers, Kuwabara is a man among men." He's more eloquent than the English dub gives him credit for.

Note: "It is the beating of the hideous heart!" as you may know, was a line stolen from the confession scene of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Telltale Heart." Just so no one calls me on that.

Note: Kurokyoui literally means black threat. As far as I know, it _doesn't_ come from a fairy tale, but fairy tales always have villains, so it sort of makes sense that Yuusuke might think that. Eh…sort of.


	9. You Know it is

**Disclaimer: one, two, three…four… All you people who say there aren't enough hours in the day, you can have some of mine.**

**Okay, shadow priestess, this is the deal with the last chapter: no, I didn't know it was "damare." Yes, Kurama was being semi-sarcastic at the end (remember, he "smiled wearily") which is why it said "sou ka" instead of "sou da." Thanks for mentioning that, though.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Eight: You Know it is_

_Clenching his eyes shut, he pressed his hands down over his ears and curled in on himself, a small fraction of man floating on nothing and letting tears flow freely from his eyes. Shards of glass swirled around him, a cyclone of glittering silver, each reflecting a picture of the man he had tried so hard to forget._

_The horrible throbbing sound pulsed in his ears…_

_Make it go away…_

_The man in the glass laughed._

_'Serves you right,' he seemed to repeat, a mantra, over and over, 'It's all your fault,' and once again, 'No one to blame but yourself,' and then it changed, 'You receive only as much as you give out.'_

_But I gave you so much! he wailed, I gave and never asked in return! Why must this fate befall me of all people!?_

_'You asked only everything in return,' the man in the glass screamed in a quiet voice._

_I did not!_

_Flecks of sand and scraps of limestone dusted the air around him, snagging in his hair and turning it a dusty whitish brown. He ignored it, even as the specks clogged in his ears and snuck into his eyes._

_I didn't, I didn't…_

_'Haughty bastard, always wanting more, more.'_

_It isn't true, it isn't…_

_'It is and you know it!'_

_Accusation, blame, allegation… It isn't true, all of it…none of it… It…isn't…_

_'Oh, but you know it is!'_

_The roles reversed, he himself was now quiet and saddened, the man in the glass raging and furious. Splits and cracks were formed startlingly quickly, and most of the panels had shattered._

_Dust littered his hair._

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They wandered aimlessly about the fields. Hiei paused once in awhile to shine dust off of his katana and Kurama planted a pretty little flower he had harvested from a dying bud, and Yuusuke sparred with Kuwabara in the background. Their grunts and shouts must have been evident from kilometers away, Kurama thought, but he wouldn't be one to disrupt them.

"Just like old times, eh, Hiei?" he asked genially on one pass by his friend. Hiei looked up, a fleeting tint of confusion in his eye.

"Old times, you say?" Hiei retorted. "That's a good thing, do you suppose? I guess you must."

Smiling, Kurama laid a hand on Hiei's shoulder and pushed the surprised youkai to the ground. Instinctively outstretching his blade, Hiei narrowly missed the longer locks of Kurama's hair and his lower back, stopping the weapon just short. The kitsune arched his spine just before Hiei stopped his reflex.

"Slow reaction time, isn't it?" Kurama laughed, rubbing the back of his head, abashed. Hiei snorted.

"That kind of sloppiness will get you killed in Makai, you know."

Kurama lay back in the grass, arms folded behind his neck. His eyelids drooped closed, a bare sliver of emerald still visible as he looked up at the single thin, white cloud skirting across the sky. Hiei looked over at him for a moment before lying on his back, as well.

"So you really think it will come to that?"

Hiei tilted his head, though on the grass, it wasn't exactly noticeable. "Come to…?" he baited.

The redhead turned to watch Hiei's reaction. "Going back to Makai. You think it will go that far."

A soft sigh escaped the youkai, and he, too, closed his eyes. Formulating a response, he leaned his head away from his friend.

"I believe it will." He coughed a small laugh. "Though it is a bit early to tell, isn't it?"

"Not necessarily," Kurama replied, entirely business-like. "You might be surprised how many clues are overlooked because they are found 'too early.' Why, when I was spending all my time as Youko—"

"Mm-hmm," Hiei interrupted. Kurama fell silent, wisely not pressing the matter.

A stray Rei Gan nearly hit Hiei in the arm, but for his rolling away at the last moment. Kurama chuckled.

"And _you_ are telling _me_ about reaction time."

"All for show," the apparition yawned, nestling his head into the grass. Kurama chuckled.

"Heads up!"

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Yuusuke flipped open the compact lid for what must have been the tenth time that hour. Clicking the side button, he, for the tenth time that hour, threw the compact across the field when no image popped up, yelling at Botan, who couldn't hear him, to hurry her sorry ass up if she wanted a world left for them to save. Exaggeration seemed Yuusuke's new game, but no one felt like correcting him. The afternoon had turned lazy, and they were perfectly fine with that.

"You get it," Yuusuke mumbled, shoving Kuwabara with his heel. "I got it last time."

Kuwabara glared over his shoulder. "You're the one who threw the fuckin' thing," he mumbled back. "You get it."

"It's your compact."

"Nice try, Urameshi," Kuwabara droned, "but Botan didn't _give_ me a new compact."

"…Sure she did."

The compact dropped into Yuusuke's lap, and he looked up, face wrinkled in confusion. Hiei, oddly enough, towered over him, one hand still outstretched as if he had just dropped something.

Something like a compact.

"Ahou," he muttered.

"Should we just go?" Kurama asked. "Seems as though we'll drive each other crazy staying here."

Yuusuke rolled over onto his stomach to shoot Kurama a skeptical gaze. "Yeah? Go where? We have no instructions, no leads, no clues, no nothing. We've got a name that probably isn't even real, that's all."

"Yes, Kurokyoui. Such a name is popular among the hybrid youkai."

"Whoa, whoa," Kuwabara said suddenly, rolling over to look at Kurama, as well. "You know something about the name? Why didn't you say something before?"

"Ano…I didn't think it important?" Kurama tried weakly. Hiei, back to his place seated beside the kitsune, glared at him.

"…Right."

Kuwabara waved a hand impatiently. "_Anyway,_ Kurama, what do you mean, 'hybrid'?"

Glad for a distraction from the surely impending reprimand, Kurama placed his hand under his chin in a thoughtful pose. "Much as it sounds. A hybrid youkai is one who carries genes of more than one breed; for instance, Hiei, a fire and ice youkai, is a hybrid. So, playing the odds, a youkai calling himself 'Kurokyoui' is a hybrid of a sort." Shrugging, he continued. "'Kurokyoui' may very well be his real name; given to him by himself, his parents, or whoever raised him. Many hybrid youkai find it appealing in its threatening meanings, and, as you probably know by now, youkai like to sound intimidating, especially to make up for weakness."

"Though, from the sounds of it," Hiei added, "this 'Kurokyoui' character isn't weak at all. He managed to capture, intimidate, threaten, beat, and rape a number of youkai ranging from classes E all the way up to low B, maybe beyond that, we don't know."

"Though I doubt he's by himself," Yuusuke said slowly. "When we were at that last cave, I definitely sensed traces of at least two different youki signals at about class A."

"That _would_ help him a lot, wouldn't it?" Kuwabara noted. Yuusuke nodded.

"Who's up for a melee?"

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"No, no, Kuwabara," Kurama reprimanded harshly. "Your reaction time—" Hiei snickered at the irony "—is much too slow. And I'm not even fighting particularly skillfully. Try again, and this time, listen to your senses before your head."

Hiei watched thoughtfully. Kurama telling someone to listen to his instinct before his brain was quite a change, and he wondered if the kitsune had learned something over the last six years that he had missed. Or perhaps he was simply telling Kuwabara what was best for Kuwabara. In either case, the dance Kurama put on was beautiful to watch (ano…from a fighter's point of view, of course) and he enjoyed it.

"Okay," Kuwabara said, setting his stance firmly. "I'm ready."

Kurama only shook his head. "No, you aren't. Your feet are much too steadfastly planted. You wouldn't be able to move quickly if your opponent were to attack suddenly."

"Eeto…"

The ningen tried bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other, loosening himself up. "Ano…ready."

Kurama shook his head. "Good enough. Let's go."

Retrieving a seed from his hair and snapping out his Rose Whip in one fluid motion, Kurama leapt into the air, the long vine obediently curled about him. He disappeared into the trees overhead, and Kuwabara held his sword out in a defensive posture, waiting for his opponent to reappear.

Hiei's ears naturally perked at the sounds rushing around him, in a large circle over his head. The tree's crowns rustled almost imperceptibly, and Kuwabara picked up on just over half the obvious giveaways. The youkai smirked. That was Kurama for you.

A clear-cut attack came in the form of the Rose Whip lashing out from directly in front of Kuwabara, arching around to hit him from the side. Nearly panicking, Kuwabara frantically thrust his Reiken to the side, blocking the attack. Bringing it up and over his head in a wide arc, Kuwabara threw off the target of the Rose Whip and sent it flying over his shoulder. Running forward, he pulled back the blade in an attempt to pierce Kurama in the chest.

The kitsune held out his hand and forced a sheen of power into it, stopping the blade with his palm.

"Good. Now we'll repeat this exercise fifty times; each time you miss me will be another two. I'll be coming at you from different angles, and it will be more difficult to keep track of me each time."

Sweating out of nervousness, Kuwabara nodded.

"Here we go."

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Yuusuke, meanwhile, was re-adjusting to his Rei Gan, after not having used it for three long years. Dusty as it may have been, he hadn't lost the knack entirely, and the trees surrounding him were in worse shape than they probably had ever been.

Tired, sweaty, and sore, Yuusuke pushed on for hours.

"Rei…Gan!"

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"Your lack of skill in battle is matched only by your utter incompetence," Hiei noted derisively. "You have no grace with the sword and your ki is low, not to mention your inability to complete a simple attack-defend combination. We'll try this again until you can complete it fifty times—_correctly_—in succession."

Undeterred by the scathing review of his performance, Kuwabara nodded, setting his sword before him. Hiei smirked.

"Ready? Go."

"Eh—no, I'm not, I—!"

"Ha!"

Hiei rushed in, the blade of his katana extended as he jabbed at Kuwabara. "Ha! Ha! You're going to have to do better than _that!_ Ha!"

"Eeto—ya!" Kuwabara swung down at Hiei, narrowly missing his head as the youkai ducked and came up for another shot.

The two froze then, Hiei with the edge of his blade a mere centimeter from Kuwabara's face, Kuwabara holding his sword just barely off of Hiei's chest. Hiei slipped through Kuwabara's arms and brushed his cloak off.

"Decent," he allowed, "but a double loss is no one's win. Again."

"HA!"

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Youkai: demon

Rei Gan: spirit gun

Ano: uh…

Ahou: fool

Youki: demon energy

Ningen: human

Eeto: er…

Reiken: spirit sword

Note: to the best of my knowledge, YYH never mentions "hybrids," or anything like them. Hiei is not canon hybrid because canon hybrids don't exist. I just made it up because…I felt like it. Makes things easier (actually, it probably makes them more complex, but it's more interesting this way).

Note: anything written in parenthesis is _not_ an author note. I don't insert author notes into the text. I.e., (ano…from a fighter's point of view, of course) is something Hiei was reasoning.


	10. As They Were

**Disclaimer: I like writing fiction, don't you?**

_Balance_

_Chapter Nine: As They Were_

_He was lowered slowly through the darkness, curled in a little ball, wishing for pain that he knew would never come. Wishing for pain to feel something, anything in this world of senseless falling. He cried out to the man in the glass as he did._

_Why do you hate me so…?_

_'It is you who hates me.'_

_I do not…_

_The man in the glass stood before him, no longer part of the glass wall, but now of the seamless sky of darkness. Vainly he examined his nails._

_'Is it so?'_

_It is! he wailed. I swear it so! I wish to become as I was! I wish to live in the past!_

_The man in the sky lowered his hand slowly, stopping his preening. His eyes glittered. Malicious._

_'You wish to become part of the past?' The question held no questioning tone, and was more a commanding doubt. He nodded, fearful._

_I do, he whispered. I wish for my friends to be my friends once again, as they were. I wish my heart to be my heart again, as it was whole. I wish my life to be wonderful again, as it was. I wish my love to be again, as it lived._

_'I can allow this.'_

_Allow nothing, you liar, he replied. Spitting through his fangs, he gritted his teeth and growled._

_'You wish to become part of the past?' he asked again. There was no wonder, no doubt this time._

_I do, and I do not._

_'Why is this so?'_

_For I know nothing can return the future to the way the past was, he answered. I want no hollow shell of the friends I once had, the heart which once beat, the life I once knew. I wish for no love to pretend for me._

_'Do you desire to be free?'_

_I cannot…_

_'Cannot desire or cannot be?'_

_Tears did not remain in his eyes, but instead they grew cold and dark._

_Gold ceased to exist._

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"Again!"

Kurama smiled. Hiei was driving Kuwabara with an iron fist, completely hard-nosed and leaving no room for error. Kuwabara grumbled again, something along the lines of "Aw, shimatta…shijuuku! That far, and I went and screwed it up…"

Setting into the stance without hesitation, however, Kuwabara readied his Reiken and grit his teeth. Fool if he though he could now predict all of Hiei's moves; Kurama knew Hiei had hundreds, maybe even thousands more attack patterns than Kuwabara had seen. He was determined, though, if his expression was any giveaway.

"Come at me."

Hiei smirked. "With pleasure." A thin "fwip" of air, and he had disappeared.

Kuwabara, whose senses appeared to have improved since that morning, closed his eyes slowly. Kurama saw them dart around beneath their lids, indicating at least a subconscious tracking. From what he could tell, Kuwabara was following Hiei nearly exactly.

His lips mouthed the words "Right there" just as Hiei leapt out from the branches, and Kurama made a pleased "Hm" noise. Deterring as it was for him to have tripped up at forty-nine, he was improving, and maybe another fifty rounds would be a good thing for him.

"HAA!"

Hiei was right on top of him, hovering in the air with his katana posed to strike. Kuwabara had flung his Reiken up with improved reflexes, successfully blocking the swing. Hiei neatly leapt to the ground, smiling as if he had expected everything which had come to him.

He nodded, sheathing his blade. "Better." Kurama snickered under his breath, earning him a disapproving glare.

"Motto shijuukuji! And you'll be able to hold your own in a _real_ battle," he seemed to add as an afterthought. "Let's go."

"Aren't you even going to take out your sword?" Kuwabara asked warily. Hiei laughed.

"Fire is man's best friend," he replied slyly, slinking away into the trees. Kuwabara squeaked slightly, but held his sword up protectively and closed his eyes.

Kurama kept perfect track of Hiei, following his slow motions (quicker than he had been using in the earlier day, of course). After a long minute, a streak of fire jetted out from the trees, still not revealing Hiei's location (for he moved just after it was launched). Kuwabara batted the stream away, burning down a poor, unfortunate tree. Kurama frowned.

"That wasn't necessary, Hiei!" he shouted. A low snicker echoed back to him, as if to say "No, but it was fun."

Another shot of liquid flames approached then, from an entirely different direction, and Kuwabara blocked it, as well. Many minutes and many fire streams later, Hiei reappeared, grinning in that sinister way of his.

"Zutto juusan," he noted approvingly. "Not bad. More swordsmanship, now."

He drew the silver length from its battered scabbard and held it up to glitter in the thin film of sunlight shining down through the trees. Tilting it, he made sure it nailed Kuwabara right in the eye.

As Kuwabara squinted, he missed Hiei disappearing into the foliage. A soft laugh followed the vanishing act, but Hiei gave no more clues to his whereabouts than that.

The battle raged on for hours, attacks becoming longer and more streamlined, Kuwabara becoming more aware, Hiei pressing him further. Kurama watched it all in silent awe.

_'I wonder…'_

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"Oi, minna," Yuusuke piped in randomly. Kurama, who had been about to complete a complex spinning move in midair, landed gracefully instead, looking over his shoulder at the hanyou. Kuwabara tore his eyes from his target—that is, Kurama, who had stopped moving anyway—and Hiei looked up from where he was examining and sharpening his sword. Yes, again.

"Hai, Yuusuke?" Kurama asked, turning to fully face him.

"Ah, we should get going." He flipped a compact out of his pocket, shining it a little with his thumb. "To see if Reikai knows anything else. If we can get a new lead, I mean. This is a whole lot of nothing, after all; training is helpful, sure, but we've been out here for hours and I'm exhausted. Even if we _do_ know something new, I'll need a day or so to reboot my system."

"Sou ka," Hiei said scornfully, re-sheathing the slick silver. Yuusuke snorted.

"Hai, sou da," he replied with an equally disdainful huff. "Oi, do _you_ wanna be the one to call Botan?"

Hiei looked up instantly, his eyes slit and furious. "I can't believe you—you even dared to _ask._"

Kurama chuckled, and Yuusuke smirked. "What, you got a crush on her or somethin'? 'Cause you're sure acting like it."

The youkai flew into a subtle rage, standing rigidly and glaring at Yuusuke head on. "The very fact that you would even _hint_ at some sort—some _emotion_ I might feel for that—that absolute _airhead_ of a ferry girl—I can't believe you would even _try_ something so foolish as that!"

Yuusuke waved his hands defensively before himself. "Whoa, whoa there, mouko, I was just kidding."

Snarling once more for good measure, Hiei threw himself back to the ground, sitting with his arms folded protectively across his chest. Kuwabara recoiled, and Kurama tilted his head in silent wonder.

"Let's call Reikai," Kuwabara put in, slightly more warily this time, "and we'll see if they have some new information. If they do, we can get on it tomorrow. If not, we can…well, I don't know what we can do, but we'll think of something. Maybe take a day off."

Yuusuke nodded gleefully. "Hope so, ne?"

"Sure do."

Kurama smiled at them both. "Tomorrow is Tuesday, so I'll be able to get to school," he said, putting his hand in his pants pocket. Yuusuke snorted.

"You and your school, Kurama. I swear, you'd _live_ there if we let you."

"I would not!"

"You totally would and you know it!" the former Tantei retorted, and Kurama crossed his eyes indignantly. Yuusuke laughed.

"How about Hiei stays at Kurama's?" Kuwabara suggested, surprisingly. Both Kurama and Hiei looked up, startled, but Yuusuke only stood beside his friend and nodded.

"Good idea. Kurama," Yuusuke turned to address the kitsune, "you can make sure he doesn't bail on us, or something."

"Ohhh…" Kurama winked. "Sou da." Hiei only snuffled, glaring at the dirt below him.

"Let's call Botan," Kuwabara interrupted. "Yuusuke, you do it."

"Na—demo—eh… You guys are evil," the hanyou muttered, opening his compact. Kurama nodded.

"Botan here, and I—oh! Yuusuke! I—eeto…" she floundered, rubbing the back of her head. "I suppose you want some new information, ne?"

He glared at her. "Yeah, that'd be nice. You _don't_ have any, _do_ you?"

"Eheheh, eh…iie…"

Turning away from the mirror, Yuusuke flipped the top back down, much to Botan's chagrin (as evidenced by her squeals of protest at being hung up on). "Nothing," he said disconsolately. "So…see you guys tomorrow, then?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Aa."

"Ja ne."

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Kurama stretched languidly as he and his companion walked down the street to his home. More accurately, Kurama walked down the street and Hiei skipped through the trees, but the effect was similar.

"Why can't you come down here and join me?" the kitsune asked, looking into the crowns of the trees as he passed by them. Flickers of black sparked periodically through the thinning leaves, not often enough for Kurama to pinpoint the location without using tracking skills, and he was really too tired for that. "I don't…eeto, maybe I _do_ bite, but…you get the idea, ne?"

Hiei landed beside his friend in one fluid motion, appearing out of nowhere. "Ch, aa."

Kurama smiled. "So you'll be sleeping on the floor, I suppose. Or would you prefer my bed? I could sleep on the floor instead of you."

Hiei balked for a moment. "Kitsune, I'll be sleeping in a tree and you know it."

"Ah, ah, ah, Hiei," Kurama taunted, waving a finger teasingly back and forth. "Yuusuke told me to make sure you didn't leave us all before tomorrow, and how can I do that if I can't keep and eye on you? And how can I do _that_ if you aren't even in my house?"

Hiei cocked his head thoughtfully. Kurama had a point, but he would much prefer to sleep outdoors than cooped up in a small room. A compromise, maybe…?

"Can we make a deal?" he asked shortly. Kurama smiled ahead.

"Such as?"

"Ano…"

Hiei had not expected this. He reflexively clenched and unclenched his fists, straining for some sort of idea.

"Eeto…"

…Nothing.

Kurama smiled, self-satisfied, as he pranced on ahead.

"Which would you prefer, my dear friend Hiei?" he asked laughingly, spinning around to face the youkai. Hiei grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"The floor is _fine,_ kitsune," Hiei snapped. Kurama's smile widened.

"As you wish."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shimatta: dammit

Shijuuku: forty-nine

Reiken: Spirit Sword

Motto shijuukuji: forty-nine times more

Zutto juusan: thirteen consecutively

Oi: hey

Minna: everyone

Hanyou: half demon

Hai: yes

Reikai: Spirit World

Sou ka: is that right?

Sou da: right

Mouko: fierce tiger

Kitsune: fox

Ne: don't you think?

Na: Wha—?

Demo: but

Eeto: errr…

Iie: no

Aa: yeah

Ano: uh…

Note: ahhh, this was such a filler chapter! ::erk:: Sorry! Anyway, yes, the plot will move on in the next chapter, and if they don't meet up with more demons (which I doubt they will), they will at least track them, and it will be all mysterious and fun like that. Eh…let's pretend the lack of plot was made up for by the excessive amount of Japanese. Yeah, that works.

Note: NO, dear INARI, no!! Hiei does _not_ have crush on Botan! FILLER, people, this chapter is full of amusing FILLER.


	11. Be it False or Not

**Disclaimer: GAAH!! I'm haunted at night by dreams of bad writers commanding armies of Mary-Sues…**

_Balance_

_Chapter Ten: Be it False or Not_

_'Happiness is happiness, be it false or not,' the man demanded. 'You desire to be happy and I can give you the joyous life you once knew. Take it.'_

_Happiness gained truthfully, through struggle and hardship, is the only true happiness, he replied bitterly. False happiness gained through false premise will only bring more pain. The haunting knowledge, the reminder that I cheated, it will always remain in the back of my mind and the happiness cannot be true happiness. I want none of that._

_'You know nothing of which you speak.'_

_I think I do._

_'I will show you the life you could be leading, and then you will see how wrong you are!'_

_The dark sky, the vast nothingness changed, quivered, faded into a real world. Real feelings, real smells, real objects, real sights, real sounds. He reached out wonderingly to touch them._

_'Oi!' called a voice. A voice he knew, knew it all too well…_

_The brunette he had seen killing the muscular man…the brunette was running towards him, waving his arms._

_'Oi!' the man called. 'What's up?'_

_I…I don't know, he replied. You are…real?_

_The man laughed. ''Course I am, what kinda question is that?'_

_A foolish one, it seems…_

_He turned around and called to the man behind them both. The tall orange haired man who had revived the young boy. The man ran over to him, and he, he frowned at the realness of it all…_

_Where is Hiei?_

_The black haired man adopted a peculiar expression and cocked his head._

_'Who…?'_

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"You have no idea what it's like to sleep on a bed, do you?" Kurama asked, sill laughing as he unlocked his apartment door.

"I do," Hiei replied shortly. "I've slept on beds at Mukuro's."

"Hm, well…I've decided."

Hiei looked up at him shrewdly. "Decided what?" he asked, his tone wary.

"You are my guest," Kurama finished, "and you will sleep on my bed. I'll take the floor."

Kicking off his boots at the mat laid out for such things, the youkai tripped over his own feet as he stopped short and leaned over to look at the kitsune.

"_What?_"

Kurama's smile widened yet again. "You. Are. My. Guest. I'll take the floor."

Sputtering wordlessly, Hiei tried to form a coherent protest—he was so used to sleeping on hard surfaces, beds would remind him that he should be in Makai working for Mukuro, it would be awkward, he would feel guilty making Kurama sleep on the floor—but the redhead would hear none of it.

"Come now, it's nearly twenty-four hours, anyway. Just get into bed and we can argue some more in the morning."

"Hn."

Kurama fished around in his closet and entered the bathroom, coming out a moment later in green silk pajamas and with a toothbrush in his mouth. Hiei tilted his head curiously.

Startled, Kurama clamped his eyes shut in a way that rung of embarrassment, turned around and spit into the sink, and came back out, wiping his mouth with a towel.

"Sorry, Hiei…"

Muttering something that sounded like "S'okay," Hiei pulled off his cloak and tossed it to the floor, where it landed in a basket of Kurama's dirty laundry. Kurama jokingly applauded and Hiei, ignoring him completely, lay his katana down beside the bed.

"Do you want some pajamas, or other clothes to sleep in?" the redhead asked as Hiei pulled down the covers.

"Nani?" Hiei looked up. "Iie, iie, I'm fine."

"Would you like me to wash your cloak with my laundry?" Kurama went over and picked up the basket. "It'll be done by tomorrow morning."

Hiei burrowed under the covers and poked his head out. The bed truly was quite comfortable. "What're you, a maid service?" he asked derisively, making his friend blush.

"Iie…I just wanted to help…"

The youkai snuggled under the covers again, hiding his face and blocking out his shame at causing Kurama such discomfort.

_'I'm not very good at apologies…'_

When Hiei emerged nearly twenty minutes later, the lights were off and Kurama was sleeping soundly in a dark red colored bag on the floor.

His cloak was lying over the back of Kurama's desk chair.

Hiei sighed.

"'Night, kitsune…"

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The next morning at exactly five o'clock, Kurama's phone rang shrilly.

"Er…" the redhead groaned, rolling over. "Hiei…you get it…"

Hiei, whose eyes had opened instantly at the sound, sat up, letting the covers drop around his waist to reveal a bare chest. Kurama blinked back confusion before realizing he must have removed his shirt over the night.

"What if it's you okaasan?"

"What if it's Yuusuke?"

Hiei huffed a sigh. "Yes, but—"

"You know, never mind," Kurama grumbled, sitting up to answer.

"Moshi moshi?" he said blearily.

Hiei heard a slightly raised voice on the other end of the line, odd when it sounded just as tired as Kurama did. Something about "get…now."

Get what now?

Meanwhile, Kurama blinked sleep from his eyes and yawned. "Sou da, Yuusuke. We'll be there in a few minutes."

The youkai was already up, his cloak flung around his shoulders and his katana back at his belt. He looked down at Kurama as he wearily shuffled out of his sleeping bag. He snickered.

"Na-ani?" Kurama asked coolly, reaching for a hairbrush. Hiei shook his head.

"Nothing."

"Mm-hmm…" Laying aside the brush, Kurama went into his closet for clothes. "No school for me today, apparently," he said as he came out holding a pair of white pants and a white tunic with gold fringe, a purple belt draped over his shoulder. "Yuusuke wants us back in the park as soon as we can get there. He says Botan contacted him again about half an hour ago."

Hiei nodded and shrugged. "Sou. What took him so long to call you?"

Buttoning his shirt, Kurama looked up and continued to motion blindly as he spoke. "I don't know, actually. You could ask him when we see him, if you want."

Shaking his head, the youkai sat back on Kurama's bed and waited as the kitsune tied the purple sash around his waist.

"Let's go."

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Yuusuke and Kuwabara were already in the field, talking, when Hiei and Kurama arrived. "Oi!" Yuusuke shouted. "Irasshai!"

"Ohayou, Yuusuke!" Kurama called back as the two pairs walked towards each other.

"So, guys," said Kuwabara conversationally, "how was your night? Hiei didn't try to run away, did he, Kurama?"

Laughing slightly, Kurama shook his head. Hiei sniffed indignantly.

"Eh…sorry?"

Waving a hand, the redhead negated the apology and smiled. "So, Yuusuke, what news do you bring us at this ridiculous hour?"

"Eheh…" Yuusuke took out his compact and flipped it open, giving Hiei and Kurama a clear view of the small screen. Botan's face appeared and she smiled at them excitedly.

"Ohayou, minna-san!" she squealed, a fully impossible action at this hour, Kurama thought. "Anyway, last night, Koenma-sama came up with a great clue that'll bust this mystery wide open!"

She shuffled through a massive mountain of papers behind her and eventually emerged with a single document. Hiei made a small, disgruntled noise, maybe translated as "Why does she keep such an important document in such a pile of meaningless crap?"

"Here it is!" she cried, waving it excitedly. "So, here we go…" Scanning the paper, she nodded to herself and lowered it slightly so as to look at the compact screen. "Kurokyoui _is_ in fact a youkai's name, but Kurama, you were right, it's quite popular among the hybrids. There are several youkai it could apply to."

"Have you highlighted a specific one?" Kurama asked. Hiei quirked an eyebrow at the impatience in his voice.

"Ano…well, no, but we do have very few choices left! For all the youkai named Kurokyoui," she said confidingly, "it's rare to find an S-class one, and there are only three on record."

Hiei snorted. "Wonderful. So we really hope this Kurokyoui creature is both using his real name _and_ on record. Forgive me if I'm not inspired by my faith in you."

"Hey, you, I've—"

Hiei hung up the compact and Kurama smiled weakly.

"We really should've asked for more information," he said to his irate companion, who only snorted again.

"_You_ call her."

"Okay, I will."

Kurama took the compact from Yuusuke and snapped it open again, tapping the side button and ringing up Botan.

"Well, I ­_never—_"

"Eh, ohayou, Botan," Kurama interrupted. She blinked curiously.

"Oh, hello, Kurama."

Sighing tiredly, Kurama nodded. "Sou da. So can you give us any more specific details than just the name Kurokyoui?"

"Eeto…"

More shuffling.

Louder shuffling.

Slightly less but still existent shuffling.

Someone sneezed in the background.

"Eh, well…the most I can give you is another location we've pinpointed a congregation of youkai," she said in a small voice. "high-B to A class, near where you are, actually. Seventy degrees north."

"Domo," Yuusuke interrupted, taking the compact back. "Anything else?"

"Ah…no…"

"Ja ne."

"Sayo—"

"So," Yuusuke said as he cut her off. "Ready? Everyone got a good night's sleep, I assume."

"Excellent," Kuwabara said, stretching. Kurama nodded. "Quite good."

"Hn."

Offering a dry gaze to the unwilling…participant, Yuusuke shook his head slowly. "Okay then, we'll go seventy degrees north."

They all stood around, looking at each other and nodding.

A few silent moments passed.

Kuwabara scratched the back of his head.

Yuusuke scuffed the ground with the tip of his sneaker.

Hiei yawned.

Kurama combed his fingers through his hair.

Yuusuke looked around at the rest of them.

"So…does anyone know how to go seventy degrees north?"

Kurama sighed, and he and Hiei took the position of leadership.

They were off.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oi: hey

Kitsune: fox

Nani: what

Iie: no

Youkai: demon

Okaasan: mother

Moshi moshi: said when answering a telephone (i.e., "Hello, I'm here, who is it?")

Sou da: right

(Na-ani: wha-at)

(Sou: right)

Irasshai: welcome

Ohayou: good morning

Minna-san: everyone

-sama: most honorable and venerable name ending, indicating a vastly superior or godlike status

Ano: uh…

Eeto: errr…

Domo: thanks

Ja ne: see you later

Sayo: beginning of "sayonara" (goodbye) (but Yuusuke cut her off before she could finish)

Note: twenty-four hours is the same as twelve o'clock midnight. It's like a combination of army time and clock time (like saying "twenty-four o'clock).

Note: I didn't invent the outfit Kurama is wearing (white pants, gold-fringed white shirt, purple belt). I think he wears it during his fight with Gama (Team Mashotsukai) during the Ankoku Bujutsukai. Though the fringe may have been blue or something, I don't remember. Eh…it's gold now. (Why's he dressing so fancy? Well, there's the possibility that they'll be visiting Koenma, and plus, Kurama always just likes to look nice. Ano…because I said so. Nyah.)


	12. It is No Longer Entertaining

**Disclaimer: ::erk:: purging self-inserts from the forums is harder than it looks…**

**shadow priestess: re: "rappelling": ::gah:: That's what I meant! Blame the pre-calc!**

_Balance_

_Chapter Eleven: It is No Longer Entertaining_

_This is no longer funny, he repeated, for he had been saying it constantly for long minutes. The black haired man only returned the blank look his eyes had been locked into._

_'I wasn't trying to be funny,' the man said, finally speaking. He raised a hand to his mouth._

_You know nothing of Hiei? he asked fearfully._

_'You and I could not be speaking of the same man,' the black haired man said with a shake of his head._

_Why is that…?_

_The man laughed sadly. 'He died a long time ago, don't you remember?'_

_I do…not…_

_The world suddenly crashed into focus and he screamed. Get me out of here, he shrieked, get me out! This is not real and it is no longer entertaining! I wish to leave!_

_The sky became glass and mirrors, an ugly jigsaw puzzle, and he shrank to the ground._

_'Are you all right?'_

_It is you who is not all right! You who is wrong! You are not real, and you live in a world of imagination! I do not belong here! Do you not see the wrongness of the sky!?_

_The man turned his eyes upwards and shook his head. 'Nothing is different from what it should be…'_

_Do you not see the gruesome mirrors!?_

_'What mirrors do you speak of?'_

_He wailed, shrunk to the ground with a sob and the grass wove around him. A web, a horrible net, tying him to this world of fantasy and make-believe, and he could not move. Tearing at the threads, pulling at his bindings, he tore few and they were replaced by more, and he was pressed flat to the dirt surface of false imaginations._

_I do not belong!!_

_Each mirror, each repulsive shard of glass, reflected the image of an eye, a blood red eye, and eye of the gods, and each blinked in time with each other. Some eyes became mouths, others ears, others noses, others delicate hands stained with the blood of false promises and non-reality._

_All screamed to him through the muddled haze._

_'You cannot perceive reality!' they called. 'You cannot know what is true because you cannot know what is not! You wish for a world of pretend, a world of the past, like so many others before you, and yet once you are given such a gift, you know not what to do with it! You receive it and you no longer want it! Selfish bastard!'_

_The mirrors and glass wedges split from the sky, and lightning cracked, and all was white._

_The man in the mirror stood before him._

_He floated on a blade of grass._

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"How d'you guys know these things?" Yuusuke asked incredulously, looking back over his shoulder and trying to discern how the two had chosen the direction of "seventy degrees north."

"How do you _not?_" Hiei retorted coolly. Yuusuke offered an even glare.

Kurama waved his hand nonchalantly. "More than a thousand years of practice, I assure you," he replied. Seemingly satisfied with this explanation, Yuusuke nodded and let the subject drop.

Kuwabara, hands stuffed in his pockets, also looked around as they walked, making a sudden connection. "Hey…this looks a lot like the mountain trail Urameshi and I had to walk down when we went to Torukanae's mansion to get Yukina-chan…"

Hiei grit his teeth, but made no other comment. Kurama watched him warily.

"It does," Yuusuke replied. "That's weird…"

"Maybe because this is the same trail," Hiei said bitterly. "Do you see the house in the distance?"

"No, I…oh yeah! There it is!"

Kuwabara nodded emphatically. "I see it! Right there!"

Kurama looked around, quickly calculating the distance from their starting point to their current location, then to the house Kuwabara and Yuusuke had mentioned. "It's there," he said. "The house is being used as a stronghold once again."

Hiei flitted into the trees and looked around.

Teeth clenched at the very sight of the mansion, Hiei had to take a few moments to calm himself and keep from charging in to burn the place to the ground. He wouldn't want to take on a hoard of mid to high B-class youkai all by himself, even if he could defeat them easily enough. He didn't _want_ to defeat them, after all; he wanted information.

_'Restraint,'_ he snapped at himself.

Leaping to the ground, he shook himself off briefly (Kurama was reminded of a dog, for reasons he later deemed ridiculous and nearly slapped himself for thinking of) and stretched. "That it is," he noted with a yawn. "A stronghold for mid to high-B class youkai."

Kurama nodded, putting a hand to his chin and taking on a particularly thoughtful pose. "Yes…I thought…"

Yuusuke watched him intently, and Kuwabara strained to get a better view of the house.

"What did you think?" the former Tantei finally pressed eagerly. Kurama looked over with a start.

"Oh, I just…I thought there would be mid to high B-class youkai."

Yuusuke titled his head. "And…there are. Right? So what's the problem?"

Shaking his head, the redhead continued. "Don't you see the pattern?" At Yuusuke's blank look, he continued. "We're being attracted by traces of A- and S-class youki, but then arrive at each location to find only low class creatures who belong in the slums of Makai. Yet each find brings us stronger youkai than the last."

Yuusuke nodded as he spoke, and Kurama looked at him hopefully. "Do you understand?"

Still nodding, he replied slowly. "_Oh…_no."

Pausing to compose himself, the kitsune closed his eyes calmly. "We're being baited, don't you see? The enemy is leading us on. They're trying to trap us."

"…Nani?"

Hiei pushed Kurama aside and glared up at Yuusuke, presumably stunned at his stupidity (or so the youkai called it) in picking up on the details of what Kurama was saying. "They want us to feel secure when there is really nothing to feel secure _about._ They want us to think we are the ones in control, that we are the ones finding their trail, when in fact, they are the ones pulling the strings. They leave obvious clues, purposefully tossing us smaller and smaller traces of youki to catch as we progress, leading us to stronger and stronger youkai to question."

"And that means…?"

Kurama took his shoulder, and Hiei took the other. Surprisingly enough, completely of their own accords, the two spoke in unison, making Yuusuke feel slightly…slow.

"They're testing us."

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The four walked on in near-silence—they had been for quite awhile now, and were nearly at the mansion's front gate. Yuusuke and Kuwabara proceeded slowly and with extreme caution, remembering the traps and guards from their first venture to the compound, but Kurama and Hiei, sensing no danger, walked on ahead. Kuwabara kept his Reiken drawn, occasionally asking them if they were sure it was all right to walk on ahead.

"Yes, Kuwabara, for the sixteenth time, I'm certain it's all right," Kurama said, his patience thinning (though he did a stellar job of keeping that fact out of his voice).

"We're almost there," Hiei said snappishly, pointedly turning his head away from the two men behind him. Kuwabara huffed.

"Well, no need to be nice about it," he muttered. Yuusuke knocked him lightly on the head.

"Lay off, man."

"Why?"

Yuusuke scoffed. "You know Hiei last came—"

Suddenly, realization set it. Kuwabara _didn't know_ Hiei was Yukina's brother. According to the ningen, the only reason Hiei would ever even have heard of this place was from their mission to rescue the girl and he had "tagged along," sort of. Come to think of it, Kuwabara didn't know why Hiei had shown up, did he? Yuusuke racked his brain, trying to come up with a reason Hiei would be uncomfortable around the old stronghold…

"—here, he…well, he was still defining his side, kinda, and he doesn't like to think about that. It was a…difficult period for him. You know, not knowing if he's a good guy or a bad guy, being all confused, that kind of crap."

Yuusuke nearly patted his own back in congratulations for such a plausible lie. Kuwabara, however, wasn't so convinced.

"I dunno…" the carrot top mused. "He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to get all hung up on the past like that."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Yuusuke ad-libbed, hoping Hiei wouldn't kill him for this.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

Kuwabara sunk into his own world to reflect on these new "facts," and Hiei turned his head to offer Yuusuke a combination of a seething glare and a thankful expression, of a sort. Yuusuke laughed awkwardly and waved to the youkai, who turned back to talk to Kurama.

"Well, here we are…" Kurama murmured, feeling around the door for some sort of lock or switch and finding none. "Do you know if there's a trick to get in?"

Yuusuke walked over and shook his head. "I don't think so. Though this is kind of weird, isn't it?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well," Yuusuke explained, "didn't one of the youkai we talked to say that their superiors would be in a cave or something? You know, something underground, well protected, well hidden…?"

Hiei nodded slowly. "Come to think of it, Makoto said they would be in a cave, or somewhere well hidden. This place is not hidden at all."

"A giant eyesore," Yuusuke said softly, nodding as well.

"Let's go in and find out," said Kuwabara bravely—or at least, trying to sound brave. To be fair, he only floundered a little bit at the beginning.

"Eh…" Kurama hesitated.

Hiei took his arm and pulled him down to eye level. "Kurama," he whispered, "we need to find this threat before it consumes us all. It's dangerous, we both know it. It's hunting for us, us four, and it won't stop until it gets what it wants. We have to take every lead we get, and this one is from—as much as I hate to say it—one of the most reliable sources available to us."

Kurama nodded. "I know," he murmured back, "but it all seems too easy. We had to find the sources, yes, but once we did, it was only a matter of blowing out the hole and climbing down. Anyone skilled in rappelling could have done the same, even accidentally. I don't…I just don't trust these people."

"Kurama," Hiei replied, still softly, "I don't trust them either, but do we have a choice, really? We—you—all of us, really, have an obligation to Makoto and Kira and Miaka. We told them all we'd stop whoever was tormenting them, and by a code of honor, we have to do it."

"I know…but—"

Hiei pressed a finger over Kurama's lips, and, startled, Kurama looked down with crossed eyes.

"No buts," he said. "I don't like it, either, but it has to be done. Just think—will you be able to live with the fact that you gave up?"

The kitsune shook his head, and Hiei removed his hand.

"Let's go."

Yet Kurama still hung back, and, waving Yuusuke and Kuwabara on through the open door, Hiei remained to talk to his friend.

"Why do you not come?"

"This is no simple mission… It is not something entertaining…"

Hiei stepped directly before Kurama and nodded. "You're right. It isn't. But…Kurama, you're stronger than that."

With a silent gasp, Kurama looked down, perplexed.

"You can do it. You can keep your promise and stop this youkai and you can do it because we'll all be here with you."

The redhead's eyes drooped and became half lidded.

"I had a dream like this once."

"You can do it."

"It didn't end like that…"

Blood red eyes sparkling with some unknown force, Hiei took Kurama's hand and tugged lightly.

"Come on. They're waiting."

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Yuusuke and Kuwabara were standing in the middle of a long hallway when Hiei and Kurama tracked them down, both with their eyes closed, trying to sense out the youki in the mansion.

Yuusuke's eyes opened slowly as they approached. "There," he said, pointing in completely the opposite direction. Kuwabara, too, opened his eyes. "Yeah."

Senses skyrocketing for a moment, Kurama found the youki they referred to and stepped forward. "Quite close."

"That door."

Yuusuke took a deep breath and poised his fist over the hardwood.

"Ready?"

A round of "Yes."

With a thump, the door crashed in.

Met with a group of eight youkai, all class high B (either the mid B-class youkai were in a different room, or not in the compound at all, Kurama surmised), Kuwabara took a small step backwards and Hiei took one forwards. Kurama stood on light feet, and Yuusuke took a haughty pose.

"Who's first?"

One of the youkai, an ugly, fluorescent orange one, seemingly composed entirely of disjointed blobs of flesh, slithered forward.

"Get out before we hurt you."

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Youkai: demon

Youki: demon energy

Makai: Hell, Demon World

Nani: what

Reiken: Spirit Sword


	13. Reality

**Disclaimer: do you know how much fun it is to write a parody of Mary-Sue fanfiction? It's a lot of fun.**

Note: Kurama gets really (as in _really_) into the whole "I don't want to be here and I'm not telling you why" in this chapter. He's a total bastard. I promise you'll find out later. Er…as soon as I decide why.

_Balance_

_Chapter Twelve: Reality_

_'Why do you cry?' the man in the mirror snapped. 'You have no right or reason to cry.'_

_He wiped at his eyes and found no water. Looking up, perplexed, he shook his head silently. The man in the mirror tossed his head and scoffed._

_'You see no tears,' the man said bluntly. 'Therefore they must not exist, and I am lying to you. Is that what you perceive?'_

_He nodded. Silent._

_'As I have told you,' the man growled, 'you cannot perceive reality.'_

_But I can see you, he insisted. That is reality, is it not?_

_The man glared down at him and his blade of grass. As he watched, the man's hair flickered, wavering atop his head, and the black turned red as the blue turned orange and the white turned blue._

_The colors became fire, and he tried to leap forward to extinguish it, but found he could not move._

_'Why do you attempt to jump at me?' the man asked harshly. 'I asked for no saving from any perceptions of yours.'_

_Your head is on fire! he insisted. I was only trying to help you!_

_'It is not. I see no fire.'_

_You cannot see your own head!_

_The man paced around him slowly, with loud, clicking steps. He shook his head as he walked, pointing out flaws to himself._

_What are you doing to me? he shouted._

_'Speak louder. I cannot hear you,' the man in the mirror scolded._

_I am screaming to you! he yelled. I cannot scream any louder!_

_The sky blinked at him and the colors flickered, only for a moment, from white to black and back to white again. He fell over on the blade of grass but found that he still could not move._

_'I cannot hear you,' the man repeated._

_Why is that!? he wailed pitifully. I am screaming as loudly as my voice will allow!_

_'Are you?' the man asked. 'I hear no screaming; only whispers.'_

_But I am screaming as loudly as I can! he wailed._

_'I perceive nothing of the sort.'_

_He screamed again, a loud, fearsome sound, echoing out into the void surrounding them. I do not enjoy this conversation! Leave me alone!_

_'You perceive I am standing before you,' the man told him, his voice rough. 'What if you were to perceive I was gone?'_

_But I do not want you gone! You have already left me once and yet you have returned! I wish to hold onto you for as long as I can!¹_

_'Perceive reality.'_

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Hiei scoffed loudly, and even Kuwabara looked confused. Surely these mid-class youkai could sense that the Tantei possessed much greater strength than they. Kurama watched them stoically and Yuusuke waved his hand in circles in his confident way.

"You, hurt us?" he laughed. "I don't think that's very likely! C'mon, you're what, mid-B class youkai? Do you even _know _how strong we are?"

Another slithered forward, this one some sort of snake-human form hybrid. She was rather pretty, but her scales and thin fangs—which were very long, and touched the floor—were more than unattractive. She hissed through her teeth, saliva dripping from them and spraying out at the Tantei.

"We are more than enough to defeat _you_," she snarled in a high-pitched voice. "We cannot even sense your puny reiki! You are no challenge to the great Shinja!"

Kuwabara laughed and Hiei looked affronted. "_Reiki_!?" he snapped, storming forward to jab his fist in her face. "You truly _are_ a pitiful creature! I would slay you right now if not for the mission!"

"And that's pretty presumptuous of you," Yuusuke added, "calling yourself Shinja. I mean, what mother in her right mind would name a kid Shinja?"

"I—"

Kurama stepped in, putting out his arms to separate Shinja and Yuusuke. Shaking his head to the former Tantei, he slit his eyes towards the snake woman and his lip curled distastefully, warning her just how tolerant he would not be.

Hiei, having stepped back as Kurama had taken his place, tilted his head slightly at his friend's suddenly icy attitude. Kurama was powerful and Youko was cold-hearted, yes, but he had never seen him so worked up over seemingly nothing. Perhaps it had something to do with Kurama's unwillingness to enter the fortress in the first place…?

"Shinja. We require assistance."

The orange blob creature slunk forward, fat rippling. "And you won't get it," he said coldly. "Not until you beat us all in a fight."

"Oh, for the love of…"

"Attou," called a thin, spindly one from the back of the cave as he stepped forward, trailing a finger down Kurama's cheek. The kitsune bit his lip and snarled through his fangs. "I call this one."

The orange blob creature nodded. "And I claim the chunky-looking creature with the orange hair."

The snake woman slithered around Hiei, who stood perfectly still and let his eyes rove over her hatefully. "Hm…" she murmured, winding herself around his body and up across his shoulders. "I have chosen this fighter."

"I claim the one with the white clothes," said another.

Yuusuke spat at the floor, but clenched his fists and took on a readied pose anyway. Kuwabara growled at being called "chunky," and Kurama remained with a snarl on his face as the pair of them took on fighting postures as well. Hiei remained still as the woman slipped off of him and he moved into a durable position as soon as she had left his side.

The orange youkai laughed, a strangely hearty sound, and clapped his fatty hands together. "The game shall be entertaining!" he cried. "They think they can defeat us!"

The others snickered and cackled in agreement, and a flicker of an understanding look passed between the four Tantei.

_'Let's go easy on them.'_

"HAJIME!" screamed a fifth youkai from behind the four B-class fighters. They lurched forward ungracefully and the Tantei leapt back a step, gaining ground and pushing off the hardwood to lunge at their opponents. When they saw the unthreatening manner the youkai approached them in—unintentionally, of course—they each paused, waiting for the next moves.

Attou oozed towards Kuwabara, holding out his obese hands and forming an orb of sickly yellowish youki between them. Smirking, the ningen summoned his Reiken and set his back leg as if he were about to hit a baseball. The orange blob creature laughed out loud, a low and unpleasant sound, still caught up in the presumption that Kuwabara was frail as a newborn kitten.² Kuwabara waved the Reiken threateningly, almost daring Attou to throw his youki.

The spindly creature fighting Kurama moved with such slender shakes that it was as though his body were made of sticks, unable to bend and arc properly but quite easily moved at the joints. He twisted his waist in a wide circle, as if demonstrating his bizarre maneuverability to scare the kitsune, who only folded his arms and sighed, bored. The creature spat frustratedly at the ground and bent his knees, springing up at Kurama.

Shinja the snake woman seemed to favor slithering over walking, though it seemed she could make use of her tail and arms in a manner that much resembled moving on two legs. Hiei snarled at her in an uncharacteristic show of hatred, and she slithered around in a show-offish way, winding around his ankles and the floor before him. Long minutes later, she opened her mouth to reveal it dripping with saliva, and spit sheets of acid at him.

The creature attacking Yuusuke was an altogether unimpressive-looking female, blue skinned and fitted with wide, leathery wings which seemed to do no more than throw her off balance as she moved. Cackling, she bared her long, narrow nails, more like brittle claws than cosmetic things, and clawed at the air before him. He smirked at the threat and she dove at him, streamlining the leathery wings against her back for quicker movement.

What happened next was all very quick and blurred to the four remaining bystanders: Kuwabara slammed the ball of yellow youki back at its caster, hitting Attou squarely in the chest and sending him keeled over into a mess of skin and fat on the floor. Kurama grabbed the stick-creature he was fighting out of the air and snapped his legs so as to keep him from walking or really moving at all. Hiei flung back Shinja's acid spray with a shockwave and stomped on her middle, flattening it and ripping it nearly in two so as to keep her from moving for lack of stability and loss of blood. Yuusuke sidestepped the attack and caught the youkai's useless wings, pinning one through the other and throwing her against the wall, half unconscious.

Completely undeterred by the cruelty and utter carelessness they had just shown their enemies, the Tantei each stood firmly wherever they were and smirked at the eight youkai, who cowered and shrank against the walls and furniture of the room where they knelt.

"Will you give us information now?" Kurama asked icily. Attou hauled himself off the ground and congealed back into a formless mass of fat, his eyes frightened and wide. He nodded, waving his hands before him.

"What do you wish to know?"

"Who—" Hiei began, but Kurama once again stepped forward, tossing his arm back in an offing sort of way. Hiei's eyes widened again and he relented instantly.

"Who is your master?" Kurama snapped, his voice eerily quiet. Attou fumbled with his words, and Kurama slapped him.

"I asked you who!" he shouted.

"A-a youkai of some sort, who calls himself Kurokyoui," Attou whimpered. "He and his friends come down here every couple of weeks and beat us senseless. We used to be a band of ten before two of our members died of the torment."

"And this youkai you refer to," Kurama spat indignantly, clearly holding no regard for the creature he questioned. "What else do you know of him?"

"I-I know only w-what he looks like in the s-s-shadows of this room," Attou said, trying to force strength into his voice and failing miserably.

Kurama waited impatiently and Attou slowly picked up on the hint that he should speak before Kurama slapped him again.

"I cannot see him w-well, for the d-darkness—"

Too late.

A red mark appeared on what would be Attou's cheek, and Kurama glared at him wickedly. "Mince your words, imbecile!"

"His hair is black, o-or maybe dark blue, I cannot tell," Attou said in a rush, not daring to hold his wound. "He wears black and white clothing, and a red ribbon wound around his arm."

"Weaponry!" Kurama snarled, more a demand than a question.

"N-nothing much. A wire whip sometimes, but he uses it for nothing but t-to beat us."

His expression shifting fluidly to bitter resentment, Kurama stepped away and waved his hand at Attou with a soft mutter to himself. "Bastard…"

With his back to the youkai, Kurama folded his arms and glared at the wall before him. "Your usefulness has been outlived. You may go."

"A-arigatou," Shinja whispered as the eight of them left the room quickly.

Hiei stalked up to Kurama and did the best he could to shove his face into Kurama's.

"What the hell is going on?"

The kitsune turned away, brushing his friend off and beginning to walk to the door.

"We should get going," he said airily. Yuusuke shrunk back a step as Kurama neared.

The youkai grabbed Kurama's shoulder and threw him to the floor, towering over him.

"No," Hiei snapped. "We are not leaving until you tell me why the hell you got so furious with Attou."

"Furious?" Kurama asked. "No, no, my friend, not furious. Just…seeking information."

Standing, Kurama casually brushed off his tunic and walked towards the door.

"Bullshit!" Hiei shouted across the room. Kuwabara and Yuusuke wisely shrunk into the wall.

Kurama turned around, a slightly bitter look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hiei, I don't know what you're talking about."

And with that, he smoothly opened the door and left, expecting the others to follow.

Hiei seethed.

"You…okay?"

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¹At this point, I would advise you to read my (originally) unrelated fic, "Carry On." It's not necessary, but some of the last few paragraphs relate to what's being talked about here.

²Forgive the pun, but I had to throw it in there. Sorry…

Youkai: demon

Reiki: human energy

Shinja: sacred snake

Attou: overpower, overwhelming

Hajime: begin

Youki: demon energy

Ningen: human

Reiken: spirit sword

Kitsune: fox

Note: "'I claim the one with the white clothes,' said another." Yuusuke wears white clothing during the Makai no hen (Makai Tournament saga). They look just like his yellow ones (from the Ankoku Bujutsukai saga), except white with a greenish belt. That's what's being referred to here.


	14. Do You Pity Me?

**Disclaimer: I wonder how many people actually read these things. (Ooh, this time around there's a _song_ I don't own, too! "Into the West" by Annie Lennox.)**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirteen: Do You Pity Me?_

_What reality do you speak of? he whined, pitiful and shrunk down. The man in the mirror smirked and a short laugh escaped him._

_'I speak, of course, of the reality which you do not see. You asked for me to be gone, did you not? Only a short time ago, you wished me and the illusions you perceived I had created to leave you forever, to never return. Yet now, you wish me to remain.'_

_Forever… he whimpered._

_'Make up your mind,' the man snapped. 'I do not wish for you to be this way, so pathetic and small.'_

_So perceive me towering over you! he screamed. See in your mind that I am huge, that I am immense and imposing and leering at your fragile spirit! That is what you wish for me to do, is it not!? Tell me!_

_Wailing sorrowfully, he curled in on his blade of grass and tucked his head into his arms and let his shoulders quiver. The man in the mirror scoffed and snarled at his pathetic appearance._

_Sadly he knew how he looked, but could do nothing to prevent it. He could impose the illusion that he towered over this man in the mirror, but it would be seen through, he knew. This man was not so gullible, and could not be fooled. Not by him._

_He missed his friends, and he missed the days of yore. But as he knew, and as he had seen in the world of false realities, that world was gone, and his friends were different people on the outside. The same on the inside…but more. They could not be "more the same," it was simply not sensible. But how else could he describe it? They were themselves, as they used to be…but with more._

_More he did not want. More maturity, more carefulness, more thought. More adulthood._

_His friends were children, though, and he missed them._

_He missed them as he missed himself._

_I do not want to face this anymore… he whispered._

_'So what do you want?'_

_I don't know…_

_'Then how can you want it?'_

_I know only what my heart tells me…_

_The man in the mirror stalked over to him and raised his head with one hand. His eyes were tearing and his lip sometimes quivered with repressed sobs._

_'You are pathetic.'_

_Do you pity me…?_

_'I pity the man you have come to be.'_

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"_No_, I am not 'okay'!" Hiei snapped, slapping his hand against a nearby wall. Yuusuke recoiled and Kuwabara flattened himself to the hardwood.

"Hey, man, it was just a question…"

Hiei turned glaring red eyes on the Tantei and caused an immediate recession into the floorboards. Kuwabara shrunk down further and neither moved until Hiei had stalked out of the room.

Righting themselves and absently brushing off their clothes, the two friends exchanged curious glances and shrugged in turn. They trailed after their youkai companion somewhat hesitantly.

Kurama was waiting at the far end of the hallway, Hiei already caught up to him. His expression was still cool and soft, and Hiei was not pressing him for explanations anymore. Maybe he would wait until Yuusuke and Kuwabara were out of range, the brunette reasoned. Kuwabara shivered at the kitsune's eerie glance.

The stench of Attou's horrid flesh reeked in the air, and in an attempt to reconcile the distant four, Yuusuke pinched the bridge of his nose and waved a hand before his face.

"Whew!" he exclaimed loudly. "I'll be trying to get that stench out of my clothes for weeks…"

Hiei pointedly ignored him, Kurama nodded vaguely, and Kuwabara still shivered at the odd look on their friend's face.

Undeterred, Yuusuke talked on.

"So, Kurama, is it bothering you more than me? It must be, with your kitsune nose and all. Hey, man, I'm sorry. Can't say I'd change places with you if I could, though." He laughed loudly. "Dunno the next time I'll be able to hit a pillow without thinking of that blob of fat, right?"

Kurama looked over his shoulder bitterly.

"You aren't funny."

"I was just trying to—"

But Hiei threw out an arm, signaling the man to back off. Kuwabara nodded fervently and Yuusuke sighed.

"Fine, whatever…"

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"Do any of you have any idea where to look next?" Yuusuke asked after a long while of seemingly aimless walking. Hiei looked back silently, wary of speaking. Kuwabara shook his head. Kurama looked back, as well, his eyes now covered in an odd sheen, as though he were trying very hard to look friendly and normal.

"A slight one," he said smilingly. Yuusuke titled his head, truly wondering at Kurama's shift in attitude, but the kitsune either did not know this was the reason or did not care. He continued speaking warmly.

"Attou said this 'Kurokyoui' likes to beat them with a wire whip. I know of a little place in Makai that specializes in whips, and every weaponry store that stocks even one whip will have a selection of wire ones. Easily pliable and things, you know. Shall we check into it?"

Yuusuke nodded hesitantly, and Kuwabara answered with a tip of his own head. Hiei glared dismissively into the distance, and Kurama smiled again. Motioning towards an opposite direction, he led the way to a small clearing where he silently gestured for Yuusuke's compact.

Unable to deny such a suspiciously different Kurama, Yuusuke handed over the mirror instantly, and the kitsune rang for Botan.

"Why, hello there, Kurama, how are things on your end?"

Smiling, the redhead closed his eyes and laughed softly. "Well enough," he said. "We need a favor."

"Sure thing," Botan cried, smiling widely. "Anything for our most helpful Tantei! What is it?"

"A portal to Makai." She smiled even wider, an impressive feat indeed, and appeared about to say something else sickeningly chipper. "As soon as possible," Kurama interjected, interpreting her next question. She nodded profusely.

"You bet, ASAP!"

"Hai…"

Flipping the lid down, he handed back the compact rather than throwing it, as Yuusuke had half expected, and bowed shallowly, barely tipping his waist. "Arigatou," he said passively.

"Eh…sou da…"

Kurama walked over into the trees, nearby (or so Yuusuke inferred, for he could still feel the pinkish reddish ki) but hidden, and Hiei and Kuwabara walked up to join Yuusuke.

Said Yuusuke instantly turned on Hiei.

"Oi," he snapped harshly, oddly so, "what's up with Kurama? Why's he acting all freaky?"

"All mellow?" Kuwabara added.

"And what's up with that creepy glaze in his eyes?"

"And it's in his voice, too, but I don't know how."

"Why's he so fake?"

"Why'd he get so mad at Attou?"

"Why'd he go all crazy when Attou talked about the Kurokyoui guy using a whip?"

"What aren't you telling us?"

"What did—"

In the blink of an eye, Hiei had his sword unsheathed and pressing against Yuusuke's throat. His eyes flashed a bitter red and he snarled.

"Ur…u…sei," he bit out. "_Konotabi_."

"Hey, man," Yuusuke continued stubbornly, "Kurama's our teammate, too, and even if we haven't known him as long as you, we deserve to be in on the story here. What's up with him?"

Turning his glare to focus on the raven haired youth (who wasn't really so much a youth anymore, as Hiei realized abruptly), the youkai gritted his teeth and spat words through his fangs.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, and I don't suggest trying to find out. Especially—" his voice dropped an octave in a very threatening way "—through _me_."

With that, the youkai spun around, cloak twirling about his ankles, and flitted away. Yuusuke and Kuwabara were left staring at each other, each with eyes filled with confusion.

Long minutes passed in silence.

Finally, Kuwabara raised his head to the sky. "So…I guess we should, you know, try to follow them…or…something. Right?"

"I…guess…"

"Mm-hmm." Nodding once, sharply, Kuwabara moved a few paces further into the trees and closed his eyes meditatively. Yuusuke, too, marched into the woods and focused on the reddish and black ki signals of his friends.

Hiei was moving far too fast, they soon realized. Kurama was in no rush and at the rates they were going, Hiei would have to run clear around the world and catch Kurama on his second round.

Unless, of course…

He wasn't trying to catch him.

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"_Urameshi_," Kuwabara whined, "we've been looking for _hours_… Can't we please take just one break? Just one?"

"No," Yuusuke answered, stubborn as always. "We need to know a couple things. Why Kurama got so upset at that thing about the wire whip, what Hiei knows that he's not telling us, why Kurama felt the need to fake happiness like that…" Hacking away another bush from his path, the young man turned to look his friend in the eye. "You know, among other things."

"Like…?"

Yuusuke raised a hand to his chin thoughtfully as they walked.

"…I dunno."

The carrot top face faulted.

The pair tracked Kurama, who, so it felt, had stopped awhile ago. Due to the drastically different speeds, though, the kitsune still felt at least eighty meters ahead of them. Yuusuke was getting tired, but he wouldn't be one to break down and stop for rest. Not in front of Kuwabara; he would never live it down.

Impatient and nearing exhaustion—the last few days had worn more than just their nerves—Yuusuke told Kuwabara to just cut down the trees in their path rather than take the effort to find a way around and then back to the trail. The other man complied willingly, but was losing energy quickly and getting annoyed at it.

"I'm _tired_…" he whined, earning himself a dull glare. Yuusuke stopped walking, finally.

"Kurama's just a few meters away," he snapped, carefully hiding his ecstasy at a brief pause in the trek. "C'mon, what're you, lazy? Dumbass."

"Just a few minutes," Kuwabara retorted sharply. "You're not the one who's been cutting down trees in addition to the walking."

"Fine," the Tantei relented instantly, sitting and leaning against a tree trunk. "Ten minutes, tops. Lemme know if you're feeling better before that."

"Ari—"

Yuusuke silenced his friend with slit eyes and a narrowed mouth. "Can it."

Kuwabara canned it.

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A mere fifty meters away, Hiei had caught up with his kitsune friend and cornered him against a large rock. He was currently demanding answers from the mysterious man.

Unfortunately, he wasn't receiving any.

Despite his prone position, flattened against the sheet stone, Kurama's expression was eerily calm and it infuriated Hiei. "TELL ME!" he roared for what must have been the tenth time, at least.

"Tell you what?" Kurama answered, his quiet voice the polar opposite of Hiei's scream.

"Tell me _what_ Attou said to get you so upset, tell me _why_ you won't tell any of us what the problem is, tell me _who_ you think Kurokyoui is, tell me _how_ you know him at all, tell me _when_ you were planning on revealing all of that to the rest of us!" Hiei closed his tirade with a rigid glare. Kurama slipped down against the rock weakly.

"I'm sorry," he offered softly, sounding so honestly apologetic that Hiei immediately leaned back and sat down.

His face decorated sparsely with lines of exhaustion and his eyes closed against it, Hiei shook his head. "Don't be," he offered, nearly silently. "Just…don't be."

Kurama felt his heart begin to tear—just a little—as he took in the proud youkai sitting before him: head hanging down, chin resting against his chest, eyes closed in defeat, shoulder slumped a little, back curved with bad posture in a slight arc…

Kurama knelt forward and reached out, taking his friend in a hug. He felt Hiei's head snap up, hitting his shoulder as they sat together in silence.

Leaning back finally, Kurama showed him a small smile, far more genuine than the wide, overly-pleased ones he usually sported.

"I'm…sorry."

Hiei nodded weakly, falling forward to land on Kurama's chest.

"I know," he muttered. "Just tell us, will you?"

Draping his arms around Hiei's drooping shoulders, Kurama nodded to no one who would see it. "I will," he promised. "You look tired…"

"I _am_ tired," Hiei replied shortly, a little of his snappish attitude sneaking back into his voice. "I don't want to put up with stupid kitsune keeping secrets from me when I'm trying to fight alongside them. It doesn't make for very good teamwork."

_Was that a joke…?_

"Night is falling," Kurama quoted quietly, "you've come to journey's end; sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before."

Hiei rested.

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Tantei: detective

Youkai: demon

Kitsune: fox

Hai: yes

Arigatou: thank you ("Ari—": "Tha—")

Sou da: that's right

Ki: energy

Oi: hey

Urusei: shut up

Konotabi: now

Note: okay, this is really, really mean. I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I'm _really_ sorry Kurama didn't explain why he was being so weird (I promise, _promise_ it'll come out next time), I think it was a little short, and if it was, I'm sorry about that, too. Please, please, _please_ stick around to keep reading. (The shounen-ai-ness is beginning to peek out from among the action…just barely.)


	15. Into the Abyss

**Disclaimer: woe is I.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Fourteen: Into the Abyss_

_He cried softly._

_He cried to the abyss, into the blank white black nothingness that had become the world surrounding him._

_He cried to the shadows and the darkness and the light hovering over him and to the mystic winds that swirled about him under the phoenix's wing._

_He cried to the man in the mirror who had stolen his last shreds of sanity and wholeness._

_The man in the mirror stood over him and watched silently._

_Words spiraled around him._

_Ink black letters, words of glaring crimson, sharp lines of sword blades and frightening drips of blood shone out of the bleak background._

_PITY_

_"I pity the man you have come to be."_

_WANT_

_"You receive it and you no longer want it!"_

_HATE  
  
_

_"It is you who hates me."_

_CRY_

_"You have no right or reason to cry."_

_SELFISH_

_"Selfish bastard!"_

_No!_

_'Yes!'_

_He cried into his hands and the man in the mirror scorned him._

_'Foolish bastard. You know nothing of anything, do you?'_

_I know enough! he screamed, raising his head. Red eyes met red eyes but only one pair was dry. Only one pair was rightfully red._

_'Dry your eyes, idiot.'_

_I am— he tried to choke out, but his voice was caught halfway and only the beginning of the denial was let out and sounded like an admission._

_'You are!' shouted the man. 'You are and you admit it? Cowardly bastard!'_

_I did not admit to any such thing! he wailed in response. I did not mean it and you know it! You know everything about me!_

_'Lies!'_

_They are not!_

_A sharp noise resounded throughout the endless eternity of space._

_The man in the mirror withdrew his hand from the bitter slap and glared._

_'I know nothing about you,' the man hissed. His voice was venomously bitter and fiercely dark. 'You think I would dare to delve into the endless spiral you call a mind? You think I would have the strength to wash through the endless ages of misery and torment you call a life? You think I read your mind? You are a fool!'_

_I am no such thing! he screamed. I am no fool! You are the one who is being ignorant if you think I am!_

_Tears leaked from his eyes as he yelled out to the infinity of space and time._

_The man in the mirror knocked him down._

_'These words…' the man growled, waving to the inky and blood-colored letters, 'these words you have created, these words you call yourself… I have no part in this and I want no part of you.'_

_He did not move from his place on the groundless ground, but did not cease his tears, and they were lost into the abyss._

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"Oi, domo," Kuwabara muttered quietly.

Yuusuke looked up half heartedly and nodded.

"Wait a minute," he suddenly interrupted himself, "why?"

Kuwabara laughed. It figured, he thought, that Yuusuke would accept thanks before even knowing what they were for.

Yuusuke, in turn, frowned out of frustration. He batted Kuwabara on the back of the head and innocently whistled as Kuwabara turned to glare at him, his head turned to the side.

"_Anyway_," Kuwabara said, his voice and poise dignified as though he were raising himself above the "petty" denial Yuusuke was trying to make, "arigatou."

"Aa," Yuusuke prompted, "for…"

"Stopping, you moron," Kuwabara replied easily.

Yuusuke dropped his head to his hands and huffed a loud sigh. "_Why_ I put up with him, I have no idea…"

Kuwabara easily returned Yuusuke's slap with a friendly one of his own, earning him a sharp glare, which, in turn, prompted a harder punch, which warranted a response, which blew out of proportion into a full-scale free-for-all.

Somewhere in the midst of the punching and kicking and a little sparkle of reiki here or there, Kuwabara thought with a smile.

_'Yeah…just like old times…'_

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Kurama smiled down at his little friend as he slept. Hiei's face was so misleadingly angelic when his guard was down, it was almost childish. His eyes were the key…his glaring red eyes…

His shining red eyes bore the signs of age, of bitter torment and a horrid past. His eyes revealed age and wisdom beyond his years, the color of blood and the shine of dark temptations. They showed lovely promises and equally strong ones of unspeakable betrayal if you dared to get too close…

They showed beauty…

They showed hope…

They showed death…

They showed…exhaustion.

Hiei was tired.

Kurama understood exhaustion and tiredness… He was, after all, over one thousand years old. He was getting tired and his body felt heavier than it once had. Destruction no longer held quite the same thrill it used to and thievery was not so easy.

And his past, ridden with murder and betrayal as it was, was nowhere near as full of the black depths Hiei's was…

Kurama could only imagine.

Behind closed eyelids, Hiei blinked.

"Awake, my friend?" Kurama asked softly. Hiei quivered a bit in his lap and shifted his position.

"Mm…K'rama…just…" He yawned cutely. "Just…tell me…"

The redhead smiled kindly and gave Hiei a little half hug. In the position he was in, he could do nothing more, but he had to be content with that for now.

"I guess you are awake, ne?"

"Urusei…"

Kurama laughed quietly.

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"As great as it is to…" Yuusuke began, faltering in the midst of his speech.

"Revert to old ways?" Kuwabara supplied. Yuusuke answered with a stunned look.

"How'd you know a big word like 'revert'?" he asked incredulously. Kuwabara glared poisonously.

"I'm not _stupid_…"

The Tantei waved him off with a laugh, nodding in deaf agreement. "Sou, sou. As great as it is to…revert to old ways, we really gotta find Kurama and Hiei."

Nodding his assent, the carrot top stood and offered Yuusuke a hand which was gratefully accepted. The friends nodded to each other in an almost brotherly way, smiles hidden underneath their blank stares, and started off together, sensing for the absent ki signals.

"Found a lock…" Kuwabara muttered, trance-like, as he walked off in a seemingly random direction. Yuusuke nodded approvingly.

"Guess your training with the two of them paid off quickly," he noted, meaning Kurama and Hiei. Kuwabara, still dazed and unfocused, ignored him and continued on.

Yuusuke stumbled over his own feet a bit and ran after his friend.

Kuwabara picked up speed with each step, and soon he had broken into a full scale run, fast enough to be fleeing authority. Yuusuke tailed him easily enough, but had no idea where they were going. Neither kept track of their surroundings and once they went around in a small circle, but all was irrelevant.

Exactly eight minutes later, they had stumbled upon Hiei and Kurama.

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"I'm sorry…" whispered the kitsune, smoothing down his friend's hair. "Did I say something wrong?"

The little youkai shook his head, but then resettled, nestled into Kurama's lap.

"Iie…"

Kurama felt his heart ripping again and he turned away in an effort to stop the pain in his chest. Hiei squirmed around and ended by resting his arms around Kurama's waist in a little hug.

Tears brimmed in Kurama's eyes. Hiei was so small, so broken…so fragile beyond his wicked exterior…

This was the precious child who had never been given the chance to grow up. This was the beautiful youkai who hid himself behind evil and venomous lies. This was the good hearted man no one was ever allowed to see.

"Gomen nasai gozaimashita, Hiei…"

The little youkai nuzzled his face into Kurama's lap. Kurama blinked. _'So innocent…'_

"It's not your fault…"

"But, in its way, it is…"

Hiei shook his head. "Mm-mm…iie…"

Kurama smiled and offered a shallow laugh, throaty and short. "Aa…tomodachi…"

"Aa…"

The tranquil mood slowly lulled Kurama, pulling him down, down, down… He slept quietly and the picture of serenity graced the two friends.

Long minutes passed in silence.

A rustling broke the peace.

Kurama looked up with a start as the other two members of their team tripped into the clearing, laughing at some unknown joke.

"No shit," Yuusuke was saying. Kuwabara's cheeky grin was firmly in place and the pair of them seemed to be having the time of their lives.

Upset at the stolen calm but visibly unruffled, Kurama nudged Hiei awake and let him stand before Yuusuke and Kuwabara noticed what could have been called their compromising position.

_'Just…tell me…'_

"Before I forget," he said, preening his hair subtly, "there is something I wish to tell you three."

"Mm?" Kuwabara looked over, and Yuusuke nodded gravely for reasons he wasn't entirely sure of. Something about the entire mood rang of seriousness somehow.

Vaguely.

"You wondered why I was so angered at Attou, were you not?" he asked as if it were mindless chatter about the weather, or some equally trivial thing. The others nodded, Hiei less so.

"Well, you all know I was a bit of a player as Youko, don't you?" he asked. Hiei nodded, Kuwabara tilted his head in confusion, and Yuusuke shook his head 'no.' Kurama laughed slightly, though there was nothing humorous to laugh about.

"Well," he said in a cool ripple, "I suppose I must have forgotten to mention it. I was adept at…how would you say it, playing the field?"

"Dame…" Yuusuke prompted.

"As you may expect with such a careless life, I made a few enemies. A few enemies with a few powerful friends. One was Attou's mother."

"Wait," Kuwabara interjected abruptly, "wait. You _aren't_ going to tell us Attou is _your_ kid, are you?"

The very thought appeared to sicken him greatly, and Kurama shook his head with a slightly concealed smile. "Iie, iie, nothing like _that_," he assured them.

Hiei sat beside Kurama, half concealed to their friends, and laid a hand on his back comfortingly. He knew how easy it was for the kitsune to change his skin and, sensing the underlying torment of the story, offered what meager comfort he could. Kurama shot him a second-long, barely perceptible thankful look. Hiei nodded equally quickly.

Neither action went unnoticed by the Makai natives.

"Attou heard of me from his mother," Kurama continued, "and how I abandoned her, as she put it. She claimed I left her with child, which was, of course, a filthy lie. Her sort is of a rare class which can only reproduce with members of its own species, and I am certainly not one of _them_."

Yuusuke nodded blindly, no longer really listening to the trivial padding details. Kuwabara raised a skeptical eyebrow at Kurama's elitism, but made no move to correct him.

"In any case, Attou was raised with a great hatred of me and, when he grew into his meager power, paid one of his more powerful and admittedly more attractive friends to—eh…attempt to seduce me, to put it lightly."

Hiei rubbed a slow circle around his friend's back. "He raped you, didn't he?" he asked quietly.

Kurama nodded. "He did. It was most vulgar…"

"But why do you—Youko Kurama…" Hiei intoned hesitantly, wary of moving on to new territory, "why do you have such a…vendetta against someone who used sex as a tool? Didn't you do the same? Youko Kurama is anything but hypocritical."

Kurama smiled forlornly, looking off into the mist. His hair seemed to shimmer with a vague silver color and his eyes shone a sad emerald. "Why, indeed…

"He all but disappeared after he attacked me. I spent much of my life trying to find him again but to no avail… He stole something precious of mine and I never had the chance to make him take his atonement for it."

Kuwabara looked away, a faint blush tickling his cheeks, and Yuusuke stared off into the distance in his own sort of rapt attention. Hiei sat stock-still as he waited for Kurama to continue, careful not to pressure him in any way. The redhead leaned into his hand slightly without giving him any other acknowledgment.

"Not your…eh…virginity?" Kuwabara asked delicately. Kurama outright laughed at that.

"Oh, dear, Kuwabara, he didn't do that. My virginity had been lost long before I met this creature. No, he stole something much more abundant, but much more precious."

Yuusuke looked over questioningly, but didn't speak. Hiei continued sitting silently, offering his own brand of comfort. Kuwabara tried valiantly to fight back his blush.

"Oh, yes," Kurama said suddenly, as though he had just remembered that they were all there. "He stole something very precious to me: he stole my dignity. Youko Kurama does not take lightly those who steal his dignity…but the man disappeared.

"He left me in a cave on the most northern side of Makai and knocked me out. How he did it, I don't quite know, but I would only assume he was a very strong youkai. S-class, at least. In any event, he left me there, looted a cave he had found of mine—luckily it was a relatively small one, with few very precious items—and I never heard from him again.

"But the tale was quickly spread all around Makai. Youko Kurama, the great thief, the great lover, the great whatever you want, had been raped and looted. It was blown all out of proportion and things were made up that had never happened, and it took a great many years to regain all that I had lost. I did it, of course… Youko Kurama does not lose his dignity. But it took more effort than I might have liked and more than a few youkai had to die before the whole mess tapered off."

"And the wire whip?" Yuusuke asked, randomly digressing back to the beginning of the conversation in that Urameshi Yuusuke way he was so good at.

"His…tool," Kurama bit out, his voice full of vile loathing. "His name, as you may have guessed by now, was Kurokyoui. Or that was what he called himself—sort of."

"I understand…" Kuwabara said slowly. "He made you yell out 'Kurokyoui' while he was…you know…eeto…you…know…"

Kurama decided to save his friend and nodded. "Yes, Kuwabara, he did. I suspect, from the stories we've heard so far, that it is the same man, though why he captured Attou along with the others is beyond me."

"That's easy," Hiei muttered hatefully. "He's a sadistic, totally insane old bastard."

Kurama smiled sadly. "Maybe…"

Yuusuke clapped Kurama on the shoulder and looked at him with a gently pitying expression.

"We'll catch him, Kurama. Don't worry."

Kurama returned the look with a grateful one of his own.

"I don't doubt it, Yuusuke."

Hiei laughed to himself at the falseness of the appreciative thanks.

No one else seemed to notice.

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Oi: hey

Domo: thanks

Arigatou: thank you

Aa: yeah

Reiki: spirit energy

Ne: isn't that right?

Urusei: shut up

Tantei: detective

Sou: right

Ki: energy

Kitsune: fox

Youkai: demon

Iie: no

Gomen nasai gozaimashita: i.e., I'm so very sorry

Tomodachi: my friend

Dame: and

Makai: demon realm

Eeto: errr…

Note: the shounen-ai is more abundant in this chapter than I intended. But remember that anything they do is all very subtle and not evident enough for Yuusuke and Kuwabara to notice. Except for the sleeping thing, but Yuusuke and Kuwabara weren't there, so I figure I'm covered.


	16. Fall Under

**Disclaimer: no, really, why do we put these on here? Oh, wait, I know…it's the eternal question! I HAVE FOUND THE ETERNAL QUESTION!**

_Balance_

_Chapter Fifteen: Fall Under_

_'You expect me to know, to predict everything about you!' the man in the mirror said with a raised voice, something quite unlike all he had spoken with in the past. 'You expect me to know of your past, to predict your emotions, to see and accept and perceive and KNOW you!'_

_I am…I am so wrong… he whispered, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head in his hands. I have no right to a friend like you…_

_'You think I am a friend!?'_

_He felt tears stream down his face and did nothing to stop them, unable to see through the horrible liquid glimmer covering his vision._

_The words still spun around him, a tight circle ensnaring what little he could see and trapping him against the bonds of time and nature. What existed outside of this orb of truth had stopped moving, stopping breathing, stopped living, stopped existing. Because what was existence, really, but the vitality of life?_

_He was trapped in a dark hovel of the fear he had banished, locked away in a little corner of his mind and never planned to see again._

_PITY_

_I do not deserve pity, but I receive it because they do not know…and they do not know because I do not tell them…anything…_

_WANT_

_I want to tell them, I want to tell them everything…but I cannot, because I am tied down by the bonds of a sorry fate that I have allowed myself to fall under…_

_HATE_

_I hate them for not knowing, yet I hate myself for not letting them…and it is the unending circle of life that I have forged for myself…_

_CRY_

_I want to cry, want to cry to them all so badly…but I must never cry, because I am strong and I give them strength and have no right to take it back…_

_SELFISH_

_I am selfish because I do cry, and I do let go of that strength…and I may never tell them of these things and of these tears because I need to be strong and I need to give strength to them…_

_I WANT TO DIE_

_I want it all to end…for once… I want it all to be working for me…just once… I want to be the winner…only once…_

_'You want to take the coward's way out!'_

_I do, I do, I do…so much…_

_Black turned white and colors turned grey, and the eternity of life suddenly ended._

_But it's not real…_

_None of this is real…_

_'How do you know?'_

_I am dreaming…_

_'You take advantage of the fact that you think this is a dream, than you will wake up and life will be all the way you left it. That the lies will continue and everyone will think you are happy and you are strong and you are content._

_'And you hope that one day, someday, it will all be true…'_

_I want it all to be real…_

_'Without doing any work for it? You want it all to be magic? You want it all to come to you because you said 'Please'?'_

_I CAN'T DO IT_

_'Your beliefs tie you down.'_

_I CAN'T WIN_

_'You cannot believe that once you might come out first.'_

_I CAN'T_

_'Your life is a never-ending spiral of failure because you do not believe you can even try.'_

_DIE_

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Ring!

Yuusuke performed a quick show-offish move and flipped the compact open as he removed it from his pocket. Botan's face fizzed into view and he glared at her dryly.

"_Took_ you long enough," he intoned sourly. She laughed, voice full of nervousness and hand shaking slightly as she held up an official looking piece of paper.

"Maybe so, but I have _this_," she assured him, waving the paper to hide her quivering hand. "It's a document about the only creature we think could be your culprit. His name is Kurokyoui and he looks just like you described."

Kurama peered over Yuusuke's shoulder and nodded to himself. Hiei blinked at the nod and hung back hesitantly. Kuwabara squinted at the document and tilted his head in confusion.

"D'you have a picture?" he asked hopefully.

Botan smiled cheekily, nodding with vigor. "Sure do! Here—I'll be at your coordinates in a minute and I'll bring the documents with me!"

Kurama smiled weakly, not all too thrilled at the prospect, and nodded. "See you then," he said politely as the compact shut down.

"So that looks like the guy you…knew?" Yuusuke asked Kurama delicately. The kitsune nodded.

Leaning back against the soft, almost plush grass, Kuwabara rapidly diverted the conversation from anything about Kurama and his past sexual experiences. "We can't move, I guess, or Botan won't be able to find us."

Kurama nodded, and Hiei casually turned away to wander to the opposite side of the clearing from Kuwabara. Yuusuke, in turn, sat beside his friend and Kurama followed Hiei to lie beside him.

The pair of Makai natives lay side by side in a companionable silence, observing their surroundings and neither particularly looking forward to the arrival of their "personal" ferry girl. Hiei looked at the clouds and outlined shapes in his mind, while Kurama looked at the patterns the foliage was making with the sunlight and admiring its subtle beauty. Tilting his body just slightly, the kitsune rolled over to nudge himself closer to Hiei and was delighted when the youkai did not pull away.

Kuwabara and Yuusuke, one lying on the ground, the other sitting meditatively against a tree, carried on a dazedly animated conversation about this or that of no real importance. They occasionally looked over at their two friends and wondered what was "going on," as Yuusuke so delicately put it, but discussion became no more relevant than that. Kuwabara blurted the random complaint about just what was taking Botan so long from time to time.

"It's funny," Kurama said finally, speaking for the first time in the three or so minutes they had been waiting. Hiei raised an eyebrow in response.

"I've never noticed how pretty your eyes are."

Hiei glared at him from the corner of said eyes. "Are you flirting with me, kitsune?"

Kurama rolled over on his back and stretched. A smile graced his features and he even laughed softly. "I don't know," he allowed, "maybe I am. You do have very pretty eyes."

"Hn."

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"Is she here _yet_?" Kuwabara asked for at least the eighth time. Yuusuke groaned and raised his arms to cover his head and, consequentially, his ears.

"Kuwabara… It's been maybe five minutes? Give it a rest!"

Kuwabara sniffed and crossed his arms, muttering about timeliness and ignorant Tantei friends of his.

At that opportune moment, a portal opened just over the ningen's head.

Botan soared down on her oar, stopping dramatically next to Yuusuke's head and steering purposefully clear of Hiei. She removed two documents from her kimono with an overly dramatic flourish and handed them to the teen, smiling happily.

"Here you go!" she announced. "One copy of the document read to you over the compact, and one copy of a photograph of Kurokyoui. Both stamped with Enma's official seal of approval, of course!"

Yuusuke snatched the documents from her and nodded, waving her off. "Ch, 'read to you'… Aa, arigatou. Ja ne."

Momentarily stunned, Botan took a few seconds to recover her…poise before crossing her arms with a loud huff and turning arrogantly away.

"_Well_, see if I ever help _you_ with something this _important_ again…"

"Aa, aa, ja ne," Yuusuke intoned, more harshly this time and waving at her again, his attention still focused on the documents in his hand. She made a high squeaking noise of some sort and flew off into a portal back to Reikai.

"So," Kuwabara asked, leaning over to look at the photograph, "that's him, ne?"

Yuusuke nodded. "That's who they think he is, anyway… Kurama, want to take a look?"

But Kurama was already behind his friend, looking at the image with a frighteningly blank expression and eyes full of spiteful loathing. He nodded stiffly.

"That's him."

Sallow skin reflected the light of the picture oddly, and Kurokyoui's sunken black eyes glared out with something akin to hatred, but much more…kindly, almost. As though he were trying to console a victim before their final hour. It was altogether eerie, and Yuusuke gave an involuntary shudder.

His long, slick black hair reminded them of Karasu, just another reason for Kurama to despise the creature who had so violated him.

Something in Kurama's tone alerted Hiei to the underlying message, and he turned almost pitying eyes on the kitsune.

_'I want him to die._

_'And I want it to hurt.'_

Yes, that was it.

Hiei gave a tiny smile to his friend.

_'I want him to die, too.'_

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"Okay…so…" Yuusuke flipped through to the first document again and scanned it one more time, just to be sure. "Kurama, you think we need to go eighty-two degrees southwest, twenty-nine degrees north, and five tenths of a degree east?"

"That's right."

"That's a little specific, don't you think?"

The redhead laughed, but Yuusuke only stared confusedly. He felt he had to be missing something obvious that he didn't like missing, but didn't want to ask about, for fear of revealing that ignorance.

In a similar boat, but much less restrained, Kuwabara butted in and asked plainly, "What exactly is so funny?"

"Oh," Kurama shrugged, "nothing, really. Just the specified location we are to go to—I know of it for a rather interesting reason. It was the place Kurokyoui took me so many years ago when he raped me… I just have a feeling he'll be there."

Hiei hid a small snicker behind one hand, disguising it as a yawn. Kuwabara and Yuusuke dropped their mouths open at how casually Kurama could speak of such a heartbreaking event. The redhead seemed wholly unaffected.

"I don't know why, but it seems almost humorous, so many years later. Something about my frailty, my ignorance…in the face of what I am now…" Kurama smiled cheerfully. "Don't mind it, really. It's nothing."

"Uh…huh."

Hiei smirked and Kurama smiled at their companions' utterly clueless looks.

"Let's go."

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Kitsune: fox

Makai: demon realm

Youkai: demon

Tantei: detective

Ningen: human

Aa: yeah

Arigatou: thank you

Ja ne: see you later

Reikai: spirit realm

Ne: is that right?

Okay! Time for some author notes!

_To flyingshadow370 who reviewed chapter one_:

Yes, it takes place after the Sensui saga. AU after that, because I think they mention that Yuusuke doesn't get called back to Reikai. But…whatever.

_To anoymous_ _who reviewed chapter eleven_:

Maybe it was purple fringe…though what that has to do with his being a vain kitsune, I have no idea. …Oh well, whatever.

Kurama and Hiei are starting to get together in the more recent chapters. It's coming, I swear.

_To anonymous who reviewed chapter fifteen_:

…No, you appear to be a slave to American dubbing. Kurama is actually slightly over one thousand years old. Why the dub changed it, I have no idea, but they definitely did. Where are you getting this nonsense about three hundred years and ten years and I have no idea what you're talking about.

_To everyone who has reviewed so far_:

Shadow priestess, kikiri-san, sakurasango, Clow Angel, JadedSoul, What2callmyself, Keaide MiKu, shadowchan, Sapphire Angel, Pat, flyingshaodw370, thank you all so, so much! I am elated to see most of you have reviewed more than once and that's so gratifying I can barely even say. Thank you so, so, so much and shadow priestess (who I think might be my top reviewer), I _adore_ you and you totally make my day.

Domo arigatou gozaimashita!


	17. Tormented Selfishness

**Disclaimer: things are quite frustrating.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Sixteen: Tormented Selfishness_

_I DON'T! he screamed, throwing back his head. Crimson red cascaded down his back and his emerald green eyes squeezed tightly shut._

_The one spot of light in a gray world…_

_I DON'T BELIEVE!_

_Color bled out from within him and touched the white and black…_

_I DON'T BELIEVE BECAUSE YOU—_

_He turned on the man in the mirror and pointed accusingly. The man in the mirror gazed on._

_YOU HAVE NEVER ALLOWED ME TO BELIEVE!_

_The whites and blacks became luminescent as his light touched them._

_But I don't NEED you anymore! he snapped, his eyes mere slits in his face. I have WON this battle, and I do not WANT you tying me down anymore!_

_'You have won nothing and you know it.'_

_The lingering grays melded into each other and one circle of shadow centered itself amidst the brilliance._

_I HAVE won and I DO know it, he growled, his voice low and threatening, because I have stopped paying attention to YOU!_

_'You are weak.'_

_I am not!_

_The circle of never ending dark crawled slowly towards him. The man in the mirror smirked, and his eyes opened. Just a little._

_Tendrils of tempting grey snaked their way towards him, touching his shoulders and finding their way around his chest._

_His eyes closed once more._

_No, he murmured. No. I will not let you. I have let go of you, and I do not need you to help me. I have people around me who still care. Someone is still by my side, helping me in ways far superior to you._

_'Stop lying to yourself,' the man in the mirror drawled. 'It's pitiful.'_

_You are panicking, he said. You know I have stopped believing and you are trying to regain my trust. But you cannot. I don't believe._

_'A pathetic excuse.'_

_It is not, he said. I don't believe in you, and I won't let you tie me down ANY MORE!_

_Tendrils of shadowed grey became glowing snares of glittering blood red and pure white, and the man in the mirror stepped forth in a final attempt._

_'When you dispose of me, you will be all alone again! No one is here to comfort you! Your friends are long dead, and those you love know nothing about you!'_

_My friends are not dead, he replied, his voice an eerily calming echo. My friends are very much alive. The memories you feed me are flawed._

_I WILL BE REBORN._

_'You damned liar! You could not survive such tormented selfishness!'_

_YOU'LL SEE._

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"You're some actor."

Kurama preened silently, almost to himself. Hiei smirked.

"They're completely naïve, you know. Maybe you should clue them in. It could lead to some nasty complications down the road if you don't."

Kurama nodded absently, apparently lost in his own thoughts. Hiei threw up his hands before himself and huffed, glaring off to the side at his friend's inattentiveness. He didn't like being ignored.

Kurama had to be well aware of that fact; he seemed to keep himself fully "in the know" as to everything _else_ about Hiei as a person. Not that the dark youkai minded too much, but…it was the principle of the thing. Kurama made it his business to learn things about Hiei that Hiei rarely, if ever, made known to anyone, even those who he called friends.

But… Red eyes skirting sideways, Hiei quickly took in his fill of the pretty redhead and turned back to glare at the scenery. He didn't _really_ mind all that Kurama knew about him, did he? It made for a rather nice relationship; one with a sort of unspoken but mutually understood set of rules, and Hiei liked that. They even finished each other's sentences every once in awhile, and when they didn't do it verbally, they were usually doing it in their heads. Or, Hiei was, at least.

"Don't do this." "Stop that." "I've told you before not to say those things." Such comments weren't rare between the two of them, but somehow Kurama always knew just where to draw the line between what was teasing and what was flirting with real danger. And Hiei sort of liked the teasing, playful in its way as it was.

Whereas Yuusuke and Kuwabara, who he would trust with his life (_most_ of the time…), had nice enough relationships with him that he never _really_ considered killing either of them, but didn't have the sort of connection he felt with the kitsune. For instance, they were currently babbling on in the background of his thoughts with some nonsensical drone about girls or school or some such thing. Equally meaningless, whatever it was. Hiei seethed inwardly, blocking them out.

In a spontaneous burst of instinct, Kurama draped his arm over Hiei's shoulders in a quick hug, just as quickly releasing him and continuing on his way. Hiei looked over curiously, but Kurama seemed not to have even registered the somewhat out of place action, and Hiei let it slide.

Though it had been sort of…comforting…

Sort of.

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"Bored, bored, _boring_!" Yuusuke yowled from somewhere behind the pair of Makai natives. Kurama flinched, brought abruptly out of his reverie, and Hiei bit his lip, resisting the urge to shoot a powerful death glare back at the offender.

"What is boring, Yuusuke?" Kurama asked sweetly. Hiei snickered at the underlying impatience.

"This damn _walk_!" the Tantei replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Are we even close to being there yet?"

Hiei laughed, and Kurama smiled. Kuwabara looked back and forth between his friend and the two before him, wanting to ask much the same thing but wary of looking impatient or restless. Or annoying.

"Close. Comparatively."

Kuwabara sniffed, turning his head slightly. "_That_ doesn't exactly sound promising…"

Kurama chuckled and they continued on their way. Hiei turned to look at his friend as they did, trying to puzzle him out—at least a little.

Kurama was such an enigma, it was hardly a wonder that Hiei wasn't coming up with anything right away. But he seemed so calm, even after the discussion of Kurokyoui and what the bastard had done to Kurama in the past… It wasn't normal, not at all. But how was Kurama putting on such convincing airs? And more importantly, why?

Unless he truly _wasn't_ bothered by it…but that didn't make any sense…

Was there something _else_ the kitsune was hiding from them?

But…why?

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"I will not take another step until you tell us how many more kilometers it is to this cave!" Yuusuke proclaimed suddenly.

Kurama laughed to himself at some private joke. Hiei raised an eyebrow.

"We're here, Yuusuke."

The Tantei lowered his raised hand, letting it fall limply to his side. It added to his slumped over posture in a most interesting way. Kurama chuckled again and Kuwabara took the opportunity to prod his friend teasingly.

"Nice one, Urameshi."

"Oh, you wanted to say the same thing, baka."

Kuwabara floundered for a moment, Hiei and Kurama looking on with small smiles.

"Yeah, well, I…wasn't the one who said it! You don't know what I was thinking!"

"No, but I can guess!"

Kurama cleverly stepped in before an all-out brawl began, separating the two friends and forcefully guiding them towards a nearby cave's entrance.

"We can't waste any time," he said. Hiei quirked an eyebrow at the extremely subtle harshness in the statement. Something quite out of character for Kurama at such inane foolishness… A simple spat, and he was getting worked up over it?

Hiei frowned and shook his head. Kurama was worried. Or nervous…or hateful. Or even, dare he say it…

Afraid?

He shook his head again. No. Kurama wasn't afraid.

Kurama was never afraid.

Right?

…Right.

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"Kurokyoui!" Kurama shouted as they walked slowly down the long corridor from the entrance. "We know you're here! Come out now, or we will drag you out by force!"

Hiei stopped walking at that. Kurama never, _never_ threatened…anyone! But threats were usually a method of intimidation, and Kurokyoui clearly had the upper hand in this situation…so…they were really…

Fear?

No! Hiei mentally slapped himself. Kurama didn't _get_ afraid! Kurama didn't _do_ fear! Kurama was solid as a mountain, Kurama supplied strength for him—for them all, really, when they were too afraid themselves, or when they felt too weak. Kurama always had a plan. Kurama never invested emotion in things that could cause him pain if he did. Kurama was…

Perfect?

"Kurokyoui!!"

Panicking?

"Come out! _Now_!"

Afraid…

They approached a large wooden door decorated with page after page of the same symbols repeated over and over. Eyes, hundreds and thousands of eyes, left eyes, right eyes, pairs of eyes, red eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, golden eyes…and messages hidden underneath it all, one message that could be picked out if you looked closely enough.

_Kami-sama no kouken._

_Kami-sama no bouken._

_Hyakunenme._

"We're all doomed…" Kurama murmured. Hiei was behind him in a flash.

"Is it a clue?" Yuusuke asked, scratching his head. Kuwabara puzzled over the wallpapering drawings and messages.

"It tells us nothing we don't already know," Kurama answered curtly, going to turn the doorknob and enter the room beyond. Hiei instantly grasped his hand, pulling it back.

Kurama started slightly, looking down at Hiei.

"What is the meaning of this?" Kurama asked coldly, gesturing down to their clasped hands with his free one. Hiei glared in response.

"Your head is too clouded to be of any use," he retorted. "You need to calm yourself before trying to attack whatever lies beyond this doorway."

Kurama replied with a glare of his own, more bitter and full of repressed hatred than Hiei had ever seen his friend. "Meditation," the kitsune bit out, "will accomplish nothing. I know what lies beyond this door. I need to confront it. I need to lay it to rest. This does not concern you."

"It does concern me, dammit!" Hiei snapped. "I—I… I don't even know why! It _does_ concern me! You are my friend!"

Kurama stopped moving.

Standing stock-still in the hall, his hand barely a centimeter from the doorknob, the kitsune shook his head, turned, and walked back down the hall, around the nearest bend, disappearing from sight. Hiei, too, was frozen in place for a moment before snapping back to his senses and remembering that Yuusuke and Kuwabara were still present, as well as himself and…his friend.

Hiei started down the hall to follow Kurama, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned to see Yuusuke restraining him.

"Hey, leave him alone for a minute, eh, Hiei?" Yuusuke said softly. "He's got a lot on his mind."

Hiei scoffed, but turned back to the door and grasped the knob.

"Let's go."

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Kuwabara chortled. Yuusuke laughed in response. Hiei glared at the pair of them.

"Where do you pick _up_ such ridiculous things…?"

Kuwabara scratched the back of his head, still chuckling a bit. "I don't really remember…but I think it's American."

The youkai rolled his eyes. "It figures. Even _you_ can't remember where you heard the stupid sayings that emerge from your mouth."

"Hey!"

"Let's _go_!"

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Youkai: demon  
Kitsune: fox  
Baka: idiot, stupid  
Kami-sama no kouken: God is watching with detachment  
Kami-sama no bouken: God is watching from afar  
Hyakunenme: the hundredth year/doomed

Note that "Makai natives" is often used to describe Hiei and Kurama together, like the way that "youkai" would be used to describe Hiei and Yukina together. Why is that, the less informed reader might ask. Well, less informed reader, the reason is that it's too cumbersome to keep saying "Hiei and Kurama," but Kurama technically _isn't_ a youkai. He's a kitsune, a mystical, mythological creature, whereas Hiei is a youkai, a creature of hell. So "Makai natives" covers them both, and it's true. They're both from Makai.

Rather meaningless other note: the passage "Kurama was solid as a mountain…" et cetera, is an indirect referral to Keaira's piece, "Because I'm Kurama." Or an even less direct reference to my piece, "Ask Nothing." Pick your preference. Keaira's piece is better. I would pick hers. But that's just me.


	18. Made Me This Way

**Disclaimer: …yeah. That.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Seventeen: Made Me This Way_

_I can and will survive whatever I so please! You do not rule me anymore!_

_The man in the mirror only nodded, sitting silently._

_'I thought you would come to this. I knew it, somehow…and I did nothing to prevent it…'_

_He panicked suddenly. What was it? What was it that he did not know? What was it?_

_What are you keeping from me?_

_'Keeping?' the man laughed. 'I am keeping nothing. It is you who keep secrets from yourself.'_

_He turned, facing away from the man in the mirror. He felt tears as they brimmed in his eyes—but no, no, no, he couldn't cry. Don't cry. Don't show weakness. Don't give openings. Don't cry._

_Touching his cheek as he felt tears spill over, he felt nothing but dry skin, and was reminded again of the unreality of it all._

_He looked around again._

_The sky had become white once more._

_Colors were gone._

_Black was faded to nothingness._

_Even the looming grey had ceased to exist._

_White._

_Nothing…but white._

_I have kept nothing from you, he choked out, you who know everything about me already. What do you have to learn from my words?_

_'Nothing, really,' replied the man in the mirror. 'It is what your words can do for you that I am thinking of, not what they can do for me.'_

_You're a liar, he murmured, his voice low. The man in the mirror shook his head._

_'Maybe I am.' He smiled. 'But it is you who has made me this way.'_

_I have done no such thing._

_'Don't lie to yourself like this. It's so…unbecoming.'_

_I hate you._

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Hiei joggled the doorknob.

"Figures," Yuusuke muttered, "that it's got to be locked."

Kuwabara leaned down to inspect the silver handle. "Looks pretty strong… Is it safe to break it?"

Hiei rolled his eyes and flipped a switch below the handle itself. The door creaked open, just a bit.

"Or we could do that," Yuusuke added quickly. Kuwabara nodded furiously. "Yes, yes, let's do that."

"Kurokyoui!" Hiei shouted as he threw the door open. He half expected the room to be empty, even though they had all felt decently classed youki emanating from within it. Though, aside from the raping and beatings they had heard about so far, Kurokyoui couldn't be expected to associate with youkai of such low classes as the high-B and low-A they had felt recently.

Not really to his surprise, they saw not the classy youkai from Botan's photograph, but a collection of youkai giving off vibes of youki that ranged all the way from low-D to low-A. Yuusuke blinked at the odd assortment, and Kuwabara carefully sidled towards the door. Hiei stepped forward forcefully.

"Where is Kurokyoui?" he asked, his tone filled with bitterness. One of the nicer looking females, a seemingly high-B class, looked up from her spot on the floor with half lidded eyes and shook her head.

"How the hell should we know?" she asked tiredly. "He hasn't been here for about a week. It's not like he tells us anything, anyway. If you want information, go somewhere else, because it's not here."

"We think you know something," said a frightfully calm voice from somewhere near the doorway. Hiei started, but refrained from turning around. "It may not seem important to you, but anything you can tell us about Kurokyoui or his dealings here would aid in our mission."

Surely enough, Kurama walked forward silently and stopped, hovering over the girl. She lifted her gaze, but did not open her eyes any more. "Now talk," he ordered in the kind of tone that made sure you would speak, for fear of a worse fate than you could imagine.

But the girl only shook her head again, and a pretty redheaded male—low-A class, from the feel of it—stepped forward.

"It'll do you no good to threaten us," he said, just as tired as the girl. "We don't feel much pain anymore. Come to think of it, we don't feel much of anything anymore. Do your worst."

He held out his heavily scarred wrist. "Would you like to cut it, or do you want to watch me do it?"

Yuusuke recoiled, and Kurama seemed to regain some of his humanity as he turned his head away and tightly closed his eyes. "Neither," he bit out through clenched teeth. "Has Kurokyoui been doing that to you?"

"Yes," the girl answered. All the other youkai in the room seemed to have, at one point, designated all speaking roles to the girl and man before them, which suited Kurama perfectly fine. At least this group wouldn't challenge them to a fight. "Him, and his partners. Miru especially."

Hiei stepped up this time, subtly putting an arm out to detain Kurama. "Miru?"

The man nodded. "His right hand woman, I think. From the way he acts around her, anyway. I don't know why she's so subordinate to him, she could clearly hold her own in a fight."

"She's afraid of him for some reason," the girl said. "I don't know why, though. They've never interacted around us more than to exchange the blades and whips and things."

Kurama nodded slowly, something appearing to come together in his mind. "Yes…yes… I think I understand. Was Miru the one to put the eyes and things on the door?"

The man sat beside the girl. "The what?"

"What're your names?" Yuusuke asked suddenly. "The two of you, I mean. Or anyone else who feels like sharing."

The girl sighed and shook her head yet again. "Yes…my name… That's a funny question, you know… Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure what it is anymore…"

"Haeru," the man whispered to her. "Remember, Haeru? Remember?"

"Oh, yes…and you're Katagi…"

"That's right."

Kuwabara looked down at them sadly. This Kurokyoui, this bastard, had torn down such once-strong creatures to not even be able to be sure of their own names…he surely must perish. Yuusuke looked to Kuwabara and a thought passed between them:

He's going to die.

It's going to hurt like hell.

I'll make sure of that.

Kurama took Hiei's hand. Hiei looked up; Kurama was acting so irrationally…one second, he was sullen and bitter and closed to the world, and the next, he needed the comfort and support only a…friend could give. Kurama had often called Hiei his best friend; maybe he needed to act like it more.

"Haeru," Kurama said finally. "Is there nothing…really, nothing you can tell us of Kurokyoui? Katagi? How about you? Or anyone else here?"

Katagi looked up warily, his eyes guarded with an odd kind of bitter hesitation. "And you aren't going to turn and attack us if we say something displeasing?"

"You have my word," said Hiei, an odd action from the usually quiet bystander. Kurama nodded.

Haeru and Katagi looked at each other cautiously. They _could_ trust these new…people…and it might warrant them their freedom. But, on the other hand, there had been no mention of freedom at any point during the conversation, and there was no reason to believe that these people were planning on stopping Kurokyoui. Maybe they wanted to join him.

"What assuredness should we have about you?" Katagi asked suspiciously. Kuwabara took the floor this time.

"You really can't be sure, I guess," he said sadly. "But I want you to trust us. I want Kurokyoui to die, as I'm sure you all do, and I want it to hurt. I'll make sure it does. But we can't find him very easily, and we definitely can't do it without your help."

Haeru and Katagi shared an understanding look, and she glanced back up to Kuwabara shyly.

"And Miru?" she asked, oddly eager. Kuwabara paused, unsure as to what she meant.

"She'll pay, too," Yuusuke replied, punching his own fist. "And anyone else they travel with who bothers you all."

Katagi looked back to the other youkai in the room. Odd, Kurama thought, he had all but forgotten about them. Quick conversations passed back and forth, and finally, Katagi turned back to speak again with Haeru.

They appeared to bicker for a moment. Hiei took the chance to look up once again at Kurama, who had slipped back into his "stoic unshakable" mode. Hiei would talk to him later, maybe when they stopped for the night…

"Tell us of the markings on the door."

"What markings are these?" Katagi asked again, a small spark of vitality glinting back in his dulled brown eyes. Haeru, too, seemed to truly wonder about these mysterious decorations that had Kurama so concerned.

Yuusuke pointed to the still open door. "The eyes! Don't you see them? And the words…"

Haeru looked behind him and cringed. Katagi draped a defensive arm over her shoulders and he also looked away. Kuwabara shut the door out of consideration for their reactions.

"Yes, the eyes…" murmured Haeru. "We see the eyes. Miru's work. I'm sure of it."

"Miru, Miru, and the eyes… God's eyes…" whispered another youkai this time, a small male sitting curled against the back wall. He appeared to be only a child, about twenty, if Hiei guessed right. The half koorime walked back to the boy and knelt beside him, pushing his shoulder to catch his attention.

"Boy," he said coolly, causing the youth to raise his jet colored eyes. "What about Miru and the eyes of God?"

But the boy only shook his head weakly, nestling it back between his arms and resting on his knees. Hiei threw up his hands in frustration and, with a jerk of his head, designated the task of interrogation to Kurama or one of the others.

Yuusuke stepped forward, interrupting Kurama. It was a slight surprise and Kurama was a little put off, but it didn't really matter. Not really.

"Hey," Yuusuke said kindly, with the sort of gentleness they had thought he used only with Keiko, "what's your name?"

The youkai looked up, tears brimming in his eyes. Not normal tears, Yuusuke thought. The little guy didn't look too much more depressed than the rest of them, and that was the kind of depression they were used to. Like breathing, it was a part of their lives. These tears looked more like…fear. Which was odd, because Yuusuke sensed nothing to be afraid of.

Unless…

"No, no," he said hastily, smiling. "I won't hurt you. It's cool; I just want to talk. Really. I promise."

The youkai raised his head a little bit more, very slowly beginning to open up to the idea of speaking.

"How about this?" Yuusuke proposed. "If I do something you don't like, you can hit me. For free. Right in the jaw. Or the chest, or the gut, or the nuts, or whatever you want. Okay?"

The youkai nodded, his mouth curving from a defeated frown to an indifferent line. He raised his head off his arms.

"What's your name?"

He shrugged. "They call me Kiokure…"

Yuusuke nodded. It was easy to see where that name had come from; the critter was about as nervous as Koenma in the face of battle. But, wait…

"'They'?"

Kiokure nodded this time. "Kurokyoui and Miru, and their group. They call me Kiokure because they say I'm weak and I can't give them the screams they want."

Kuwabara spat on the floor. That was sick…

"…Oh," Yuusuke whispered. That was sick… "But what's _your_ name?"

The youkai laughed hollowly. "My name? I don't really have a name. You can call me Kiokure; I don't mind."

Yuusuke shook his head, and Kuwabara nodded at his friend's decision. Kurama and Hiei had melded into the far wall, observing with a detached engagement. Haeru and Katagi almost smiled at Kiokure's openness.

"I think I'll call you…Kankou. Is that okay? Or would you prefer Kiokure?"

"No," said Kankou softly, "Kankou is fine… I…thanks…"

Yuusuke smiled in a very Yuusuke sort of way. Kuwabara smiled, as well, in an equally characteristic manner, and it seemed to put the others at ease a slight bit. Kankou relaxed his muscles, at least.

"Anyway, Kankou. What do you know about Miru and the eyes on the door?"

Kankou shut down instantly. Every bit of his willingness from just moments ago had vanished, and his just loosened muscles bunched up again as he curled in on himself. Yuusuke was tempted to fall over in exasperation, but didn't think that would help matters at all. Kuwabara considered slipping over to join Hiei and Kurama against the wall, but then remembered that he was a little afraid of Hiei, and opted to meld into the wall opposite them, instead.

Yuusuke sighed softly, instead, laying a hand on Kankou's shoulder.

"Okay, Kankou. I get that you don't want to talk about it, but just think for a second."

Kurama snickered at the irony of it all.

"If you help us now—just a little—we can get Kurokyoui, and maybe you can even get in a few shots. I really don't know how things will work out, but maybe. And you can tell us what to do. Beat him, kick him, cut him, make him suffer…whatever you want. We'll do it. But we really need your help. And I think that whatever you can tell us about Miru and the eyes of God will be a huge, huge clue."

Kankou raised his head a fraction of a centimeter, his eyes losing a tiny bit of their dullness. Yuusuke smiled.

"Yeah, that's it. Now, what can you tell me about Miru and the eyes of God?"

Kankou choked a bit. "Well…she's obsessed, really," he started softly. Yuusuke had to strain to hear him, and Kuwabara missed most of the words. "Real religious. In…weird ways. She keeps telling us to be good, because the eyes of God are following us."

Yuusuke could practically feel his eyes swirling. "But…she rapes you."

Kankou shook his head. "No, she won't do that. She'll cut us because she says God craves blood sacrifices from weak creatures who shouldn't be alive anyway. But raping is wrong unless…well, I really don't understand her reasoning. Something about 'unless done in the most careful of ways to the most deserving of bastards.' That's all I know."

Kurama stepped forward and knelt beside Yuusuke. "That sounds like the kind of crazy creature Kurokyoui would surround himself with. Odd, though, her choice of name for herself…"

The raven haired tantei nodded. "Well, not really… She's trying to pull herself closer to God, I think. With her obsession with watching. You know."

Kurama nodded. "I suppose…but still, this is all getting rather suspicious."

"How so?"

"Well," the kitsune mused, "I've never heard of a religion like the one Kankou described for Miru. And youkai don't usually make up religions until they become extremely intelligent and extremely powerful."

Kuwabara stepped forth, as well. "You mean, like the S class?"

Kurama nodded. "Precisely. But I know for a fact that Kurokyoui is only low S class, and to create her own religion of such intricacy, Miru would have to be mid or high S. Very strong and very intelligent."

Yuusuke nodded slowly. "So why hasn't she attacked Kurokyoui by now?" he reasoned. Hiei, suddenly appearing beside Kurama, nodded as well.

"Yes. It seems as though we are gaining a new prime enemy, aren't we, Kurama?"

The redhead laughed softly.

"Oh, I don't know, Hiei. I still want Kurokyoui to die."

"And I want him to suffer."

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Youki: demon energy

Youkai: demon

Miru: to watch

Haeru: to shine

Katagi: spirit, character, trait, temperament, disposition

Koorime: ice apparitions, Yukina's race

Kiokure: nervous, timid

Kankou: kindness

Tantei: detective

Kitsune: fox


	19. My Best Interest

**Disclaimer: I have a set of multicolored sticky notes on my desk. And I don't even _like_ pink.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Eighteen: My Best Interest_

_The man in the mirror smiled forlornly at him. He pointedly turned his head away, shutting himself off with folded arms._

_Do you try to gain my forgiveness? he asked, tone icy. I would do no such thing in your situation. Do not dig yourself any deeper than you already have._

_The man in the mirror looked away, as well, out into the endless ocean of white. But oceans have waves, and so it was not an ocean…no. It was…_

_Nothing._

_'I do not think I can gain your forgiveness,' the man replied. 'I do not think it is in my best interest to try. I think that you will forgive me once you are ready to forgive yourself.'_

_The events will coincide, then? he asked, still hiding a hint of curiosity._

_'Maybe. Maybe not.' The man laughed hollowly. 'I couldn't tell you. You know more about yourself than I do. More than I could ever hope to know.'_

_You said…you had nothing to learn from my words._

_'And I do not.' The man turned back to him, expressionless. 'There is nothing I could learn from you. All you are willing to tell me, I already know.'_

_But how?_

_The man stood on nothingness, walking a few paced forward. He sighed tiredly. This was all so complicated, so needlessly… All of it was made of endless hopes and dreams which would never be attained, and groundless fears and hesitations that would never be fulfilled…_

_The man, too, folded his arms, closing his eyes. His cloak should have spun around his calves as he moved, but it did not, for there was no motion but what they controlled, and no one controlled the spinning of a cloak._

_'I am a part of you. You know that.'_

_He smiled weakly, turning around to face the man's back. I think, he said in a whisper, that in some ways, I do._

_'I am what you fear.'_

_But I fear many things, he said, confused. You are only one man. How can you be all I dread?_

_The man laughed with the tone of someone who knows a secret that an ignorant listener is about to find out. It was not a bitter or coldhearted thing, but…calming, almost._

_'I am all you fear about yourself. This is why I do not know everything. I know only what you will allow your fear to see. What you will allow to be made known to the most secret and hidden part of you.'_

_He laughed. It was all sort of funny, in a warped, twisted way. Yes, it was all very funny…_

_Very funny…_

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Hiei and Kurama walked in perfect step with each other, Yuusuke struggling to keep up and being subtly pushed aside time and time again. Finally he relented, falling back to pace with Kuwabara. The latter two talked in hushed tones, speculating as to their two friends and just what was going on.

"Maybe they're hiding their pasts from us," Kuwabara mused. Yuusuke slapped the carrot top upside the head.

"Of _course_ they are, yaro," he groused. "Like we knew their pasts before this whole mess started."

"Oh, yeah."

"No…" Yuusuke continued, raising his hand thoughtfully to his chin. "I think…something is going on with Kurama. And Hiei…"

"Doesn't know what," Kuwabara finished, catching on. "And he's trying to—"

"—Figure it out," Yuusuke interrupted. "Yeah. That's it, I bet."

The group of four walked through the massive forest, creating their own path in some places and following ones they stumbled onto in others. Kurama and Hiei cut what paths needed to be, Yuusuke and Kuwabara keeping up by following the path of destruction. No one really knew where they were going; just that it was important to keep moving. Sometimes in circles, more often in lines. Jagged lines, not really leading anywhere.

Yuusuke looked around dismally.

"Hey," he muttered, raising his hand to shield his eyes, "what's that?" He pointed off into the distance, and Kuwabara mimicked his pose, staring off in the same direction.

"On that tree?"

"Yeah…"

"Oi!" Kuwabara called, "Kurama! Hiei! Come back here a second!"

The kitsune and his partner turned, speaking to each other quickly, and then walked back to meet their companions.

"What is it?" Kurama asked. Neither Yuusuke nor Kuwabara missed the flicker of a look that passed from Hiei to his redheaded friend. It was not returned.

Yuusuke pointed again, slightly more exaggeratedly than need be. "On that tree over there," he said. "There's some sort of marking. I can't see what it is, and I thought that since you're youkai and all, you could see it and you would…be able to tell me…what it is." He faltered for a moment. "Eeto…aa."

Kurama glanced off, squinting just slightly. He smirked and shook his head, tossing a hand through his hair for no real reason at all. "No, Yuusuke, Kuwabara," he said, falsely cheerful, "I'm afraid I can't tell just what it is. Hiei?"

The youkai no hi was gone and back in a second flat, grinning cheekily up at them all with a spectacular air of arrogance. His expression grew solemn instantly, though, as soon as the point had been made.

"An eye," he said seriously. "Carved into the willow's bark."

Kurama didn't flinch or even turn from where he was looking off into the distance, at the tree, but his lips formed the word, "Miru…"

Kuwabara tilted his head at Kurama's reaction. "Is it a clue, do you think? As to their whereabouts, or something?"

Hiei looked up at Kurama patiently, waiting and hiding his eagerness to hear the reaction. Anything Kurama contributed to the discussion of Kurokyoui and his merry band of misfits would be most enlightening at this point.

"Maybe," the kitsune replied distantly. "It does signify that Miru either has taken some control from Kurokyoui, or she wants it but hasn't taken it yet—either because she won't for some reason, or she can't."

Yuusuke mimicked Kuwabara's pose. "How d'you know that, just from an eye on a tree?"

Kurama smiled again. His voice was deep and forlorn, somehow more Youko than Shuuichi. "Trust me, Yuusuke."

Somehow, no one really felt that was much of an explanation at all.

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Yuusuke and Kuwabara spoke in hushed tones as the four men moved further into the woods. Keeping his hand over his mouth, Yuusuke knew it really wouldn't make a difference—after all, Hiei and Kurama could hear the conversation if they really tried—but continued to try and hide his voice anyway. Kuwabara did much the same thing.

"What do you think is up with Kurama?" the raven haired tantei asked. Kuwabara shrugged.

"I think his…his history with Kurokyoui is getting to him more than he's telling us. More than he's letting on."

Yuusuke nodded thoughtfully. He leaned back into his folded hands as they walked, resting them behind his head and staring up contemplatively at the trees.

Inspiration struck, oddly enough.

"Maybe it's like that situation with Genkai, remember? When she got Kaito and Yana and Kido to attack me, to lure us all into that creepy house. Remember that?"

Kuwabara thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, yeah! I remember that! But…" He paused for a moment. "How could this be like that?"

Yuusuke shrugged. "Dunno. But maybe…I don't know, maybe Kurama or Hiei is leading us into a special mission to test us. Or something like that, you know?"

Kuwabara nodded confidently. "Yeah…I remember. Maybe that's it…except…"

Yuusuke waited patiently for a moment, but then, put off by his friend's lengthy pause, prompted him with a calm, "_Well_…?"

"Something about that doesn't sit right with me," he said slowly. "Kurama is far too upset to be orchestrating this whole situation."

"But," Yuusuke reminded him, "he's a really great actor. They both are."

Kuwabara shook his head. "Kurama's moods are fluctuating too much and too rapidly. It's too weird. And Hiei…well, somehow I just get the sense that Hiei would never do something like this to Kurama, no matter what the circumstances."

Yuusuke nodded slowly. As much as he hated to admit that their one possible lead was crap, what Kuwabara said made sense. Kurama was the manipulative type, that was for sure, but even he had his limitations. Hiei…well, Hiei. He was quite fond of Kurama, that much went without saying, and he might use the kitsune on occasion—he was a youkai, after all—but this was pushing it a little too much.

Ahead of them, Kurama and Hiei stopped beside a seemingly random tree, resting casually. Yuusuke smiled, taking the fleeting opportunity to run over and ask Kurama whatever he could to understand what information had been passed around their group so far. Kuwabara was hot on his heels.

Someone would find out what was going on, and everything would be okay again.

Yes, everything would be okay.

Someday.

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"So…there's a shift in the balance of power," Yuusuke asked for at least the fifth time.

"_Yes_, Yuusuke, I've told you that's the situation." Kurama smiled, exasperated as he was. Hiei shook his head.

"But it might not have occurred yet."

"Correct."

"But if it hasn't, it _will_."

"Yes."

"And you know all this from an eye on a tree."

"I do."

Yuusuke nodded vigorously, his eyes closed arrogantly and his entire posture exhibiting that standard, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm damn good at pretending I do" expression. Kurama nodded vaguely.

Kuwabara tapped Yuusuke's shoulder and whispered into his ear, something to the effect of "Clue me in, then." Yuusuke continued nodding, and Hiei rolled his eyes, stepping forward and effectively separating them again into pairs.

"Any clue where Miru and Kurokyoui have gone?" the little youkai asked in a hushed tone. Kurama looked down at him, his expression holding just a touch of disdain.

"None."

Hiei recoiled just a fraction at his friend's icy demeanor. Kurama didn't seem to notice, or, if he did, he didn't seem to care. This was just a bit off putting, but Hiei shrugged it off, pretending not to notice.

This was quite a relationship they were trying to carry on, he thought. Both pretending to be something they weren't, all for the sake of saving the other's modesty and dignity. And why? What would they do that for? Because they cared?

Ha. Not likely.

Because they _didn't_ care.

But that couldn't be right…for if they didn't care, they would ask. They would speak. They would not carry on this freakish bastardization of a friendship.

No, it was because of something else. It was because they were out for themselves, and having an uncomfortable partner who just wished you wouldn't have asked would do no good.

They each wanted to say things they couldn't bring themselves to, and some of the things they said, they regretted. But there was no taking back of words. That was simply not allowed.

Yes.

They were all the same.

Who really cared anymore?

They were all the same.

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Yaro: bastard  
Kitsune: fox  
Youkai: demon  
Eeto: errr…  
Aa: yeah  
Hi: fire (youkai no hi: fire demon)

Note: thanks to JoIsBishMyoga for this little scrap of information. Willowbark tisane (essentially, willowbark boiled in water; that is, liquid) has basically the same effect as aspirin. It was also the first type of tree I could think of, but it makes for a bit of irony, don't you think? No? Well…that's nice.


	20. Sanctuary

**Disclaimer: I'm too tired to come up with a clever one of these today…**

_Balance_

_Chapter Nineteen: Sanctuary_

_'You are laughing at me. That is unacceptable. You cannot laugh at your fears.'_

_Oh, he chuckled, but if I am to laugh at my fears, they shall disappear, and I will be happy and fulfilled. Why am I not to laugh at my fears?_

_'If you laugh at your fears,' the man said, toneless, 'then you laugh at me. Laugh at me, and I will disappear. Let me disappear, and you will be alone. Again.'_

_ALONE_

_I have been alone before._

_ALL_

_I am still here._

_ALONE_

_I have survived._

_ALWAYS_

_'But it is not favorable for you to be alone.'_

_He smiled wanly. No, I suppose it is not. But…it is a part of life. One I must accustom myself to. One I have lived with for years and years._

_'You told me your friends were by your side.'_

_And they are…_

_The whiteness seemed to brighten with each passing second, and it flashed as he spoke to the man in the mirror. He squinted his eyes and tried to turn away._

_It surrounded them always._

_Why can I not look away…from the nothingness… he mourned, less a real question than a pathetic whine for someone to care. Why…am I surrounded by this hate? This despair? This reminder of how things are? I don't want any of that!_

_He stood, pushing himself off the ground and stamping it firmly. I don't WANT any of that! he shouted. I want to see the way things SHOULD be, not the way they ARE!_

_The man in the mirror laughed hollowly. 'Ah, yes… What should be, and what is… How parallel, and yet, how completely separate they are.'_

_He whirled around in a furious torrent, hair lashing about in threaded crimson whips. What would you know? You are nothing but a vile creature born of hatred and mistrust, and that is all you will stay! Forever! I shall make sure of that!_

_'Do you deny it?'_

_I…I…_

_He paused then, lost for words. He could not deny it…yet he could not admit to it… But it was true, all of it…_

_All of it was real…_

_He was hiding from life, and that was fair to no one._

_How things were was the way they should be. And at the same time, if things had all gone correctly, he would be living in quite a different tomorrow._

_Parallel lines, of course, could be kilometers apart…worlds, even._

_He was running, and he was hiding, and he was lying to those who may have found him. And that was not fair. That was not allowed._

_He was wrong, so wrong, always wrong…_

_Fear was the only truth…_

_Fear was…_

_Sanctuary._

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"Shall we call Reikai, then?" Yuusuke asked hesitantly. They all sensed the bitter aura of a shell rolling off of Kurama in waves, and were all a bit cautious, for fear of saying something wrong. Kurama smiled cheerfully.

"We could, I suppose. It wouldn't hurt, at any rate. We should probably be keeping them up to date on the things we find. Yes, let's give them a call."

Hiei tilted his head to the side and grasped Kurama's arm. Walking a few meters aside, he dragged the kitsune with him and pulled him down to a seated position. Wisely, Yuusuke and Kuwabara moved a few more meters back.

Hiei spoke in hushed, urgent tones.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Kurama smiled again, more happily this time. Hiei narrowed his eyes further.

"Why, whatever do you mean, Hiei?"

Hiei shook his head sternly, his eyes lightly closed. "No, Kurama. You may be able to pull this act on Yuusuke and Kuwabara, but not me. And not even them, really…it's starting to fade. What's wrong, Kurama?"

The kitsune's expression wavered a bit, but he regained the mask easily enough and tilted his head in confusion. He crossed his legs, yoga-style, and Hiei knelt beside him, trying to be comfortable and inviting.

"I don't understand," Kurama answered finally. Hiei bent over at the waist, looking entirely defeated. Even the willow tree they leaned against quivered a bit at the pair's equal—if distinct and rather polar opposite—frustration.

"Kurama…" Hiei struggled to make his voice soft—weak, even, to set Kurama in the dominant and most at-ease position as possible. Hopefully the redhead would appreciate the effort, or Hiei might never live it down. It already grated on his conscience and his nerves to submit himself so readily.

Steeling himself for the final leap, Hiei locked his eyes with Kurama and made sure they stayed that way.

"Please tell me, Kurama. If I'm your best friend, as you tell me so often, then…I…then I'm trying to act like it. I really am. Please tell me."

The kitsune's eyes widened and his pupils contracted to half their size. Hiei looked up at him pitifully, his own blood red eyes begging for just a hint at what was going on. He even clasped Kurama's hand limply in both of his, still silently pleading.

Kurama groped for words, his mouth opening and closing a few times in silent attempts. A small spark of hope danced through Hiei's heart as Kurama's shields began to fail.

"I…I…"

None of that hope showed in Hiei's face, though it crossed his mind a few times that maybe it should.

Maybe.

"You see…"

Kurama never, ever opened up like this, preferring to bear the pain himself, siphoning off little scraps of it in his fighting and repressing the rest to be…normal.

Normal?

"I…"

He paused, then; frozen, even, and Hiei tensed a bit as his hope both flourished and began to die, all at the same time. Kurama held himself steady for a long moment.

Then it came.

He broke down spectacularly, his head pressed into his hands and his shoulders quivering with all the force of an earthquake. Hiei balked for a moment, then looked over his shoulder to be sure that Yuusuke and Kuwabara were…otherwise occupied. They weren't, in fact, but Yuusuke saw the look Hiei was giving them and, taking Kuwabara's shoulder, led him back behind the trees. Hiei nodded gratefully as the pair walked back, and Yuusuke flashed a peace sign to him.

Hesitantly, for he had never quite done this before, Hiei laid his hands on Kurama's back and stroked up and down in an attempt to be comforting. Kurama didn't respond, but Hiei was encouraged by the fact that he wasn't turned away. He continued on for a few more minutes before taking a risk and hugging Kurama around the shoulders with one arm.

Gratefully, Kurama leaned into his touch and let the tears bleed.

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Yuusuke leaned back into a tree, watching Kurama and Hiei with slightly widened eyes and a tilted head. Kuwabara was pacing around, trying to see the scene before them from as many views as possible, all while keeping his distance.

He tiptoed over to Yuusuke and leaned down.

"Urameshi…they're not…together, are they? 'Cause you'd tell me if they were, right?"

Yuusuke snickered, flicking his nose absently. He shook his head. "I dunno. Not that I've heard."

Kuwabara nodded, then suddenly stopped. "You _would_ tell me if they were, _right_?"

"Hai, hai."

Kuwabara narrowed his eyes, but Yuusuke only continued nodding absently.

"You're not even listening to me, are you?"

"Eh—?" Yuusuke snapped out of his reverie and looked over at his friend. Not all too difficult a feat when Kuwabara was leering right in his face, but it was the thought that counted.

Nodding rapidly, Yuusuke waved his hands in an attempt to placate the carrot top. "A-aa, sou!"

Kuwabara nodded warily, and the two went back to observing Hiei's and Kurama's respective deviant behaviors. Neither had ever seen Hiei looking so tender, or Kurama so weak, and it startled and even frightened them.

Kuwabara sat on the ground, leaning against a tree, only to have Yuusuke jerk him up a second later and pull down his ear to reach the shorter man's mouth level.

"Itai—!" Kuwabara yelped, silencing himself as Yuusuke began to speak in a throaty whisper.

"We should either go over and see what's up, or leave. What do you think, Mr. Sensitive?"

Kuwabara resisted to the urge to roll his eyes, instead bending over to speak to Yuusuke in much the same manner. "That's spiritual sensitivity, baka, not emotional." He fell back a step, into a thoughtful stance. "I don't know. I'm thinking that maybe we ought to just leave them alone… Maybe we _should_ leave."

Yuusuke nodded and pulled Kuwabara off with him, dragging his friend by the wrist.

"C'mon, then. We don't want to intrude on anything that might get a little…personal. We can contact Botan and see if they have any new leads."

Kuwabara tried to resist. "Urameshi, they won't have any leads by now, it…hasn't been…

"Oh."

Yuusuke nodded with a sharp smirk, and they walked off together, further into the woods.

"Botan-chan!" Kuwabara yelled as he snatched Yuusuke's compact and flipped it open. At around the same moment, Botan answered the call by covering her ears and Kuwabara remembered that he was supposed to be "subtle," so as not to disturb Kurama or Hiei. He clapped a hand over his own mouth, and he and the ferry girl made quite a pair.

"What?" Botan snapped. Kuwabara waved his free hand in an effort to tell her to keep her voice down. She blinked.

"Eh, Kuwabara-kun? Nanda?"

"Well, it's like this…"

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"Kurama," Hiei whispered, totally running on instinct now. "It's okay. Let it all out. Just…don't run."

Kurama nodded through his awkward, sporadic trembling. His tears didn't cease; they didn't even pause or lessen, but Hiei didn't leave, and Kurama was comforted in ways he wouldn't show. Couldn't show, maybe.

"I'm so…tired of running…" he whispered as he cried, trying to take control of his voice once again. "So tired…"

Hiei nodded. "I know, Kurama… I know…"

The kitsune breathed a soft whisper.

"No…"

But Hiei ignored it, continuing his calming ministrations to his friend's arms as he continued forward, enveloping him in a full hug. He felt tears fall to his shoulders as Kurama made no effort to stem the flow. They sat, still, for long moments, but neither knew or really cared exactly how long.

Wondering what had been meant by the murmur—"No"—Hiei realized that he had been mindlessly stroking Kurama's arm for a long while now, and slowly stopped, leaning back to see his friend's face.

"Am I being a good friend, now, Kurama?" he asked, not sure if playfulness was wise, but willing to find out. Kurama smiled weakly, fake, as though Hiei were one of his easily fooled peers.

"Yes, Hiei," Kurama whispered, and Hiei was sure that in his fragile state, Kurama was not up to lying about something so important to the little youkai. "You are being the best friend I could ask for."

Their arms still interlaced, Kurama fell forward onto Hiei, trusting the youkai to catch him, which he did.

Finally, the fall of his tears began to slow, and Kurama looked up at Hiei with puffy red eyes. Unused to seeing Kurama so prone, Hiei paused for a moment, almost jerking back.

This was not the Kurama that Hiei knew. This was not the pretty little honor student, the kind young son, the strong fighter who never failed when we needed him most. This was not the mask they called Shuuichi. No.

Hiei was overcome by the sensation that he was being shown a Kurama that nobody ever really saw, and he needed to take things carefully and, most of all, he needed to see the Kurama he was being shown. He needed to really see. He needed to really look.

So he bit down and really looked.

Hiei saw something that hit him with a force unimaginable.

This was not the pretty little honor student, or the kind young son, or the strong fighter. This was the thousand years old kitsune, the one who had seen more fights and more deaths and more betrayals and lies than any of them. This was the kitsune who had lived for more than one thousand years and was still hanging on, because he had friends who needed him, who wanted him around, because they said they liked him and he believed.

And why not? They really did like him. He had every reason to believe.

But Kurama was selfish, really, buried under all those lies. He just…was. And still, he hung on for his friends, because he knew they wanted and thought they needed him, and he didn't want to give that up. His life had seen enough betrayal, trickery, lies, to know that things didn't always work out in the end, and not everyone liked you. Kurama was old, one thousand years old, and harbored a past filled with the bitterness that could only come with age, the bitterness that had seen the things people could do to each other. And he was tired.

Kurama was their friend.

But Kurama was old.

Kurama was tired.

But Kurama hung on.

Because…

_They_ needed him.

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Kitsune: fox

Hai: yes

Aa: yeah

Sou: right

Itai: i.e., "Ow!"

Baka: idiot, stupid

-chan, -kun: similar name endings ("-chan" being the more feminine variety; "-kun" is only for males); very friendly

Nanda: what is it?

Youkai: demon

Note: **Dark Inu Fan**, I meant to mark up the last chapter to cite you earlier this week, but kept getting interrupted… Gomen ne! Eheh. Anyway, thank you for your idea about their being led into a trap or being tested by Kurama or someone. I didn't mean to steal or to diss your idea, really, I didn't, but you saved that chapter from pointless filler. And I really, really liked the idea as something Yuusuke or someone would think of. It just seemed a little…cliché for my tastes. That is, it sounded like a story I could find somewhere else on FFN if I looked hard enough. And, you know, it's been done once, in the real series, so that kind of cancels it out.

Other note: "…let the tears bleed." I didn't know if someone wouldn't get this, so…here it is. No, Kurama is not bleeding. It's a dramatic metaphor. When you bleed and when you cry, the liquid falls in similar ways, so saying the tears are "bleeding" is a slightly melodramatic way of saying he's just letting it all go and crying like there's no tomorrow.

Other, other note: please don't kill me for kind of sort of maybe a little ripping off the end of Keaira's glorious "That Was Then." I was reading it this weekend, and…well…one thing lead to another, and…yeah. Eheh. Oops.

Other, other, _other_ note: was that a cliffhanger? I don't know… I read 'em, I don't write 'em. Unless that is, in which case…oops? Heheh. I'll get the next chapter out…eventually. Thanks for reading.

Only _one_ more, I _promise_: **What2callmyself**,you'll see what Kurama means, my dear. Oh, you'll see…


	21. From a Distance

**Disclaimer: and she was like, "Yeah, YYH is totally mine!" And you know what I did? I sued her sorry ass. So…that's where money comes from, Li-chan. (I have a friend named Li. Not Li Syaoran. I'm not that…weird?)**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty: From a Distance_

_'So what will you do?' the man in the mirror asked. 'Will you throw your life away? Will you finally succumb to the fear? Will you forget it all and waste your time wishing things were the way they should have been?'_

_I will not, he said, and his voice was a trembling whisper._

_The man in the mirror smiled._

_He saw it, and he smiled in return._

_Yes, he said, you smile for me…_

_'I do not.'_

_You care for me…_

_'What proof do you have of such ridiculous assumptions?'_

_You lie and say you don't, but I know…_

_'Now you are delusional.'_

_I know…and you can't hide…_

_'You fear me.'_

_Perhaps. He let his expression drift into a small smile. The man in the mirror took a step closer, and at the same time, a step back. That was the way of this world._

_This was the pinnacle of reality._

_For every accomplishment, there was a step back._

_This was the way in which the world operated._

_The man in the mirror, he said. You are my fears. My doubts. All I hate about myself. So why do you come to me in a mirror?_

_The man laughed. 'I come to you as I have been born. Your fears, your doubts, your hatred of yourself…you make yourself ill. Did you know that? You can barely stand to look at yourself. I am born of that sensation.'_

_I am nothing, he replied simply._

_'So you say. How will you choose to waste your life? How will you choose to keep those you call your friends from becoming contaminated?'_

_He smiled. It was sad, indeed, but also, it was resigned. He accepted that he was tainted, that he was evil in and of itself._

_It was all ringing of forcible defeat, in a way, and it was sorrow._

_'Will you accept what you have forced yourself to become? Or will you throw your soul away?'_

_I will spend my life watching from a distance._

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"…And so we need some coordinates, or something. Anything that doesn't look helpful, even. I mean it, _anything_."

Botan blinked wearily, nodding once. Kuwabara's tale, periodically interrupted by Yuusuke as it had been, was quite a winding one and all rather disturbing. This Miru girl… Though Botan had never heard of her, it was curious how she had managed to stay so under the radar of Reikai. She sounded like a threat.

Yuusuke nudged his way in and snatched the compact. "Any hints?"

The ferry girl shook her head. "Nothing I can think of. I can ask Koenma-sama if he's ever heard of Miru, but otherwise, I think I'm a dead end."

Yuusuke nodded as though he were grateful. "Aa, arigatou."

"Mm, sure…"

Sounding largely defeated, Botan logged out of her end of the conversation, leaving the two friends with a fizzing screen. The tantei flipped down the compact lid, slipping it in his pocket with a heavy sigh.

They thought relatively the same thing.

'We _could_ go see what Hiei and Kurama are up to…

'Or, we could not.'

An equally dead end as Botan promised to be.

Yuusuke paced around a tree impatiently. "Wanna go see what Hiei and Kurama are up to?"

Kuwabara smiled crookedly. It was kind of a funny thing to say.

"We could."

Yuusuke paused in his walk to smile back.

"…Or we could not."

"Right."

The two sighed at the same moment, but neither laughed at the coincidence. It wasn't really a coincidence, and it wasn't really funny. It was impatient, and it was biding pointless free time. As Yuusuke paced, he wondered why he was so bored, and as Kuwabara stared up into the trees, he wondered why they weren't off watching their two youkai friends.

But he knew. Sort of.

This was a private thing between two best friends, and they had no right to intrude. Kurama had looked about to break down entirely, and Hiei had looked oddly caring… Somehow, it all rang of a powerfully repelling aura.

The trees were kind of pretty, the way the light was hitting them like that…

"Maybe Hiei wants our help," Yuusuke voiced. Kuwabara glanced over out of the corner of his eye.

"Aa," he acknowledged, "and maybe Kurama is praying we won't come back until he's composed himself. I think we should just leave them alone."

The raven haired man sighed loudly. "I guess…"

Groping for something, anything to occupy the tense silence threatening to fall between the two, Kuwabara put up his fists and bounced back and forth on his feet.

"Hey, Urameshi, I'll kick your ass if you come anywhere near me."

Yuusuke replied with a casually offhanded wave of the arm.

"Okay, then…"

Kuwabara shook his head bitterly. "No, no, you're supposed to fight me! C'mon, Urameshi, let's go, one more time! For…old time's sake!"

Yuusuke looked back with a sad smile. "It's not old times anymore, Kuwabara."

The carrot top slowly stopped bouncing, dropping his fists to his sides with a stunned expression.

That was so weird, and so out of character.

But Urameshi was right…

It wasn't old times anymore.

"Okay, Urameshi. Okay."

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"I'm so _tired_ of running…" Kurama murmured, somehow having managed to nestle himself into Hiei's arms and sitting like a frightened child on the youkai's lap. "I don't want to do it anymore…"

"Shh," Hiei whispered, petting Kurama's hair. "It's…okay, kitsune. You don't have to run anymore."

"No," Kurama replied, "I mean I don't want to do…_anything_ anymore. I'm so tired, Hiei…"

'You're being selfish, kitsune. Stop thinking of yourself. You cannot even think of others without putting yourself first.

'Or so I'd like to say…'

But, really, no one was any different. Kurama did _try_ to put his friends first; Hiei had seen him do it. After all, why else would he be hanging on still? He thought—knew that they needed him, and still, he wanted to leave them, but he hung on. Because he _was_ trying. Because…well, Hiei was only guessing now, but it was because Kurama was trying to prove that he was different. He was not ruled by the kitsune inside of him, and he could be ningen if he really wanted to.

Or so he thought.

But no one was any different. Kurama's walls would fall soon enough. He would succumb to his nature and put himself first. It was everyone's nature, deep inside. Kitsune, ningen, youkai…inu. All were equal in that way, and it was the most important way. All were equal, deep inside.

It was only a matter of time, but Hiei would hold on, too. Hiei would wait with his friend. Because…because it _meant_ something.

To one of them. Hiei wasn't quite sure who. Maybe both.

"I know, Kurama," he said instead. "I know. It's okay to be tired. Everyone gets tired now and then. But you have to hold on for them, Kurama. For all the people who care about you, who want you around, who need your support and your love."

Kurama burrowed his head into Hiei's chest, muffling his words. "I don't love them…it's all a lie."

"That's not true," the youkai insisted. "I know you love them, Kurama, even if it doesn't always seem like it, or if you don't think so right now. You do. And you need them as much as they need you, maybe even more."

Kurama laughed, or at least, that was what Hiei thought the sound was. The kitsune still hid his face, in shame, perhaps. Hiei couldn't tell.

"I'm too old, too tired to need anyone…why don't they all just give up on me yet? I'm too tired to change. They shouldn't care about me. That's absurd."

Hiei glared down at his friend's prone form. That was crossing the line just a little more than he would allow. Fisting the hand that had been stroking the soft crimson threads, Hiei tugged Kurama's head up to lock their eyes.

"Nonsense."

Kurama smiled wanly.

"Is it?"

The youkai slit his eyes in a narrow glare, tossing his head in what would have been an arrogant gesture under different circumstances. Instead, however, he leaned down to press his forehead against Kurama's in a comforting way. Kurama blinked, and another few tears fell. Perhaps they were only left over from the first torrent, but Hiei couldn't be certain.

"People love you, Kurama."

"People love Shuuichi…" Kurama whispered, and Hiei had another sense that the Kurama no one really saw was being shown to him.

It all came crashing down.

This was Kurama's true fear. This was what kept him awake at night, when his past was creeping up on him and tapping his shoulder. This was what kept him from being perfect, from giving anything his all. This was…what made Kurama vulnerable.

Kurama _was_ vulnerable, wasn't he?

He was afraid. Afraid that no one loved him. Afraid that because no one knew him, no one could love who he really was, and if he chose to tell them…well. By then it would be too late.

His mask was too perfect, too pretty, too…unreal. He couldn't break their visions of false reality because he _tried_ to be a good boy, and he _tried_ to say he was ningen, and he _tried_ to keep the kitsune inside him at bay. But on the inside, where it really mattered…

Kurama was killing himself.

Kurama was…

Dying.

From the inside out…and Hiei?

He could only watch…

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"But…"

Kuwabara turned his head. He and Yuusuke were lying fairly next to each other, if not side by side, staring up at the sky through the trees. Tranquility graced the little clearing they had…found (though, Kuwabara reflected, "created" was more like it). Yuusuke snorted slightly as his friend tried to start up the conversation again.

"But what? You saw the pair of them. They're…busy. The last thing they need is for the two of us to jump in and get in their way."

"I'm just saying, they could need another opinion or something."

Yuusuke rolled over on his side, facing Kuwabara, and sighed. Things really were different, but sometimes it was hard to remember. Kuwabara naturally loved helping people, and Kurama and Hiei were no exception. Apparently, what Yuusuke had thought was his newfound restraint when his help was not wanted had been either nothing more than an illusion, or regressed to the back of his mind in favor of making things "the way they were."

Or, more like "the way we were."

The compact buzzed. Yuusuke flipped the lid open and yawned as he tried to speak.

"Yo, Yuusuke here. What's up, Botan?"

Botan huffed for a few minutes about Yuusuke's rudeness, yawning just before she was about to give him such an important message, but he successfully tuned her out until she had finished. School was useful in the oddest places.

"Well," she said finally, instantly switching to a gossip mode, "Koenma-sama says that Miru has almost entirely avoided Reikai's radar, except for one thing. When she was a child, she was trying to steal a priceless artifact from Mukuro's palace and she was caught." Botan made a face. "She escaped en route to Reikai, but still, we have a little data on her and where she may be setting up shop right now."

"That's perfect!" Kuwabara cried, sitting up and grabbing the compact. He smiled cheekily to Botan who nodded with a hint of nervousness.

"…Yeah. Anyway, here are the coordinates…"

Yuusuke committed the paper she showed them to memory, then nodded a quick goodbye and faked that they had some pressing matter to attend to, closing the compact lid. Botan signed off with a cheery salute, and Yuusuke pretended to gag. Kuwabara laughed.

Yuusuke smiled.

"You're okay, Kuwabara."

Kuwabara blinked. Realization dawned on him suddenly, and he smiled back.

"So are you, Urameshi."

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Hiei took a slow breath. He was playing the role of "best friend"; he needed to do…_something_…

Anything…

Anything to alleviate Kurama's pain… He couldn't die, Yuusuke needed him, Kuwabara needed him, the ningen family needed him…

Hell, for that matter—

_Hiei_ needed him.

Oh, wait—Kurama needed to know that.

"Kurama," Hiei said, "you can't go. Not yet. We need you, all of us. We want you around. We like you."

This was coming out all wrong. It had sounded so noble and brave in Hiei's head to confess to the kitsune that he was loved and revered, but these were not the words. No, no, this was all wrong.

"We can't go on without you, Kurama. We really do care. Your okaasan no ningen loves you. Your friends love you. I love you."

Holy Hell.

Hiei's eyes widened of their own accord.

Oh, no.

Wait. Maybe Kurama would take it in context.

The pretty redhead lifted his eyes to meet Hiei's. "You…you do?"

Here…

"Well," Hiei fumbled, "in that context…yes. I suppose I do."

"But…you do love me? You aren't…you don't hate me? Want me to die? Leave you alone forever?"

Hiei sighed in silent relief, stroking Kurama's hair once more.

"That's what you've been worried over?" Hiei asked softly. "No, Kurama. I don't want you to leave. We all love you. We…we like you. And you know what, kitsune?"

Kurama shook his head, looking for all the worlds like a frightened little boy.

"We all _know_ you, too."

Kurama smiled at that; Hiei's attempts to quell his fears had worked, to some extent. At least he was calmer now.

"Arigatou…" he mumbled, letting his head fall back to Hiei's lap and closing his eyes. Sleep was claiming him already.

Hiei smiled a little. Just a small upturned corner of his mouth, but still…

"You're welcome, my friend."

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Reikai: Spirit Realm

-sama: a most respectful name ending; a high superior

Aa: yeah

Arigatou: thank you

Ningen: human

Youkai: demon

Kitsune: fox

Inu: dog

Okaasan: mother

Note: if anyone has seen the Japanese version of "Kuwabara restored?! A power awakened" (I think the English version is called "Kuwabara Restored" or something), you might recognize the line "Or so I'd like to say." Kuwabara said it to Mitarai right as he was taking him with his other friends back to Yuusuke's apartment. I was tired when I wrote this chapter, and I thought of that line for some reason, and I like it, and so…you're stuck with it. Yeah.

Other note: **What2callmyself**, d'you see where your question is…sort of answered? Sixth paragraph of the "Hiei and Kurama" passage. Sorry if it's kind of obscure. Eheh.

Other, other note: the line "Kitsune, ningen, youkai…inu" is a little private joke. It's drawing on the common satirical remark that people are like dogs when they behave in a disorganized, mob-like manner. It's like he groping for metaphors. Imagine him saying it in a manner as though he's speaking in a rush, but not exactly sure what to say until he says it. It's funny if you get it right.

One more note: Kurama _isn't_ perfect, not even in school. I forget just which episode, but in the one where we're shown Kurama at his school, and how he got top marks in his class again, he gets a 498 or so.


	22. Down to My Level

**Disclaimer: yes, that's right. I'm writing fanfiction for my own show. Really. I swear. /sarcasm**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-One: Down to My Level_

_'You will sit back and let your own life be run by someone else?' the man in the mirror questioned darkly. 'You are a fool, indeed.'_

_I will not be the one to taint their purity._

_The man looked down on him; how, he did not know, for the impression had been that he was the more elevated of the two. But he smiled all the same._

_They are not like me. I will not bring them down to my level, force them to be my friends._

_The man in the mirror let his eyes widen, just a bit. The man was surprised…how odd. He smiled at that, too._

_'You…are afraid,' the man said slowly. 'You are afraid they will abandon you.'_

_I am._

_'Do you not understand that your friends stand by your side?'_

_His smiled wavered slightly, but did not fade. No one was by his side who should be. That much was clear._

_I see my friends, he admitted. And I know what will happen to them if they remain with me. It has happened to all who came before._

_A drop of black ink on a sheet of white paper will bleed, and eventually the paper will no longer be white. No one will remember that it used to be white as snow. They will see only the charred black, and they will think it has always been that way. I will not be the one to taint the purity of my friends. I will not be that ink on their beautiful souls._

_The man in the mirror lowered himself to his level._

_And laughed._

_'You are so wrong,' the man said clearly, as though his voice and his laughter were two distinct prints. Maybe they were. Who was he to say? 'You are so wrong, and you make no attempt to be right.'_

_I am no such thing._

_'Your friends do not fear you. They are as tormented, as stained, as tainted as you are. There is no ink here, for there is no white paper to blacken.'_

_You lie._

_'I do not._

_'I have told you before._

_'We are all the same.'_

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"Hey, Kuwabara. Do you have some paper and a pen on you?"

The ningen shuffled around in his pockets and withdrew a pen, but no paper. He shrugged helplessly, offering the utensil all the same.

"Gomen ne."

Yuusuke nodded as he took the pen. "S'okay. Thanks. I'll use some bark or something."

Kuwabara nodded. That was awfully resourceful of Urameshi…out of character, even. It brought a smile to the nervous man's face.

"Kuwabara," Yuusuke said softly. "What do you think is going on with Kurama? I mean, really?"

A little taken aback at that question, Kuwabara stared ahead blankly for a few moments before answering.

"Well," he said carefully, "I don't know, really. I can't be sure…but it seems that Hiei is the only one who can help. If I had to guess, I would say our dear friend has finally had his past catch up with him."

"You think?" Yuusuke asked dryly. "But…why now? I mean, Kurama's been dealing with this for what, twenty four years, now, ne? He's in graduate school, he's got a good life for himself. He's the smartest guy I know, he could have any girl he wanted. Nothing's really changed since we last left off."

"Left off?" Kuwabara asked quietly, staring off into space. Yuusuke nodded once.

"Yeah, I guess…that's just how I think of it. Of everything. It's not that we were ever really gone; just that we stopped having a conversation at some point, and now we're back to pick up the pieces and rewind a little to remember where we left off."

"Ah…yeah, I see…"

The two friends sat side by side in the midst of the trees, staring up, around, left, right, anywhere but at each other. Finally, Yuusuke broke the spell and flicked Kuwabara's shoulder, catching the taller man's attention.

"You really are a good friend, Kuwabara."

Slightly put off at the method used to attract him, followed by such a serious comment, Kuwabara narrowed his eyes and sniffed slightly. Yuusuke smiled with all the childishness of a five year old. He was kind of…innocent looking, for someone who had killed so many youkai in his day. Maybe even…cute.

Kuwabara felt his resolve slide away.

"…So are you, Urameshi."

They each slipped off into a private world for a time, until Yuusuke remembered something.

"So, really. Why now? Why is Kurama getting so…weird?"

Kuwabara shook his head. "I don't know…his life's just caught up with him, really. That's what I think."

"Then he needs our help," Yuusuke reasoned. Kuwabara smiled, but shook his head.

"Na. That's what Hiei's for. Leave 'em alone, ne?"

Yuusuke sighed.

"Ten more minutes."

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"Hiei?"

"Hm?"

The youkai jerked himself out of a slight reverie; he had thought his kitsune friend was asleep. Apparently not.

"Nanda?"

Kurama toyed with the straps of Hiei's belt that lay in his reach. Twining them around his fingers, he smiled to himself.

"Did you really mean all that you said earlier? About people loving me? Or was it just an excuse to get me to lighten up a little?"

Hiei coughed out a little chuckle at Kurama's lingering fears. It was kind of cute, in a strange, strange way.

'"I love you."

'At least he's not asking me about _that_.'

Patting Kurama's hair as he spoke, Hiei found it strangely comforting. "I meant it, kitsune. I really did." He grinned smugly as Kurama raised his slightly tousled red head. "Though it didn't hurt you to lighten up, did it?"

The two paused for a moment, time seemingly suspended as red eyes bore down on the green that bore down on them.

Then Kurama laughed.

Right out loud, the kitsune chortled, practically doubled over on himself as he clutched his stomach. Hiei glared at the back of his head, raising his hand in a threat the slap his friend before he remembered that he would never slap Kurama, and the threat would do no good if Kurama couldn't see it. Which, at the moment, he certainly couldn't.

Hiei contented himself with sulking off into the distance.

Kurama slowly got out the last coughs of his giggles before looking back at Hiei, his face reddened.

Hiei was Not Pleased.

"Are you laughing at _me_, kitsune?" he bit out. Kurama chuckled again.

"Yes," he admitted. "The very idea of you telling me to lighten up…eheh… It's quite amusing."

Hiei crossed his arms and pouted off to the side, prompting another wave of laughs somewhat less vibrant than the first. Sickly disturbed, he suddenly realized that he liked the sound of Kurama's laughter.

'No. By no means do I enjoy the sound of a friend laughing. That is absurd.'

It was ridiculous.

It was ludicrous.

It was preposterous.

It was true.

'Holy Hell…'

"Yare, yare…" Kurama said softly, "arigatou gozaimashita, Hiei."

The youkai smiled, offering his hand to Kurama. The kitsune smiled and took it, letting Hiei help pull him from his position lying across his friend's lap to a seated one, and the pair stood side by side.

"Hiei! Kurama!" Yuusuke's voice screeched from a distance away. "We're coming in, no matter what you guys are doing, so I would do that thing you do where you leap apart at the last second! Except do it now, before we catch something incriminating!"

Kurama chuckled, and Hiei coughed out a short laugh.

From the sound of things, Yuusuke and Kuwabara were still about fifteen meters away. Kurama knelt beside Hiei and whispered in his ear for a mere moment before they were interrupted.

"Do you love me, Hiei?"

"Mm-hmm," the youkai replied absently. Kurama smiled to himself as Hiei's eyes suddenly snapped open.

'Oh, holy Hell.

'Oops.'

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"Botan _finally_ came through with something useful!" Yuusuke shouted, waving around the compact. Kurama straightened his tunic and nodded absently. Hiei was sitting in a tree above the others.

"Yeah, took her long enough, too," Kuwabara added. "But Urameshi memorized the next set of coordinates. So we can go as soon as Hiei gets down here."

"I'll be there," came the terse reply from the crown of a tree above Kurama. The kitsune chuckled a bit.

"Very well, then. Do you know how to get there from here?" He mindlessly stroked his hair as he spoke, petting the fine threads. Hiei smiled to himself; Kurama was nearly mimicking his own previous actions, whether it was a sign that he missed it or something else. It was kind of…sweet? Cute? No, no…comforting. Yes, Hiei could handle comforting. To a certain extent.

Yuusuke was calculating something in his head, drawing numbers in the air and muttering to himself. Hiei casually glanced over, his skeptical expression obvious to anyone who could see through the crown of the tree where he sat. That is to say, no one.

A moment later, the tantei proudly held up his fingers in a "Victory" sign. "I have no idea!" he proclaimed. Kurama leaned against the tree trunk, hand to his forehead, and Hiei leapt down to mock-comfort the poor kitsune. That had been quite a blow, after all. Urameshi was a real fool when he wanted to be.

"What did Botan tell you?" Kuwabara asked. Yuusuke rattled off the coordinates for a location to the far north, and Kurama snapped out of his stupor to offer assistance.

"I know where that is," he said quickly. "Far north."

'Just as I suspected,' Hiei thought smugly.

"About a day's walk for a normal ningen, so we should make it in an hour or two if we run."

Kuwabara audibly groaned, and Yuusuke rubbed the back of his head. He appeared to be regretting…something. Probably something that was out of his control to begin with. It was no concern of the others', whatever it was.

Kurama paced about for a moment before picking up a sizeable piece of bark from the ground. Plucking a sap-filled needle from a nearby tree, he etched a quick drawing of their location compared to the coordinates.

"I've been there before. An old friend of mine used to live there, as a matter of fact, but he's long dead now. On a heist or some such thing."

Yuusuke marveled at Kurama's indifference, and Kuwabara tilted his head at it. An old friend? Maybe he hadn't been a very good one. Yet, Kurama spoke of the creature's death so casually… Was he truly the heartless Youko Kurama on the inside?

Maybe.

But there was no time for that now. Kurama was explaining how many degrees they needed to change course by to make it to the cave.

Yuusuke nodded importantly and Kurama rolled his eyes slightly. Not enough to be noticeable. No, that would be rude.

"This way," he added helpfully by the time he had finished his calculations. Yuusuke followed as if he were the leader, and Kurama smiled.

Maybe things hadn't changed that much after all…

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Yuusuke turned around periodically to ask for direction and make sure he was going the right way. Kurama and Hiei took turns explaining that he was just a shade too far left or right, or once, that he was nearly a mile off course, but neither had said anything for fear of making him look stupid and invoking his wrath. Yuusuke had muttered to himself over that one, and Kuwabara had laughed right out loud. Neither Kurama nor Hiei really minded, so it all went unnoticed.

One such time, he turned and stopped, looking right at Kurama.

"Did we ever get to that whip shop?" he asked seriously. "I thought you said it might help."

Kurama nodded. "No, we didn't. I thought it might help locate Kurokyoui, but since Botan and Koenma have theorized that Miru is the bigger fish, so to speak, and we have a general coordinate for her, I figure it's not worth the trouble."

"…Oh. Okay, then."

They paced on for a long while, running at high speeds and stopping for breaks every two or three dozen miles or so. The pauses were short, mainly for Kuwabara to catch his breath, and Hiei, surprisingly, did not protest. Maybe he had learned some restraint over the years. Kurama found it an odd mixture of something both pleasing and painful. It was sweet that he was making an effort, but a bit straining that this Hiei was not the Hiei who Kurama had come to know so well in his younger years. It was a little…wrong.

Pushing those thoughts out of his mind, Kurama reconfigured the calculations to account for the time and relative speed they had traveled at. It was nearly nineteen, from the look of the sky and the ways the light was hitting the ground; they were making better time than he had expected. The desired location was only about fifty miles away.

"Twenty-five miles southwest, twenty miles south, and five miles southeast," Kurama rattled off quickly. "Then we'll be there."

Kuwabara grinned and punched his own palm. "Great," he said with a smirk in his voice. "I feel better than I have in years, I can take on anything."

Hiei let his eyelids droop in a lethargic boredom. "Don't get carried away," he muttered. Kuwabara glared down at him, but nothing else came of it.

"Let's go!" Yuusuke howled, marching off at a comparatively sluggish pace. Kurama shook his head wearily at the youth creeping into Yuusuke's demeanor, and Kuwabara yelped as he dashed off after his friend. Hiei leaned up to whisper into the kitsune's ear.

"Don't worry. Us two will be sane together."

Kurama smiled.

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Ningen: human  
Gomen ne: sorry  
Youkai: demon  
Kitsune: fox  
Nanda: what is it  
Yare, yare: my, my…  
Arigatou gozaimashita: thank you very much  
Nineteen: seven o'clock in the evening

Note: earlier on, I may have said Kurama was in college. Well, I was wrong. Leave me alone. -.-

Other note: I say "holy Hell" all the time. It's a substitute for things like "holy shit," which is rather disgusting the more you think about it. Anyway, that's why it's there. It's not alluding to Hiei's devotion to the underworld or anything.

Other, other note: the bit about not attending the whip shop is not just random filler. I won't say anything more right now, but you'll see later on. (Hint, hint: **Dark Inu Fan**, I _might_ use your idea. In a way. But then, I might not. The idea is in its planning stages.)


	23. Take Steps Backwards

**Disclaimer: mou. Yes, that's right: mou.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Two: Take Steps Backwards_

_You have told me many things before, he returned shortly. Why should I believe you now? Why should I have believed you then?_

_The man in the mirror smiled to himself. 'I do not need to give you a reason to believe,' he said. 'You do that for yourself. I do not know why you believe, only that you do.'_

_He tried to scream, but something covered his mouth. What was it? The man in the mirror stood far from him, and he could see the lithe form clearly through this clamp down on his voice. He felt something hot and cool—how was that? Yet it was true, he knew—sliding over his lips and freezing his voice inside itself._

_The man in the mirror laughed loudly._

_Do not laugh at me! he tried to shout. Do you know what is keeping my voice in? Tell me!_

_But he could not make noise at all, much less speak._

_This tormented hush, this unbearable silence falling over him in waves was excruciating, and he could barely keep himself from tearing out of this world and letting his body fall to oblivion. But he couldn't do that, could he? No, he was trapped, trapped like a fox to a dog, and there was no way out._

_The man's echoing chortles tore through him, knives breaking his skin and ripping out his hair, thrashing his body to pieces. He writhed in pain, in this horribly evil torment, but the torture did not end. Could not end? Maybe so. But this was his own mind…there was nothing here but himself. He was killing himself from the inside out._

_Then it all came crashing down._

_The cool heat liquefied, dripping away and giving him back his voice. The man in the mirror stopped laughing, and suddenly the ground returned. He was sitting on something hard, something solid. Something like a rock. In fact, it was a rock._

_He screamed._

_DON'T SAY THOSE THINGS! he shouted. Tears formed in his eyes and he could feel them. DO NOT TELL ME I AM WRONG! DO NOT TELL ME WE ARE ALL THE SAME! I AM MYSELF AND YOU CANNOT TAKE THAT FROM ME!_

_All the while, the man in the mirror sat back and watched. A small smile danced across his face._

_MY FRIENDS ARE KIND PEOPLE! he began again. The man's smile only fueled his rage. THEY WILL NOT BE TAINTED BY ME BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW THEM TO BE! I WILL WATCH THEM AND I WILL ALLOW THEM TO STAY PURE!_

_The man in the mirror stood and stalked over to him._

_'Listen to yourself,' he said quietly. 'Listen to your words, to your screams, to your tirades, and then tell me I am wrong. Then tell me you are alone.'_

_The man held his shoulders and locked him in place on the rock._

_'You are not alone. You have never been alone. Take steps backwards and you will see._

_'You are a fool._

_'See it all.'_

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"So where are we going again?" Yuusuke asked casually.

Kuwabara turned on him. "I thought you memorized the coordinates!"

"Eheh…"

Kurama and Hiei stopped momentarily, waiting for the two friends to sort out their differences. After a long minute, Kurama leaned down to whisper in Hiei's ear.

"When do you think they'll remember that Yuusuke wrote down the coordinates?"

Hiei shrugged. "Or that neither of them know what the coordinates mean, anyway," he replied. Kurama laughed softly, only a little surprised at Hiei's light attempt at humor.

The group had unintentionally divided itself back into two pairs, and Kurama marveled at how easily he had been partnered with Hiei. It was not unusual—quite the opposite, in fact. This was the way things had always happened before. Yuusuke and Kuwabara, Kurama and Hiei… The pairs were undeniable. They were all friends, of course. They had been through too much together not to be. But, still, this was how they were split.

How to Drown a Person in Sentiment and Sap, by Kurama.

How cute.

He impulsively ruffled Hiei's hair. The youkai swatted at his hand in response, but Kurama playfully dodged his arm and ducked his own underneath to continue his expired ministrations. Hiei leapt to the side, Kurama tailing him perfectly. Yuusuke and Kuwabara's scuffle went unnoticed as the pair engaged in their own fray, and soon a full blown chase had erupted from the playful teasing.

Hiei rushed forward, ducking underneath and between the trees as Kurama dashed after him. Periodically looking over his shoulder, thereby breaking one of the most fundamental rules of the chase and giving it a much needed playful air, the youkai dodged Kurama's periodic swings and made sure to keep his pace slow. Peals of laughter erupted from either end of the field, sometimes from Yuusuke and Kuwabara's side, sometimes from Kurama and Hiei's.

Hiei smiled a little. Kurama was surely out of his self-pitying misery. How he had managed to help, he had no idea, but he was glad he had done whatever it was that did it.

'Three…two…one!'

Kurama took a catapulting jump forward and pinned Hiei underneath himself. Hiei fell to the ground with a "huff" noise, feeling breath escape his lungs. Kurama laughed and assaulted him, fingers gliding up and down his friend's sides as he tickled him.

Hiei wasn't ticklish in the conventional sense, of course. But it was sweet, in a way, a kind of harmless play that rarely came about and was unheard of in Makai. Letting the redhead have his way for another few moments, Hiei turned and flipped Kurama on his back, reversing their positions and sitting on the kitsune's chest in a pin.

"I win," he declared firmly. Kurama let out another cough of a laugh.

"You do," he relented. Hiei's smug smile was only adding to the point, and he didn't know if rebelling against the firmly planted youkai would do him any good. Probably more harm, actually.

"Oi!" Yuusuke's call echoed across the grass. "C'mon, guys, let's go! I have the coordinates written down!"

Hiei and Kurama smirked to each other as the youkai stood gracefully off of his friend, offering a hand to help him up. Surprised at the gesture, Kurama hesitated, causing Hiei to mistake the action and withdraw his arm. Kurama smiled, getting himself up and draping his arm across Hiei in a half hug. The youkai fidgeted, but Kurama released him anyway and they walked over to their friends.

"Do you, Yuusuke?" Kurama asked kindly, pretending not to remember that Yuusuke had flourished the directions earlier on. Hiei looked away to hide his grin.

"Yeah, I guess I forgot I had them in my pocket," Yuusuke replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Ready?"

"Quite."

Kuwabara and Yuusuke took on matching poses, pointing off towards a nearby forest. They added some flourish to their gestures and stepped forward.

"ONWARD!" the cried in unison, charging off. Kurama briefly wondered if they had rehearsed that, or it had just been natural. Either option was plausible.

Hiei looked up at Kurama. "Should we tell them?" he asked with a snicker.

"We have to, I suppose," the kitsune replied.

Hiei nodded, relenting easily, and darted forward a few steps.

"Yuusuke! Kuwabara! It's this way!"

"ONWARD THIS WAY!"

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The trek had lasted only a few short minutes more when Kurama held out his arm to stop Hiei. Yuusuke quickly noticed the silence behind himself and Kuwabara, and paused to look back, Kuwabara following suit. Kurama's eyes had glazed over with a bitter black-tinted green. Even Hiei paused in surprise.

"Here. There it is," Kurama spat, pointing.

A large house loomed over the horizon, elegantly furnished and with large, ornate doors. It was not the sort of thing Yuusuke would expect of Miru, who, from what the youkai had told them, preferred small, hidden places like caves. But no—a massive golden dragon coiled around the entrance, which was painted with a pair of large, vicious looking golden eyes. Silver seemed to float from the dragon's presence in thick coils of elegant fabric, almost like ropes of fine fur. Kurama grit his teeth and his eyes drew into slits as he laid eyes upon the silver coils and golden eyes. He and Hiei darted forward, ahead of Yuusuke and Kuwabara, stopping short just before the entrance.

Kuwabara looked to Yuusuke with a question in his eyes. "What was that about?"

Yuusuke shrugged halfheartedly, his attention focused more on the two who had just run off. He followed them, Kuwabara trailing behind him slightly.

"This is definitely Miru's stronghold," Kurama growled. "The place reeks of misfits." A low, throaty sound crept into his voice as he spoke, and Hiei turned querying, slightly worried eyes on him. Yuusuke made a move to go to the kitsune, but stopped himself, and Kuwabara wisely hung back.

The place reeked of misfits? Did Kurama know something he wasn't telling them? Kuwabara nodded slowly.

The hiyoukai stalked forward and pushed open the door—it was surprisingly easy, if too heavy for a normal ningen. The coils of silver fur laced around him in an arc, rearing back as he swatted them away.

Kurama growled again, storming after his friend. This time, the silver went directly down to the trespasser, tying themselves around his chest and pinning him in place. Yuusuke darted forward and tried to pry them off, but they only rewove themselves, lengthening and keeping Kurama for themselves.

As for the redhead, he was looking out at the hall before him with purely silver eyes, devoid of all color. A faint aura pulsated around his body, growing stronger every second until he was surrounded by a fire of bright pink ki. The flames of energy swept up the silver furs, throwing them back and allowing Kurama to pass in peace. He did, but not before throwing another shock of power at the furs for good measure, burning them to threads. Yuusuke and Kuwabara darted through the archway of the door before the silks could reweave themselves again.

The dragon appeared to struggle against its bindings to the wall, twisting and thrashing about as it turned its head down, nipping at the group of them. Yuusuke threatened it with a Rei Gan, but it merely snorted and withdrew itself. The silver fur fell in newly woven ropes before the door, a thin blockade against the outside world.

Kurama glared again, spitting once on the floor.

The merry little brigade walked down the hall in a loose formation, Kurama at the head.

Hiei was torn between stepping forward and hanging back.

Kuwabara was firmly keeping himself a meter behind the silently raging kitsune.

Yuusuke sighed.

The team was going to hell.

Again.

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"She's around here somewhere, I know it."

Hiei finally decided to walk up to his friend, though he kept his arms folded across his chest. "Kits—Kurama. She's not here, we've searched up and down every corridor. It's hopeless. Let's go, we'll see if we can find any more clues."

Kurama turned in a flurry of red and white, his eyes flashing angrily. Completely devoid of…emotion, practically. Hiei tried hard to keep himself neutral.

"I _smell_ her!" Kurama insisted again, louder than the first. "She's _here_! I can't give up!"

Frantically, Kurama pointed down the hall to the door there. "That door. There are youkai behind it, I can tell. You can't sense their youki? You can't smell their stench?"

Yuusuke stepped forward, keeping his hands before himself in an attempt to be placating. "Calm down, Kurama," he said softly. Kurama turned a wild gaze on him, and Yuusuke paused, stepping backwards once. Clearly steeling his resolve as he grit his teeth, Yuusuke tried again.

"Kurama, it's okay. Miru probably _was_ here. I bet there _were_ youkai behind that door." He shook his head slowly, keeping his eyes on the mad kitsune. "But the smell can't be more than just lingering. We've been through the whole house. I don't—"

"You don't _know_ what this is like!" Kurama shouted furiously. "You don't know her scent! You don't know her youki! You don't know what this is like!"

"Kurama," said Kuwabara, stepping forward. The raging gaze turned to him instead, but the ningen did not back away. Fear danced in his eyes for a moment, but he tightly shut them and when they opened, he only held a wish to help his friend. "We want to help you, we really do. We all want Miru to pay, I think. We want to keep our promises to Kira, to Makoto, to…everyone. But we can't, if you're going to be irrationally storming into every place we find. If you're sensing youki that just isn't there. We need your help, not to carry you around as a useless mental patient."

"You don't _understand_!" Kurama shrieked again. "None of you! You're all wrong! All of this, all of this is all wrong!"

Yuusuke stepped forward. "Kurama…?"

"All of it!" the redhead screamed. "Miru is supposed to be here! She can't have foreseen that we would come here! She should be here! We should fight, and we should narrowly win—it should look to everyone as though we're going to lose. But then you, Kuwabara, or you, Yuusuke, or even you, Hiei, will come up with a special attack and we will be too strong and she will die! That's the way it's supposed to work! And we will make up for all the youkai Miru and Kurokyoui hurt, and we will tell them Miru is dead, and they will ask us to find Kurokyoui and kill him, too, and we will! It will be an easier battle than the one with Miru, but we will overestimate him slightly—we will be worried, just a little, but we will see that he is weaker than that and we will win! That's the way it's supposed to be!"

Yuusuke and Kuwabara exchanged a sidelong glance; this was going a little far from the Kurama they knew. In fact, it was a downright different person. Not Youko, not Shuuichi, and certainly not Kurama.

Hiei, on the other hand, had never been one to sit still. Walking—more like gliding, really, but how was he doing that?—up to Kurama, the hiyoukai firmly grabbed his friend's wrists and threw him sharply to the ground, sitting on him for good measure and to make sure he wouldn't run off. Kurama, still frantic over Miru, didn't seem to notice until he landed flat on his back.

"Hiei!" he bellowed. "Let me up right _now_!"

"No," Hiei snapped back, his voice dangerously low. "Kurama, this is absurd. You know Miru isn't here. We all do. Now, we can calm down and look for clues, or we can haul your sorry ass back to Shiori's place and tell her you've gone insane. Maybe she'll even spring to get you into an asylum, if you're lucky. Or you could move back in with her." His eyes glowing dangerously, Hiei leaned down until they were nose to nose. "Your choice, my friend."

Kurama even had the decency to gulp slightly. He nodded against the cold ground, his hair mussing against his skull. Satisfied, Hiei rolled off of his chest and stood, pointedly not offering Kurama a hand.

This was not the Kurama any of them knew. This was not even a Kurama who Kurama knew. He was not calm, he was frantic. He was not thoughtful, he was arbitrary. He was not even in control of himself, it seemed; he was letting his emotions control him. Tears glowed in his eyes as Hiei peered down at him. The kitsune started to push himself off of the ground, but at the very last moment, Hiei knelt and put out his hand. Kurama cocked his head at the odd change in tone, but took the help and let Hiei hoist him off his knees.

Kuwabara made sure to stand not too far from the others that he seemed afraid or untrusting, but not too close that he would seem care free or unobservant. Yuusuke noticed, but chose not to speak. Instead, he took a long, loud breath to break the tense silence.

"So, Hiei, you said something about clues?"

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Youkai: demon

Makai: Demon Realm, Hell

Kitsune: fox

Oi: hey

Hiyoukai: a fairly common fan term for Hiei, loosely translated as "fire demon"

Ningen: human

Ki: power

Rei Gan: spirit gun

Youki: demon power

Note: "Not Youko, not Shuuichi, and certainly not Kurama." Sometimes Kurama acts like Youko used to (in battle perhaps, such as his fight with Karasu), sometimes he acts like Shuuichi might (in school would be a good example), usually he's a mix of the two (when he's around the other Tantei, normally this is how he acts). Don't ask. This is my warped little world, remember.


	24. Demon in Disguise

**Disclaimer: happy festive nondenominational holiday season.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Three: Demon in Disguise_

_He looked up into the eyes of the man in the mirror. Nothing but glass, glass and mercury and a red stain…only a mirror staring him in the face, showing him a part of himself he had never known existed. The red stain might as well have been blood, it shone so brightly. He was staring at himself, at the parts of him he hated…at the parts of him that were stained with blood. At his innermost core. At who he really was. At what he really was. A cracked mirror stained with blood._

_That was all._

_He was nothing but a demon in disguise._

_I want to leave and never return._

_'Why are you crying?' asked the man in the mirror. He blinked and the tears did not pause._

_'Are you sad because of me? Are you sad because you have finally realized what you truly are?'_

_I am crying because I have realized that life is not worth living. His voice was flat, almost preprogrammed. The man in the mirror cocked his head._

_'We are all demons in disguise, you know. Each and every one of us. Every person desires something dastardly, to do something wicked because it is wrong. You have done nothing more than express these desires and allow them to come true.'_

_I have done horrible things, he said in a voice of wood. My hands are stained with blood. I do not know why I can still see them through all the red._

_'Because all was done in the name of good.'_

_In this form, perhaps, he said, but not before. I wanted life to go back to before, but not too far. Everything comes with regulations, with criteria and laws that sometimes we forget to mention. I wish for life to return to the way it was, but only if it will follow my rules. And life follows no one's rules. I am asking for things impossible._

_'We all ask for things impossible,' said the man in the mirror. 'That is what makes us real. We desire things out of our grasp. We spend our lives begging for that which we cannot have, setting goals for ourselves which will never be reached. That is why the human works, that is why the demon kills. He is struggling for something he has long since lost sight of, but working and killing has become all he knows, and so he continues to reach for something he cannot have in the only manner he has learned. We do not change as life goes on. We grow and our innermost desires and our innermost needs and teachings remain the same. We only add to what is already there.'_

_Then the man knelt down and locked eyes with him. Green and gold sparkled in a wondrous blend as they met with the red glass of the mirror. Something passed between the colors, though neither man really knew what, nor did they care. It didn't really matter, after all._

_'We all spend our lives trying to forge new shells, but only a few of us succeed. And is it best? I do not know. You do not know. It cannot be known, because once we have forged that new shell, we can never go back to the way we were, and remaining with those who can do no more than try, we know nothing of the world beyond our grasp. It is a tenuous balance between what we know and what we think we know, what we want to know so badly that we believe we do know it. No one can know both worlds they ways they claim to, and no one can do any more than lie._

_'Whose life is a lie? Everyone. No life is not. Every secret kept, every word not spoken, all of it forms the lies which make us who we are. Some are riddled with more lies than others, but in our souls, in our very cores, we are all lies. We are all secrets, and every secret is a lie to add to the walls we build.'_

_But a secret is not truly a lie, he argued. It is merely a word not spoken._

_'And what is that but a lie? All that deserves to be said, that deserves to be known, but is not, all of that is a lie. Many lies on top of each other. Before making a choice, a person deserves to know all that he can of any consequence, and any consequence that can come of any action. Yet someone will know something he does not say, and what is that but a lie? The unspoken questions are known to all, and some are answered while others are not. Those not are no more than truths concealed. Things that mislead.'_

_Stop being right…I beg of you… Please, leave me alone in my soul and in my mind, and let me live the lies I was meant to._

_'Are you happy living these lies of yours?'_

_I only want things to be normal again…_

_'And what is normal but a state of being? A person cannot define how things are meant to be. All things are normal.'_

_Stop being so right…_

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Hiei looked over at Yuusuke in the slightest bit of surprise at the apt diversion. He had mentioned clues, yes, that was true. Now, of course, he needed to do some quick thinking to come up with what they might be.

"Ki traces," he said suddenly, hiding the fact that he was pleased with himself at the equally apt (not to mention believable) response. "Any items we might find around here. We know Miru used to live here as a child, and if we assume her obsession with the eyes of God can be traced back that far, it explains the eye on the door." At this, Kurama snorted his disbelief, but it went unmentioned. "See if there are any clearly more recent signs of her arrival aside from the freshness of the silver ropes' power."

Yuusuke and Kuwabara gave sharp nods, each running off in entirely opposite directions. Kurama nodded slowly as he walked off, clearly contemplating something. Hiei gave him a second or so head start before his hand snapped out to grab the redhead's wrist.

"_You_ are coming with _me_," he said firmly. "I don't want you…going all spastic on me again, even worse that you should do it when no one is around to calm you down and get you back in your head. And, if I can, I _will_ find out what is making you act so absurdly."

Kurama smiled forlornly and nodded, not so much to Hiei as it was to the wall or to the floor, or even to himself. Hiei spit on the floor and cursed under his breath in a strange blend of Makai dialects that Kurama didn't even try to understand.

"Yes," said the kitsune softly. "Very well. All right, then. That's good. Let's go. Which way?"

Hiei raised an eyebrow at Kurama's less than eloquent response. Well, he already knew _something_ was wrong with his friend. It was only a matter of figuring out what.

"Which way?" Kurama repeated in the same even tone. Hiei nodded down a hall different from the ways Yuusuke and Kuwabara had gone. The pair started off and Hiei let Kurama direct them, neither of the two speaking for any reason. There was really no need to, after all.

Padding slowly so as to keep pace with the lagging redhead, Hiei looked over at his companion and frowned. What _was_ wrong with the kitsune? He was being so drastically out of character, and in such a manner… Something was wrong more than what Kurama was willing to tell them. If, Hiei amended to himself, Kurama was willing to tell them anything at all.

It had been sparked at the sight of the cavernous house, Hiei remembered. They had been playing beforehand, and as far as Hiei knew, their chases didn't spark any sort of hatred in Kurama, and hatred was certainly what this was all about. Or at least, a part of it. Then after the sparking, it had been intensified at the door when Kurama had seen the magnificent golden eyes and silver ropes. Silver ropes like fur, Hiei remembered. Now that he thought about it, the golden eyes and the silver ropes quite made him think of Kurama's kitsune form, Youko.

His head snapped back and red eyes flew wide as Hiei stopped short.

That was it. That was the secret to Kurama's horrible hatred, to Kurama's connection to Miru. He had answered the main thrust of the mystery.

But Kurama himself still needed to fill in the blanks.

And there were blanks, to be sure.

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Yuusuke paced through corridor after corridor, and he couldn't keep from wondering if Hiei's suggestion of looking for clues had been meant to distract Kurama more than to gather information. This hideout had been abandoned for years, as far as he could tell. Nothing looked or felt fresh or new. The youki was stale and weakened from what it had been when first left, like paintings on a wall that had been long smudged by rain and then covered with layers of soot and dirt.

Opening yet another door, walking into yet another room, Yuusuke paused to look it over and hold his nose against the oncoming sneeze from the filth of the room. The sensation ebbing away, Yuusuke took on a bored expression and walked across the dust-covered floor.

Wait…

The floor had no dust resting on it. How very odd. Otherwise, this room was no different from the others he had been to; not in terms of architecture, at least, nothing special to keep dust away. There were no fixtures on the walls, no tarps on the floor, not even a broom for a caretaker (not as if there were one, anyway). So what could have happened here that hadn't happened anywhere else? Curious, Yuusuke turned up his youki just a little bit.

Suddenly an overpowering ki slammed into his senses, and Yuusuke, unprepared for the stir, was nudged back a few steps and tossed up his arms out of instinct before realizing he was alone in the room. But the sensation felt so fresh, so…recent. And so identifiable. What was that all about? It seemed to almost have a distinct air about it, clearly youki, but with another flare attached. Somehow familiar it was, too.

Slowly, as he paced around the room, Yuusuke came to a realization. Maybe it was the blood on the floor—wait, blood? That was different. Anyway, maybe it was the blood on the floor (that was probably most of it, come to think of it), maybe it was the familiar tinge to the aura in the room (which he had finally placed, though it took him far too long), maybe it was what he knew of Miru's character (precious little though it might have been), but whatever it was, Yuusuke recognized the ki floating around him.

Remembering scraps of the various youki he had felt at the previous locations of youkai and adding it to his recognition of the aura's tint, plus the blood, Yuusuke decided what must have caused the odd ki. It was torture, most plainly, but not only that, it was weak youkai being tortured and made to bleed by Miru. She had most likely pinned them to the floor, based on the fact that there were no bloodstains on the walls, and held a knife or some such thing to their bodies. Most likely their throats, based on what Yuusuke knew of her sadistic tendencies.

But maybe she had whipped them, though that would lead to blood marks on the wall, wouldn't it? Not if they had been pinned to the ground, necessarily. That would account for her sadism, her preferred weapon, and the odd ki.

But if that were the case, and Yuusuke now strongly suspected it was, then Miru had to have been in the stronghold only a few days before, two at most, by the sensation of the ki. So there should be dead youkai piled up in the mansion somewhere. Hopefully they had already been found, but if they hadn't, and Yuusuke couldn't take the chance in assuming that they had, then they would need to be. And who better to find them than the one who had deciphered their existence? Kurama, maybe, but he was not in his right mind.

Tantei Yuusuke was on the case.

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Kuwabara wandered through the abandoned halls of the stronghold, his senses turned on "high" and his eyes out for anything abnormal. Well aware that the entire "search for clues" side mission was probably meant only to distract them from Kurama, the ningen was not deterred. He would at least try. Something was telling him that there _were_ clues here, if only he could find them.

His reikan spiked suddenly, prodding at him as he passed an old wall scroll. It was a pretty thing, yes, but why had his reikan reacted to it so? Warily, Kuwabara edged forward and tugged back a corner of the cloth. Silk—but why should he be surprised?

Oddly enough (or maybe it was only to be expected, but whatever the reaction), the tapestry fell aside to reveal a hole in the wall. Kuwabara gulped and looked down into the abyss, seeing a staircase waiting there. It appeared to be the source of his reikan acting up…but he didn't particularly like dark, dank passages into the basement of some stronghold he and his friends were invading.

Time to take one for the team.

Holding his breath to block most of the disgusting smell of the passage, Kuwabara walked slowly down the steps, careful to feel for loose boards or stairs before putting his weight on them. Finding none, he walked somewhat more quickly down to the opposite side of the room where he could see the faintest outline of a light switch, illuminated by the hall light behind him.

Flipping it on, Kuwabara inhaled, choking on the breath he had been trying to hold and bending at the waist.

Bodies were up to the ceiling before him, all artfully stacked in the center of the room. Some were decapitated, others had lost limbs, and the rest were just horribly caked with dried and fresh blood and covered in gashes. They seemed to be arranged in a pattern of some sort, partially designated by their bloodstains or missing body parts. Kuwabara steeled his nerve and edged forward, gulping slightly as he began his examination.

Fresh blood…? So Miru _had_ been at the mansion recently.

It took only moments for Kuwabara to see the design, and he cursed himself for not guessing it right away. This was Miru's mansion, wasn't it? This was only fitting.

The bodies were carefully placed in the pattern of a large eye, the pupil and retina colored by the various bloodstains and the eyelashes placed with limbs and the bodies they should have been attached to. Kuwabara felt himself begin to retch, kneeling to stop the bile from rising out of his stomach. The smell was horribly overpowering.

Take it for the team, he scolded himself, suck it up like a man.

Teetering back to his feet, Kuwabara lowered his head and clasped his hands before him, paying quick last respects for the youkai before him. Murmuring a prayer over the piles of bodies, he quickly scanned the room for any more clues and found none, then walked back to the staircase by which he had entered.

Padding up the stairs, Kuwabara looked back over his shoulder once more and smiled sadly.

How many lives did Miru have to ruin to get her way? What would it mean if she got her way? What would happen to the four tantei? Would the be able to stop her?

All valid questions, of course. Questions they had all probably asked themselves, time and time again.

But, like so many other things…

They would have to wait.

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Ki: power  
Kitsune: fox  
Youki: demon energy  
Youkai: demon  
Tantei: detective  
Ningen: human  
Reikan: the spiritual sense, the ability to sense spirits and ki

Note: remember that _au contraire_ to what you might think, the man in the mirror really is in a mirror. Mirrors are compositions of mercury and panes of glass, which gives them their reflective quality. The "red stain" indicates the man's red eyes (remember, also, that the man in the mirror takes on Hiei's form); it may be a mirror, but glass can be colored.

Note: I actually looked up the dictionary definition of "lie" to write the dream portion of this chapter.

_verb_

**1** to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive  
**2** to create a false or misleading impression

_noun_

**1 a** an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive **b** an untrue or inaccurate statement that may or may not be believed true by the speaker  
**2** something that misleads or deceives

I utilized definition number two of the verb definition, and numbers one a and two of the noun definition.

Note: the animé states that Yuusuke does, immediately after his second rebirth, emit youki. I don't know if that means his ki is nor permanently youki or not, but remember, I don't keep to all the facts here. It's youki because I said it was, so there. Nyah.

Sub-note: remember that it's hard to sense ki that's very weak, and in a low-power state (i.e., a low class demon), it's hard to sense very powerful ki. This is another of those "I say it, and it is so": Yuusuke, in his not-fully-powered-up state, is too weak to sense Miru's considerable youki or her…victim's low ki. Turning up his power a little gave him enough of a boost to sense them both. (They aren't expecting anyone to be in the house, so Yuusuke isn't necessarily walking around fully powered up.)


	25. Mockery

**Disclaimer: my friend refuses to allow me to call the season "nondenominational," so in a bout of weak morals, happy festive holiday season.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Four: Mockery_

_The man in the mirror tried to pity him. It was visible in his eyes that he tried. They glittered with all the screams he had ever kept back, all the sorrow which would never become tangible, all the tears which would never fall. It was almost sweet, in a way, except that the man in the mirror was made up of nothing but lies and hatred, and suddenly it became a horrible thing that he tried so hard. He wanted to ask him to stop; more than anything, he wanted to tell the man to simply turn off his eyes, shut them down and stop that ruby red, that terrible, terrible bloody color._

_But that was impossible. Even in this world, some things could simply not be done. Turn off the eyes and he turned off the soul, but fear itself had no soul. It was only a manifestation of part of himself. He could not turn off his own soul. That would be too great a strain for any mere mortal, no matter how strong or how vicious. Or how tainted. Or how corrupt. Or how purely evil._

_So please, he begged, for he knew the man in the mirror could hear his thoughts. Stop looking at me._

_'You would rather run from your fears than face them? Confront them? Defeat them?'_

_He smiled again, sadly still. The man in the mirror shrunk back a bit at his mockery of cheer._

_In a perfect world, no. But this realm is far from perfect. The world awaiting me on the other side is even farther. I cannot pretend to run from world to world searching for perfection when I know it is not awaiting me anywhere._

_'You have lost hope in your life,' the man challenged. He nodded._

_I probably have._

_The man sat beside him then, carefully not touching him, but not too distantly. The man seemed to be trying again, trying to be comforting, to be open, inviting. It was frightening, really._

_Their arms almost brushed up against each other, and the man instantly jerked back. What did Fear have to be afraid of? Itself, or so it seemed. His own fear feared him. He almost laughed, it was so bitterly ironic._

_'Have you lost hope in yourself?'_

_He smiled. How could I not? There is nothing to be hopeful for. I am nothing without my life, and with no hope in my life, I am nothing to pray for._

_'That was a joke.'_

_Maybe._

_'I am your ally, you know.'_

_His smile became even more forlorn, but the man was looking out into the distance and he did not see._

_Maybe._

_But who am I to say?_

_'Well, I know who I am,' said the man arrogantly. He almost smirked before remembering that nothing warranted anything even close to a smile. Not in this realm._

_And who is that?_

_'I am a slave to the night.'_

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Hiei struggled within himself. He could ask Kurama what he needed to and did not know, thereby explicitly revealing that he had stumbled onto his friend's secret, or he could think further on the matter and try to decipher the details himself. Both choices had their pluses and its minuses. On the one hand, if he asked, he would gain the information he didn't have. On the other, Kurama could interpret the query as hostile or intrusive, since Hiei had obviously been dwelling on what might be considered a private matter. Kurama's history with Miru, or Kurokyoui, or any other youkai was really none of his business. And all of this was a gamble, now that he thought about it. There was no guarantee Kurama would tell him anything, catatonic as he was right then. But if he didn't ask, he might come to conclusions that had nothing to do with…anything, mere dead ends that he would count as progress and travel even further down the wrong path. Or he might answer even more questions, such as to what extent had Kurama's history with Miru gone, and exactly why was he so touchy about it? So frantic and vile, even?

Unless he was wrong and came to the wrong conclusions, thus assuming false details about the kitsune…

This was all so touchy… Hiei wanted nothing to do with it. Any of it. But he had an obligation to his friend, his partner, his companion, to help solve the mystery and cure him of his rage.

Wait…

Since when?

Hiei shook his head. All this emotion was screwing with his priorities. He paused, looking back over his shoulder—Kurama was certainly lagging behind. He was getting slower by the second, come to think of it. Were the memories weighing him down too much?

"Kitsune!" he barked, maybe a little more harshly than would do any good. "Is something troubling you? Why are you so slow?"

Hiei stopped where he was, nearly a meter from his friend. That may have been a tad bit too harsh, but Kurama didn't seem aware enough to really care.

"Hm?" he asked dreamily. Hiei's eyes drew into slits. Kurama was slowly digressing to something juvenile, immature. His fear was taking hold, perhaps, or his rage, or his desire to shut out the world, or his desires to run from his problems…or all four. That was something to be fearful of. Their most intelligent, their most poised, their most collected, their most sly, their most wily teammate was becoming a child all over again because of his emotions. Hiei barely gulped down a mutter of a whine.

"Kurama," he said softly, bordering on pleadingly. "Please tell me. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with all of this? What's wrong with _me_?"

Kurama's expression shifted slightly to match his wistful tone. "With you, Hiei? Why, nothing is wrong with you. You are a stoic warrior, a creature of the night who lives by his own honor code and his own means. You are not pained or in harm's way."

This was getting frightening. Hiei let his eyes widen of their own accord, almost childish enough to match Kurama. Regardless of what his head told him, he was helping his friend, partner, companion, Kurama. The man was in need and he was available, not to mention more willing than he might admit.

"Kurama, you're scaring me."

"Am I, Hiei? Or are you scaring you?"

While the question may have been suitably philosophical or deep, even meaningful under different circumstances, now it only served to further convince Hiei of Kurama's growing insanity and loss of a grip on reality. In a desperate effort, Hiei reached out and almost clung to Kurama's tunic before stopping himself, recoiling at the prospect of touching Kurama as though it would scald him.

"I need your help, Kurama," he said instead in a desperate banishment of his pride. The kitsune's eyes widened just slightly in response and Hiei plunged on in the hopes that he was reaching something deep inside Kurama that was still real and tangibly Kurama. "I…am afraid. I am afraid of you, I am afraid for you, I am afraid of what Miru will do to you, what will happen when we find her." Somehow hearing the words begun, actually speaking them and feeling them pass his lips made it easier to go on. He had heard such theories before, but never believed them until now. "I am afraid that she will murder you and destroy your corpse beyond recognition, but I am also afraid that you will murder her in such a cold fashion that there will be no doubt that your last shreds of humanity are dead."

Kurama's almost cutely confused wide eyes changed to bitter resentment and bewilderment. "I thought you wished for me to return to Makai as the cold hearted thief I once was. You are changing your mind?"

Hiei nodded slowly, thinking and making things up as he went along. "I suppose I have, in a way. I do not wish to be reunited with you in Makai if your form is that of a ruthless, emotionless bastard. I want to meet with you in Makai, but I want you to be who you are now. I want you to be my…friend—" he caught himself before saying "I suppose" "—and I want you to be…happier there than here. I want you to be stronger, I want you to be the way you once were, the way you are meant to be, but in strength and appearance only. I want you to be able to survive easily on your own, to have a certain degree of ice on your heart as I do, but I want you to be _real_. Not this falsified, hemmed-in creature you've decided to create, not someone incapable of feeling _anything_."

It all sounded so logical in his head, and in a way, when he said it out loud as well. But something still didn't click. Kurama's frigid gaze was only proof of that.

"You want all that?" Kurama asked in a matching tone to his eyes. "Do you?" Somehow he had become accusing, absolutely unrelenting, and Hiei didn't like it, but he nodded anyway.

"You are living in a world of dreams, Hiei," Kurama hissed. "A world where everything is perfect, everything is the way you want it. A world where everything is the way it should be. Well, Hiei, the real world, the one we're forced into, isn't like that. In the real world, in this real world game we play, no one wins. Some failures are better than others, but most are worse. Much, much worse. We all have our roles, things we must do and scripts we must adhere to because it is our way. You have no right to disrupt that, much less try to interfere with _me_ in such a manner."

Hiei slowly overcame his surprise, blinking his eyes back to their normal size and letting his eyebrows crease in a furious glare. "Listen to yourself," he snarled. "This is not the Kurama I know. This is not the Kurama _any_ of us know. Not Yuusuke, not Kuwabara, not even you, I don't think. Look here, I wish for you to return to Makai in the manner I described, but I do not _hope_ for it. I do not think it likely, or even feasible. The Kurama I know would realize that, and he would not turn on me in such a way as you have."

In a spontaneous act, Hiei knocked Kurama to the ground, so quickly that the kitsune did not have the time to defend himself or block the cheap hit. "Now," Hiei bit out, kneeling slightly so as to press a knee to Kurama's chest and prevent his movement, "tell me.

"What is wrong with you?"

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Hustling through the halls, Yuusuke tried to push out his senses for any lingering traces of fresh youki. There was some on the floor below him, but breaking a hole through the floor probably wouldn't help anyone. Except that he had been looking around for how long? It must be nearly an hour now, and he had found no traces or even hints of a way to get below sea level without breaking the floorboards into pieces. An even if he did, what was the guarantee that he wouldn't have to excavate the dirt for another hour before finding the source of the youki? And what if it faded completely before he was done, and he couldn't find it at all? What then?

Yuusuke rolled his eyes at his own paranoia. Yeah, and what if the entire stronghold randomly went up in flames? What if they were suddenly overcome by an infestation of weeds and movement became impossible? What if the house suddenly collapsed on his head? What if demons swooped down and hacked his body into pieces and then ate his charred and bloody corpse?

Er…the problem, of course, was that none of those choices was all too unlikely.

Gulping and cursing his weak imagination, Yuusuke leaned against the wall. Maybe he should try to find Kuwabara and they could search together.

With a new determination and a new goal in mind, Yuusuke tuned his reikan to "Kuwabara" and scanned as far out as he could reach. There was definitely a trace nearby—seemingly right below him with the youki. Maybe his signals were getting jumbled.

But wait—there was a trail of the carrot top's reiki leading into the wall? About four meters to the right, there was definitely a line of Kuwabara's ki. A trail of it, yes. Into… Yuusuke peered at the wall to his right. Into a wall scroll (the scroll being circa eleventh century, if he remembered his art history correctly (which, of course, he probably didn't)).

_Into_ a wall scroll? There had to be a passage behind it.

Oh, perfect—Kuwabara's ki was moving. Wait a moment, it has just stopped again, but it had definitely moved a few meters towards him. Yuusuke waited, one eyebrow cocked in confusion. The wall scroll—silk, he noted from the way it shimmered in the dim light—moved slightly, as though being pushed aside. Sure enough, Kuwabara stepped out from behind it and promptly yelped at Yuusuke's random appearance.

"Give a guy some _warning_, would you?" he berated as he recovered himself. Yuusuke smiled cheekily.

"Gomen ne," he said passively. "What did you find?"

Kuwabara pounding near his heart once for good measure, then straightened and looked at Yuusuke solemnly. He nodded towards the tapestry, still quivering slightly behind him.

"You should really look down there, Urameshi," he said darkly. "Careful—it smells really bad."

Yuusuke let his expression return to neutral for a moment before nodding, equally serious. Whatever was down there, Kuwabara thought it was important, not to mention tragic, and it warranted his full attention and sincerity. Yuusuke hesitantly pushed the scroll aside and felt his way down the dark stairs.

He pinched his nose. "You were right about the smell," he choked out. "What _is_ that? It smells like dead rabbits or something."

Kuwabara was breathing through his hand. "Close," he muttered. "You'll see."

Yuusuke felt the floor, solid beneath him, and walked forward a few paces. Kuwabara had pinned the scroll back on a nick in the wall's plaster to let through the maximum amount of light, and Yuusuke stopped just short of the stacks of bodies. He leaned forward to examine them and reared back almost at once with a soft hiss.

"Why didn't you _warn_ me?" he whispered in a short breath. Kuwabara shook his head.

"This is the kind of thing you just need to see to believe, Urameshi," he said, his head bowed again. Yuusuke nodded weakly, consenting despite his protest. He paced around the arty stacks and tried to perceive them from a relatively bird's eye view, trying to see if he could tweak his ki in such a manner that would help.

All was failed.

Kuwabara swallowed audibly as he watched Yuusuke walk around the stacks speculatively. Somehow this felt wrong, to be so analytical of such a tragedy without even a hint of remorse except for his own senses at the horrid stench of death, but he would not say anything.

"It's…an eye," Yuusuke said finally. Kuwabara nodded.

"I don't know why I would be surprised," the brazen youth continued. "This _is_ Miru's house, of course. But still, to commit such an act for this, of all things… This isn't art. It's not even pretty murder. I don't know what the hell this is, but it's not acceptable."

How blunt, Kuwabara thought. It was better than nothing, but still, it was somehow disrespectful, somehow horribly insulting. Kuwabara half expected Yuusuke to comment on how well done the bloodstains were, how perfectly arranged for the purposes they served. That would be heinous and absolutely intolerable.

Instead, Yuusuke walked around to the eye's lashes and observed the dismembered bodies and limbs. He shook his head sadly. "They never had a chance," he muttered. "I bet they're all below C class, maybe even below D. Not at all suited for this kind of thing."

"Right," Kuwabara finally chipped in. "Now we'd better go. I'll leave the tapestry hung up like this as a mark, so we can show it to Hiei when we find him."

"And Kurama."

"…Right."

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Youkai: demon  
Kitsune: fox  
Makai: demon realm  
Youki: demon energy  
Reikan: the spiritual sense, the ability to sense spirits and ki  
Reiki: human energy  
Gomen ne: sorry

**Kurayami-ni-Koorime**, the so-called "filler" at the beginning of chapter twenty-three is less filler than it is meant to set up the drastic change in tone when Kurama sees Miru's mansion stronghold house thing. That said, it's not surprising that you couldn't see the connection between the dream portion and the text. I don't explain the links very well (that is to say, at all) and that one was particularly weak. Basically it was all about Kurama (we all know by now that they're his dreams, yes?) finally shouting about what was getting to him. The dream portion had him screaming to the man in the mirror about his friends abandoning him, the chapter text had him screaming to the other Tantei that the whole situation with Miru was so wrong in its unpredictability. If you can find a link between the two rants, then kudos to you and here's a cookie. If not, then I won't explain anything because you might think up something smarter than what I intended. Have fun with that.

**Note**: in general, the dreams (if you can't find an actual action connection) just set the tone for the chapter ahead. If Dream!Kurama is scared, then Text!Kurama should be scared, too. If Fear (the…thing taking Hiei's form (you might try calling it Dream!Hiei for clarity, but that's not quite correct; Fear is just a representative entity of the "Hiei" living inside Kurama)) is nervous or uneasy, then Text!Hiei will probably be uneasy over something, too.

**Other note**: the term "slave to the night" used in the dream sequence is used to refer to everything Kurama has to hide from other people in his life. His identity from his family and the rest of the realm, his past from his friends, his knowledge of Miru from everyone. It's said by Fear because Kurama is constantly at least a little afraid that one day he'll slip and say something damaging.

…MY WARPED LITTLE WORLD! Nyah!

**Sub-note**: as a great author (whose penname I cannot remember) once was not-exactly-quoted as saying (many of them, probably), the characters are far beyond my control and have long since been writing themselves. Hence Kurama's tone suddenly deciding, for no reason at all, to switch from "fury" to "panic" to "monotone" to "catatonic." Don't ask me, I don't know. My theory (that still doesn't mean I know!) is that he's slipped into that blind fury/panic/monotonous/catatonic blend that comes across as blissfully unaware (hence the "dreamy"). Kind of like how if you mix every color in the world, you get white. If you can find a better reason, here's a cookie. That's two if you found a link between the dream and the text.

**Yet another note**: this chapter brings about the first realization of all the dream talk of creating a perfect world or a place to run to when things get hard. I don't know if it will come about again quite so tangibly, but it might. Whether it does or not, know that it's a fairly constant theme throughout the piece, especially the chapters from maybe seven or so onward (the real, subtle, technical beginning, anyway; that's when they meet the first "victims," such as Makoto and Kira). Kurama gets all touchy because this is almost exactly what went on in his dream (as I said, we all know it's Kurama's dream by now) what with Fear taking on Hiei's form, and now he's having this conversation with the real Hiei, it's all a little over the top. He flips things around, too—rather than let himself be the one to propose the dream world where things are all the way they were before the group broke up, he's accusing Hiei of doing just that. Which he kind of is, but that's not the point. …Kind of.

**The giant question pertaining to the notes I have just written**: "But, wait, what about Kurama's rant just before about how everything is supposed to be? How can he go from that directly to telling Hiei that he's living in a world of make-believe?"

I have an **answer** for you, semi-loyal reader. In my warped little world (it really needs a name, now that I think about it), Kurama is subject to mood swings. He knows all the stuff he rants about not being true, such as the fact that Hiei doesn't _really_ wish for things that can never be, that Miru probably _won't_ be at the stronghold, that maybe they _won't_ win in some random last ditch super special attack, that the world _doesn't_ play by anyone's rules. But the point is that he's currently under a lot of strain (because of Miru, and no, I still don't have all the details of their prior relationship worked out; all I can guarantee is that they weren't a couple (I'm flattered that **MikaSamu** thinks it sounds like I know what I'm talking about)) and emotionally exhausted; most of his strength is used up in being so angry and frustrated.

Basically, he's tripping out on his own stress.


	26. What I Believe In

**Disclaimer: Moe's—the tavern where nobody knows your name.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Five: What I Believe In_

_He laughed. Or, as close to a person could get to laughing, considering the circumstances. It was more a spasm of a cough, but the man in the mirror looked to him questioningly all the same._

_It's all very funny, he said softly. You are a slave to the night because I fear revealing my fears. I fear revealing you to those I love. That makes you into me—you must appear only under the cover of darkness, you must reveal what is hidden beneath the surface when no one is around to see. We are the same because we both must hide behind a veil, a shadow of what we might be._

_'We might be the night?' the man asked. 'We cannot be the night. A person cannot be something so powerful as the darkness surrounding him.'_

_Not the night, he said. We might be the darkness. We might be a shield._

_They sat in silence for a long time. The sky grew darker and things seemed to glow as the scenery shifted from the pleasant shine of day to the subtle luminosity of dark. Shadows that might have been people disappeared as the trees melted into the blackness and the stores all closed. The streetlights went on._

_The man in the mirror looked at him._

_'We?' the man asked with all the innocence of a child. Fear knew no "we." There was only "me."_

_Did I say that? he asked softly. We are the same person, I suppose. It is only natural that I should call you and me "we."_

_'You have accepted your fear,' the man said, seeing his chance to win the discussion. Everything had a winner and a loser and this was no exception. 'You know we are one and the same.'_

_I suppose I do… he said in a whisper that barely passed his lips. I cannot run from what is meant for me any longer… If I am destined to be so intertwined with you, with…this…part of myself, then so be it. Who am I to run from fate? I am no god._

_'I thought you didn't believe in fate.'_

_I don't know what I believe in any more…_

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Yuusuke sat against the wall, concentrating on panning out his senses to find Hiei and Kurama. Kuwabara would have done the same, but, well, why bother? Yuusuke was doing a good enough job for both of them, and as Kuwabara was still emotionally weary from the entire ordeal with the dead youkai, he didn't know how accurate he could be.

Yuusuke held up a hand slowly, his eyes closed, and pointed at an angle into a far off wall. "There," he mouthed, letting his eyes open again. He balked slightly when he noticed that he was pointing to a solid wall.

"Down this way, then," Kuwabara said hesitantly. Yuusuke nodded.

"Right, I'll be our personal Hiei tracker," Yuusuke said sarcastically, completely dropping Kurama from the statement. Kuwabara didn't seem to notice. "That'll be fun, won't it?"

Kuwabara nodded absently, already starting off in the direction his friend had indicated. "C'mon," he said distractedly. "They can't be too far off, the place isn't _that_ big."

Yuusuke snorted. "Were you even looking at this mansion when we came up to it?" he asked with scorn dripping from his tone. "The place is enormous! We'll be _lucky_ if they're close by."

"I was a little distracted by my friend's emotional turmoil," Kuwabara retorted. "Just a little! So no, I didn't notice how huge this place is, sorry about that." Yuusuke waved it off with a casual motion of his hand and the pair continued around the corner closest to the "Hiei sense."

"This way," Yuusuke would occasionally dictate, pointing one direction or another. Kuwabara followed quickly and without protest, not even trying to sense the little youkai for himself. They had only been pacing about for fifteen minutes when Yuusuke stopped suddenly, without explanation. Kuwabara stopped with him.

"He's around this corner, I think," Yuusuke said softly, "but there's something…out of whack, something menacing about his ki. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I don't feel—it doesn't feel right to interrupt him."

Kuwabara looked at his friend with an eyebrow cocked and his mouth twisted in a curious way. "Out of whack?" he repeated. Yuusuke nodded.

"Yeah…something negative, almost threatening, even. Maybe we should wait."

"He'll get mad," Kuwabara countered. "If he knows we're here and we don't offer our help or anything. He'll be mad."

"Or he'll be mad that we interrupt him," Yuusuke reminded his friend. "It's a no-win situation. We'd better leave for awhile, stay on the safe side."

Kuwabara looked about ready to accept the decision, but then realization assaulted his features and he shook his head with a vigor. "What about Kurama?" he asked. "Something could be seriously wrong."

Yuusuke glared at the ground, annoyed at the dilemma he now faced. Possibly help Kurama at the risk of angering Hiei? Ignore it all and be sure to stay on Hiei's good side? But what if helping Kurama wasn't really helping anyone at all, and only angered the redhead, as well? Or what if Hiei wanted them to interrupt? Or what if it could save Kurama's remaining sanity? Or what if it could give Kurama and Hiei a much needed moment to sort themselves out? Or what—

"Urameshi!" Kuwabara snapped. "We need to do _something_!"

"Kyaa!" Yuusuke wailed. "I don't know! Let's just come back later!"

"We might be needed!"

"I know, but what if we're not?"

"What if we _are_?"

"FINE!" Yuusuke shouted suddenly. "Hiei!" He stormed around the bend with Kuwabara on his heels. "What the hell is—"

The pair froze at the scene before them.

"Going…on?"

Long minutes ticked by before Kuwabara spoke.

"The question still stands, you know…"

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For all his mood changes, for all his blind fury, for all his apparent loss of control…Kurama was exhibiting extreme vulnerability.

Tears glittered in his eyes as he looked up at Hiei pinning him down. The hiyoukai almost felt guilty as he watched the twitching kitsune below him, but he wouldn't let go. Kurama appeared ready to break, ready to tell him what was wrong. He couldn't lose this opportunity…but Kurama looked so…frail.

"Kurama," he whispered. "Tell me what's wrong. When you tell me, it'll all be over. I promise."

"You can't promise a thing like that…" Kurama murmured, turning his head to look aside. "You have no control over this… It's only her, only she knows what can stop this madness, only she can bring it down… You can do nothing."

Hiei looked away, opposite the direction Kurama had turned. He hated to admit it, but his friend was right. There was nothing he could promise. Anything he did try to pledge would be broken when they met up with Miru, finally, and then Kurama would remind Hiei that the promise had been broken and their relationship would be back to square one.

"You're right," he relented. "I can't promise anything. But if you tell me, I can try to help. I don't know how much I can, but I can try my very hardest."

Surprisingly, Hiei didn't feel dirty or disloyal to himself after the admission. He was being submissive, he was being weak, but it was all true. He would try as hard as he could to help Kurama, and he wanted to. That might have been the most surprising thing; he really wanted to help. But why? Because Kurama was his partner, of course, and he needed anyone working with him to be in peak condition and always at their best. He wanted Kurama to be clear of mind.

But _why_? He needed it, to be sure. He wanted it as well. Why? It was rare to want the things he needed. This was…odd. He knew that somewhere deep in his heart, there resided emotions for the kitsune, but…what kind? What did this mean? It was more than a simple attraction, maybe. He knew that already; he had known it for awhile. But how far?

But this wasn't about him or his problems or his emotional confusion. This was about Kurama.

"I want to tell you, Hiei, I really do," Kurama choked out, "but I don't think it will help much. I don't know as much as I think I do. And Hiei, I'm so tired… I can't deal with this anymore. I'm so tired…"

What a peculiar thing to say. Hiei nodded anyway, carefully keeping a smiled from his face. "Okay," he said calmly. "Okay. Anything you know will help, I'm sure." Help us help you, if not the mission.

Kurama heaved a shaking breath, letting it out in a small cough. Hiei let up his knee and helped Kurama sit up, guiding him back to lean against the wall. The kitsune tried to sigh again, this time getting it out in a series of short breaths instead of a choke.

"I've never been on speaking terms with Miru, so to say," he began quietly. Hiei strained to hear him. "I don't know how much about her I could tell you. Not much, I would think, but I will tell what I know."

Hiei nodded when Kurama didn't continue. "That's all we can ask of you, Kurama," he said simply.

"Well, it's a broken story, really," Kurama began again. "I don't remember it very well, or maybe it would be more accurate to say I don't know how accurate my memories are."

Another pause, and Hiei realized what was going on. "Kurama, if you're going to tell the tale, then you have to tell it," he said. "I don't care what you do or don't know. We'll fill in the gaps when we find Miru herself. Just…say what you do remember."

This time, Kurama nodded and let his eyes slide shut.

"It was a very long time ago. Back when I was Youko, you understand. I was not as strong as I could have been—only low A or so. My gang and I had just completed a rather complex heist from a well guarded manor belonging to some rich old tyrant or another. The haul was good. I kept more than a few artfully decorated goblets. Pure crystal with precious stones set into the base, things like ruby and aquamarine, like that. Things with colors to offset each other. Some were gilded with silver, others with gold. The gold ones were quite pretty, really, a nice blend of subtle and outstanding hues."

Hiei nodded acceptingly. If Kurama wanted to ramble on about things he supposedly "didn't remember all too accurately," then Hiei wasn't going to stop him. He didn't know what consequences could arise from interrupting Kurama.

"Well, my gang and I reached a haven for ourselves—a cave, you understand. Not very large, but it would hold us all for a night or so until we could regain our strength and our wits and run off somewhere farther away. The cave was fairly well hidden, considering it was all natural. By moss and other rocks and things. It felt homier than I might have expected from that region.

"We reached the cave, or at least, where the cave was supposed to be. There was a young girl there, of all things. A young youkai. One of our more adept members instantly identified her type of power, but it was not a plant type, so it was odd that she would be where she was. She couldn't use the trees there for cover—they were too tightly packed, growing too close together. I could barely maneuver them to let my entire group beyond to the cave. Well, she couldn't use the abundant plant life to hide herself; it was all too tightly packed or growing too low to the ground. Things like moss and ivy, and trees. So I wondered why she was there.

"I asked her, as was the natural thing to do. Maybe she could help us, even. I had to find out. She said she was waiting for her mission to be completed. Said she had a bomb planted in a mansion not far from where we stood, and when it exploded she was supposed to sneak back and finish her task. I asked her what sort of mission a weak creature like her could hope to accomplish in a fairly high class area such as this, and she said it wasn't hers. She was on a mission for her lord or some such thing. I didn't believe her at all."

At this point, Hiei thought that Kurama must be lying a little, to give himself some cover and save a bit of his pride; it was too out of Miru's character to take orders from someone else, even if she was young and weak. Why Kurama felt the need to save his image, he wasn't certain, but he was sure to find out soon enough. Hiei nodded encouragingly and Kurama pressed on.

"Then—well, then the bomb went off, or so it sounded. She was frantic. It wasn't supposed to go off for another half hour and she wasn't prepared. She said she had been instructed to plant the bomb in a nearby lord's mansion and under the cover of debris and things, smuggle out one of the servants there, but it was too soon and she hadn't finished getting ready. None of my group really believed her, of course, but we had no proof. I asked her what had gone wrong, where her prize was now and why she was so panicked, and she explained to me that the bomb she had received had had faulty wiring. She was not of the Quest class, as I was, and could not create bombs of her own. She said she had bought it off of some small time dealer, I think. Well, it appeared to her that the dealer didn't want to waste his time selling good merchandise, so he spent moments creating bomb look-alikes with lots of wires and a possibility of success. Then she, like a little fool, had thought it would work and used it for a mission as important as this."

Another lie, Hiei sensed, but this time Kurama genuinely believed what he said. Was he going even further off the edge, losing his mind even more? No, Hiei couldn't allow himself to believe that.

"I said she was lying," Kurama said in the same tone. "I told her she couldn't possibly have gotten such a faulty bomb and used it for such a mission, not under the instruction of a lord with such intricate plans." Hiei ignored the fact that the plans did not seem intricate at all, but rather painfully simple and libel to go wrong.

"After a long while, she admitted that she had tried to make the bomb herself and gone horribly wrong. She had not the slightest idea what she was doing, not that it seemed to matter. I only assumed she had been lying from the start; no lord dictated her action, she was not smuggling out any slave, and the bomb had been worked on for months, probably, even years. Her pride would not let her admit such a thing, of course. It didn't matter and I didn't ask, but I was satisfied with the knowledge that she was a liar. It was a good thing to find someone who knew to lie, even if she couldn't do it well.

"As you may expect, the lord she had been attacking for whatever reason—probably to make a small name for herself…children in those days had such wild ambitions. The lord, in any case, had many, many slaves, and they were all very, very weak. I knew a few by name—names like Miaka and Kurokyoui. There were thousands, maybe millions. An explosion gone wrong such as the one she had tried was bound to have killed off a few, and it was only later that I discovered over half the slaves had died, dividing the lord's production by more than half. He was a provider for Mukuro of crops or some such thing, food for _her_ slaves. She would not be pleased at all, and I suspect she had him killed. I heard nothing of him for as long as I lived."

Hiei nodded again. For someone who knew as little as Kurama claimed to, this tale was surprisingly informative. Miru was a bitch with a vengeance, apparently, and for some reason she wanted Kurama. And by the sounds of the tale, and his actions recently, she was driving him insane. She would pay.

"She also suspected that the lord would be killed, and being high class as he was—high A or something, I believe—he would realize that his life was on the line, and he would want to know who had caused this…travesty. Miru certainly would not take the blame. She was wily, even at that age and that low level. So she blamed the first creature she saw. She blamed me."

Hiei stopped himself from interrupting with the comment that Kurama had done no such thing and he seemed to know it. This was not the time.

"I told her it was clearly not my fault, but she would not rest. She went on and on, yelling for everyone to hear that I had 'accidentally' planted a bomb of some sort at the lord's house and it had killed off all those servants. I would not allow myself to be ruffled, and she seemed to take it as a challenge. She would not rest, she kept yelling and screaming and blaming me…and it wouldn't stop…

"But I knew it wasn't," he said in an attempt to recover himself. "I said it was her fault, not mine, and she knew it the same way I did. She insisted it wasn't, that it was mine. I said I had no time for her lies and my group and I escaped with all our bounty."

Hiei waited for a long time. Kurama seemed tired now that his tale was through; he lay down, curled up on the floor with his back stretched along the wall and Hiei could practically envision a pretty silver kitsune lying there, half asleep. But Kurama was not currently a pretty silver kitsune, he was a distressed creature who Hiei was in a sort of position to help. Hiei let him rest for another few minutes before prodding him awake.

"So why does Miru get you so upset?" he asked kindly, trying to let his eyes express his emotions. Kurama let his eyes fall to slits.

"I don't know who really set that bomb all those years ago, Hiei. I don't know whose fault it was that all those youkai died and Mukuro lost a year's worth of crops for her servants. I don't know who's responsible for that lord's death. I only know what I tell myself, but I've long lost sight of how right or wrong I am. Hiei, I'm too tired to wonder if I'm lying to myself. I'm too tired for all of this. I should have given up a long time ago, but…I don't know why I didn't. I suppose that…well…things kept coming up." He laughed in a short, harsh bark. "That sounds so juvenile, doesn't it? So pathetic. Things kept coming up and that's why I'm still alive. Something out of a humorous movie, perhaps."

Hiei stroked Kurama's hair. "No, fox. It's not pathetic. It's true."

"Mmm…" Kurama purred as Hiei petted his hair. "Hiei…?"

Not liking where this conversation might be going, but unwilling to deny Kurama anything in his current state, Hiei nodded to no one who could see. "Yes?"

"You said you loved me…"

Hiei felt a light blush rise to his cheeks. "Yes…"

"Were you lying?"

A cough this time. A placeholder, a time filler.

"No…"

_I don't know _why_ I love you_, Hiei thought silently. _Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's only lust. Who am I to know? But if you need love, then that's what I'll give you, Kurama. I'll be there for you_.

"Do you want to hear why I don't know who set the bomb, Hiei?"

No sense lying now. "Yes, Kurama, I want to know very much."

Kurama sighed. "Miru sent me letters. Messages, almost every day, for hundreds of years after that incident, up until my relocation to Ningenkai. They were all sent in different ways, all arrived in different ways, but they were all the same." He smiled weakly, falsely.

"'The eyes of God are upon you,'" he quoted, his eyes still closed. "'You will not escape your sins. You will burn in Hell for your guilt.'

"The event, the explosion was a long time ago, Hiei… I don't remember it anymore. Not really. A long time ago, I started to think that it really was my fault. Or at least, I think that's how it went. Maybe I've always known. But it's been so long…and I don't quite remember things the way I may have at one time.

"I taught myself right away that Miru was a liar, so her messages might have changed my mind. I instantly convinced myself of my innocence. But the messages kept coming, and coming, and coming, for years and years and years, and I lost sight of reality. I don't know if memories were reawakened or if she planted in my head things that were never true, but I began to think it really was my fault. Yet at the same time, the part of me that had instantly decided she was lying, that it wasn't my fault? That part of me wouldn't go away. I started going insane, Hiei, a long time ago. And now it's all just rushing back without any warning… I thought I was beyond this, I really did. But I don't think my mind can take it, not again. I'm… I don't know, I'm just… Hiei, I'm too old for this…again… I can't do it again…"

That was the final thread to break. Hiei was fed up with Miru, with the way she had hurt Kurama. The kitsune wanted Hiei to love him, whether he did or not, and at the moment, that was the only thing Hiei had going for him. Maybe it was the only thing that could save Kurama's last bit of mind. In the back of his head, Hiei heard voices that sounded like Yuusuke and Kuwabara, but he ignored them, convinced that he was only paranoid.

"Kurama," he said, blood pounding in his skull and distracting his rational thoughts. "Do you want me to love you?"

Kurama sat up slowly, locking eyes with Hiei. His usual clearness was gone, replaced by a frantic mess of emotion.

"Yes," he said firmly. "I need something solid in my life, Hiei. I need something to hang on to. I need an anchor. I don't just _want_ you to love me. I _need_ you to love me."

Close enough.

"Okay," Hiei said easily.

"Hiei! What the hell is—"

"I love you."

Kurama flung himself around Hiei in a rapturous hug and Hiei slowly became aware of their two spectators.

"Going…on?"

Kurama remained oblivious, or at least he didn't care, and Hiei was truthfully entertained by Yuusuke's and Kuwabara's shocked expressions. That all lasted for at least five minutes, giving Hiei ample time to fix the stunned gazes in his memory.

Kuwabara cleared his throat.

"The question still stands, you know…"

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Youkai: demon

Ki: power

Hiyoukai: sort of pet fanon name for Hiei, loosely translated as fire demon

Kitsune: fox

Ningenkai: human realm

**Note**: eheh. Super short dream this time, but it would be overkill to pad out the beginning, and that was a perfect place to end it. It can be made up for by the extra length of the dream last chapter and the information given in this one.

**Other note**: ha! You were expecting Kurama and Hiei to be kissing when Yuusuke and Kuwabara found them, weren't you? Don't deny it. I was about to do that, but then I thought, "Wait a second, that's what they're _expecting_ me to do!" And thus, the chapter was completed as is.


	27. You Lie

**Disclaimer: I…need a vacation. Oh, don't you tell _me_ winter break just ended, I'm already planning for the summer.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Six: You Lie_

_'How can you survive not knowing such a thing?' the man in the mirror asked. 'All things must have some purpose or they would not exist.'_

_He smiled. Are you trying to be supporting?_

_The man grinned wickedly. 'Fear is not support. Fear is only fear itself. I hurt, I do not help.'_

_Ah, he said softly, catching Fear in a lie. But fear can be the greatest ally. Fear quickens the reflexes, raises the strength. Fear is no enemy._

_The man scoffed. 'You lie.'_

_Maybe…_

_He looked off into the distance, the distant nothing surrounding them. They sat on a rock, yet it was not a rock. It was what he imagined a rock to be. Any rock created in this place would be this size, have these dents and tics, this graffiti, this color, this hardness. They were all the same, and the rocks were only figments of his imagination. He looked out to a park which had no trees, at a bench where no one would sit, into a shop which had no name._

_It was all rather empty, really._

_Much like himself._

_I am worth nothing, he said to no one. I have no real value to my team. I cannot move from the past because the past will not let me forget it. It will not let me forget anything, yet I am not even sure what I remember. I am lost…_

_The man in the mirror looked at him. The sun was rising slowly, and it caused a faint glimmer to shine over him. He reached out to touch, but would not. He held his hand above the skin, wary of a burn._

_Why do you not touch me? he asked. It cannot be a terrible thing. Allowing Fear to touch me in the deepest recesses of my soul, allowing Fear to touch my heart, it cannot be a terrible thing. It will quicken my reflexes. It will raise my strength. It will be a good thing. It will make me better._

_'You already fear enough things in your life.'_

_My life? he ask with a tone of bitterness. That is a funny thing to call it. A life? Do you think that is what it is?_

_'I do. What else would it be called?'_

_Then would you like to live it? I am not doing it right, it seems._

_'But you have found love. That is the purpose you set for yourself, out of necessity, is it not?'_

_Oh, I doubt it._

_And besides…_

_What love do you mean?_

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"I. Love. Kurama," Hiei said very deliberately to Kuwabara and Yuusuke. His arms had encircled Kurama in the meanwhile, holding the shaking fox to himself a bit closer as the two bystanders balked.

"But-but-but you're such good friends!" Yuusuke protested. "This sort of thing doesn't just…_happen_!"

Kuwabara raised an eyebrow. If anyone asked him, it sounded a lot like what Yuusuke and Keiko had gone through. But then, no one would ask him, of course. This was about Hiei and Kurama.

"Then why didn't you say something before?" Yuusuke challenged. "Seems to me like you could have saved him a whole lot of trouble."

Hiei shrugged. This was getting a little too intricate for his tastes, even at the basic and surface level it was. "I didn't think it was the right time. I was afraid he would pretend to love me back because of his general emotional weakness, his vulnerability."

Yuusuke raised his hand as if to challenge the claim, but then lowered it. "…Oh."

"So," Hiei asked abruptly. "What did you find?"

Kuwabara butted in front of Yuusuke slightly, raising his hand in the way a teacher might just before beginning a lecture.

"Well, it's like this…"

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Kurama, who had raised himself off of Hiei during Kuwabara's brief preaching, let his eyes fall into slits.

"Sounds like Miru," he said softly. "Characteristic, I mean."

Hiei half expected a dry feminine voice to suddenly chime in, "What's characteristic of me?" Fortunately, no such thing happened. But still…

"Kurama," he whispered, "we should…talk. Alone. Just for a little while."

The fox shook his head. "We need to discuss this eye-patterned pile of bodies," he insisted softly. "It needs to be done now."

Yuusuke looked over at Kuwabara, who was watching the pair of youkai intently. Then he looked back to Kurama and Hiei, who appeared to have similar expressions but for different reasons. Each looked stubborn and unrelenting, Kurama in his claim that the bodies needed to be discussed and Hiei in his that he and Kurama needed to talk alone. About what, Yuusuke couldn't quite be sure, but it was probably their newfound relationship. Or maybe Kurama's relationship to Miru in more psychological depth than the tale he had told would allow. Unless it was whether Kurama had any idea where Miru might be hiding. Or…no, no, Yuusuke was lost. Any of those choices sounded likely.

Kuwabara stepped forward slightly. "I…think you guys can afford to take a minute to yourselves. Urameshi and I can talk a little bit about that eye thing without you, we just thought you ought to know."

Hiei passed him a flicker of a grateful look and Kurama just stared intently at the youkai opposite him. Said youkai stood and took Kurama's hand, really more by the wrist, hauling him up. The fox followed without protest, but his eyes were clearly struggling to stay behind. Neither seemed to want to put up much of a fight.

Hiei dragged Kurama off around the corner and down another hall, finally stopping. He jerked his grip to force the fox to sit. Kurama had gone limp enough in Hiei's hold that the harsh action was really unnecessary, but it didn't seem to matter. Wide emerald eyes gazed up at Hiei with resigned curiosity and Hiei knelt beside his friend.

"Kurama," he began, his voice low. "What are you _really_ thinking of my loving you? My admission? What does it _really_ mean to you?"

Kurama blinked. "It means I've found someone I can be with," he said simply. "Someone who will care for me, someone I can care for."

Hiei let his head drop. This was not going well…though he couldn't have expected much less.

"You think it's…real? You think it's something that will last?" Hiei asked, strictly banning worry and nervousness from his voice.

Kurama nodded. "I certainly do. I've loved you for a long time, Hiei, and this is like a breath of fresh air after ages of musty darkness. I don't know how I can ever thank you."

Hiei bit his lip. This was bad…so bad… He never should have said anything…

"Is something wrong?" Kurama asked innocently. Hiei refused to look at his partner. Things were so confused…but Kurama, he deserved an answer, and dammit, he would get one. Even if it killed Hiei, Kurama would get his answer.

"You never thought it could all be a charade?"

Kurama cocked his head in cute confusion. "Charade? Oh, dear, no. I never thought that for a second. Why, have I not responded in a way to convince you of my loyalty?"

_Dammit Kurama_, Hiei thought, his mind filled with raging fire. _Have to make this so hard and it shouldn't be but nothing can be simple with you can it? Because you have to make everything hard don't you and I can never have a moment's reprieve with you around can I? I don't know what to say to that don't know what to say because things are so hard don't know don't know don't know._

"You've convinced me of your loyalty fine," Hiei replied, pressing his forehead into his palm. "Don't even think about that. It's_ my_ loyalty I'm worried about."

Kurama rested an arm around Hiei's shoulder in a half hug, placing his own chin atop Hiei's head. He rubbed his hand down Hiei's arm in a semi-comforting gesture.

"I'm sure you'll be a wonderfully loyal lover," he murmured. "Don't worry. It's all right, really. Everything will be fine."

What an interesting turn of roles this was. Hiei was the comforted and Kurama was the comforting. It was all sort of bitterly ironic that Hiei was being comforted about something Kurama completely didn't understand, but he was unwilling to fill the fox in. Hiei laughed quietly.

Kurama lifted his chin and bent his head at an awkward angle to try and look at Hiei's face. "Is something the matter?"

Hiei only laughed harder, his eyes closed. It was all very funny.

Even though it wasn't.

"No, Kurama, nothing is the matter," Hiei replied through the bouts of laughter. "Nothing is the matter, I feel fantastic. Everything is wonderfully ironic and the world is crashing and burning at my feet. What's not to love about life?"

Extreme worry fell over Kurama's expression. This was not the Hiei he knew. This person was confused, distraught, insane…not Hiei. This wasn't right. But was it Kurama's fault? What could he do?

"Hiei…?"

"Yes, Kurama, life is _fantastic_!" he snapped, standing to lord over the sitting man. "Truly, wonderfully, perfectly _fantastic_."

"Hiei, please, I want to help, but I—"

"Can't think of what to do," Hiei interrupted. Kurama nodded meekly. "You can't think of what to do because the problem cannot also be the solution."

"The…problem?" Kurama tried to be comforting, tried to look on with a soft smile, but hearing that the cause of Hiei's madness, the cause of this irrational uncharacteristic rant was himself…was a little too much.

"How am I the problem?" Kurama asked bitterly, suddenly falling back into his stoic, commanding poise. Hiei matched it glare for glare.

"You don't know…" Hiei muttered, half to himself. "You don't know…don't know…"

"No, Hiei, so enlighten me."

Hiei turned his back, walking to the opposite wall and resting against it. He continued to laugh softly to himself, a shallow sound much like the gushing you might hear in a conch shell.

"Don't know, he doesn't know…"

"No, I don't, Hiei," Kurama growled. "So tell me if you wish to keep your sanity."

"Love is a fickle thing, Kurama," Hiei said. "It is not something we can truly understand or define. My love is different from your love is different from Yuusuke's or Kuwabara's love. This love that I feel for you, this love you know I harbor for you? It does not exist. I have a very different kind of love, one I don't know you could ever understand."

Kurama stood and moved back to press himself into the wall. His eyes widened a fraction and he shook his head once. Twice. Hiei didn't mean that, he couldn't. Kurama had love, he knew he did, and it was in Hiei. It was precious and special and Hiei loved him the way he loved Hiei. Things were finally going right again for an old fox.

"You…you don't love me."

"I didn't say that," Hiei replied, suddenly remembering _why_ he had said he loved Kurama, _why_ he was putting on this façade. Panic slowly crept over him as he realized how horribly he may have just ruined the entire situation. "I _do_ love you, Kurama, I do. I'm just…I'm…confused."

Kurama shook his head rhythmically as he spoke. "You're not confused. You can't use that excuse this time. Not this time. You know exactly what is going on. You won't tell me. You're afraid."

"I am not _afraid_—"

"Don't lie to me. You are afraid. You will not admit it but you fear what you have done to destroy all you have worked for to persuade me to talk."

"I-it… No, I don't… I just… Oh, please, Kurama, just shut up…"

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Yuusuke paced slowly around the small portion of hall that Hiei and Kurama had left him and Kuwabara. Why had they said for Hiei and Kurama to go off and talk? Oh, right, because it would be a good thing for Kurama, and they needed good things for Kurama. And he and Kuwabara needed to be talking about that creepy eye pattern.

What had he noticed? The eye seemed to be pointing somewhere, looking at something. It was missing pieces where light was supposed to reflect.

"Urameshi."

It had been gruesome, but leading them on somewhere. It had been pointing, he was sure of it.

"_Urameshi_."

The eye told him to go somewhere, to find something, but what? He needed to go back.

"Urameshi!"

"Eh?"

Kuwabara exhaled a bothered sigh. Truthfully, he felt much the same way he suspected Yuusuke did, but if one of them was going to control the situation they had been left with, why not him? He began to walk back towards the tapestry which hid that horrible eye.

Yuusuke tilted his head slightly. Was he supposed to follow?

"Urameshi, what are you waiting for?" Kuwabara asked shortly. The whole situation was grating on his nerves.

Yuusuke yelped a reply and leapt to tail Kuwabara. The taller man chuckled under his breath. Yuusuke was certainly acting like a little puppy, wasn't he? Yipping and leaping and confused with nowhere to go. Not at all unlike how Kuwabara was feeling.

They walked in stony silence for a time, finally reaching the silk sheet. Kuwabara took a breath and lifted the very corner, allowing Yuusuke to walk through first. He did, and it was only a second or two before Kuwabara followed.

"There's got to be a clue around here somewhere," Kuwabara said at once. "Something we're just not seeing. Can you think of what it might—"

"Got it."

Kuwabara balked for a moment before rushing over to see what Yuusuke had "got." Eagerly peering over the smaller man's shoulder, he blinked his eyes a few times before finally realizing that it was—

A piece of paper.

Kuwabara's eyes were half-lidded and his expression otherwise dictated annoyance. It figured, didn't it? The entire purpose of the eye was to point them to a piece of paper, of all things. A piece of fuckin' paper! He could get those at home!

Yuusuke, meanwhile, was unfolding the paper's elaborate origami and reading the white underside. Random words bordered the rim of the paper, words like "steel" and "light" and was that "ice"? The writing was not scrawled, but it was written in such a fancy manner that he found it difficult to determine if a word might be "ice" or just "water" with a fancy tail carried over from the word proceeding it. He sat on the floor with the paper flattened before him, trying to guess at the meaning of the words.

Kuwabara knelt beside him and tried to read the paper himself. He screwed up his face in confusion.

"What do you make of it?" Yuusuke asked distractedly. Kuwabara shook his head.

"I dunno. 'Backwards'? Is that what that word there is?"

Yuusuke sighed heavily. "That, or…I don't know. Probably. I think it's all something like 'travel backwards find a clue you'll regret you skipped…' something."

Kuwabara nodded after a long moment. "The last word is smudged out by water or something."

"Maybe there never was another word to begin with."

"Hm." Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah, maybe…"

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Youkai: demon

Note: **lunarmercury**, you're right, Hiei is a canon half-ice, half-fire demon. The thing is, the term "hybrid" is never used to refer to him. As far as Inuyasha is concerned, that's not relevant; I _wasn't_ talking about any show _except_ Yuu Yuu Hakusho.

Note: I'm reading Johnny Got His Gun, which, if you've ever read it before, explains why the thoughts are written without commas. It's good, you should check it out if you're into sickly disturbing war books. The term "moment's reprieve" is from, you guessed it, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, which I am currently playing. Reverse/Rebirth is the coolest thing ever. Yes, I know the "gushing sound in a conch shell" is not actually a sound made by the shell.

Note: okay, I promise I'm _trying_ to make the HieixKurama as shounen-ai as I possibly can. Don't forget two things, though: one, a fic may be labeled "shounen-ai" but that does not mean it necessarily ends happily in terms of romance. Two, this is not a fairly tale and love does not always conquer all.


	28. Gingerbread Man

**Disclaimer: midterms are a living form of Hell. I swear, the faculty hates us all.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Seven: Gingerbread Man_

_'What love do I mean? What love can I mean? There is only one sort of love which means a thing.'_

_He smiled and nodded. Perhaps you are right. A mother's love is temporary and fleeting; the mother does not live long when compared to the child. The lover—you do mean the lover, yes?_

_At the man's nod, he continued. He had known the answer all along, but somehow having it confirmed made it more…real? That was not the best word for it._

_The lover is the age of the loved, and they live nearly the same. That love is far more permanent._

_He nodded as the man in the mirror shook his head. They had not before disagreed, not really. This was peculiar. Yet one was right, and the other wrong, all while they both knew the real answer._

_How peculiar._

_'Permanent?' asked the man in the mirror. 'That love is not permanent. That love is barely even lasting. You have it backwards, I think. The mother's is the love which never dies.'_

_He looked off into the distance. A swing hung limp from its arch and another rocked back and forth. Why was that? No one was here to ride it. The mood was ominous, he supposed, and ominous moods were associated in his mind with empty swinging swings. But then why was it looming, what made it foreboding? Was something bad to come soon? Who would bring it? From where would it come?_

_All foolish questions. Something bad was always soon to come. He would bring it; he was the only one there. It would come from himself, from his conversations with his soul, with Fear._

_He nearly laughed hollowly again, but it was all rather pointless._

_I have found love, you say. Yet this love of mine does not truly love me back._

_'You say so, yet do you know?'_

_He very nearly told me with his own voice, his own words. That is enough._

_The man in the mirror stood from the rock and nodded._

_'You are indeed the fool… You must seek only resolution. There is where you shall find your respite.'_

_Resolution, he said. Yes, such a thing would be only pleasant…yet I cannot find it until my soul has been laid to rest._

_'Or,' the man in the mirror challenged, 'until your torments are resolved. Until you are given a pause from the hectic fray. Until the world lays at peace for a mere moment and you have not a single worry._

_'Until you are able to rest.'_

_He smiled, a hint of darkness behind it reflected in his soul as the sky darkened._

_Catch me, catch me, if you can, I'm not hard to find, I'm the gingerbread man._

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"Shut up."

Kurama laughed as Hiei let his head fall to his palms, his eyes pressed into them.

"Shut up, Hiei. Is that all you have to say to me? 'Please shut up'?" The redhead let his teeth bare and spit a little through his fangs, clearly defined as they were now. "That's pathetic. _You're_ pathetic."

Hiei nodded, keeping his head down and his eyes closed. His shoulders shook a little, from what it was impossible to say. Kurama did not lift his eyes from the smaller man, but rather waited for a reply.

How curious it was, Hiei thought, that Kurama did not push him. Here he was, practically laid out on the floor with all parts of himself exposed for the fox to dissect, and Kurama was taking no action but to wait for a response. Taking no action? Perhaps Kurama trusted him enough to wait. Perhaps Kurama knew he would respond. Knew what the answer would be, even. Well, Hiei could play that game. The question was, would he?

No, of course not.

"Yet," he croaked, not lifting his head, "you love me all the same, is that it? Is that your trick? Used it before, have you?"

Kurama abruptly stopped laughing and glared down at the little hiyoukai. That cut deeper than Hiei would possibly understand, especially in this state, maybe ever. Youko did not throw around his affections so easily; his body, maybe, but not his heart. "I love you" had never been more than a tool to get something from someone who would die as a part of his plan anyway. Even his mother, in a way. "I love you." She was a tool to save his fox…self. To save Youko Kurama, she was a vessel. She would die soon; human lives did not last long.

Hiei had accused him of stupidity. Indirectly, at least. He had claimed to be not in love, but loving. He had claimed to be not afraid, but confused. He had claimed to be not anything Kurama accused him of.

A small light flickered throughout Kurama's mind. Accused. Accused accused accused accused accused he had been so furious when Hiei accused him of being stupid, he had turned right around and accused his friend of being confused and blind to everything and anything.

What was so important about this love, anyway? Did he need it to survive, was it necessary to his continued existence? No, no. No, it was certainly not.

Did he need it?

No.

Did he _want_ it?

More than anything.

And what of Hiei?

Did he want it?

Maybe not.

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Yuusuke eyed the paper again, suspiciously turning it upside down and sideways and reading it again. He glared, as though trying to persuade it to reveal some secret he wasn't getting. Kuwabara had long since stopped trying to read it again, now sitting against the hallways wall—they had left the rotting den long ago, as the stench was making them both ill—and trying to decipher its meaning. On both fronts, little luck was being had.

"Give it up, Urameshi," Kuwabara said dryly for what might have been the fifth time. Yuusuke seemed on the verge of accepting the advice this time.

On the verge.

"But maybe it'll say something different upside down," the man insisted. Kuwabara rolled his eyes and shook his head as he continued to puzzle out the message.

Backwards…

Travel backwards…

Find a clue… Travel backwards find a clue…

Backwards…

Someone was watching them. Someone was watching them very closely and knew enough to know that they had missed a clue they shouldn't have. Something they had been in a position to see, or to do, and they hadn't…but…

They had covered everything, hadn't they? No stone left unturned, right? No…thing, nothing at all left unchecked.

Nothing…

"Wait a minute…"

Yuusuke had finally dropped the paper and regressed to mulling, much like Kuwabara had been for the past ten or so minutes. He looked up at his companion's exclamation.

"Got something?" he asked, part hopeful, part tired, part annoyed he hadn't gotten it first.

"Something we missed…"

"We didn't 'miss' _anything_."

"Yes," Kuwabara said with the tone of someone who was realizing something as he spoke, "yes, we did."

"What?" Yuusuke raised a single eyebrow, half convinced his friend was going crazy under all this pressure.

"The…the shop, the one we were going to go to before we found out Miru was really the brains of this…operation. The place we were going to look for Kurokyoui."

Yuusuke nodded slowly as his friend spoke. "Yeah…" he said, remembering the shop and the decision to go, then the decision not to. It had been the…the…

"The whip shop!"

"Yes!"

The two friends looked at each other eagerly, leaping up to find Hiei and Kurama.

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"_I don't know_," Kurama hissed. "Maybe I have."

"You're lying, you filthy bastard," Hiei said in a voice so soft it sounded like a whimper. "And you dare accuse me of hiding the truth."

Kurama cursed under his breath. He should have known he would never be able to get that by Hiei, but he had hoped…that maybe in his weakened and fragile state, maybe he would slip up, and… But no. Hiei would not be so careless.

"You're right, Hiei," Kurama replied instead. "You're right. I have never told someone I loved him and then let him live. It's all true. Hiei, I am sorry, deep down inside of me. Sorry I lied, sorry I am being so awkward with all of you, sorry I am not being more reliable, more helpful. But Hiei, you cannot possibly know all the pain I have gone through for this girl!"

Hiei finally raised his head, his eyes revealed as slightly damp and maybe redder than they should have been. No hirui stones littered the ground, of course, but he had been emotionally torn, it seemed. Kurama felt a shred of guilt creeping over him. He did love Hiei, after all. That had not been a lie.

This relationship, however, would take more work than he had anticipated. His humanized mind had invented thoughts of enveloping Hiei in a rapturous hug and revealing his love in a monumental confession, only to have it returned with loving eyes and a kindly voice much unlike Hiei's usually harsh exterior.

Damn fairy tales.

"Tell me, then," Hiei said simply. "If we are to even attempt some sort of loving relationship—I am not altogether unwilling, you understand, but as of yet, I do not know the extent of my feeling for you. I do not think it is currently more than a trusted friend. But if we are to attempt anything, I must know how this situation involves you. Exactly how."

This situation. Hiei referred to Miru, of course. Kurama understood that much without question.

The fox took a deep breath. This had all been more emotionally taxing than emotionally liberating, and what with Miru haunting his every thought, he wasn't sure how much more he could take. He had to try, though. Hiei was right; he wanted a relationship, and he needed to be open about himself.

Sitting on the floor beside his friend, he began to tell the rest of the tale.

"Well, you know that Miru proclaimed for all to hear that the explosion was my doing." Without even looking at Hiei, Kurama continued. "Unfortunately for her, not many were around at all, and only the lord who had been chasing her heard a scrap of what she shouted. I believe he heard something like 'your fault,' but he did not, of course, know who 'you' was. Nothing came of that.

"Miru would not be sated with that. She was a stubborn one at that age; she may still be, I do not know. I suspect so. She would have to be, really, what with the lengths she went to in order to convince me I was to blame."

Hiei nodded, and Kurama still did not notice.

"Well, as you may know or suspect, many, many years passed and we both continued to live in thriving conditions. My life went well—extraordinarily so, at times, and she settled into some sort of life for herself. I never kept track of her and had no means to contact her but for the messages she sent me. The first few messengers she sent me, I was suspicious of, and I killed. By the time I realized that this would be a continuous arrangement and I should try to find and kill her, she was not using living beings anymore and I could not track her without more time than I could afford.

"She was obsessed over me. She wanted me to be found guilty, she wanted for Mukuro to punish me beyond all belief. No one even remembered the event, really, except for her. Even if she made me say I was guilty, it wouldn't have mattered. But I was a great and well known thief and she had me in her clutches—sort of. Just not quite. She wanted me to be caught, to be hurt and pained and even killed for her crimes. She tried to frame me and failed, but she had—has a streak of determination nearly unmatched, and I _would_ be punished, no matter how long she had to wait."

"I can see that…" Hiei muttered, this time prompting the fox's attention. Kurama smiled slightly in response to the utterance and continued.

"She quite literally drove me insane, I suppose is the only way to say it," Kurama whispered. Hiei let his eyes go out of focus as he listened with rapt attention.

"The conflicting emotions in my heart and my mind, half convinced she was lying and it couldn't be my fault, but finally breaking down as I forgot what had really happened…it drove me over the edge, nearly. But then the hunter shot me, and I escaped to Ningenkai—escaped from her, too, I should say. I escaped and she left me for twenty-three years. Twenty-three years, Hiei, I was without messages, without notes telling me I was going to hell.

"Then Kurokyoui comes back into my life, and I thought we would kill him and be done with it…but then Miru arrived—showed up—came into the picture…and suddenly it all came rushing back tenfold…

"She wants me to die, Hiei. It'll be the ultimate revenge. She doesn't even care if she's the one to kill me. She just wants me to die and she wants to watch."

Hiei nodded slightly. In a wash, a rush of emotion and empathy—how it had come to that, he didn't know, but in a torrent of all that, he felt closer to Kurama that he ever had, and somehow he knew that he couldn't hate the fox. He couldn't even be mad at him. Kurama couldn't find a happy medium between pitifully weak and overbearingly bitter. The rapid changes from one available emotional state to the other, the sudden switches from overwhelmingly happy to morbidly depressed… His emotions…his mind…his heart was too torn down right now for any constant, any balance of that. He needed a friend and Hiei knew, deep in his soul he knew, he was the only one who could be that friend.

Kuwabara would never do. Kurama was fond of the man, but they had never shared a particularly close bond. Yuusuke, like it or not, was born and bred in Ningenkai. He was a demon at heart, maybe, but he was a human in his soul and that was all that really mattered. Hiei was…a demon. Through and through, he had lived the trials and tribulations of a demon's life. He and Kurama had borne different turmoil, of course. Kurama hadn't been cast out by his pack and Hiei didn't have some crazy stalker girl obsessing over a crime he didn't even remember. But the principle was the same; they had lived lives of hardship and nearly unbearable pain and they would help each other get through it. They would get through it all.

Together.

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"Over here!" Kuwabara called to his partner from across a wide hall. They had been tracking the pair of demons for some time; they had become quite separated somehow, but Kuwabara seemed to have gotten a lock on one of them and things were looking up. Yuusuke rushed over, still bubbling with excitement from "their" decoding of the message (well, he did find it, he deserved some credit).

"Yeah? Can you sense one of them?" the raven haired boy asked eagerly.

"Kurama, I think," Kuwabara replied with a nod. "It's not too far off now, but we'd better hurry."

Yuusuke nodded, and the pair ran off at a normal human's top speed. Kuwabara occasionally dictated a right or left turn, but mostly they ran straight, until Yuusuke could feel Kurama and Hiei both. They were right around the corner.

Remembering the last time an intrusion like this one had been made (mere minutes ago, in fact), Yuusuke rapped on the wall before poking his head out.

"I'm turning this corner now!" he said loudly. "This corner, this sharp corner right here! I sure hope I won't see anything that could disrupt our mission or possibly create awkward social situations! And here I go, turning this corner, this corner that I'm looking at, this corner right here!"

Even with all his forewarnings, Yuusuke edged around the bend slowly. He made sure his knuckles would be visible gripping the wall before pulling the rest of his body along, only to be met with equally dry glares from Hiei and Kurama as he finally made it. He instantly balked, switching between tenting his fingers and wringing his hands. Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, detective, you could have been clearer," he noted sarcastically. "What do you want now?"

Yuusuke set his fist on his hip and glared. Kuwabara stood beside him, confused at the scene he had walked in on but hiding it well. Kurama smiled softly, his eyes closed, and Hiei leaned back against the wall, one knee drawn up to his chest and his feet firmly planted, as though to run at any given moment.

"Well, you'd think I was _intruding_ on something _important_!" Yuusuke said, equally sarcastic and with more obvious stress. This time Hiei did stand, using his posture rather than his height to impose in some way. His eyes slit, he glared evenly at both Yuusuke and Kuwabara, the latter for no more reason than he was there.

Or something.

"Yuusuke," Kurama said, stopping the conversation before it got serious, though his eyes glittered in amusement. "What have you and Kuwabara found?"

"A message," the taller man replied, nudging his friend to hold up the paper. "Best we can figure, it says something like 'travel backwards find a clue you'll regret you skipped.'" Yuusuke nodded emphatically as Kuwabara recited the note.

"Backwards?" Kurama asked, bewildered. "But we…"

Realization dawned on both him and Hiei at the same time, if their expressions were any clue. Hiei turned around and they looked at each other furiously.

"We're being watched," they said in unison. Bitter hatred glazed Kurama's emerald eyes, and Hiei didn't appear to be too pleased, either.

"The whip shop," Kurama voiced after a moment of raging silence. "We should have gone. I knew it."

"You didn't," Hiei replied scornfully. "If you had, we _would_ have gone."

Yuusuke and Kuwabara watched, wide-eyed, as the two demons figured out in seconds what had taken them nearly a quarter of an hour. Neither spoke, but both listened intently as Hiei and Kurama appeared to forget their presence.

"Well," Kurama was saying, "we have to go now. There's clearly a clue there."

Yuusuke saw his opening and snuck in to the conversation. "If she's not there herself."

Hiei shook his head and Yuusuke felt his pride dashed a bit. "No," the hiyoukai said. "She wouldn't be. This entire mission has been a wild chase; it would never be this simple. Miru knew Kurama and I would figure out her clue easily."

So she had been to the mansion, Yuusuke thought, but kept it to himself for fear of sounding even more ignorant.

"All right," Kuwabara said hesitantly. "So now we go to the whip shop and find the clue she's left us. Ah…right?"

Kurama nodded sharply and stood beside Hiei, keeping his eyes downcast.

"Now," he said softly, "the real chase begins."

The words held a heavy threat to them, and no one felt the need to question anything.

The bloodlust had begun.

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Hiyoukai: fire demon

Hirui: after watching the Japanese episodes 99 and 100, I realized that "Hiruseiki" is in fact an English dub for "hirui"

Ningenkai: human realm

**Note**: I admit, initially when I began this story, I had no idea what to call it. For some reason, "Balance" just popped into my head. But now I've got a reason to call it that! Yay! All shall rejoice! Or not, I don't really care. Anyway, the pathetic excuse I'm going with is, you guessed it, Kurama's emotional turmoil. Note the magic phrase: "His emotions…his mind…his heart was too torn down right now for any constant, any balance of that." Since we're in confessional mode and all that, I will also admit that when I began the story, I wanted Yuusuke and Kuwabara to have a more central role than Kurama and Hiei. But, well, it was just not meant to be.

**Other note**: I apologize if the initial mention of the eye-patterned body pile sounded like a convenient plot point. I did originally intend for it to show the gang their next clue, but obviously, they couldn't have realized that right off, so I didn't mention the direction the eye was looking.

**Other, other note**: the rhyme at the end of the dream sequence isn't actually quoted from any version of "The Gingerbread Man" that I know of. It's a line a friend of mine and I used to exchange as a kind of teaser when we were looking for someone we couldn't find. When I recited it in my head, it sounded threatening in the way that all children's rhymes are kind of creepy (and if you really think about it, it's true).


	29. Nothing But

**Disclaimer: history is the cause of all evil.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Eight: Nothing But_

_'The gingerbread man,' said the man in the mirror. 'What a notion. You think this is all a fairy tale!'_

_He turned aside and thought to shake his head. Something held him back; the man in the mirror saw his notion and caught it, crushing it between his fingers. There was no reason to, really. Examples of power were necessary, it seemed, and the man wished to impose authority._

_Controlling…_

_I wish I had control…_

_The swing froze in its place. Trees stopped rustling, and leaves paused, midair, on their way down to the benches. Silhouettes, were there any to be found, were pinned in place behind windows full of artificial light._

_The man in the mirror looked around at the changes to their surroundings and stood from the rock. At the difference in their heights that the stone created, it was not difficult for the man to tower over him._

_He still did not look over as the man clapped slowly._

_'No control?'_

_He shook his head with a twisted smile creeping onto his face._

_The swings disappeared, and with them, the grass on the ground._

_'That can be nothing but control.'_

_His lips parted slightly behind the smile as if to draw in a short breath._

_The trees disappeared, and with them, the leaves and their benches._

_'You have trapped an entire world in a block of ice.'_

_He would not have needed to breath if it was not so natural to him._

_The windows disappeared, and with them, the artificial light._

_'Nothing can move, not at all, until you give it your permission to.'_

_But he laughed._

_This world? he cried. This world means nothing! This world has no meaning! I know I can control this world, but I can only do so in its appearance. I can freeze the swings, I can stop the trees and their wind, I can do anything I want to the appearance of this world. But what does it mean? Nothing! If I cannot understand the depths, the heart of this world, then it is no great triumph. And this world, indeed, means nothing to my troubles. They exist outside, amidst what is real. Not in this halfhearted bastardization of a park, this spinning ball of glass skies and mirror men._

_I must know what is real to stop it._

_The man in the mirror was not taken aback, though maybe he should have been. His stoic shading did not alter, and his poise remained undaunted by the declaration._

_The man did not smile. He did not smile. They remained at rest, waiting for the other to react._

_'You wish to stop the reality,' the man said finally. 'You wish to freeze the world in place. You wish for everything to be flung into chaos to suit your desires.'_

_He stood with a grim expression on his face, devoid of emotion._

_The rock disappeared, and with it, the greying sky._

_They were left with nothing._

_Nothing but dirt._

-

Yuusuke paused amidst another "random" field, perking his head up and trying to sense…something. Kurama sniffed the air, and Hiei panned out his psychic vision. Kuwabara joined Yuusuke in sensing the surrounding area. They turned their gazes inward simultaneously.

"That way," Yuusuke said, pointing off into the north. Kurama and Kuwabara nodded, and Hiei offered his assent in the lack of a withering glare. The troop walked off once more.

Stumbling and tripping over clues was nice, yes, and more convenient than trying to figure out on their own where they had gone wrong. But those clues were often cryptic—though in this case, not too cryptic—and annoying. They had made no effort to find the whip shop Kurama referred to from the start, and now they had lost their bearings in relation to their first starting point. Already, they had stormed two shops specializing in whips, only to find that one did not carry wire whips, and the other tailored more to customers with a taste for leather.

Kurama blatantly declined to ask Koenma or Botan for assistance. Why, it was not entirely clear, but Hiei suspected that it was, as Yuusuke or Kuwabara might put it, "a pride thing." They all knew of their companion's self-confidence, and in an issue as delicate as this one, it would not be a rare thing for Kurama to refuse their help, as well. The only thing keeping the band together was Yuusuke's stark refusal that they would split up again, or to let Kurama continue on his own. He knew—they all knew that this was Kurama's battle more than any of theirs, but each had felt it become a part of himself as the trek went on. Kurama's own emotional turmoil was becoming their own, and they all wanted Miru to die. Slowly and painfully, if possible.

Hell, they would _make_ it possible.

The whip shop couldn't be too far off. They could all sense it, faintly, in their own unique ways. They couldn't be wrong again, they absolutely couldn't. Kurama was already losing his mind, and the others weren't fairing all too much better.

The walked for what seemed like hours, but might have been mere minutes. It might have been seconds. It might have been hours. Who could say? One direction, two directions, three directions, ten. Turn left, turn right, no go straight, turn around we made a wrong move, when are we going to get there?

"I can see a small town over the crest of this hill," Yuusuke offered.

"Yuusuke," Kurama said irritably, "that might be more convincing if you hadn't said it five times already."

The other man chose not to comment. There had been five other times, to be truthful, but each time there had in fact been a town over the hill's crest. But Kurama was irritable, not having found _the_ town yet, so no one mentioned anything.

"I suppose we have no other option, though," the redhead amended, "so…let's hope for the best."

No one else bothered to speak.

-

Shops, stores, markets everywhere—the place was a freakin' bazaar. How they could find anything, it was unimaginable…

Yet Kurama sniffed his way around—literally, though he did not take his fox form. Quickly, he located a cluster of weaponry houses, charging into the first one. The others followed willingly.

"I need—" he began, stopping himself short. Don't be too brash. Don't tell them why you're here. Don't give it all away before it can even begin.

"—a new whip," he covered quickly. "I'm a master of the elegant arts, you see." Why not flatter himself? It was characteristic of many youkai. "But my old tools are all worn out and torn up. I was in such a fight, and my opponent—though he did emerge worse for the wear, he was quite a brute. Can you help me?" He added some simpering to his tone and fluttered his lashes a bit to carry the point home. Hiei grunted and Yuusuke looked away politely, Kuwabara keeping busy by trying to contain his turmoil of emotion.

"A new whip?" the youkai behind what might have been a counter hacked out. "You want Pan, next door. He'll help you out."

He? Hiei wondered. How curious. Maybe his ancestors were Greek…?

Irrelevant. Kurama seemed to be getting them somewhere.

"Oh, thank you," Kurama said meekly, flashing a small grin as the four companions exited.

The entered yet another shop, directly beside the one with the gruff counterman. Yet another surly man met them there, giving them what some might call an "evil eye" as they browsed around with faked interest. Each instantly spotted a sizable collection of whips along the far wall, more than a few of them wire, but only Yuusuke actually went to observe.

Not that he knew what he was looking for.

Kurama once again stepped up to speak. The others listened intently, pretending to keep their focus on the whips.

"Are you Pan?" he asked sweetly. The grizzly creature jerked his head slightly and didn't answer. Kurama looked a bit put off, but tried again.

"Please tell me," he whimpered. "I'm looking for a new set of whips and things to care for them, and I heard that you were the best man around." He winked one emerald eye, a small but effective gesture. "You are, aren't you? I can tell just by looking at you that you know what you're talking about."

The man appeared to be swayed, and nodded a bit. "Yeah, I'm Pan," he said in a voice like sandpaper. "Who wants to know?"

Kurama had expected this far in advance. "Well, you see, I'm only visiting Yomi's lands. I'm a resident of Mukuro's, of course. But I'm on a business trip," he said in a sickeningly pitiful tone, "and I'm afraid I don't know my way around. It was quite lucky I should find your shop, here in this big bazaar. I've heard about you all over, and I was hoping I'd find you."

Pan shuffled around a bit where he stood, coming up with a fine whip made of leather and laced with stringy bits of some sort of metal—iron, maybe? The handle was elegant silver covered in a rough fabric; good for gripping, but bad for blisters. Kurama's disdain was evident. Apparently, he was eager to show off that he knew good whips from bad ones.

Pan seemed to subtly approve of his new "customer."

Hiei's calculating gaze darted over to the pair of them for a mere instant before he returned to the whips. Yuusuke let his own eyes wander to the pair, then to Hiei, wondering what the little youkai thought of his partner-romantic-friend's flirting. Kuwabara tried to glance around the shop without being too obvious.

"Don't like that one, eh?" Pan asked quietly. Kurama shook his head with disdain.

Pan nodded, mostly to himself. "I think that what you need is a very special whip," he said. "You seem like that kind of person."

With a playful gleam in his entire expression, Pan knelt importantly. Kurama's expression took on a wary tinge, and Hiei's hand slowly landed on his katana's hilt.

"A nice young girl just dropped this one off here the other day, in fact," Pan said conversationally. "Left something peculiar with it, too. She told me to give it to whoever I saw fit." The burly creature drew himself back up, keeping his prize hidden. "'Course, I asked her how I'd know," he continued. "She said I just would. And you, I think, are that someone."

Kurama practically stopped his breathing entirely, it had become so sporadic. Hiei's grip tightened on his katana. Yuusuke held his hands together as if to fire a Rei Gan. Kuwabara had his hands casually stretched out in the perfect pose to summon his Reiken.

The bulky creature withdrew, of all things…

A perfect replica of Kurama's Rose Whip.

Kuwabara balked, Yuusuke withdrew his hands just a little too quickly, and Hiei, though releasing the grip on his hilt, made ready to dart over to the fox at a moment's notice. Kurama appeared frozen in place for mere seconds before slapping down some sort of bizarre currency on the sill closest to him, snatching up the whip, and darting outside, his partners following closely.

Hiei flickered back, nearly invisible, and snatched the money Kurama had left, cramming it into his pocket as he trailed the fox.

Pan blinked at the door and thought himself insane.

-

"Kurama!" Yuusuke screamed as the three fighters ran, completely hell-bent, after their friend. The fox in question only ran faster, the whip replica trailing after him as a thorny tail. Kuwabara was even managing to keep up, though he seemed to be losing an awful lot of ki in the process. Hiei put on an extra burst of speed, running invisible to the naked eye.

The small hiyoukai tackled his partner to the ground, pinning his wrists over his head and tearing the whip replica from his grip. Rather than toss it aside, he laid it carefully on the dirt, but still did not let Kurama up.

"You listen to me," Hiei snarled into what had become his friend's hair, as Kurama tossed his head to the side and stubbornly avoided Hiei's gaze. "We're not going to get anything done if you keep running off and panicking like this. You have to cool your head and you absolutely cannot let Miru get the better of you! Now calm down! Can't you even look at me!"

Kurama turned back to face Hiei, and the hiyoukai was met with a most unpleasant sight.

Tears streaked down Kurama's dirt-lined face and clods of the brown stuff matted his hair. His nosed was wrinkled against the dust kicked up by his turning head, and his normally brilliant green eyes were red and puffy. Hiei started at the vision before him, lightening his grip on Kurama's wrists and leaning back slightly. The weakened man closed his eyes tightly and shook his head back and forth, mouthing random words and phrases.

Hiei rolled off of his partner and knelt beside him, instinct forcing him to cup Kurama's swollen cheek in his hand and give the man a place to feel comfort and security. Kurama leant into it eagerly, his eyes still closed and his mouth slightly agape. Hiei let his own eyes soften, just a little.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara hurried over and knelt alongside the pair, Kuwabara panting for breath as Yuusuke only watched with concern. They pair did come forward, not willing to let Kurama's anguish go unseen or untended by any of them. Hiei bit down on his bitter resentment; they were only trying to help.

"Kurama?" Yuusuke asked worriedly. The man in question rolled over onto his side, facing away from his friends. His hands raised to his face and Hiei laid an arm across his shaking shoulders.

"It's all right, Kurama," said Kuwabara softly. "I know it's hard to deal with this all—I mean, I don't know what you're going through, and I won't pretend I do. But if you want to talk…or something…we're here."

The redhead—more like the brown-and-redhead—nodded slightly, rocks scraping against his fragile skin and blood trickling down amidst the dirty tears. Hiei leaned over awkwardly to give his friend a hug.

Yuusuke watched the pathetic scene sadly, wishing there was more he could do than offer a simple "I'm here."

"Is there…anything we can do?" Kuwabara asked, evidently feeling much of the same thing.

Kurama hiccoughed. "No," he got out. "I don't think so."

Of course.

Yuusuke bit his lip. This wasn't good… Not only didn't they know how they could help, but even if they did, Kurama probably wouldn't let them. So what _could_ they do?

Well, there was always that creepy whip replica…

Kuwabara went over to pick up the wiry plant-like…thing. As he knelt beside it, however, an eerie glow overtook Kurama's face and he growled viciously, trying to claw at the offender through Hiei's re-tightened hold on his wrists.

"Don't touch it!" he snapped. Kuwabara reared back and held up his hands, showing that he definitely wasn't going to touch anything.

That was both creepy and going a little too far. Yuusuke crawled forward and sat at the fox's head, tapping his skull to draw attention from Kuwabara to himself. Kurama's eyes crossed a little as he looked up.

"Kurama, what's your problem?" the shorter man asked in the blunt way he was so good at.

Kurama's eyes widened. Shock? Maybe. It was rare for Yuusuke—yes, even Yuusuke—to speak so rashly to the far older man (though it was true, they did often forget that Youko dwelt within their companion). It was rare for anyone to speak so rashly to Kurama, for that matter. He commanded an aura of dignity that was hard to deny.

Fearing the hard glaze that was sure to come over those emerald eyes, Hiei reached over and snatched the whip back up, thrusting it in Kurama's face.

"We have a task to attend to before you resolve your own issues, detective," Hiei snapped. How irrelevant was that comment, exactly? Hiei wasn't sure, but he was certain Kurama would be too distracted to notice, and as for the others, he didn't really care.

"Kurama, what can you tell us about this replica?"

The older man nodded slowly. "It's pretty exact, all right. The thorns are spaced well, and the number looks about right."

The number?

Yuusuke balked.

Kurama didn't actually know how many thorns were on each of his whips…

Dismissing the thought a bit faster than his half-breed friend, Kuwabara leaned over hesitantly, still a little wary of Hiei.

"So where could she have gotten this done, and what exactly does it mean?" the carrot-top asked. "I mean, obviously she knew we'd figure out her clue, so the location doesn't really matter, right? But why is this whip so special? What's it supposed to tell us?"

Yuusuke rocked back on his heels, hand to his chin in a stereotypically thoughtful pose. "We-e-ell…"

Hiei, though he rolled his eyes, wasn't quite sure what the clue could mean, either. Probably only Kurama knew.

But _why_? Miru wanted to be found, didn't she? She wanted to catch Kurama, she wanted to see him suffer, not just hear about it through some lackey. She had orchestrated everything, right down to Kurama's insanity clouding his mind and slowing their progress. She was a sadistic bitch, that one. If Kurama knew any of her weaknesses, he wouldn't be able to properly recall them if things came down to a fight. They would be at a disadvantage, trying to keep Kurama cooled down and relatively out of danger.

That bitch.

-

Youkai: demon

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun

Reiken: Spirit Sword

Ki: power

Hiyoukai: loosely translated to "fire demon"

**SUPER NOTE**: some people may have _forgotten_ that I am taking liberties with the series. This story DOES contain some AU aspects, although it is set after the series' end.


	30. Barren Plane

**Disclaimer: d'you know how completely spectacular it is to be left home alone for two days straight? It's pretty friggin' cool. For someone of my age, anyway.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Twenty-Nine: Barren Plane_

_Nothing but dirt! he wanted to scream. Nothing but hard, cold dirt! Nothing but little tiny chips of rocks from ages long since passed that I have never seen! I have nothing left but dirt and little pebbles!_

_Since he did not think to scream it, but only wanted to, it did not cross his mind and the man in the mirror did not know of it. His façade was back in place and things were right again._

_But neither he nor the man in the mirror would be sated with rightness._

_He stood off to the side, facing the endless plane of dirt that was not really endless, for what was that? That was nothing. Everything had a beginning, or it would not be, and therefore it had an end. The dirt did not move in some calm autumn breeze and the stones were not coated by some slick winter ice and there was no mirage caused by some unbearable summer heat and there was no nip in the air from a newborn spring. Everything simply…was._

_'What are you thinking?'_

_He looked back, feigning that he had been startled. The man in the mirror pretended to accept that._

_Me? he asked softly. Thinking? He looked over then, a dim light in his eyes as though he had just realized something. Oh, yes…thinking…_

_I was only thinking that the scenery looks rather pretty for something so plain._

_The man in the mirror walked over to him and sat on the ground. Yes, it was all rather pretty, he thought with sarcasm. Very pretty for something that means nothing to anyone._

_'Nothing to anyone?' the man asked him quietly. He nodded once._

_What can my mind mean to anyone? he asked. It is nothing to anyone. It has done no great good in the real world and it is nothing but a barren plane in this one. It means nothing to anyone and it means nothing to me._

_The man looked out on it as well before he spoke._

_'You are not anyone?'_

_Oh, he said softly. I suppose I would fall into that category, wouldn't I? It is my mistake, and I am sorry._

_The man in the mirror scoffed at his politeness. 'When did you decide to start lying to me?'_

_This was a foolish question. He had been trying to lie ever since he had come to this world inside his mind. He had been trying and trying, even when he realized he would not succeed. He could when he lied to himself, but Fear knew._

_Fear always knew._

_I have not lied to you, he said. I have merely told you what is going on throughout my own mind, what I am thinking. How is that a lie? How is that a matter for you to determine?_

_The man in the mirror let his eyes sharpen. 'How can it be a matter for you to lie about? I can see your very thoughts, you know. You can hide nothing here. You have no second mind—the two you keep are the same.'_

_He smiled lightly. Pardon me, he said, but I have kept up my own pretense for many years, and I have never been questioned by those I fool._

_The man in the mirror stood and chuckled. He had slipped and it would cost him._

_'And for whom do you put up this front?' he asked. 'For mere mortals. For idiot humans. For children of this world._

_'For no one.'_

-

"We already know she's spying on us," Yuusuke reiterated, "and we already know she knows how smart we are. She wouldn't have left such a weird clue otherwise."

"You mean she knows how smart Hiei and Kurama are," Kuwabara added. Yuusuke shot him a dry glare, eyes large and narrowed in a strange combination. The taller man laughed weakly through an abashed expression and Yuusuke continued.

"But this new…thing, this whip replica, what does it mean? Hiei?"

The hiyoukai shrugged. This was Kurama's question to answer, not his, and he wouldn't be pretentious. He did, however, pick up the whip again and observe it from a few different angles. It was nearly perfect, from what he could tell. The consistency was stiff but gentle around the handle, the whip itself was pliant, the thorns were deadly sharp and he pricked his finger by merely grazing his finger over them… Miru had done her homework.

But what about this thing wasn't real? It had been laced with a particular ki signal to make it feel as though it had been created spontaneously of another object, just like Kurama's whips were laced with his own ki. It nearly radiated it…but not enough to be overdone. It smelled of the forest and a strange tinge that was like Kurama, but also quite different. Probably as close as Miru could get, all things considered.

It looked real, it smelled real, it sounded right when he snapped it against the ground… He would have tasted it if he knew how Kurama's whips tasted, which he did not (nor did he care to find out).

But something about it…_felt_ wrong.

Hiei glared at the whip, daring it to tell him otherwise. It glimmered up at him in the light through the trees, sparkling innocently under a sharply dappled pattern.

Wait… Wait, wait, wait…

That was it.

The consistency was _not_ all perfect.

Kurama's whips had a certain flawlessness about them, a sleek smoothness proving they had been created of one object at one time. With the light falling the way it was through the leaves overhead, the dappled pattern should have been smooth and blurred, but it was not. Little nicks were barely there, creating sharpness in the light. This whip had small, nearly imperceptible chips in it, little flaps of some material overlapping with another piece of it.

This whip was woven.

It was nothing more than tightly bound scraps of greenery, covered with some kind of wide, light plant life as a sheath. Hiei picked at one of the little imperfections in the reflection until it began to come off, tangibly overlapping with its neighbor.

Hiei smirked.

Another clue? Maybe. There was only one real way to find out.

"Hey, shrimp," said a familiar throaty voice from over the hiyoukai's shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?"

Hiei grit his teeth. "Not that it's your _business_," he stressed, "but I need to speak to Kurama."

"Privately?" Yuusuke asked, winking suggestively. Hiei nearly recoiled at the man's perverseness.

"No," Hiei snapped a little too quickly. "You can sit around and stare at us, for all I care."

Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other understandingly.

"Okay."

They pair settled down amidst a homemade bed of leaves, ready to watch.

Hiei huffed a small grunt.

-

"What?" Kurama asked for at least the third time. Hiei showed him the whip again, pointing to the leaf that had been pried up.

As Kurama blinked at him, the hiyoukai sighed. He hadn't known it would be so hard to simply persuade Kurama to talk about unraveling the clue. This was getting somewhat tiresome.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara appeared to be enjoying themselves enough. Yuusuke occasionally snickered, and Kuwabara had a nasty tendency to mutter to his friend about married couples or something equally ridiculous. Hiei refrained from snarling, as he was sure that would only convince them to speak louder and more often.

Hiei took a deep breath. "I need you to unravel this whip," he said to Kurama, almost as though he was speaking to a small child. Kurama's mouth turned down a bit, but he remained otherwise expressionless.

"Why?" Kurama asked this time. Hiei nearly sagged in his relief.

"I think it's only right," he replied. "You have more vested in this missions than any of us; you should be able to hide the clue if you want. The only way that can happen is if you see it first."

Slowly, Kurama let his eyes rove over the whip. He spotted Hiei's little flaw almost instantly, his eyes widening the slightest bit as he continued his scan. Finally he nodded.

"All right."

Hiei sighed, relieved, and instantly handed over the collage of plants. Kurama took it less carefully that Hiei might have, but as he was intending to tear it apart anyway, it didn't really matter. Rather than continue on with Hiei's beginning, however, he held up the whip to the light shining down on them and inspected it further.

"Who d'you think is the wife?" Yuusuke asked quietly, recalling and tweaking an old line Botan had once used to refer to himself and Kuwabara as they argued over a sandwich. The taller man smirked and laughed under his breath, waiting for Hiei to glare at them and threaten their lives. No such thing came, and he wasn't disappointed, but it wasn't quite the same.

Long minutes passed.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara were running out of jokes.

Hiei was getting nervous.

Kurama didn't stop examining the replica.

Finally, Yuusuke burst out with a loud yawn and Kuwabara leaned forward, his expression skeptical.

"You almost done yet, Kurama?" he asked, trying to keep the rudeness out of his question. This time, Hiei did shoot him a bitter glare, and Kuwabara recoiled instantly.

Kurama looked over without moving his head. "Almost," he said softly, instantly returning to his work.

"Um…" Yuusuke began weakly. "What're you looking for?"

Kurama looked over fully this time, lowering the whip as well.

"I don't know, actually," he said. "Anything. Explosives, paper, poison, clues…anything."

Kuwabara shuffled anxiously in the grass.

"Find anything?"

"…no."

Hiei smiled slightly. He didn't think Kurama would find anything until he finally unwrapped the whip, but he wouldn't speak. This was Kurama's game to figure out, not his.

"Why don't you finish unwrapping it?" Yuusuke asked. Hiei grimaced.

Kurama raised an eyebrow at his partner's reaction, but chose not to comment. Instead he smiled at Yuusuke and nodded. "I will. Don't worry. I only need to check over the actual thorns first."

Kuwabara scrunched his face up in a picture of confusion.

"So what's he been doing so far?" he muttered to Yuusuke. The smaller man shrugged, but Kurama smiled sagely.

"I've been checking over the wrapping for anything dangerous," he answered the half-asked question. "And no, I haven't found anything, and yes, I am about to look over the thorns, and yes, when I do that, I'll be ready to unravel it." He closed with an almost self-satisfied grin, oddly like the Cheshire cat.

Yuusuke nodded a few times with little of his own will. Kuwabara repeated the action a moment later, and Kurama brought the whip close to his eyes to carefully inspect the faux thorns. He mouthed things to himself, but as Kurama was the only one of the Tantei who could read others' lips properly, it didn't help much.

Yuusuke rolled onto his back and lay spread-eagle on the grass. Kuwabara lay similarly, at an angle to his friend. Probably sixty degrees or something like that. It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered, really. Nothing had ever mattered, and nothing ever would.

Hiei watched Kurama closely. The fox was being thorough in his inspection, that was for sure. In fact, he was practically picking it apart with his eyes rather than his hands. The emerald orbs roamed to and fro, pausing now and then and drawing on their observer's curiosity, laughing at the knowledge that he wouldn't dare interrupt. It was quite frustrating for the little hiyoukai and quite entertaining (sadist, Hiei thought) for the elegant fox.

Longer minutes passed.

"…you done yet, Kurama?" Yuusuke asked after awhile.

"Hm?" Kurama looked over. "Oh, oh, yes, I suppose I am. It appears that the entire purpose really was for us to unravel it."

Kuwabara yawned.

Kurama lowered the whip and found the little flap Hiei had started to tear. He cautiously tugged at it, trying to pull it off further. Hiei sat beside him, staring with rapt attention now that something was actually happening. Both Yuusuke and Kuwabara sat up, their gazes locked forward on Kurama's hands and the fabric they tore.

Work was slow, but finally, Kurama had made a sizeable rip in the leafy cover. It revealed a stuffing of grasses and flower stems, maybe a few petals, and some odd-looking plants that were probably for smell. The fox nearly jerked back at such a horrible insult to his own whips, but quickly glossed over that and continued his work.

Nearly an hour must have passed before Kurama announced that he had found something.

"What is it?" Kuwabara asked. Kurama looked up; just as the spectators had lost track of time while they watched, he had forgotten about them.

"Paper, again," he answered finally. He held up the little scrap for the others to see. Only one word was printed on it in almost-black green ink.

**Essenes**

Hiei peered over Kurama's shoulder from some feet away, and the two spectators leaned forward to read it from the sidelines. Kurama, meanwhile, was gritting his teeth and clenching his eyes shut. Yuusuke started to crawl over to the fox, his face lined with worry.

He started to speak, opening his mouth, but Hiei held up a hand and shook his head. Kurama needed to calm himself down, or at least get himself to the point where an explosion of his rage would come in words, not plants. The smaller man nodded in shared understanding, and even Kuwabara seemed to get it. He wouldn't try to speak to Kurama, at least, that much was for sure.

Meanwhile, the man of the hour was fighting down his own fury quite admirably. When his eyes finally opened, they were a glazed, frothy green, much unlike their usual bright emerald. Kuwabara winced and Hiei tilted his head. Yuusuke leaned back for a moment before rocking forward again, placing his hands on the ground to support his weight.

"Kurama…" Yuusuke began, thankfully having the sense to speak cautiously and without presumption.

"What does it mean?" Kuwabara asked, his voice lowered to a whisper. Kurama's head snapped to the side, his eerie, off-color gaze fixed on the tall man. Kuwabara struggled not to recoil.

"It means she's a horrid bitch," Kurama growled, his voice low.

Hiei slid over to sit beside his friend. Kurama never used that sort of language, yet Hiei had heard him cursing a few times over the last few days. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the guards he had to keep up around his friends—his friends, the people he was supposed to be able to let himself shine around—maybe it was the emotional strain, maybe it was his past catching up with him, but whatever it was…Kurama was breaking.

If he wasn't already broken.

Kurama didn't seem to have noticed Hiei, as he seethed at the paper before him. Having no clue as to what it could possibly mean, Hiei read it over several times and tried to jog his memory. Essenes… Yes, he seemed to remember something involving a word like that… It was a name, a class…in the human's history…thousands of years ago…

But what could it mean?

Kuwabara and Yuusuke were talking animatedly in their little corner. One seemed to recall the name, as well, and was desperately trying to recite the history lesson in which it had been mentioned. International history, maybe learned in a language course, but probably not… So then where, where, where had they heard that name before?

Kurama knew.

Kurama had to know.

So why wouldn't Kurama tell?

Against his better judgment, Hiei reached out and laid an arm across Kurama's shoulders. Tugging just slightly, he hinted that if the fox wanted to lean on him, he would be there.

Maybe surprisingly, maybe typically, Kurama did not break down in tears and sob all over his love. He barely even reacted except to slightly tilt when Hiei pressed him closer. That was not as odd as it seemed, considering the circumstances.

Only a few minutes later, Kurama released a feral snarl and brandished the paper in Hiei's face.

"Do you even know what this _means_?" he snapped, waving the page. Hiei shook his head.

"It means she wants to go back to where this all began! That _bitch_!"

Hiei nudged him closer still, toying with the tips of his hair. "Why don't you tell us about what it means?" he suggested softly. Kurama nodded a few times.

"It means she wants me to return to the forest in which we met. That's where the next clue will be. Or…no, I'm sure of it. That's where she will be waiting. She doesn't like longer games, she's not like me. She wants this to be over quick."

"Who were the Essenes?" Hiei asked soothingly. Yuusuke and Kuwabara crawled over to listen, sitting up like little schoolchildren on the rug, waiting to hear what two plus two was.

"A religious sect, existing around two thousand years ago. Like most religious groups still do, they believed themselves to be 'chosen by God' as those who would be saved when the destruction of the world came about, as they supposedly knew it would." Kurama snarled at the paper again. Yuusuke's eyes became different sizes as his confusion grew, and Kuwabara cocked his head. What did that have to do with anything?

"And…?" Hiei prompted. Yuusuke and Kuwabara seemed to have dubbed themselves mute. Hiei was grateful, albeit a bit curious. They never stopped talking without a reason. Hell, they never stopped talking, period.

Kurama once again turned his frothy gaze away from the word before him. "And?" he asked, as thought the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. Kuwabara nodded.

"And, it means she wants to go back in time, back to the past. She wants me to feel as though I have a good chance, as though I may be helped by the gods themselves in defeating her." He turned his gaze away again, then tossed it back, trying to appear rightly arrogant. Yet there was nothing to be arrogant for, as there was a strong chance Kurama _couldn't_ beat her, and there was no chance the gods _would_ help.

No one mentioned this. It was all for the best. Kurama probably knew, anyway.

"So how far is this forest?" Kuwabara asked hesitantly.

"How many days will we have to run?" Yuusuke added, equally tentative.

Hiei only looked at his friend intently.

Kurama laughed hollowly.

"We're sitting in it."

-

Ki: power

Hiyoukai: loosely translated as "fire demon"


	31. If I Touch You Will it Bleed

**Disclaimer: so life is back in full swing, problems and all.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty: If I Touch You Will it Bleed_

_It is still a task to fool no one when no one is so abundant, he said softly, not looking at the man in the mirror._

_This was true, but was he really fooling no one? Humans were small and weak compared to him and his kind, but they were indeed plentiful. Many of them could be destroyed in few attempts, but they occasionally tried to make themselves a part of the world he knew, and sometimes they succeeded. A few of them could influence many others, and they pretended they knew that his kind existed._

_They were all so confusing, so complex in their simple way…_

_And in that, they were a danger._

_Were all things not understood a danger? He did not know; probably even Fear did not know. Fear knew of things not understood, but did not understand them. That was against the rules. Of course…these were not things understood in the subconscious. These were the things a man was not meant to know._

_We are all in danger, he said softly, and we do not even know it. We are in danger because of the things we cannot know. We must find them out, so we say, and then we spend every waking moment, and every sleeping moment, and every moment of life seeking the answers we cannot find. Answers trying to keep out of our reach. Answers we should not know._

_They know something we do not._

_'Someone always knows something we do not,' said the man by his side. 'It is not right to know everything. It is not real.'_

_He smiled with a soft hum. It was true, all of it. To know everything was wrong._

_If I touch you, will it bleed?_

_The man did not look at him, still. 'Why do you wish to know?'_

_I do not, really. If I will, then I will not touch you. If I will not, I still might not touch you._

_Fear smiled thinly. 'You trust me?'_

_He shrugged. I do not really care. I must trust my fears somewhat, for they keep me safe._

_'They also tie you down and keep you from doing things you should.'_

_He nodded. That is true, but which is better—being safe and shunned or being killed and revered?_

_'It depends on the person, I would think.'_

_So complex in their simple way…_

_You do not think it should be all the same for each person._

_Fear shook his head. That much could only be expected; were everyone the same, with the same fears and desires and needs and wants—and death wishes, he supposed—if all that was true, the world might as well stop functioning._

_'It cannot. It is wrong.'_

_Yet sometimes, that which is wrong—_

_'—is not so right,' the man in the mirror interrupted._

_I was going to say something different, he said forlornly. I would have said that sometimes, that which is wrong is what occurs, regardless of what we know should be._

_'I know this, and so do you. Why repeat yourself?'_

_Why not?_

_'But why?'_

-

Yuusuke faulted forward, tipping onto the ground.

"Sitting in it," Kuwabara said, keeping his face expressionless. "We're sitting in it. Right now. Just as this moment. We're sitting in the forest she's talking about."

Kurama nodded.

"Wait." The taller man glanced from Hiei to Kurama, then at Yuusuke, then back to Kurama.

"Right now?"

"Yes." Kurama did not seem to find anything at all amusing about the idea. Hiei was teetering between the two reactions, but ultimately was drawn towards seriousness.

"Get on your feet," he snapped, instantly rising off the ground. "This is no time for games."

Kurama shook his head with a soft laugh. "Actually," he said, "this is just the time for games. Short ones." He smiled, his eyes closed. "She doesn't like long ones. She has no flair for things."

She.

Miru.

Nearby.

The words flickered through Hiei's mind rapidly, blurring together and shuffling all out of order. He did not actually know how close by Miru was, nor when she would attack. He did not even know _if_ she would attack, or if they would be obliged to make the first move. She was impatient, yes, but not totally lacking foresight or a feel for things such as this.

"Where is she?" he growled through clenched teeth.

Kurama shrugged. Yuusuke and Kuwabara, having regained their recognition of the situation's importance, stood alongside Hiei and each panned out his respective ki, reaching as far as he could. Kurama might have done the same, if he could focus enough.

"Find anything?" Kuwabara asked after a little while, tugging his ki back towards his body.

"I did," Yuusuke offered, also withdrawing his ki. Hiei continued searching for a minute, but finally gave up when he registered that Yuusuke had sensed…something. Anything would do at this point.

"What is it?" he asked shortly. Yuusuke raised an eyebrow at his snappish attitude, briefly wondering just how much the hiyoukai was letting Kurama's problems get to him. Just what was the standing of their relationship just then?

Meanwhile, Yuusuke shook his head. "Dunno. It's not a signature I recognize, but it's strong. It could be Miru, but only Kurama could say for sure, I think."

Hiei flickered over to Kurama, using his magnificent speed for the first time on the entire mission. He knelt by his friend's side, leaning to whisper in his ear.

"Kurama," he murmured. Yuusuke and Kuwabara could barely hear him. "Kurama. We need your help. Miru is here, Kurama, but you have to tell us where."

The redhead looked up and nodded slightly. Hiei felt ki wash out of him for a moment, the waves giving a bizarre and heady blend of intense loathing and defensive gentleness. When Hiei recovered from his spinning vision, he noticed Kurama looking up at him with childlike eyes that threw him off guard.

"Eh…"

Kurama pointed off one way. "Over there," he said softly. Now malice was his undertone, and the shift in messages was giving Hiei a headache.

But he said "All right," and they all stood and began to march.

-

Soon enough, they could all feel a peculiar ki signature. It seemed to coil itself around them, seeking something, saying something. It favored Kurama, which was not surprising. Miru was seeking him, not them.

Kurama did not try to be rid of the twining ki. Hiei seemed rather resentful of it.

They neared clearings and thickets, passing through them all. Kurama seemed to know exactly where to go, even without the trail they followed. The others suspected it was because he had been there once before.

They eventually came to a forcibly created glen—that is to say, it would not have been there, had someone not blown away all the trees. They did not call out, and no one even looked for Miru. They all knew she was there.

They could not see her, but they knew she was there.

Kurama walked to the center of the glen and stood facing a certain direction. He made sure to be standing just the right way, and the others hung back uncertainly. Kurama did not wave them forward, but rather seemed to be repelling them, all without even glancing their way.

Time was relative and different for each of them. Kurama had no sense of it at all, and he disregarded any perception he might have as false. Hiei felt the moments crawl, each its own hour, though he knew he was wrong. Yuusuke watched them fly by, the world on fast-forward, and he was unsure of what was and what was not. Kuwabara tried to ignore time completely, as he knew his emotions would interpret it wrong.

They all heard footsteps on the dirt.

"You will repent for your sins, fox."

Kurama's expression did not change, but a small flair could be sensed in his ki. It was quickly tamped down.

"The eyes of God are upon you, and He will not allow you to be freed."

Kurama was frozen as a statue, and Hiei kept Yuusuke, Kuwabara, and himself at bay. Each was ready to draw his weapon, and though all wished to, none would dare be the first to go against Kurama's wishes and act.

"It was a great mistake to run from me all those years ago."

The trees rustled.

"Now it ends."

Hands parted the bush.

Miru stepped through.

She was nothing like what they may have expected. She was not a hideous creature with too many arms and slits for all twelve of her eyes. She was not an immense blob of overfed flesh and fat, representative of her wealth. She was not shockingly beautiful with emerald eyes that sparkled brighter than the sun. She was not a small thing wearing rags and strips of cloth held together with pins.

In fact, she was rather…plain.

She twirled long brown hair around her finger, and her hip, clothed in clingy blue fabric, was thrust out in an effort to appear taunting and powerful. Her chest was modest and covered by a loose navy tee. Slightly too-small hazel eyes narrowed as they observed the scene before them. Her nose had been broken at a point and was off center.

Completely normal.

Hiei struggled to keep from jumping out and killing her on the spot.

"Miru?" Kurama asked politely, nodding to her. She smiled.

"Youko Kurama," she replied. Her voice had a subtle scratch to it, as though she was constantly getting over laryngitis.

"I fear you have me confused with someone else," he said. "I am Minamino Shuuichi."

"Are you now?" she asked, pacing towards him. She stopped twirling her hair and walked right up to him, one hand behind her back. "Minamino Shuuichi Kurama, by any chance?"

"Perhaps."

It was all a game of pretend. He knew who she was, and she knew of his history. But they would play because that was how the game worked. You played whether you wanted to or not.

She gave a small, cocky laugh and withdrew her hand, holding it out to him. Hesitantly, he took it, and she shook up and down. How peculiar, they all thought, but they didn't know what she wanted, and action of any sort was risky.

Play, indeed.

"We shall carry this out as formal, sophisticated individuals, indeed," Miru said, her voice trying to be kind, it seemed. "Would you care for some tea before we begin?"

Kurama glared down at her, for she was a few centimeters shorter than he. She blinked up at him innocently, awaiting his answer. Hiei had stopped barring Yuusuke and Kuwabara, and they were all ready to leap forward without a moment's notice if Kurama appeared threatened.

"No, thank you," he replied, tone strained. "I would not. And you appear to have no tea."

She chuckled again. "Oh, that is no matter. I can retrieve some at any time, if I so choose."

"Your power allows you as much?" he asked bluntly. She shook her head and waved a finger before his face, teasingly.

"Ah, ah, ah, no cheating. You aren't supposed to know my power. That's half the fun."

In a blind flash, Hiei was behind Kurama as though he had been there all along. Yuusuke and Kuwabara moved to more strategic points around Miru, but not too close, in case her power was better used at close range. She feigned insult, pouting at Kurama.

"You brought friends?" she whined. "That's hardly fair."

Yuusuke was unable to contain himself any longer, and Miru seemed the perfect target to unleash his wrath.

"Hey, it's not like you haven't been watching us, stupid bitch," he shouted to her, unnecessarily loud. She tilted her head away from the noise, her eyes shifting back to almost view him.

"What a bothersome man you are," she said, as though to scold a little boy. "You simply must be taught a lesson."

Yuusuke held his hand down by his side as though to prepare a Rei Gan, though they all knew he wouldn't fire without Kurama's permission. Restraints were revealing themselves right and left, and Miru was only beginning to see her distinct advantage in the fight.

What did it all come down to?

Kurama ruled.

But Kurama was incapacitated, not in his right mind. Miru had made sure of that long ago.

And she would surely bring that fact out into the open as soon as possible.

"So," she taunted. "The great Youko Kurama, reduced to this. A shadow of what he used to be. An allusion to what he could have been. A shell of what he is." She stepped closer to him, pushing her nose to his. He refrained from jerking back, desperately trying not to submit to her as he maintained control over himself.

"You're a disgusting bastard, aren't you?" she asked, almost cheerfully.

Kurama blinked, his eyes narrowing the tiniest bit before returning to their normal width. "Indeed, I don't know what you're talking about," he said coolly.

"Oh, don't you," she snapped back. "Running from what you were to something new, and still not being all that you could have been, and yet…" She paused to take a deep breath. "And yet, still eluding my capture." She began to stroll around him.

"You are a despicable fox, Youko Kurama. A coward—a convict in one world escaping to become a mutant freak in another. You just won't allow yourself to rest, will you?" She paused before him again, laughing at her own private joke. "No, no, you can't rest, that would be leaving yourself open! That would be practically _inviting_ arrest! That would be far too easy for the great Youko Kurama!" Chortling now, she turned her back on Kurama and clamped her eyes shut, letting emotion run wild.

Hiei didn't like her tone of voice. The way she said "great" was mocking, almost derogatory. Yuusuke would occasionally let his hand flicker with a bluish aura, barely holding back his Rei Gan. Kuwabara made the motions of swinging his Reiken, without holding it.

But they all kept back, pacing round her like dogs.

"You will fight if _you_ are not a coward," Kurama said in a voice frozen over with poisonous intent. Miru nodded once.

"I suspected as much," she said, turning back to face him. "Shall we carry this fight out as ladies and gentlemen?"

Yuusuke growled. "There's only one girl here, and she's definitely no lady," he snapped. "You take us all on or you take none of us on!"

"That's right, you're no lady!" Kuwabara shouted. Apparently, his honor code was in its time-out. "You've been destroying Kurama from the inside out and we're not gonna take it any more!"

"You are lower than low," Hiei snarled. "You lost your right to life a long time ago."

Kurama had long since put up a hand to stop the flow of chatter, but no one noticed. This rage was far beyond control. In a last-ditch effort to gain some leverage back, Kurama removed a seed from his hair and in the same motion, snapped his whip against the ground.

Silence ripped through the clearing.

"Miru," he said, completely shutting out his friends as he faced the girl. "I will fight you, properly judged. Declare the location and time."

Her smile was feral. "Yes, yes, the place and time. We shall fight out of the forest, ten kilometers west of the north edge. A straight line from this point. The fight will be carried out as soon as you and I reach that location." She raised an eyebrow at something over Kurama's shoulder.

"Your…companions are frivolities. If they so choose to come, they may, but I refuse to delay the fight to wait for them."

Kurama nodded. "I would have it as such."

Miru carefully hid a smirk, and Kurama only saw the very corners of her mouth twitch slightly.

"I will see you there," she said instead. "I would advise you not to linger."

Kurama nodded.

Miru vanished.

Hiei tapped his partner on the shoulder.

Kurama turned around with, of all things, his typical falsified smile in place.

"Yes, Hiei?"

The hiyoukai stood paralyzed for a moment, so shocked was he that his best friend, his supposed lover, even, would dare attempt such a cheap trick on him. Him, of all people.

Then he reared back and punched Kurama in the stomach.

The taller man doubled over, not expecting the blow, and coughed up a spray of blood. Hiei pulled back his fist and held it by his shoulder, ready to throw another shot. Dulled emerald eyes peered up at him from under hooded lids as Kurama recovered himself.

"Hiei…why?" he asked, and it was so pitiful that Hiei even felt it deserved an answer.

"Why?" he spat. Answer though it may be, it was not going to be easy on the ears…or the heart, Hiei admitted silently. "Why not? You are despicable right now, Kurama. You need to recover yourself from not only that punch, but from the hold Miru has on you. Your thoughts are blurred, your eyes see only red. Even your heart is confused." He lowered his hand and Kurama stood fully straight.

"Despicable, Hiei?" Kurama asked softly. "Is that how you see me? Then perhaps you do not love me at all. Is that what this is about?"

Hiei could feel his heat rising in fury. This was not the time for his fire to become uncontrolled.

"Not every little thing is about love, Kurama! Not every little thing is about how much people do or do not care for you! Emotion can take a person only so far, and mine has nearly run out. I need for you to calm yourself, to realize what Miru is doing to you and what you are letting her control."

Kurama glared down at Hiei for a long minute. Burning anger flared in his eyes, dying down slowly to be replaced by a calm softness Hiei had never quite seen before.

Bending slightly, the fox grabbed Hiei's shoulders and in a motion too quick to register, claimed the hiyoukai's lips with his own. Hiei merely blinked, letting Kurama kiss him. Would it be beneficial to return the gesture? Probably. He responded accordingly, closing his eyes in case Kurama tried to check his vested interest. It was the sort of thing he might do in his fragile state.

Finally, Kurama pulled away slightly.

"Why did you kiss me just then?" he asked breathlessly. Hiei shrugged.

"We're a couple, aren't we?"

Kurama shook his head. "I mean after you hesitated for so long."

"Oh…"

Hiei cursed himself. He should have been more pliant, more yielding. He should have responded sooner.

"I've never been kissed before," he lied. "I was uncertain how to respond."

Kurama cocked an eyebrow. "A cute little thing like you?" he asked teasingly.

Hiei snorted in an equally casual reply. "Indeed," he muttered.

Yuusuke loudly cleared his throat behind them, Kuwabara adding his own interrupting cough.

"Let's get going, you two," the former called to them.

"She told you not to dawdle, right, Kurama?" Kuwabara asked.

The fox nodded to Hiei, who hadn't asked the question.

"Right, right. Coming."

Pausing for a moment, Hiei was the last one to leave.

-

Ki: power

Hiyoukai: loosely translated as "fire demon"

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun

Reiken: Spirit Sword

**Note**: recognize how Hiei responds to the entire kiss scene. That should basically outline his and Kurama's relationship right now.


	32. As if to be Tender

**Disclaimer: have you ever tried to sue an entire state? It's not as much fun as it sounds, believe me.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-One: As if to be Tender_

_I don't know why, he said softly. I guess I just don't know._

_The man in the mirror drew nearer to him, his light footsteps tapping the dirt on which they stood. He made no attempt to hide their soft noise, maybe in an attempt to be submissive._

_'Do you want to?'_

_He turned his head, not moving very much at all. What, he laughed, can you tell me?_

_The man in the mirror walked in front of him to look him in the eye. He turned away slightly, not meeting the frozen gaze._

_Your eyes are the wrong color, he said. He sounded as though he would cry._

_For a moment, Fear was at a loss._

_Of all things, he was sad because Fear had the wrong color eyes._

_What a fragile thing he was._

_'The…wrong color?' Fear asked uncertainly._

_Yes, yes, the wrong color, he replied bitterly. They are green. They should be red, red as roses, red as blood. Red like fire. Hot like fire. You are a part of me, and so your eyes are a faulty emerald. Faulty like me, your eyes are wrong._

_Faulty. Everything was wrong here, wasn't it? Yes, he had been saying that from the start. Scream and rant, that was all he did, and the man in the mirror was tired of it._

_'You conceited, heartless bastard.'_

_He looked over, but did not speak. It was only to be expected with such a comment, seemingly unfounded as it was._

_And he did not speak, but only looked over with his eyes half lidded in a sad way._

_As if to be weak._

_As if to be pliant._

_As if to be tender._

_As if to say…_

_"Probably."_

_'You don't know, do you? You don't know…and you agree, but you don't know…'_

_He nodded._

_It just makes things easier, I guess._

_Easier…_

_Life wasn't easier._

_'My life has lost its way. The world is falling apart around me and no one is there to help. My family is going to die and I will have to sit back and watch.'_

_I'm sorry…_

_The man in the mirror snapped._

_His chest cracked, and his eyes began to bleed with shattered glass._

_'Why!' he screamed. 'No! No, no, no! That is all wrong! Why do you take fault for the problems of others? Why is everything because of you? Why do you think you can make everyone feel better, make everything right, make everything sane? You aren't perfect! You aren't any more sane than anyone else! You aren't magical, you aren't going to make everything right just by pretending!'_

_He looked off stoically, his eyes set firm on the dirt spanning before him, but his chin was tight and his lips were thin._

_I can try, can't I?_

_His voice was bitter and cold, but also quivering and weak. He tried to make it hard and it came out in a choke._

_The man in the mirror only glared, his cracks and bleeding glass still as if in ice._

_'No,' he said softly. A note of fierce dominance was held in his tone, and there would be no denying that._

_'No.'_

_Just…no._

Tenseness was tangible in the air as they walked. Kurama's kiss had done perhaps the opposite of what it should, Yuusuke was full of raging energy that needed to be let out but couldn't, Kuwabara desperately wanted to help but didn't know where to start, and Hiei had long since given up trying not to feel.

Their destination didn't help matters at all. It was obvious why Miru had chosen that particular location for their fight. She knew Youko, and she knew his power relied on earth and plants. Ten kilometers out of the forest was bound to be near a city, or at least somewhere lacking in greenery. If Kurama realized this, he hid his frustration well, or maybe he didn't think it would be a problem. The others hoped he did; if it didn't occur to him, it was bound to be an indication of his madness.

Yuusuke was feeling absolutely useless. He was supposed to be the detective, he was supposed to be the hero! He was a powerful S-class demon, technical heir to one entire third of Makai, stubborn victor over such foes as Toguro Otouto and Sensui Shinobu. He was Genkai's heir, for crying out loud! He was the protagonist, he was the big guy! Yet here, in this dank forest heading for this crappy city, he was a third wheel, he was an outsider, he was a know-nothing. Meanwhile, the supposed know-everything, the go-to guy, was an emotional and mental wreck, the stoic kill-everyone-ask-questions-later was torn apart and preoccupied with trying not to show it, and his barely level headed best friend was his only companion. This mission sucked.

Kuwabara was in a similar state, but for a slightly different reason. He had no right being dragged into this situation—this was Kurama's mess and he'd be damned if he knew how to clean it up. He liked helping his friends out, sure. He always had and he always would. He tried his very hardest to make sure everyone had his fair share of whatever was going on. Kurama was one of his best friends, as could only be expected after all they had gone through together over the years. Plus all those times since high school that Kurama had helped him with homework? He practically owed the guy and arm and a leg. But he wanted them to be an arm and a leg he knew how to give; something like this was way over his head. All of their heads, really.

Hiei didn't know what to do. A relationship like this was nothing like anything he'd ever experienced, or anything he thought he ever would experience again, as long as he lived. He'd never even heard about something like this happening. And now he was thrust headfirst into a situation he didn't know how to handle, and he didn't exactly think he could decipher it soon enough. He needed to maintain his act for Kurama's sake, but did he really love the other man? And if he didn't, who would it really serve to keep the façade alive? And most importantly, did he really love Kurama? It was practically impossible to know. He was certain he had never loved anyone in a romantic sense before. It had been a lie to say he had never kissed anyone, of course, and he was no stranger to sex, thanks to the thieves he had lived with for much of his early life and all the others afterwards who took interest in his hirui stone. But love was definitely a new concept, of that he was sure. And this was not the best time to plunge into figuring out the tricky emotion.

Kurama? Well, Kurama was obvious by now.

The fox did try to walk close to his beloved, though, which might have told Hiei something. After nearly half an hour—they were walking rather slowly, so as to give their problems time to come out into the open—he laid his arm around Hiei's shoulders. Nearly hesitantly, Hiei noticed, and he was almost sure that was a bad thing.

All things considered, yes, it was a very bad thing.

Hiei needed to do something about that.

Draping his own arm around Kurama's shoulders (with little effort, even considering his height), Hiei tugged Kurama down and himself up to plant a kiss on the other man's neck.

Kurama nearly stopped walking, he was so surprised, and his rapid blinks did not escape Hiei's hawk eyes. Getting his casual stride back, he tightened his grip on Hiei's shoulders and shifted his arm a bit to ensnare more of the shorter man's chest. Hiei didn't know whether to smile, glare, or keep on his normal expression and hope it wasn't too excited. He chose the latter after some deliberation, and the walk was uneventful for another few minutes.

Until Yuusuke had to make a scene.

"Kurama," he said, and Kurama was tempted to attach the word "blurted" to the phrase.

He nodded. "Yes?"

"Well, I was just wondering, you know, since we've never even heard of Miru and Reikai doesn't know shit about her, and you seem to be pretty familiar," he rambled, hands folded behind his head. "If you know anything about Miru and her power. Y'know, what kind of power she has, how good she is with it, if she'll use weapons or not… Stuff like that." He shrugged. "Or something, anything you know about how she fights. So we can be prepared."

It was almost cute, how hard he was trying. But Kurama couldn't help but be a little annoyed at how hard Yuusuke and Kuwabara were trying to become involved in his fight.

It was, after all, _his_ fight.

But he shook his head.

"No, Yuusuke, I'm sorry."

"Oh…okay."

Yuusuke edged over a few steps to speak to Kuwabara. They talked animatedly for a few minutes before settling into a more controlled chatter. Kurama smiled; definitely cute. Annoying, but cute.

They were trying so hard…

It was a long moment before he noticed Hiei looking at him intently. He turned, his smile back in place.

"Is there something you wanted to say to me?" he asked. He was a little frightened to note how similar his tone was to the one he used at school.

"Why did you apologize to Yuusuke just then?" the hiyoukai asked with quiet firmness. How odd; one might think he already knew the answer to his question.

"Why?" Kurama repeated softly. "I…I guess I don't know."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. He didn't seem to find this excuse plausible, or at least it was not enough of an answer.

"I guess it just make things easier," he said awkwardly, gaining conviction as he spoke (albeit not much, Hiei noted casually). "When someone takes the blame, it's lifting a burden. It's making things easier for someone else, it's being a good human being. A good person."

"Are you implying that _you_ are a good human being?" Hiei asked as Kurama paused, prompting an even longer silence.

"Well, I…suppose I am," he said, his voice softening, fully realizing the implication of the words. Hiei angled his head away, his features hardening. Kurama accepting his humanity to such a degree did not make Hiei any more likely to open up his emotions to his new lover.

His new _demonic_ lover.

Keyword _demonic_.

If Kurama wouldn't accept his demon nature, well, there was little Hiei could do to change that, but to disregard it entirely? And in favor of pretending to be human, of all things. It was simply unacceptable.

"But why do you want to take all these things upon yourself?" Hiei pressed. "Why does it matter so much to you that everyone else be happy? Aren't you ever—" But Hiei cut himself off. He had been about to accuse Kurama of never being selfish, which just wasn't true. They both knew it, of course.

"Don't you ever drop your act?" he asked instead.

Kurama looked taken aback at this blatant statement. He floundered for a moment, collecting his thoughts and trying to reinstate his poise. Hiei would have raised a skeptical eyebrow, but a part of him wanted to show that he was better at containing himself that Kurama was, even though they both did it often and had much practice.

"Well," Kurama stuttered, "I do, I should think. When I'm around you all, of course. There is no one to hide myself from here, where you all know of my past."

Hiei scoffed now, insulted at the blatant lie. Kurama thought he could pull something like that over on him? He was losing his mind again.

Yes. Again.

No.

That couldn't be allowed to happen.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara were still walking with them, albeit silently. For fear of angering them? Maybe, but it was awkward to tell and didn't really matter. Maybe they were just curious. Whatever the reason, Hiei couldn't pretend they weren't there, something that limited his actions an annoying amount.

He couldn't just take Kurama in a flurry of half-meaningless kisses and such. That would be downright embarrassing for them all, not to mention awkward. He could, in theory, leave the fox with a light peppering of occasional kisses, but that might take some effort and would be costly to slip up on. They had just shared several meaningful discussions, and that didn't seem like something Kurama wanted to do just then, anyway. Truthfully, Hiei didn't particularly want to, either.

Could he sate Kurama with a mere hug, a simple arm around the shoulders and the sense that he was there? It was worth a try, and better than anything else he could think of.

So leaning into Kurama's side to comfort them both, Hiei left his arm hanging over the taller man's shoulders, toying with the red silk falling down his back.

"You can tell me anything, you know," he said softly.

The implication behind the words was astoundingly strong, but neither recognized it fully for what it was. Kurama, because he didn't think he could bear it; Hiei, because he didn't want to be presumptuous and hurt his friend. Delicate, delicate, the teetering balance was struck. A stalemate, of sorts.

"I'm here."

As they walked, he reflected that by calming Kurama, he might not be doing the best thing for the team. He was, in effect, shutting the other man off from Yuusuke and Kuwabara, locking him to himself and offering his comfort while keeping Kurama from seeking it elsewhere. What had he told the other two to do? Leave him alone as he spoke with Kurama. What had they done? They had left him alone to speak with Kurama, until finding something themselves which would be of some use. They had allowed him to shut the group into two decided halves. So no one had really been paying attention to that. Or, if they had, Yuusuke and Kuwabara hadn't deemed it important enough to mention.

And yet, even as he knew all of this…

He couldn't bring himself to change it.

He wouldn't back down and speak quietly to Yuusuke, or ask his advice. He wouldn't stop for a moment and mutter to Kuwabara, insulting him with a hidden sort of admiration. Neither would take the risk to approach him, and he knew it.

He wasn't used to all this emotion being forced on him, and while he was not afraid, he was too hesitant to act with his heart. That was not the way of Makai, and that was not the way Hiei knew to survive. The mind pulled a person through any situation, and that was that.

"I do love you, you know," Kurama said, looking forward. Hiei blinked, also keeping his gaze straight ahead. This was certainly a strange situation; Kurama couldn't be used to getting turned down.

"Yes…" Hiei trailed off, uncertain how to proceed.

"Don't you love me, too?" Kurama asked. Hiei thought it odd how casually they each spoke.

"I don't know what love is," Hiei said.

Kurama nodded. That was not at all odd to hear from the little hiyoukai, all things considered.

"I suppose I knew that," Kurama said.

They walked for some time before either spoke again.

"I suppose you must take no issue with kissing a person you don't love," Hiei said.

"Yes, I suppose so," Kurama replied. "Or at least, I used to. Now I think it constitutes something a little more personal."

"How very formal of you," Hiei noted.

"Hm," Kurama chuckled lightly. Hiei smiled.

"Another half hour, you think?" Yuusuke called up, jarring the two partners from their thoughts.

"Probably," Kurama called back, tilting his head.

They walked silently.

Half an hour passed. They could see the edge of the forest before them. The trees thinned for the light, and patches of city concrete were visible. Yuusuke and Kuwabara trotted closer to their companions and the four stood in a line, looking out at the barren stretch of metals and cement before them. There was no greenery at all, and the only chance for some to even sprout was the lake about one kilometer off to what looked like the north.

"Grim, ain't it?" Yuusuke asked.

Kuwabara smacked the back of his head.

"Let's go," Kurama said bravely, although there was not much to be brave about.

A voice echoed from somewhere ahead of them as they approached their destination.

"My people have been lost sheep," it called. "Their shepherds have led them astray, turning them away on the mountains!"

Miru, they each thought bitterly.

"From mountain to hill they have gone and they have forgotten their fold!"

Her slim outline rose over the horizon like some sort of horrible idol. She flipped her hair arrogantly, appearing to fold her arms Kurama growled deep in his throat, and they all resisted the instinct to back away from him.

"She's quoting a human bible," Hiei muttered in mild surprise.

Yuusuke grunted slightly. "I thought she had her own religion, what with all that 'eyes of God' shit she was pulling."

"She probably does," Hiei said, still looking forward. "That would mean she's nearing a rank of high S, by Reikai's standards."

"You're all lost!" she shouted down. "Lost in a sea of false promises and misguiding clues! You have forgotten the ways of old, even daring to take human form and live out their sickly lives! You deserve nothing but death!"

The four boys paused for an awkward moment, Miru keeping her haughty poise and standing a good ten meters away from them. Finally Kuwabara spoke.

"Are we going to go in and fight it out like men, or what?" he asked in a vivid reminder of the old days.

They nodded in unison and marched forward, steps synchronized.

"How robotic of you," Miru called, howling with laughter. "A bunch of little sheep!"

Kurama bit his lip to keep from roaring at the pun, but marched on stolidly.

"That's right," she hissed, her voice barely perceptible as they neared. "Follow me to the grave. You fools. Follow me."

She blinked, and suddenly Kurama held his Rose Whip at his side. Hiei's hand was on his bandage ward. Yuusuke's hand glowed bright blue. Kuwabara's fist was shimmering with a thread of gold.

Miru smiled chillingly.

"You have been most noble warriors," she said in a mocking tone. "And you all must be commended. Allow me to show you the bare beginnings of my power."

Spreading her hands in a theatrical dramatization, she opened her mouth and a string of notes fell forth.

It were most unlike anything the Tantei had ever heard before; not melodic, per say, but fiery and threatening in and of itself. Somehow commanding and strong, and with a hint of…of…

…creation?

And that was when they noticed the tree.

A looming rosewood tree some kilometers back, the only greenery around within viewing distance, was writhing and bending into a somewhat animalistic shape. It hunched over, branches twining together to become legs, paws, claws—others rose up and wound into a head shape, a muzzle snarling and showing off the beginnings of sharp teeth that quickly took form. Its eyes glowed a fearsome gold and it snapped its fangs, biting vainly at the air as its back legs, still roots drawing nutrients from the earth, nailed it to the dirt.

Miru closed her mouth and smirked.

"I need only to complete the song," she taunted, "freeing him from the soil, and he will attack you without mercy, without fear. You will be torn to shreds by his might—do you see his jaws? He will snap your necks."

She laughed as though she were keeping a great deal more inside of her. Hiei's fists began to burn and his wards smoked.

"And do not think this is any ordinary fight, oh no. For I can render _you_ immobile, too! That is the power of the choir! It is a song of wishes, a song of the devil's heart. I have merely to sell a little of my soul to him every time I use it, and I have power without boarders!"

Kurama had long since transformed to Youko, his ears flicking back and forth madly.

"Oh ho, but not everyone can use this devil's song," she said, waving a finger back and forth. "It is a special gift possessed by a rare few. Similar to the mazoku, Urameshi Yuusuke, as I'm sure you understand. It is passed down every few generations in my bloodline, and I was lucky enough to catch it for myself!"

Yuusuke bared his teeth in a mirror of the tree beast, which still roared and bucked in the ground behind Miru.

"It must be used most cleverly, and it is not a perfect power," she said in a stage whisper, as though to divulge a great secret. "It takes ages to master, or even learn, and is very difficult to control. When I remember discovering this might within me, the creatures I created were so pathetic, so mindless, so weak. Oh, they could kill, you understand. But how pitiful they were, without me knowing how to direct them!"

Kuwabara's Jigen Tou was nearly formed in his hand, and he appeared to try very hard to keep it from coming out in full.

"Ah, but that is enough from me," Miru said in choking laughter. She noted Youko's awful sweating with a wry grin.

"Nervous, King of Thieves?"

He shook his head with impressive control. "Furious," he corrected her. "Trying to keep from killing you on this very spot. We are gentlepersons, and we owe it to each other to fight as such."

"That we do, sir!" she said with an overzealous salute, winking.

Youko snapped his whip.

"Choose your weapon!" he shouted. "There shall be no limits as to this warrior's match. We will fight with our honor on the line and lives will not be spared!"

"Agreed!" Miru shouted back. "We shall begin our fight on this spot! I call my first weapon as the power of the choir!"

She let out a single sound and the ground ruptured, revealing even more concrete and stone.

"And I call mine!" Youko replied in the same tone. "As the power of nature!"

Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked between the two fighters, completely ensnared in their own world, and turned to Hiei for guidance. The hiyoukai shook his head and nodded to the pair, indicating that their questions would be answered if they watched.

Kurama, he thought, what are you doing with her? This is so stupid so foolish so blind you'll get yourself killed! You and your damn pride you can't lose on me I won't live if you do. Hollow Kurama is that what you want of me? I will be hollow once again if it is what you want of me but please Kurama please don't die! You idiot! Don't die!

"Hajime!" the pair screamed in unison, and suddenly all was a blur, so that it might have been still.

Makai: Demon Realm, Hell

Otouto: the younger

Hirui: Hiruseiki, tear gems produced by ice maiden tears

Hiyoukai: loosely translated as "fire demon"

Reikai: Spirit Realm

Jigen Tou: Dimension Blade

Hajime: begin

**Note**: now you see _why_ the kiss scene describes their relationship. Hiei's trying, he really is (remember he said the theoretical kisses would be "half-meaningless," not "meaningless"), but I don't believe he's entirely capable of loving someone the way Kurama wants to be loved. Not without a _lot_ of time, anyway, which they don't (I will not allow them to) have. Look at his thoughts just before Kurama's and Miru's battle for a peek at what he really feels, but I don't think he knows how to let it out properly. I write happy shounen-ai sometimes, I promise (i.e., the "If Roses" series), but this time I'm going for "realistic" rather than "feel-good ending."

**Other note**: I snagged Miru's power type from a book series called "Jerle Shannara" by Terry Brooks. In the book, the power is called the "wish song" and is possessed by very few people (possibly two, but I don't remember exactly). I'm not giving it a name, per say, but referring to it as "the power of the choir" or the "devil's song" or something (it's just convenient, okay? Give me a break). It'll change from time to time. The wish song obviously has more weaknesses there than the power of the choir does here, because two people can use it, but I figured I would be able to manipulate things such that it wouldn't seem Mary-Sue-ish. For instance, the power of the choir is used mainly (or entirely, I don't know yet) for transforming things into other things, and Miru can't make a non-living thing into a living thing.

No, the fact that she said she "has to sell a little of her soul to the devil each time she uses it" will not be its weakness. I'm not doing some Byakko rip-off. She doesn't literally sell her soul to the devil, it's a…metaphor. :shifty eyes: Yeah, that's it. A metaphor.


	33. A Fox and his Toys

**Disclaimer: what is the purpose of the SATs, exactly? Really?**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-Two: A Fox and his Toys_

_'Exactly.'_

_He nodded._

_Yes, he said, but exact is such a powerful word…_

_The man in the mirror tossed his head, another crack appearing in the glass. He sniffed arrogantly and closed his shattering eyes._

_'Many words are powerful. Rather, many were, long ago. Do you know that 'love' was a powerful word, once upon a time?'_

_I do, he said slowly, but I do not know why I should have believed it if I did not already._

_The man in the mirror looked over casually, eyes hiding confusion amidst their splintered depths._

_I do not know to trust you, he elaborated, your being so broken as it is._

_Does it mean my fear is dissipating?_

_'That I am so broken?'_

_He nodded, and the man in the mirror once more closed his eyes. Hiding something? Ashamed of his state?_

_Maybe so._

_Hiding…_

_Sorrow._

_Hate._

_Pain._

_Fear._

_All the things he himself sheltered every day._

_You aren't leaving, are you? he asked with quiet understanding. You aren't going dissipating or weakening. You are becoming a part of myself._

_Fear smirked its usual confidence._

_'I am becoming like the fox, is that what you mean?'_

_The fox who ruined my life?_

_'Oho, the feral rage bares it fangs!'_

_It was not true, really. None of it. He did not hate the fox; he was rather grateful that through the creature, he had found such a satisfying place in life above the typical hustle of the humans and their idiocy. Basic math was all very well and good, but history? Algebra? Conjugation of English verbs? What nonsense was this? He could do it all perfectly, and it made him superior._

_And through the fox, he had found love, and what a love it was…_

_So vicious, so concealed, so enigmatic, so beautiful…_

_So…challenging._

_The fox did love his challenges._

_'A fox and his toys…'_

_'That's all they are to you, isn't it? Toys. Every single one of those rotted humans is a toy. One that will eventually break.'_

_Maybe so…_

_-_

"Hiei," Yuusuke said, turning to his shorter friend. The other did not look at him.

"Hiei, come on! Say something, look at me, move a little, please do anything!"

Raising an eyebrow, Hiei glanced sidelong at the panicking detective.

"Why does it matter so much?"

Yuusuke breathed a relieved sigh, or something.

"Doesn't, I guess," he said. "Anyway. You've got to stop this fight."

Hiei turned back to the dueling thieves and tracked them with his eyes. Kurama was not winning, per say, but neither was Miru. One would get in a strong punch, and the other would come back with an equally strong kick. Almost…boring.

"Why should I?" he asked. "Miru is not winning."

Yuusuke threw up his hands. "Dammit, Hiei! I'm a _detective_! I need some answers!"

Hiei snorted and looked away. Kuwabara watched all this with a calculating eye, wondering why Hiei was so resistant.

But then, even if he was willing to stop the fight, how would he do it? Kurama and Miru were moving almost too fast for him to track, and appeared to be completely caught up in their own world. How would Hiei get enough of a response out of Kurama to completely halt them? Did all that couple-y stuff have so much to do with it? But Hiei hadn't seemed very genuine.

Maybe that was just his way. Kurama would know better than he, but still…Hiei had seemed so forced…

Hiei refrained from glaring over at the tall man watching him.

He could, theoretically, say something to stop the fight. It wasn't impossible. And besides, he and Kurama were nearly evenly matched. If he interfered, the struggle would stop.

But would he?

Yuusuke made a decent point: they needed answers. But, as a fellow demon, he had an obligation to Kurama not to meddle. Yet at the same time, as Kurama's supposed "lover," he should protect him from harm, when possible. But Kurama wasn't _losing_, he just…wasn't winning.

"Kurama!" he screamed.

No response. The two continued their fisticuffs and neither even looked down.

He couldn't call out "koibito" or anything like that; it would create complications again. But…jumping into the match was so…un-demon.

What choice did he have, though?

Bounding up the rocks, he paused for a moment to judge Kurama's and Miru's movements. They should be landing at that exact spot in a few seconds… Hiei leapt over to it just in time and caught Kurama on his way down.

"Hiei!" Kurama roared angrily as the hiyoukai dragged him to the ground. Miru didn't follow, taking the chance to mind her wounds.

"Coward!" Kurama yelled up at her. "It is against the rules to heal yourself! I will destroy you!"

Eyes wide, Hiei snapped back and slapped Kurama across the cheek.

"What an uncharacteristic thing to say," he said bitterly. "Kurama, you are losing your head. You need to calm down before you hurt yourself."

"But Miru—"

"Forget about Miru for a moment!" Hiei pinned Kurama underneath himself and knelt on his chest, bending over so that their noses were nearly touching. "It's just you, and me, and your draining sanity! You need to calm down!"

Kurama tossed his head frantically, not really making motions to throw Hiei off of him. He made unintelligible grunting noises as he did, flailing his arms. Hiei reared back and punched him this time, right in the jaw.

"Calm _down_!" he ordered, his patience wearing thin. Running low on options, he rolled his eyes and forced himself down, pressing his lips to Kurama's. Who knew, it might work.

And it did, to some extent. Kurama stopped thrashing about and opened his eyes.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked bluntly.

Hiei blinked. That was an unexpected question.

"To get you to stop moving so much," he said.

"Oh."

Neither moved or spoke.

"Miru!" Yuusuke yelled from across the field, walking over towards them all with some purpose to his step. "I want some answers!"

The girl looked up from the wound she was binding and tossed her hair.

"Answers to what?" she asked innocently.

"Everything!"

"Ooh, why didn't you _say_ so?" she cried gleefully, bouncing on her toes and clapping her hands. She skipped down the side of the rock she perched on, waving her arms as though she were a child running down a hill and preparing to roll through the grassy knoll at the bottom. She giggled piercingly.

"Oh-kay," she said as she reached the bottom. Yuusuke was strongly reminded of a teenage girl abut to divulge some choice gossip to her friends.

"It's the perfect plan. I drive the most well-known thief in all of Makai _completely_ out of his mind, then, when he's too distracted to know what's what, I kick his ass! I know, I know," she interrupted herself, waving her hands before her. "It took _way_ too long. About, what, six or seven hundred years? I dunno, I lost track. But that's really okay, because it's been fun! Except that naughty boy ran away from me." She pouted excessively, then shook her head and cleared her expression. "Oh, whatever, now that he's back I can get back on track. Maybe I can use the ties he's made in Ningenkai against him somehow! Wouldn't that be so cool?"

Yuusuke rolled his eyes. She was like a…a _child_. "Don't even try it. That's been so overdone, it's not even funny. But back to what matters—what was with those Makaichu…creatures? Remember, way back when all this shit started? Those bugs were infesting the city!"

Miru cocked her head, her face screwed up in confusion. "Ma-kai-chu…oh, yeah, I remember those. They were Kurokyoui's idea. You know, I never did really like him. Fun to wipe him out, though, he didn't put up much of a fight."

Kuwabara came closer, despite his every instinct, just in time to hear "wipe him out."

"Wipe who out?" he asked suspiciously.

"Kurokyoui," Yuusuke replied without taking his eyes off of Miru. "Remember? Reikai called him our big lead?"

Kuwabara bent backwards slightly, tapping his chin. "Oh, yeah," he said, standing upright again. "I remember him. So, wait…wiped out…as in killed?"

Miru nodded casually. "Yeah, he bothered me quite a bit."

Kuwabara hid his horror at the girl with another question. "You two were working together for awhile, though, weren't you?"

She nodded, apparently lost in thought.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara shared a casual glance. How could this girl, this horrible torturer of such noble people as Kurama, this evil, evil demon who could so casually kill off her own teammates because they bothered her, be such a child? So gleeful, so happy, so…young? Her appearance dictated that she wished for acceptance—the tight fabric around her hips and the way her shirt fell loosely over her accentuated breasts was evidence of that, and the way she frequently twirled hair around her fingers hinted that she wanted it to be noticed. It was admittedly quite shiny.

She was insecure? On the inside maybe, but outwardly she showed off her brilliance. Or rather, what she took to be her brilliance. Yuusuke called it sadism and Kuwabara called it sick. But whatever it really was, she liked to try to prove it. She liked to be noticed. A ningen trait over a youkai one, to be sure, but still…she was odd, no one denied that.

"So why did Kurokyoui want to send out the bugs in the first place?" Yuusuke said insistently, disrupting her thoughts and his own.

"Huh?" she blurted, looking over. "Oh, yeah. The bugs. He wanted to use them as bait. _I_ wanted to just go on in and leave a clue in Kurama's house, but _noooo_, we had to do things _roundabout_ to _confuse_ you all." She curled her lip in distaste. "They were supposed to get Reikai's attention. And they did, I guess, so that was okay, but I would have preferred to skip over the formalities and go straight to the prize."

The prize?

Yuusuke snarled and Kuwabara glared sharply.

Their friend was no prize.

"So," Miru said suddenly, drawing their attention. "Before we get back to the rough and tumble—I appreciate the rest, by the way—but before that, _I _have a question for _you_."

Yuusuke nodded warily.

"Uh huh…"

Miru smiled cheekily. "What's the deal with the little black bastard?"

"Little…"

Hiei.

Of course.

Miru must have seen the way Hiei tended to Kurama and assumed they were a pair.

Kurama would have loved to hear that.

What _was_ the deal with the little black bastard?

"Oh," Kuwabara said. "Him."

Yuusuke nodded. "He's Kurama's best friend," he supplied.

Miru laughed loudly, and the sound grated on Yuusuke's ears.

"His best friend?" she gasped. "That's it? You could have come up with a better excuse than _that_!"

"But there is no better excuse," Kuwabara said, putting on his best confused expression. "They really are best friends."

"Yeah, and lovers!" Miru called teasingly. "I saw the way the black thing kissed Kurama, that was no 'best friend' deal. Have they gotten to the hot and heavy yet?"

Yuusuke balked and Kuwabara blushed. Hiei and Kurama getting hot and heavy? Oh, that was somewhere they didn't need to go.

"No…" Yuusuke mumbled.

"They're not lovers!" Kuwabara insisted. He might be a little off kilter at the idea of Kurama ending up with someone like Hiei, but he didn't have anything against it. They didn't need this intrusion, and he'd be damned if he would let Miru get in their way.

Miru giggled off the last of her laughs. "Okay, okay, say they aren't. Why's that little scrap hanging so close to someone as magnificent as the great Kurama? Kurama seems to need him around. Servant? Seems unlikely to me, but what do I know."

"Not much," Yuusuke muttered a little too loud. Kuwabara smacked his head.

Rubbing the new lump and glaring at his friend, Yuusuke fumbled to invent a story that would sound plausible. Servant was out—Hiei would never stand for it if he found out they had said that. Any sort of shy romance was definitely out—they were trying to discourage the "lovers" appearance, not hint that it was on the horizon. They had already tried "best friends," and Miru didn't seem to buy it. Brothers would never work—brothers didn't kiss, not like that, and if they were, then either Hiei needed fox powers or Kurama needed fire ones, and that wouldn't happen any time soon.

"They're just typical youkai," he said finally. "You know the way—screwing anything that moves, getting control any way they can. That sort of thing."

Miru raised an eyebrow, nodding skeptically.

"And they're best friends," she said. Yuusuke nodded.

"Who screw anything that moves."

Another nod.

"And each want control over the other."

"You know youkai," Yuusuke said, feeling himself begin to panic. "I mean, obviously, you are one. But, uh, well, you know what I mean!"

Oh, way to go, Yuusuke, he thought, suppressing the urge to beat himself up. Kuwabara laughed nervously, waving his hands. He seemed to be thinking the same general thing.

"Oh, darling," Miru said melodramatically. "It would have been ever so much simpler if you had just told me from the start that they were lovers."

"They're—!"

"Fine," Kuwabara interrupted. "They are. What're you gonna do about it, kidnap Hiei and hold him for ransom? He won't go down easy."

The girl smiled. "I knew it. No, no, I won't take the boy. I'll just store that little bit of information away for later use."

Yuusuke narrowed his eyes threateningly.

"That it?"

She made a small squeaking noise and nodded.

"Now, if you'll pardon me, I have a fight to get back to. Ciao!"

Yuusuke's eyes followed her as she dashed off.

"'Ciao,' what kind of crap is that?"

Kuwabara shook his head.

"Dunno…she's a weird one."

"Yeah…"

Long minutes passed on the opposite side of the field as Hiei and Kurama stared each other down.

"I love you, you know," Kurama said finally. Hiei blinked.

"Right…"

"They're talking about us," he continued, gesturing to their two companions speaking with Miru. "She wants to know who you are. They're denying our relationship to her. She asked if you were my servant."

"I know, Kurama," Hiei said tonelessly. "I can hear them."

"Yuusuke would never say you were anyone's servant," Kurama said. "He thinks you'd hurt him. They're trying to come up with a suitable lie."

"I know, Kurama."

"They should tell her that I love you."

"Yes, they should."

But they shouldn't tell her that _I_ love _you_, it seems. They shouldn't tell her that _we_ are _in love_.

Hiei closed his eyes at the thought. This relationship needed to be cemented into something, and it needed to happen fast. Whether it was successful or not, Kurama had every right to know, and Hiei wanted this mental and emotional turmoil within him to stop.

Did he have "those sorts of feelings" for the fox. Did he love him.

He wasn't quite sure.

"Are you thinking about me?"

"Of course I am."

He knew he had _feelings_ for the fox. He trusted him like no other, he went to him when life became too hard, he asked him for help when his wounds were too drastic to heal on their own. His feelings were of care, certainly, but were they of the love he spoke of? Hard to say.

Did he get that "warm, fuzzy feeling" he heard teenage girls speak of, whenever he was around Kurama? No, not really. His insides didn't feel like they were going to turn around and around and flip themselves every which way. He didn't feel as though his world were complete.

But was love really so powerful as all of that, anyway? Could one person make another's life worthwhile by simply living themselves? It all sounded so farfetched, so ridiculous. He would certainly never have thought of it in those terms.

"Are you thinking of how much you love me?"

"I am."

Yukina gave his life meaning, for awhile—except then, once he had found her, she merely gave him something to do. He protected her, but it didn't make his very existence worth the space it took up. Kurama could treat her the same, and so could Yuusuke, and, even if he didn't want to admit it or even fully believe it, so could Kuwabara. In fact, they all did. He wasn't a favorite, or anything special. He would never tell of their relation and so he held his place as "one of the pack."

So could Kurama now fill the spot that she might have, once? Did Kurama take that special place in his heart, in his purpose?

Did Kurama make him feel that life was worth living?

An interesting prospect…

"Are they good thoughts?"

"They're thoughts."

Maybe so.

Now that he thought of it, the prospect of loving someone and having them love him back was quite appealing.

But could he do that to Kurama? To someone so caring and kind? He couldn't possibly be the other man's perfect match.

Oh, but to be in such a relationship would be so secure.

"Are they thoughts of love and being loved?"

"They are."

Kurama smiled slightly and fluffed the hair on the back of Hiei's neck.

"Are they thoughts of loving me?"

Hiei turned away slightly. "…they are."

"And are they…positive?"

Hiei smirked. Here was a nice chance.

"Maybe they are," he teased.

"And maybe my thoughts of you are a little…what's the word…foxy," Kurama punned.

Hiei chuckled a little.

"You're kind of cute," he said quietly. Kurama laughed at the out-of-character sentiment.

"Why, thank you, my little charmer."

Seemingly unprovoked, Hiei's head snapped up and his eyes narrowed.

"Miru's coming this way."

He rolled off of Kurama and the other stood, dusting himself off.

"Thank you, Hiei," he said in a hush whisper, almost to himself.

Hiei chose not to comment, but stepped back to watch.

Maybe he had more vested in this battle than he thought.

Interesting prospect…

Hiyoukai: loosely translated as "fire demon"

Makai: Hell, demon realm

Ningenkai: human realm

Makaichu: the term used to name the bugs from the Chapter Black saga

Reikai: spirit realm

Ningen: human

Youkai: demon


	34. Be All Right

**Disclaimer: today was a complete waste of a day… I feel bad.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-Three: Be All Right_

_The man in the mirror looked away, tracking some invisible trail through the concrete below them. Red eyes, still cracked, flickered in interesting ways under some invisible light that belonged only to them._

_'So then why do you work so hard to protect them?'_

_Well, I…_

_He fumbled for an answer, casting around for something, anything, to say that would make him sound right, keep him in control._

_Keep?_

_More like place._

_I owe them something, he said, hoping he sounded confident. I owe the woman for taking me in when I lost my life in Makai and for keeping me even without knowing what I really am, I owe the world for not shunning me when I am withdrawn into myself. I cannot shun them or leave them to die without paying my debts._

_What a funny notion._

_He did not leave any place without paying debts, true. It was the fox's honor binding him to such things. Foxes were oh so confusing—tricksters like no other, but tied down by certain rules; regulations, in a sense. Reality for them was a fragile thing, made up of these rules which were made to be twisted and snuck around._

_But what debt did he really owe these creatures, these humans? Was he inventing an excuse to hide a more personal reason?_

_'Are you afraid of telling me why you really defend them all?'_

_Of course not!_

_'Of why you really stay there?'_

_Why would I have reason to be afraid?_

_'Of why you really care?'_

_I don't recall ever saying that I cared for these miserable lowlifes._

_'That's right, it's only written all across your face.'_

_I owe them nothing!_

_The man in the mirror did not reply to that, and he merely waited, his eyes raging with vivid fire he thought only tangible in the flowing light itself. He was furious—at himself, nonetheless, something that simply could not be._

_He never contradicted himself, after all._

_'I thought you remained with them because, and only because, you owed them for taking you in,' said Fear, smirking devilishly._

_Haven't you realized yet? he asked pleadingly. I don't know what I am anymore! I don't know what I am, I don't know who you are, I don't know where my friends have gone, I don't know when I lost track of all this, I don't know why anything is the way it is! I don't even know what I know anymore!_

_Opportunities for power here were rare and sporadic, and Fear saw this one clear as a moonlit night._

_'Don't know what you know?' Fear asked soothingly._

_He nodded, holding tears behind tightly clamped lids._

_'Losing control?'_

_You know I am! Bastard! This is all your fault!_

_'You know that isn't true,' Fear said soothingly, his voice almost hypnotic. 'But your control is slipping, is it not? You want an easy answer to all your problems, don't you?'_

_I do, I do, I do… he murmured, one arm flung over his eyes._

_Then, with startling new resolution, he screamed at the top of his lungs._

_But I can't! I can't do that to myself! I can't do that to anyone else, I can't let that happen._

_'Certainly you can.'_

_No I can't!_

_'Submit to your fears, and everything will be all right.'_

_NO!_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Hajime!" Miru shouted. Kurama did not echo the order, but rather spit on the ground and drew his Rose Whip.

"Come at me," he snarled.

Miru raised an eyebrow at the new tone the match had taken. She had called the power of the choir as her own means of combat, and that horrible wolf creature was still struggling against its bonds behind her… If Kurama was breaking character and using his weapon so early into the fight, she would do the same.

Opening her mouth slightly, she let a soft note fall from her lips. The last remains of the tree's roots, still tightly bound to the dirt and concrete, twined themselves up, up, into the creature, becoming its hind paws. Shaking itself from head to tail, the monster bared its teeth in a feral growl, then opened its jaws fully to roar like no other.

Kurama paused, arms held up in defensive posture and his whip ready to strike. The creature continued to rumble its protest of Kurama's existence, lumbering forward and becoming accustomed to its form.

"Kurama!" Yuusuke shouted, and Hiei shifted his weight, ready to block the man if he tried to rush in and help.

The fox let his eyes flicker to Yuusuke as the monster became used to walking, beginning to trot.

Yuusuke paused, as if uncertain how to articulate his point. Finally he gave a confident smile and a thumbs-up.

"Knock 'em dead, Kurama."

The fox smiled slightly in response, still not looking at his friend.

The creature was cantering now, clumsily lurching for Kurama with every motion of its large paws. Thick claws tore rows in the ground as it passed and Miru watched with a satisfied smirk. Her voice was silent now, and she only looked on with a strange pride as her monster bounded nearly gleefully to its target, saliva beginning to drip from its panting mouth and its tongue lapping at its chops in anticipation.

Kurama shifted his weight just slightly to his back foot. Hiei's eyes snapped from his friend to the beast and back again. Kurama couldn't be planning to take on that thing with his whip, it was a ridiculous idea.

No, that wasn't it—he was trying to trick the thing. A seed was nestled between his forefinger and thumb…but the creature was made of tree, how would a seed stop it?

"Juryo Youzanken!" Kurama snarled (so it had been a rose seed?), not so much because the attack needed a name, Hiei knew—he had seen Kurama use it a few times, and never had he blurted those words. So then it was…because of his need to prove himself? To prove that his attacks were just as good, just as strong, and just as malleable as Miru's.

But that didn't make sense. Kurama's moves were very malleable, that was well known. The thorns of his whips were deadly sharp and very easy for him to use.

Was he speaking to the beast, or to the girl?

And weren't they one and the same?

Hiei shook it off and continued to watch. Kurama had leapt up and stabbed at the tree thing, and was now perched on its back, repeatedly jabbing at its tough hide. The thing was snapping back over its shoulder, trying to bite Kurama and throw him off, but the fox was too agile to be caught.

The sharp point of the glove seemed to be doing nothing, though, and Kurama growled his frustration and withdrew the whips. He searched his mind frantically for a weapon, any weapon, and came up with nothing but "maybes."

"Shokuyou Butsu!"

Kurama held the plant over the beast's back, letting the acidic saliva drip down and burn into its flesh. The hide was remarkably thick, and no hole was formed even after enough acid to melt an entire demon to dust. Only a dent grew there, but the organs remained out of reach.

The dent deepened, burrowing down, down, down…

It didn't _have_ organs, Kurama suddenly realized. It was a creature made of wood and leaves, not of blood and water. The grass of death he had been planning to use next would be useless, only strengthening the monster.

Miru cackled joyfully, quite unlike her previous laughter. She seemed to take great pleasure in being able to make such maniacal noises.

"The only earth around for miles, and I've pitted it against you!" she shouted. "You can't beat it, and you can't beat me! You're not strong enough to break its skin without plants, but plants are useless!"

"They…are…not," Kurama said haltingly as realization crept up on him. Miru controlled the beast—it had a mind of its own, yes, but Miru had created it and was sending it to attack him. If he stopped her, the creature would run off to live in the city, or the forest, or the barren planes, or wherever it made its home until a fire monster or some such thing came along and killed it.

Catapulting himself up, Kurama drew his floating plant and glided across the sky to stop above Miru. He nose dived, his whip summoned from nowhere and held out at his side.

Thrashing it down, he attempted to wrap it around the girl's throat and decapitate her, but Miru's reflexes were finely tuned to make up for her lacking strength. She turned at the last moment and let out several panicked notes, her skin taking on a funny sheen.

The whip snaked around her neck, but did not cut the skin.

Then several things happened at once. The monster, still set on knocking Kurama down, barreled towards him and pawed him out of the sky. Unprepared for the blow, Kurama dropped his whip and fell for the ground, his floating plant in tatters. Miru jumped backwards, leaving the whip around her neck in her haste, and sang to the monster, presumable an order to kill Kurama.

When the dust settled, the creature had Kurama pinned under its massive paw and Miru was sauntering forwards, the whip left at her throat now as a kind of badge of pride. As if to say, "I bested the great Kurama," she flung the tail of it like a boa.

"The fox has become the prey," she teased, kneeling down to him in a patronizing way. "How does it feel, Kurama? To be the one on the ground, the one fearing for his life, the one at my mercy. Doesn't it make you feel so _alive_?"

"I can hardly see how I would feel _alive_ as I lie here fearing for my _life_," he snapped, catching her doublespeak. She tilted her head and made a resentful face.

"That's the problem with you," she said. "You're too literal. Remember way back when, you came upon me in a forest running from an explosion? That explosion nearly blew off my head. _You_ nearly blew off my head, ya bastard. Well, see, the thing is, you got real confused. You thought _I_ had caused the explosion. But that's stupid! Why would I nearly blow off my own head?"

"You made mistakes," Kurama muttered, his eyes darting up to the monster holding him to the floor. The concrete had to be bad for its paws, and it looked bored and uncomfortable. Maybe…

"Yes, but I don't _make_ mistakes," she stressed. "I have God himself on my side. He believes in me as the savior of demonkind and mankind alike, and he will guide me to glory."

Kurama blinked a few times. She was certainly an advanced class of demon, to have thought up her own god and such a story for him and his relation to her. It all sounded like Christianity, a human concept, but with more self-satisfying twists.

"No one is perfect," he said.

"I am," she claimed arrogantly. "I'm perfect. Perfect looks, perfect power, perfect control. I have you beat, fox, and if you would accept it, I could kill you and get on with my life."

"Get on with _your_ life—!"

"So not the point," she interrupted, waving him off. "If you will say that I have defeated you, sign a legal document, and tell me where you keep your fucking seeds so I can have one as a souvenir, then I'll kill you and this nightmare will be over."

"You make it sound like such an appealing proposition," Kurama said, hiding his desperation for time. The creature was definitely tired of holding him by now, he might be able to throw it and run before it bit him…

"Don't I just? Now, I'll need some of your blood to make it a binding contract, so if you wouldn't mind…"

She held out a knife and a small inkwell, looking impatient.

If he asked her to call off her beast so he could cut himself properly, she would surely tie him down some other way. But the scent of blood would attract the monster's attention, so he couldn't cut himself while pinned or he'd be eaten. He had to throw it off now, before anything else happened.

Squirming just a little bit, Kurama drew a seed from the crushed floating plant pinned to his side and let it burst into life. The wing-like leaves irritated the creature's paw, just as Kurama had thought they would, and it loosened its hold even more. Arching his back, Kurama flung himself to the side and leapt away from them both.

Hiei nodded approvingly, and Yuusuke and Kuwabara whooped their glee. Kurama had almost forgotten about them, and tried to shut them out as the bits and pieces of a plan formed in his mind.

The whip was still around Miru's neck. He wouldn't need to get very close to carry her up, if he used another whip and snapped it to the one there. That monster thing would be a problem, as it was used to its body by now, but if he moved at the right angles, he could avoid it. He could summon the floating plant mid-jump, and as long as he bound the whips around her arms and legs, she couldn't struggle free.

Yes, yes, this might work.

Miru rushed forward, apparently tired of all the pausing and procrastination Kurama was doing.

"You're going down, fox boy!" she shouted in a horrible burst of her uncreative side. Kurama didn't pause in his thoughts, but rather charged her at the exact same speed she charged him. He kept his head down to cut wind resistance, his arms out at his side to add to his already streamlined form. Miru's mouth was open as she prepared to sic her monster on Kurama once again.

They were within three yards of each other and gaining fast—Kurama jumped into the air and snapped out his whip in the same fluid motion, cracking it in such a way that the end of it wove into the end of the whip still lying around Miru's throat. Still midair, he summoned his floating plant and flattened his body against the leaves, flying upwards. Miru sang out impatiently to the monster, and it swatted its claws at the pair of them, nearly dragging her back down. Kurama yanked her out of harm's way, hearing her shoulder pop out of its socket with the harsh motion.

Miru grimaced at the discomfort, biting her lip and squinting one eye. Kurama didn't look down to notice that.

Wind currents were generous, lifting the plant higher and higher. Of course, Yuusuke idly firing a Rei Gan in one direction and Hiei blasting a ring of fire in another might have had something to do with that, but Kurama didn't see them, either.

Miru looked up at him with confusion and anger in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she shouted. He let his eyes flicker down to her for a mere moment.

"Taking you somewhere where songs are meaningless," he replied quietly, so that she had to strain to hear him.

She squinted against the air rushing by her face.

"There is no such place!" she shouted, the slightest layer of panic underneath her voice. "Not unless you take us into the stratosphere, but there, you would die!"

"Not necessarily," he hissed through the thinning air. She began to panic visibly now, but a fall from this height—how had they come so far off the ground?—would certainly kill her.

She couldn't breath properly… The air was thin… Her monster tree thing was roaring below them with an unmatched and now bridled rage… She couldn't sing or make any sound at all…

That was his plan, of course.

But up here, Kurama had to be affected by the thinning air, as well. She could barely breath, and he, who so depended on plants, would need more oxygen even than her.

She stole a glance up at her tormenting prey.

He had a leafy, mask-like plant fastened to his mouth.

She choked, trying to gasp or scream or something to express how horribly unfair it was that he could do that. The bare molecules of oxygen she managed to gather caught in her throat and she instinctively hacked the irritation away, only creating more scratchiness.

Her head was feeling light and she couldn't think straight.

But…wait…that had to be his real plan. Get her to a place where she couldn't use her magic, then have her faint before he let her back down.

The pair of them dipped down a meter or so in the sky, and Miru felt the hold on her wrists quiver.

Kurama wasn't getting weaker, was he?

Half desperate, half muddled thinking, Miru let her head loll to one side as though she had passed out. Kurama's hold shifted again, and she felt them drop another few meters. He was weakening faster than she had thought, maybe even faster than she was. Sure enough, a few moments after she faked unconsciousness, Kurama let the wind currents carry them back to the ground. As oxygen returned and they passed through the clouds, Miru felt her head clearing. It was true, she was still weak and tipsy, but she could form coherent thought now.

Kurama let her fall to the ground with a soft "thump."

"Ai-i-i-i…" she muttered, rubbing her backside. Kurama did a double take as he tossed away his faux oxygen mask.

"You—you can't be awake, not after that…" he said, struggling only a little with his speech. She glared up at him.

"I can…survive without my music, you know," she muttered with a hint of insult and an overtone of panting. "It's just…annoying."

Her creature skulked towards Kurama, a practically impossible feat considering its size and mass. Not to mention its earth-shaking growls.

The fox tensed and turned his head.

Miru chuckled.

"Got you," Kurama muttered, bending his knees slightly.

"No way," Miru whispered.

But Kurama was as good as his word; leaping up—not as high as he might have, after that impressive glider incident—he took a seat atop the monster and placed his hands flat on its neck (or, what he assumed to be its neck; it was hard to tell, what with the rough skin and misshapen form). Hands glowing pink, he forced energy into the thing's body, letting the excess roll off of him in waves and wash over its hindquarters and back.

As was only to be expected, the tree creature thrashed about at first, trying to throw the almost viral invasion off of him. Hiei's hand rested on the hilt of his katana unexpectedly, and Yuusuke and Kuwabara found themselves automatically prepping their weapons once again.

But then the thing's motion simply stopped. Smirking, Kurama brought up his hands in a "goal" position and summoned several woven Rose Whips, throwing them over its muzzle as a reigns-style harness.

"No!" Miru shouted, somehow calling up the energy in her weakened state. "That's! Not! Fair! Stop it, you're supposed to be playing by the rules and that's against the rules!"

Kurama smiled kindly as he jerked the reign-whips. The creature was still wild, even with the addition of his plant energy. "Like it or not," he called down to her, "this beast of yours is made of a tree. I control plants, including trees. You made your second mistake."

"My first being what?" Miru whined, pouting.

"Getting me angry, of course."

Miru glanced around, panicked for a moment, before snapping her eyes back to Kurama with a sneer to match.

"Not if I add some concrete."

Kurama blinked as Miru opened her mouth.

She sang a few toneless notes, a song of strength and rebuilding new from old. Pavement rose from the ground and buildings lost their roofs as she tore concrete from here and there, throwing it at her creature. It howled as she melded wood to stone, resulting in a patchy color of grey and brown.

Kurama felt his hold on the other's mentality slipping.

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Juryo Youzanken: Tree Spirit Demon Slash Punch, a glove formed by wrapping several Rose Whips around the user's arm

Shokuyou Butsu: Death Tree, a demon realm plant which eats demon meat

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun


	35. Absolutely Absurd

**Disclaimer: never let anyone tell you that taking the SATs is a valuable way to spend a Saturday.**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-Four: Absolutely Absurd_

_'Are you afraid to lose control?'_

_I am not, he replied indignantly. I am merely accustomed to having it, and it is something of a shock for it to be suddenly wrenched away._

_'You liar. You have known no more control over your own life than a daffodil does over a forest fire.'_

_He smiled, a little bit. A daffodil, he said. How odd that you would not say a rose._

_'Well, that would not be fair. A rose has thorns with which to defend itself.'_

_From a forest fire?_

_'From whatever harms it.'_

_You are a thief and a liar. I do not know why I ever thought to trust you._

_Fear laughed, a little bit. 'Why, that is easy, my friend! Because you are a wise man! You know to trust yourself, to make things all right.'_

_You are not myself, he said in a quiet voice, looking away dramatically._

_'And I thought we had already covered that matter.'_

_Well maybe we need to cover it again._

_Fear took in a great breath and let it out slowly. How long this task had become, especially for a mere thing as teaching a man to accept his fears. They were a normal occurrence, and would be whether he admitted to that or not._

_'Do you or do you not accept your own fears as a natural occurrence?'_

_He looked to the sky. This world was beginning to change again, to become something more unfamiliar than dirt and shadows. Was he afraid? As this world became something frightening, was he afraid? The changes were all so sudden, all so intimidating, all so new…and was he afraid?_

_Fear was now his companion, it seemed, attaching itself to his unconscious mind. So what did he, as an individual, have to be afraid of? The unknown? But his entire world was unknown, so did he live in fear of his life itself? Or even the concept of life?_

_No, that was absolutely absurd! He could not live afraid of life._

_He tried to walk forward, but this world made it far too difficult. It was not the same as it had been when this world was created—he could move, after all, it was just the act of walking which was so awkward._

_Walking, he said, through a city of cold glass…_

_'A city of cold glass in which you are alone,' said the man in the mirror. 'A city from which all your friends have been banished, a city where you are no one and you are nothing. A city where you are not special, where you are not unusual, where you are not a lie. Is that not what you always wanted? To be normal?'_

_The man in the mirror was suddenly beside him, slinking around like a cat, or a snake. He looked pointedly away from this strange man-beast, this creature with cracked red eyes._

_'Or are you afraid? Afraid to be just like everyone else? Afraid not to harbor some secret identity, some dark past full of wickedness? Are you afraid? Are you scared?'_

_I am not afraid…_

_'That is impossible. We are all afraid.'_

_I am not afraid of you…_

_'It is not the wise man whose greatest fear is to be afraid.'_

_Who is to say?_

_'I do not know…'_

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"Ha!" Miru cackled as the cement was ingrained into the creature's body. "I've lowered the degree to which you can control him by adding unnatural materials. How do you like that, fox brat?"

Yuusuke looked at her with a twisted expression and cocked his head.

"Kuwabara," he said.

"Yeah?" Kuwabara replied.

"Did she just explain what she just did, even though she heavily implied it when she said she would add concrete to the wood to lower Kurama's control?" Yuusuke asked.

"I think she did," Kuwabara said.

"…did she just call him 'fox brat'?" Yuusuke asked.

"I think she did," Kuwabara said.

"She's crazy."

"I think she is."

Hiei, meanwhile, was completely focused on the fight. If he needed to jump in and burn off the cement, he would. He had thoroughly convinced himself that he did, in fact, harbor deep and romantic feelings for Kurama, and he would not let the other die or be captured by this bitch's hand.

"Come on, Kurama," he said to himself. "You can still win this fight."

Miru, meanwhile, had finished her screeching laughter and was singing again, ordering the monster to buck Kurama off. It thrashed and kicked back its haunches, trying to free itself from the burden.

Kurama fiercely gripped the thing's neck, holding on for dear life and sending his power pulsating through every crevice of wood he could find. The monster seemed distraught, trying to obey its master and throw the intruder from its back as it was compelled by Kurama to stop moving and lay down like a tame kitten. As a result, it stood fairly steadily, merely twitching every once in awhile, which was good enough for the fox. He didn't need to make it move for him, only to stop moving for her.

Saliva dripped from the thing's mouth, flying every which way as it tossed its head, baring long fangs. Kurama instantly sent soothing impressions into his ki, hoping to calm the beast before he was thrown off entirely. Or worse yet, smacked in the face with one of those strings of drool. He shuddered at the thought.

It seemed to be calming slightly under his influence…but Miru wasn't giving up. She was…performing stretches? Clasping her hands behind her back, she held them there and bent her neck down, breathing slowly. Opening her chest? That was odd…wasn't it?

Not really, all things considered. She was a singer, it was only natural that her chest be flexible and easy for oxygen to flow through.

Meaning…

Oh no.

Kurama thought frantically, trying to come up with something, anything that would let the beast resist Miru's song. More power? No, he was already running low as it was. A distraction? No, too risky, and it was likely Miru would see through the act. A harness? No, where would he get…a…harness…

That was it! He had almost forgotten about that!

Lashing out with his energy, Kurama snagged the beast's slender muzzle and threaded it to its chest. Leaving the energy bars there for only a few seconds—it was a weak and risky bond—Kurama snatched up the Rose Whip reins and tugged, hard. The monster yelped, but Kurama didn't let go. The thorns were digging into its fake skin, the bind was tightening, its resolve was lowered, Miru had yet to release the horrid notes—

Dammit!

If Kurama was having so much trouble with the creature and its own mind, what sort of trouble would he have when Miru began to sing to it? No time to dwell on that—she was opening her mouth, she would sing any second now—this couldn't be good—no, no, no, just a little longer! He was panicking, afraid, nearly shaking with his fear, but he couldn't give up, not yet…!

Miru's voice rang out through the collapsing city, but not in melodious tunes to seduce her tree beast. It was more like a scream? Of terror? Or was it pain? Kurama couldn't tell, but he looked down as he reassured himself that the monster he sat upon wouldn't hurl him to the ground. It was quietly whining, trying to wipe the thorns from its face.

Hiei had his sword pressed into Miru's back, Yuusuke had a Rei Gan at her throat, and Kuwabara held his Reiken over her head. She was sweating liberally, her hands quivering, plastered to her hips.

"One single note falls from your lips," Hiei growled, "and I promise you, another will not follow it."

"Y-yes sir," she said, her voice thin and full of fear. Yuusuke spiked his energy a tiny bit and the blue orb grew brighter.

How funny it was, Kurama thought, that even Miru knew when to submit to her fears. Maybe he could in fact learn something from her.

But was it worth the effort to surrender after such a hard fought battle? The odds had been so in her favor, and yet Kurama's experience and cunning had allowed him to win. But he had cheated, in fact, that was how he won. He brought friends where she had none.

And didn't she deserve to die in such a manner? Her obsessions had forced this out of him, and had forced her to live a life of secrecy, constantly on the run for fear he would track her down and find her and, of course, kill her. She was impressive to have come so far with her apparently meager power in such a short time. She was to be commended…if it weren't for her habit of framing famous thieves for crimes she herself had committed.

And this creature, this peculiar half-breed thing? It did not deserve the life it was destined to lead. Patting its neck, Kurama leapt from the thing's back and landed on the ground with only a small stumble. The Rose Whips remained around its muzzle, a brutal harness. Could he kill it? The hide was tough to begin with, and had only been made tougher by the addition of concrete and remnants of steel from the pavement. More importantly, if he got the chance, _would_ he kill it? It was clearly strong and able enough to care for itself in the wild, but it seemed altogether unhappy to be alive.

Damn these moral dilemmas, with their unclear morals and conflicting viewpoints. Kurama steadied himself on the stones beneath his feet and walked over to where his friends had Miru planted firmly in place.

"Thank you," he said quietly, "but I believe I can take it from here."

Yuusuke and Kuwabara backed away instantly, and Hiei followed after a hesitant moment. Kurama smiled thankfully at him.

Miru instantly relaxed into a "ready to run" pose. Kurama's sharp glare told her that would not be a bright idea at the moment, and she tensed slightly.

"I have you at my mercy, I hope you know," he said icily, despite his slightly unsteady base. Fear glinted in Miru's previously mocking eyes, though what was an act, Kurama couldn't tell.

"I-I know," she stumbled, "please. I beg of you, have mercy."

That got a little chuckle out of Yuusuke.

"Hey, Kurama," he said wickedly. "You believe in mercy, don't you?"

Kurama frowned, his gaze caught halfway between his prey and his friend. Yuusuke leaned back slightly, sensing that he had said quite the wrong thing, but knowing he couldn't take it back now. Kurama shook his head.

"No," he said coolly. "I don't. Especially," he continued suddenly, glaring sharply at Miru, "not for you."

Miru stiffened slightly, sweat beginning to bead on her brow. She quietly hummed a tuneless song.

"Silence," Kurama snapped. Miru yelped and quieted her hum.

The beast, meanwhile, had successfully scraped off Kurama's Rose Whips so that only thorns of them remained, attached to threads of the vine and stemming the flow of blood. It whined softly and Kurama felt a sharp twinge of pity. The thing may have tried to kill him, but it hadn't asked to live a life of this sort. Plenty of others had tried to kill him in the past, anyway, and he had never killed them simply out of spite; no, always as a means of survival.

Feeling a surprising bout of empathy, Kurama climbed and jumped up to the creature's back and crawled up on its crown, sitting there and petting its harsh skin.

"Don't worry," he said softly. "It will be all right. Just don't move too much and everything will be over soon."

The creature whimpered again and Kurama drew a seed from his hair. He carefully removed one of the thorns, sappy blood beginning to flow almost at once, and inserted the seed into the wound. He pinned the thorn back in place to keep the seed from leaking out along with the blood and continued stroking the beast's head in a calming manner.

"Just a little longer," he assured it. "Don't be afraid. You'll be a beautiful monument when this is all over."

The creature licked its chops and began to restlessly scratch at its muzzle. Kurama chuckled sadly.

"All right now," he said. "Are you ready?"

The creature wailed loudly, its mouth open as though in a yawn. Kurama smiled at it.

"Die."

In the split second between the keyword and the attack's beginning, Kurama slid from the creature's back and strode away a few steps. Rooted in already nature-based soil, the plant flourished easily and exploded into a more beautiful rose than Kurama had ever seen. Glittering brilliant red and stained with flecks and jagged stripes of black, the flower was truly a sight to behold.

"Miru!" Kurama barked. The girl stood at attention, hands flat against her hips and mouth clamped shut.

Kurama walked closer to her, very much resembling a cat in his slinking pace. He drew his Rose Whip and flicked it playfully, snapping it near her head and making it curve around her waist.

"You deserve a fate worse than death for all you have done to me," he said bitterly. "You deserve to writhe and burn in the very pits of Hell, stripped of everything but your ability to feel pain, subjected to unimaginable torment for millions of uncountable years."

He cracked his whip again.

"Do you even know the sort of torment your stupid games put me through? I spent every spare moment _looking_ for you!" Kurama accentuated his words with a dangerously close range snap of the thorny weapon, scratching the very surface of her skin and drawing a single drop of blood.

"Fantasizing about your _death_!"

Another drop of blood fell to the ground.

"Plotting ways to _catch_ you!"

Another drop. Then another, and another.

"Waiting for the moment," he said amidst nearly heaving breaths, "when I would finally be freed from this nightmare, when I could finally be at peace, and when you would never cause suffering to _anyone_ ever _again_!"

This time, a long gash appeared along Miru's cheek. It was thin, but unattractive; not like the scars of bravery seen in so many cartoons and movies. Against Miru's already plain façade and plainly toned skin, it was a blemish soon to fade.

"Are you going to kill me?" she asked fearfully.

Kurama raised his whip mightily, preparing to strike her down, when suddenly he found himself frozen in place.

"What the—"

Miru barked a short laugh and leapt backwards, her face still scratched and her neck still bleeding. She teetered on her feet just a slight bit, perhaps a remnant of her time in the stratosphere, perhaps a reflection of the blood loss she had suffered.

"I knew it!" she howled. "I knew you would drop your guard some time! I knew my song would come in handy, you idiot! You never should have let yourself become distracted!"

Distracted?

Kurama blinked. When had he been…

Of course.

When he had tended to the monster and its pathetic wails.

Miru must have been singing. He wouldn't have heard her over the beast's crying, and his friends would have been watching him in case the thing suddenly bucked and tried to throw him again. She was a sly one, to be sure, but now he was in quite a fix. Stuck in place, he couldn't help his friends, and who knew how long the spell would last? And she would likely use it on Hiei and the others, and that would just lock them all together and then where would they be left? Completely at her mercy, that was where.

"Now…I know that as the noble warrior I should…stay and fight you," she heaved. "But frankly…I'm a little drained right now, so we'll…have to take a rain check on that one."

Straining, Kurama managed to speak through gritted teeth. "A _rain check_—"

"Yup!" she interrupted with a cheesy grin, flashing the "V for Victory" sign. "So I'll get back to you, sweetie!"

Kurama struggled to twitch his finger, to turn his neck, to tap his foot, to do _something_, to do _anything_, but the power of the choir was far too sturdy to be broken by mere willpower. Miru, meanwhile, was singing—if you wanted to call it that—a strong tune, ringing of the earth beneath the concrete she stood on, a song of power and invisible notes and chords. As they all watched, stuck with their eyes on her, she seemed to melt into the ground as it parted underneath her.

"Coward!" Kurama snarled. "Free us and come back! This fight is—"

But as he tried to yell to her, Miru disappeared completely and the ground closed itself back up. As soon as it was mended, the fighters all fell out of their rigid poises and tripped over themselves, falling onto the ground. Kurama nearly bit his own tongue.

He sat for a moment in complete silence, entirely still, and the others hesitated to get close.

Without warning came an explosion of rage.

"That _bitch_!" he screamed, punching the ground. Yuusuke and Kuwabara stepped even further back at this outlandishly out of character action, but Hiei took a few tentative paces closer. Kurama stood, seething with rage.

"How could she _do_ this to me? I was so _close_—_tantalizingly_ close! And then she just…just up and ran! Such a cowardly _brat_!"

Yuusuke and Kuwabara kept their distance, but by now, Hiei had come so close to Kurama that he could grab his arm and hold it still, trying to catch the fox's attention.

"I _hate_ her!" Kurama screamed, turning on Hiei with wild eyes. Hiei jerked back abruptly, resisting the urge to shield his face.

He may as well try, Hiei reasoned. If he did nothing, Kurama was liable to hurt him, or hurt himself. That would not be allowed.

"Kurama," he said, trying to speak softly. This didn't go over well with the spirit, who turned on Hiei and raised his hand as though to strike. Hiei grabbed this other arm, as well, effectively stopping all of Kurama's movement except for an occasional futile writhing.

"Kurama, you know this isn't…eh…this isn't you. You aren't like this. You're not so loud and unfocused. Kurama, just try to calm down…please?"

Kurama blinked rapidly, several times, as though to clear his vision and thereby his mind. It worked…sort of.

"Hiei?" he said wonderingly. Hiei nodded, encouraged.

"Yes," he said helpfully. "That's right. Are you…feeling all right, Kurama?"

Kurama looked at his raised arm and his eyes widened with disbelief. His jaw hung slack for a moment as he came to realization.

"I was…I was about to—to hit you?" he said. Hiei nodded again.

"Yes, Kurama, but it's all okay now. You didn't hit me, and I don't take any offence. You were out of your mind. It wasn't your fault."

The fox's struggle went slack, and Hiei released his arms. This may not have been the wisest maneuver, as Kurama would have collapsed to the ground if Hiei had not caught him just in time. Cradling Kurama's head in his lap, Hiei looked back at the detective and his friend, nodding for them to come over.

"You feeling okay, Kurama?" Kuwabara asked worriedly as they came within hearing range. Kurama looked up and nodded.

"Yes…but what happened to Miru? She couldn't have simply disappeared…could she?" For a moment, Kurama looked almost fearful. "I didn't think the power of the choir was quite _that_ strong."

Hiei shook his head.

"It's not. She's still out there, somewhere."

Kurama turned his gaze away from Hiei's face, looking out to the destroyed city, and nodded.

"She always will be, won't she?"

None of them knew quite what to say to that.

"…I think so, Kurama."

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Ki: energy

Rei Gan: Spirit Gun

Reiken: Spirit Sword

Really quick before notes: this is not the last chapter. It is possibly the penultimate chapter, but I will just have to see how things roll from here.

Note: Mea. Thank you so much for your reviews, they were great honors to receive and I very much appreciate them. Per your two…uncertainties, let's call them.

Dream sequences. They are all part of one long dream that, go figure, Kurama had once. I dunno when, or how that time frame really relates to the story at hand, so it doesn't matter so much. In one earlier chapter he mentioned, I believe, "I had a dream like this once," or something to that effect. I should think that, as of the last chapter, it's pretty obvious whose dream it is, what with the "fox" reference and all that.

Happy ending. As for deaths, lost limbs, lost sanities, and such things as that, I can make no promises, because then you would know how the story does or does not end. This has been going on way too long for me to blow it now. I will say that I am not trying to drop anyone off of a cliff and into the endless abyss of evilness, but if certain characters are not to come out of all of this entirely the way they entered it, I won't be held accountable. There are several dozen ways to interpret that announcement, and I hope you don't pick the one I'm thinking of. Things should be all wrapped up in the next chapter or two, so you don't have long to wait if you haven't guessed already.

Other note: does anyone remember in some Harry Potter book, I forget which one, Dumbledore tells Harry that his greatest fear is fear itself, which is a valuable asset or a wise choice or something? So then at the end of the dream segment, the man in the mirror tells Kurama that it is not wise to be afraid of being afraid? See how they're linked? Excellent.


	36. For Only a Day

**NOT THE LAST CHAPTER**. I admit, when I started it, I planned for it to be the last chapter, but then it got to 3,048 words and I was like, "Let's hang on for a little while longer."

**Disclaimer: crazy mad party at Kurama's house!**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-Five: For Only a Day_

_You don't know? he asked softly. You don't know?_

_'It is impossible to know that answer.'_

_Impossible to know who is to say what is right?_

_'All view things differently. There is no 'right.''_

_I believe I understand…_

_The man in the mirror—his greatest Fear—looked on him with kind eyes. The facets of the shattered red sparkled, and the cold city began to shine._

_How will I know if I am meant to go on? he asked sadly, looking around him at the tall glass buildings and feeling his emotions fading. The monuments could fall at any moment; they were unstable, built of his own self; and he did not care._

_My life no longer has meaning, now that I understand._

_The man in the mirror looked off, above his head, to the cold glass sky above the cold glass buildings, and pointed._

_'Do you see that?'_

_He looked to where the man pointed, and shielded his eyes._

_The sun? he asked, not seeing any meaning to a fake white ball of fake fire energy in a fake frigid world of fake shining glass. _

_'Yes,' said the man in the mirror, beginning to smile. 'The sun is rising, and you are breathing. You are alive. What more could you want?' _

_His eyes downcast, he chuckled a bit. _

_I could want to be perfect, he said. I could want to be the best, the best at everything and the best for everyone. I could want to never have to change. _

_'And wouldn't that be lovely?' _

_He chuckled again, shaking his head. _

_No, he said. No…I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to be the best. I don't need to have everything, or know everything, or want everything. I am—I do not need to be gluttonous in life. I am not a child. _

_'But you wouldn't want to be the best, for only a day?' _

_No… _

_The man in the mirror nodded. 'You accept your fear?' _

_I accept that this world, and everything that goes on inside of it, is false. _

_'But do you understand?' _

_He looked to his Fear, staring him straight in the face with hardened eyes, and nodded. _

_I will, he said, if I do not yet. I will learn from my dreams and my fantasies, and I will not submit to Fear. _

_'You will not abandon me.' _

_He smiled with a bit of his old kindness. _

_I know enough not to. _

_Fear smiled back, his eyes nearly dust holding together in his cracked and broken face. _

_'I believe…everything will be all right.' _

_Someday, maybe. _

_The sun, peeking over the cold glass city, refracted through the icy panes and skated across shimmering streets, making them glow like fire. _

_Fire…such a glorious friend. The little firefly was a lovely creature, and the dancing embers were like music. So pretty, so painful, so fragile… _

_It's a nice view, he said. Isn't it? _

_'That's true…'_

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Hiei shifted his knees slightly, tilting Kurama a bit to the left. The redhead didn't really notice, suddenly aware of the mission's failure and sort of zoning out. Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked at him sadly. Kurama wasn't meant to be like this…he was meant to smile, and to sing when he was happy and to grow hard-eyed when he was angry and to speak when he was sad.

"Uh…Kurama?" Kuwabara said uncertainly. Kurama didn't move, but his eyes flicked to the taller man and back. Taking that as an initiative, Kuwabara cleared his throat, mainly out of nerves, and tried to arrange his thoughts into reasonable speech.

"Eh—are you…are you feeling all right?" he asked, starting out safely enough. "Because, I mean, you're always so…lively, or at least aware, and now you're just so…so…asleep, almost. If you were out here alone, I bet vultures would be circling overhead."

Yuusuke smacked his friend's head at the stupid illustration. Rather than reel and yell, Kuwabara lightly touched the spot and tried to recover himself. It was a little difficult in the face of Hiei's murderous glare, but he managed.

Sort of.

In his defense, the death glare did make it far more difficult.

"I—uh—what I mean to say is that you should be standing up, running around, being _alive_! You're not meant for this, Kurama, and you don't deserve to force yourself into it. You're such an awesome guy and you look so _depressed_! It's…it's _wrong_!"

Kurama smiled a little and laughed, though it was more a hollow cough than anything else. Kuwabara cocked his head and Yuusuke peered over Hiei's protective hands.

"The one thing in my life that wasn't perfect," he said, his tone oddly normal, "and I was presented with the perfect opportunity to fix it. I failed. Miru is still out there somewhere, and she'll still try to kill me. She'll still want me to pay for her crimes."

"Her crimes?" Hiei jumped in instantly. Breakthrough, breakthrough, breakthrough…

Kurama shook his head. "I don't know what to think. I suppose it's possible that I did…whatever it was, and I forgot. I do want to believe you, but she's just so…convincing, that I can't. To be honest, the whole thing is sort of a blur to me."

Dammit.

"But you _didn't_!" Yuusuke exclaimed. "You told us, earlier on in this mission, that you were so sure you didn't do it! I mean, come on, Kurama, you wouldn't have done it and then not remembered the loot, would you? And explosives aren't your style at all—it's completely irrational. Whatever happened that day, whatever happened to those people, it wasn't your fault, and nothing Miru says can _make_ it your fault."

Kuwabara nodded emphatically. "That's right," he said in a commanding tone. "It wasn't your fault at all, and Miru is a sick and twisted girl to make you think that it was."

Kurama nestled his face into Hiei's cloak—more accurately, into the demon's waist—and sighed a little, the light puff of warm air passing through the thin black fabric.

"But what if it _was_?"

None of them knew quite what to say to that. There was no arguing with it, that was certain—it lacked the appropriate and characteristic logic of Kurama's speech. Yuusuke, having tried the only thing he could think of (ranting, with a little bit of emotional reasoning), was at a loss. Kuwabara could think of a few more things to try, but none of them seemed very logical, and he didn't want to interrupt if Hiei was going to give it a go.

They all waited for awhile—Yuusuke and Kuwabara for Hiei to say something, and the little demon for Kurama to _do_ something.

Yuusuke seemed not calm, as he tried to, but tense and ready to explode with a furious tirade if given the opening. Secretly he harbored a festering rage for the fox spirit, hating how he refused to sit up and think of a new plan of attack. This wasn't just Kurama's problem anymore! He had no right to interrupt their capturing (or killing, as he so plotted) Miru with his self-important moping.

Kuwabara showed off a stoic face, but thought deeply behind it. It was true that Kurama was no longer alone in this vengeance, but the fox did have the right to Miru's head, he supposed. She had caused him more pain than she had caused any of the others. And besides, any rage they felt was channeled through Kurama first—it was all second-hand. But dammit, if Kurama wouldn't stop pitying himself…well, Kuwabara couldn't be held responsible for all his actions.

Hiei simply didn't know what to do. He was in love with Kurama, he knew that now, and a certain small part of him was afraid of hurting the fox if he said anything. But the other two expected it of him, he was sure—both the speaking part and the hurting part. That was the sort of person he was. And they would expect him not to care when he hurt the fox, too. He never cared before, why start now? But they didn't know the depths of his feeling, they couldn't.

Kurama was too distraught to notice much of anything. He had to stop feeling so sorry for himself, sure, but now…it was too soon. His emotions were fluctuating at remarkable speeds and he wasn't even sure he felt at all anymore. Hiei, who he had thought to be his one true love, no longer held the vitalizing thrill he once had… Yuusuke, who he had thought to be a loyal friend, no longer trusted as much as he once had… Kuwabara, who he had thought to be a kindhearted and sweet man, no longer seemed to be as gentle as he once had…

Without thinking of it, Kurama clasped his fingers around the waist of Hiei's cloak and tugged it closer to himself.

The small demon felt himself being pulled from the middle towards Kurama's face and reflexively resisted. He never liked to be moved this way or that. Only afterwards did he realize that he should have been yielding, but Kurama, still tugging but a little harder this time, didn't seem to notice. Yuusuke and Kuwabara watched, warring between patience and impatience.

Hiei could have laughed at how silly they looked.

"Kurama," he finally said quietly. "We could go on and on, talking about 'what if' for the rest of our lives. But I don't care about 'what if,' I care about 'what is.'" He took a breath to steel himself. "And…right now…you are 'what is.' You are what matters. You are the one who needs to be healed, who needs to be helped, and—" suddenly he was inexplicably angry "—dammit, Kurama, if you won't drag yourself out of this stupid depression you've put yourself in, then I'm going to try my hardest to do it _for_ you!"

"What if I don't _want_ to?" Kurama murmured, his voice rising dangerously as he spoke. "What if I don't _want_ to get back to the world where I don't belong? I'm living in a different place, Hiei, far away from here. I'm living in a city of cold glass where the sun is always rising and the fractured light always shines in my eyes. It's a city where nothing is ever the same, and the only one who ever walks through the streets is _me_." He paused for a moment, heaving a dry sob and looking up at his friend with sad eyes.

"I'm all alone, Hiei," he pleaded, "and I just want things to stop being so hard…is that too much to ask?"

So taken aback by Kurama's apparent return to his insane "mood swinging" self, Hiei stopped for a moment to collect himself. He had been so sure that they were beyond this fluctuating personality…yet here it was again, roaring in their faces as though to mock him.

Hiei shook his head, furious at this backtracking. Kurama had tears welling in his eyes now, which set him back even more.

"Don't _cry_, stupid!" he cried out, almost wailing. That was not what they needed just then! No, now Kurama had to be centered and clear minded, he had to be strong and brave and fucking _normal_. Hiei was too off-kilter after this entire ordeal, and Miru's disappearance had upset his balance even more.

"Hey," Yuusuke cut in. "Don't yell at Kurama, Hiei, he's just…confused. You've been there too, don't start getting all pissed off."

Glowing red eyes locked onto Yuusuke, burning with the sort of rage that said, "Don't get involved or I'll cut off your head, and don't think I won't do it." Yuusuke backed away and sat on the ground, but continued to glare sharply back at Hiei. One of those, "Okay, but I'm still mad at you, dumbass."

Kuwabara caught the exchange and wisely kept his mouth shut. It did bother him, though, that Kurama was being so…anti-Kurama. Could Miru's disappearance really have gotten to him that much? It simply wasn't logical. And yet, here it was.

It was completely mindboggling.

"I am not confused," Kurama muttered into Hiei's cloak.

"Kurama…" Hiei said, clearly exasperated. "Don't start something."

"I am not," the fox retorted. "I'm merely pointing out why Yuusuke is wrong. I'm not confused; I'm alone."

"You are _not_!" Hiei screamed. For a moment, it seemed as though he would hit Kurama; his fist was even raised above his head. But as he stared down at Kurama's pathetic eyes and his quivering mouth as he tried not to cry…the spontaneity seemed to drain out of him and his cool demeanor returned.

"I'm…I'm sorry…"

Hiei lowered his arm slowly as though shocked, and Kurama nodded meekly, trying to smile and failing miserably.

"It's all right, really."

Hiei shook his head angrily. "No, it's not!"

Kurama raised a hand off of Hiei's lap, attempting to pat his friend's shoulder and sooth him, but Hiei batted his hand away and shook his head. His eyes tightly shut and his teeth clenched, Hiei seemed to be restraining himself. The fox was baffled completely; Hiei had never done anything of this sort before, why start now?

He just looked so sincere, and so genuinely sorry…it was hard to be perplexed or angry or anything but sorry for the little demon. Kurama sat up, raising himself off of Hiei's lap, and wrapped his friend in a tight hug. Hiei tried to force him away, but Kurama only tightened his grip.

Hiei leaned back in Kurama's embrace and simply tolerated it.

He loved the fox, it was true, but there was only so much he would admit to. Loving the fox was one of those things, true, but that was beside the point.

Kurama looked up, a little surprised by Hiei's quickness to relax. It was so unlike the fiery apparition to be submissive, but this was definitely Hiei, and he was definitely acting of his own free will.

"It's all right, Hiei…I don't—I mean, I understand…"

Hiei looked off to some spot far above Kurama's head and nodded, his expression slightly tinted with his familiar annoyance with the world. This soothed Kurama a good deal more than the attempted chat, to see everything close to normalcy.

"Of course you do," Hiei almost whispered, sounding defeated. Kurama looked up at him with a small smile, slightly misinterpreting the statement.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara, sensing the beginnings of a calmness between their demon friends, edged forward, prepared to leap backwards at a mere hint of disapproving. None came, however, and soon they were all sitting together on the ground, just like friends.

"So…" Yuusuke started admirably. "Are we…good?"

Hiei and Kurama looked over at him disbelievingly and Kuwabara teetered between support of his best friend and support of his demon companions. Uncommitted, he elected to stay silent altogether. Yuusuke shrugged apologetically.

"I dunno," he apologized, "I guess I just…I don't know. I want things to be normal, but I know they aren't, and I thought that if we were all okay being friends again, we could be—"

"Yuusuke."

The teen blinked, looking over at Hiei. Dark red eyes glared at him dangerously, holding threats of pain and torment. Yuusuke did not gulp, or laugh nervously, or even close his eyes. He simply sighed and nodded, his eyes half-lidded and his expression pointed at the ground. He had been rambling and, like a scolded child, he stopped when interrupted, keeping to his abashed self.

Kuwabara placed a hand on his shoulder, and their eyes did not meet. Even Kuwabara still looked at the ground.

They sat in tense silence for a few minutes, trying to pretend to be on friendly terms with one another, until Kurama stood and stretched. Hiei, Yuusuke, and Kuwabara looked up at him simultaneously, their heads tilted at the same angle, their eyes open the same way.

"Well," he said, stepping outside of the circle so as to look at them all, "I appreciate all you've done for me. I am…glad for the effort you've put into trying to understand what is going on inside my head, but I'm afraid you simply can't. Haven't, rather." He smiled cheerfully, the way they all remembered Kurama's smiles. "Shall we go?"

Hiei was about to stand, his hands placed behind him on the ground, but Kuwabara scrambled up first and jumped to stand before Kurama, hands outstretched and eyes pleading.

"But we _want_ to understand!" he cried. "You can't possibly understand how much we want to understand. We want to _help_, Kurama, if you'll just—let us in!"

The fox didn't move, but his eyes widened and he tilted his head to the side. He looked perplexed, to say the least. Yuusuke had stood during his friend's tirade and looked determined, and Hiei, while standing as well, didn't appear to be on one side or the other.

"Er, I…eh…"

"Kurama," Yuusuke tried, "you tell us that it's hell in there—in your head—and you tell us we can't possibly understand, but you never let us try! I—we want to try, if you'll let us, and I really…I wish you would…"

Kurama looked between the two, at a loss for something sane to say, and his eyes fell on Hiei. The fire demon's gaze matched his own and, while his expression did not betray much of anything, the flicker of emotion in his eyes gave Kurama the exact notion of what to say.

"While I appreciate your efforts, I really must assure you that I have control over my own thoughts. Thank you, though, for your concern."

Hiei looked away, his hidden eyes sad, and Yuusuke and Kuwabara sagged, their faces decorated by the loss they felt.

Kurama's smile was impossibly normal.

"Shall we contact Koenma for a gate back home?"

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**Small note**: has anyone ever heard of the play "Wonder of the World" by David Lindsay-Abaire? Well, it's very funny, you should read it or see it or something. I stole some parts of this chapter from that play.

**Small note the second**: the lyrics of "Daydream Generation" mention a city of cold glass. Hence the city of glass Kurama keeps making reference to. So…yeah. Like that.


	37. This Dream World

**Disclaimer: pretty flowers for everyone!**

_Balance_

_Chapter Thirty-Six: This Dream World_

_'You are…all right?'_

_I think…_

_He took a deep breath and began walking down the street, cold glass sliding beneath his feet. This world had no cracks, nor blemishes, nor dust nor pain nor betrayal. All was laid out for anyone to see, and all could be seen through. In the same ways that it was terribly disturbing, it was a strangely comforting feeling._

_He smiled._

_I think I will be. One day._

_'Is it time for this dream world to come to an end?'_

_This world full of cold and glass?_

_'Yes…'_

_He laughed quietly._

_Oh, this is not a dream, my friend…_

_The man in the mirror looked at him curiously. Of course this was a dream—where else but in a dream could one relive the past so easily, and with such altercations as a missing friend? Where else but in a dream could one confront his fears face to face, as though the emotion was a living being? Where else but in a dream could one admit to his weaknesses so readily, where no one was around to hear and to judge? This had to be a dream, or what was the world outside of it supposed to be?_

_'Of course this is a dream…'_

_Do you see? he said triumphantly. Do you see how you doubt yourself because I tell you that you are wrong? That is the world we live in today. This universe of doubt and fools where we are all right because we are all so very, very wrong._

_The man in the mirror smiled forlornly. Funny that Fear could have emotions of its very own…could rule over those emotions so as to manipulate them when it chose…_

_'I see,' the man said. 'You are right, and I see it now.'_

_I am, aren't I?_

_'Yes…'_

_Funny…_

_'What is?'_

_In a strange universe that is parallel to itself where all things are impermanent and we are all wrong in saying anything will last forever…_

_A soft pause set over them and the glass world seemed to glitter under the ever-rising sun._

_Every once in a great while…_

_Fear looked to his human counterpart with wondering eyes and the silence was sweet._

_There is…something right with the world._

_'Yes. I believe there is.'_

_He looked to his companion with a warm smile._

_'Is it time to wake up from this dream?'_

_Yes. I believe it is._

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It's been two years now, since the last day of that mission.

Things haven't been quite the same between us four.

Yuusuke was officially re-retired, and he and Keiko are still living happily together. I think they're considering children, but neither of them wants to raise another little Yuusuke.

Kuwabara is still trying to court Yukina, and she seems to understand more than she's letting on. If that relationship turns into anything, I think it'll be because of her.

Kurama was declared formally insane by the committee in charge of Reikai Tantei and retired from all official positions in Reikai, but he and Koenma still speak from time to time. I don't know why anyone would want to spend extra time with Koenma, but I'm not one to understand these things. I think as time goes on, he's getting better.

We didn't drift apart, exactly, and we certainly didn't decide to sever all ties. We just stopped being…the way we used to be.

It would certainly be a lie to say we were close in the few years proceeding the mission in question. I had been away for several years and I am almost certain that the others were only in contact for school-related reasons. I would not be surprised to hear that our pasts together, our pasts when we were as good as children, never came up even once.

I would not be surprised to hear that _I_ never came up even once.

I visit more often now, not because I feel I am missed when I am gone, but because the mission gave me a new sort of nostalgia for that disgusting world, as contradictory as that may sound. Of course, visiting at all is more often than I once had, despite my promises. I still think it is too late to change anything, though. No matter how good my intentions have become.

I do not particularly like to visit. I do not particularly like what I find when I visit.

Should I say, I do not particularly like the condition in which I find a certain fox when I visit.

So why do I even bother?

I don't really know…but every time is a chance for me to find out.

One thing, at least, is the same as it was. I knock lightly on Kurama's window to announce my presence and he turns to me, smiling his usual Kurama smile. Standing, he walks over and unlocks the latch that I could easily pick or break if I felt like it. Sliding open the window, he gestures for me to jump inside the room.

Tired of this usual façade, I sit on the windowsill—it is a warm night, and the breeze does not bother—and stare him right in the eyes. He looks a bit startled, but it passes. I am not being too outlandish or strange.

"Why do you even bother?"

He looks even more surprised at that question, tilting his head and raising his hands. What he is to do with them, I don't know, but comfort me? He could not.

"Bother…?" he trails off. I look away and my mouth draws thin, bitterly. He wouldn't understand, would he?

"Bother with this act," I elaborate. "Bother pretending to be something you're not. Bother going on and on with a life you don't really care about because now, after the mission—which was two entire years ago, Kurama, and you still dwell on it—after that, all you can think about is getting back to Makai and getting your revenge. Yet you still put this face on every morning and say you're Minamino Shuuichi, and everyone believes you!"

I look at him sadly with a faint hint of a smile at my lips. He looks at me, bewildered still, as though taking all this in is a new concept for him and he can't quite manage it all at once. It is not, I know. It cannot be. Kurama dwells on this more than I, I am sure, and he is a wonderful actor. He practices constantly. I am not convinced of his surprise.

"I…I just don't understand…"

Letting the act drain from his face, Kurama allows a warm smile to take its place and before I can react, he envelops me in a hug. I am startled, to say the least, but I do not shake him off.

Come to think of it, I never did tell him I was honestly in love with him. I wonder what that would do to him now, if I were to come out and say it. I wonder if he really does love me, or if he said it to gain some security, some solid in a torrential world of uncertainties. And even if he did love me, once, does he still? Could I stand the rejection if he does not? Could I stand the implications if he does?

"Hiei," he says quietly, whispering in my ear. I glance at him and though he cannot see my eyes move, I think he knows.

"Hiei…dear, sweet Hiei…"

I wait for him to continue, but he only nuzzles his face into my neck and stands still before me. I stroke his hair gently, to remind him that I am still here, and he starts a little.

"My first love…dear Hiei…"

I am not quite sure what that means, so I decide not to comment. He loved me once, it seems, but I keep thinking—does he still? Do I still? Will this be a happy ending for me? For him? For anyone at all?

And do I want it to be a happy ending? Life is not full of them, so I have learned time and time again, and this should be no different. How would I fare, I wonder, in the face of a happy ending? Would I accept it for what it was and revel in the fact that for once, my life was going right? Would I fall apart? Would I even care?

Oh, I don't know…

Do I even want a happy ending for him?

After all he has put me through, all he has put all of us through, all he continues to put us through, does he deserve a happy ending? Does he deserve to be content for once? Does he deserve to finally be at peace?

In the question lies the answer, I suppose.

"Kurama," I say quietly. He toys with the hair at the base of my neck and smiles against my skin. I feel his lips curve.

"Kurama," I repeat, as though he didn't hear me. He raises his head, just enough to look at me, and smiles, though his eyes are sad. That cannot be good, I decide. Maybe a happy ending is not in my future, and I won't eve have to worry. Wouldn't that be a trick?

"Yes, Hiei?"

This sounds as though it is a romantic tragedy. The formality of my blunt language, the overly loving care in his bracing voice, all builds up to an unpleasant finale.

"Kurama, I love you."

His smile shifts, as though he knew this all along. He might have…but did he ever know I was lying? Two years ago, when I told him of my fake emotions, did he suspect? Probably not, now that I think of it. So he is only acting again, faking control over the situation in that way he is so good at.

"Didn't you always?" he asks, as a child who thought his pets had always been alive, rather than replaced in secret.

"No," I admit easily. More easily than I expected. "No, I didn't. I did what I thought was best for you at the time, but…no. I didn't always. Not really."

He looks somehow hurt, as though he could always count on my loving him and now…it has all been taken away. Am I breaking something I worked so hard to build? Well, it has to be done, I suppose.

"I loved you," he says softly, shyly, abashedly. I feel…bad. Bad for hurting him. Bad for bringing on this terrible emotion in his tone.

"Really?" I ask hopefully.

"I…think so…"

I look away. We are like two human teenagers, admitting crushes we will not fully fess up to having.

"Do you still?"

"I don't know…"

I look at him with my familiar stoic expression, this time tainted by a knowing and harsh smile. I have experienced enough loss and enough failure in my life to know when "I don't know" means "No."

"I guess it was too much to ask for," I admit in a harsh voice, pulling my foot from the floor back to the windowsill and preparing to spring.

"Hiei, wait!" he cries desperately, grabbing onto my cloak. I turn, slightly annoyed and letting it show. I might as well be snapping out a tired "What?"

"I…will you—I mean, will you…come back? To see me again?" He fumbles with his words for a moment and I wait impatiently. In secret, I would never abandon him—he is too important for that, and I suppose I will never stop loving him. Not completely.

"Will you come back to see me in case I really do love you?"

What a funny thing to say.

I shrug casually.

"I don't know…" I mimic. He looks hurt, and I almost feel guilty.

I twist myself around and lean over to give him a chaste kiss. Then, in a movement so invisible, I am back to leaping out the window. He looks at me with confusion and sorrow and…regret? I think so.

Huh. How very odd.

"I'll be seeing you around."

He smiles at me and nods. That façade again…I thought I was too good for that. Maybe no one is too good for the great Kurama. Well, I certainly don't care. At least, I shouldn't. I tell myself I don't.

"See you."

Then I am gone, and the window closed and locked. I stand beside his house only for the time it takes me to gain my footing, and I am off running as fast as I can.

To where? I couldn't say.

As long as I keep my footing, and don't fall to the ground or into a river or off a cliff…

I think I'll be all right.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Reikai: Spirit World

Tantei: detective

Makai: Demon Realm

Tiny semi-unnecessary note: "As long as I keep my footing, and don't fall to the ground or into a river or off a cliff…" a.k.a. "As long as I keep my balance…"

Super mega note: why didn't I have Kurama and the others successfully kill (or capture) Miru? Or, in another sense, why didn't anybody die?

Because this story isn't _about_ Miru. It's about Kurama and how he relates to other people. Miru is just a catalyst. If the entire thing was about her, I would have killed her off and made it all dramatic and half gratifying, half depressing, all confusing. But it's about _Kurama_. And, to a lesser extent, _Hiei_.

On that note, the ending might not satisfy, but I'm not changing it because _evil doesn't always die_. Good doesn't always win, and even when it doesn't, that's no excuse to give evil a free pass to victory. Sometimes things just hang in the air without finalization, and that was what I wanted this to be.

Kurama is still haunted by his past because no matter how much he does to forget it, the things he did, the people he knew, the battles he fought, isn't all going to go away. So yes, Miru is still out there, and yes, she is still fantasizing about killing him, and yes, she'll try harder now that she knows he's alive. And will Kurama ever find her, and kill her, and put a stop to his past for good? I don't know. Maybe.

But that's _his_ problem.


End file.
